If
by Evesquill
Summary: Supposing Bella heeded Edward's warnings? Supposing she ignored her feelings and did 'the right thing? Supposing the right thing meant deadly consequences? Twilight redux...then some.
1. Chapter 1

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A/N: I've always thought fanfic was a bit…you know, lame. But I've been reading recently and, man, some of you guys are gooood! So, I'm in…This is my first wee attempt, kind of experimental, leaps about in tense and voice. I'm British, so US, please feel free to point out any major 'we wouldn't say that word!' errors. I'd love some feedback, good or bad!

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I keep falling over, I keep passing out,  
when I see a face like you  
What am I coming to  
I'm gonna melt down

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**_"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"_

Her stomach twisted at his words, at his disconcerting, fulvous eyes boring in to her as if he could see through the layers of her clothes, past her flesh to her heart as it shuddered to a stop. She nodded slowly in something like understanding, she could suddenly see the lack of humanity in his tormented, other worldly eyes, the anger in his too perfect mouth. She supposed that she always had seen but, blinded by the other, more interesting aspects of him, had chosen to ignore her instincts, convincing herself that her always overactive imagination was playing tricks on her – it wouldn't be the first time after all, too much reading too late at night pushed a person's mind towards fantasy – that it was just her twisted way of convincing herself that someone as inhumanly beautiful as him couldn't possibly exist in the same unexceptional, dank, wet and downright boring world as she did, much less have the slightest interest in a mousy, clumsy girl, a girl remarkable only in that she was so very ordinary. But now, hearing him confirm what she had so willingly buried in the lowermost depths of her subconscious, she realised that her prejudices had very little to do with her and everything to do with him, with his total…_otherness_.

Bella couldn't lie, even to herself. It wasn't in her nature to do any more than avoid the truth, something which she'd done very effectively, in some senses at least, where Edward Cullen was concerned. But now her inner voice screamed the truth: she had been shallowly drawn to his mysterious beauty, the smooth sensual voice, the hard, toned body ill hidden under subtly fashionable clothes and the face. God, the _face_. Part angel, part Roman God, poised between childhood and masculinity, whispering of the chiselled jaw and knife edged cheekbones which she imagined would soon break out from behind softer lines. Even his breath - washing over her like the most powerful incense, clouding her thoughts with his every word or sigh, making her head swim – was like nothing else on earth, tugging her towards him as if he held in his elegant fingers the invisible thread which seemed to coil outwards from a nameless point just below her navel.  
She had never considered herself shallow, had never been the kind of girl who was fanatical about handsome film stars or who tacked pictures of rock stars to her bedroom walls. Of course she'd had crushes. Didn't everyone? But they were fleeting, quiescent flames soon extinguished by boredom or inactivity. She had never before felt as if she couldn't breathe as she did, not only when Edward spoke to her or looked at her – both things he rarely did - but even when she simply thought of him. The mention of his name, a glimpse of him passing a window, the mere sight of his car would send her stomach plummeting as if she had driven too fast over a humpback bridge, blood would rush in her ears, her fingers tingling numbly, her legs inexplicably weak. And Bella didn't even know him, not really, not enough to feel so ridiculously overwhelmed by the mere idea of him. She was shallow. He was the good looking boy who had saved her life, however ungracious he had been about the whole affair. It was a simple equation when looked at that way. Like Jessica and most other girls in their year, Bella was crushing on gorgeous, mysterious Edward Cullen. At least she could say that she was like everybody else in one respect. Although…

But now…now his words changed everything. She still wanted him, of course she did, she wanted to unravel him, to lay him bare in front of her, to understand everything about the boy who had made her feel like nobody else ever had, who had awakened feelings which other, less serious girls would giggle and whisper about. But Bella wasn't stupid. She didn't take risks. She couldn't afford to, not when her parents – her pathetically deficient parents – needed her so badly, to cook, to clean, to reassure. Not when there was a possibility of being hurt, of finding herself in some kind of trouble. No, she wasn't reckless, she wasn't her mother. Edward's words echoed in her head like a cheesey effect in a bad daytime soap: '_what if I'm the bad guy?_' He was warning her to stay away, to stop looking for ways to get closer to him, to keep herself safe. He was dangerous, not good for her. Perhaps he wasn't good for anybody. Perhaps his aloof demeanour was his way of keeping those around him from hurting themselves, the way Charlie had always unloaded his gun when she was around, just in case. She inclined her head slowly, in understanding. "Oh. I see."

A look she'd never before seen passed across his eyes, part relief, part fear and part…she wasn't sure…disappointment? He replied in a low, grave voice full of misgiving, "do you?"  
She bit at the skin around a thumbnail nervously, not daring to look at him too closely, afraid of what she might see. Or, to be more precise, afraid of what of herself she might give away if she raised her terrified, tear flooded eyes to his. She already felt as though he must be able to hear her skittering rabbit heart as it once again thudded in her chest. "You're dangerous?"  
It was a stupid question, one which she knew he wouldn't answer, but she needed him to see that she understood only too well what he was trying to tell her. That she appreciated his…mercy? Was it mercy? Was she being too kind in attributing such a humane act to him? Was she being ridiculous in seeing myths and fairytales where anybody else would have seen a story which had been repeated a million times over in every corner of the world – a messed up teenage boy who couldn't be trusted, a broken child who didn't know the difference between right and wrong, or if he did, didn't care about the former and relished in the latter? As he let her words hang in the air, a noose for their fledgling relationship, Bella made her decision.

**Jasper**

It was easy for the rest of them. They threw surreptitious glances towards our brother as he nervously gripped the sides of the canteen chair he sat awkwardly in just inches away from the odd little brown haired girl, the soft aluminium tubing of the cheap piece of furniture moulding to the shape of his tense fingers. They knew he was in pain, that much was obvious from merely looking at him, from hearing the metallic screech of his teeth grinding in his head – a noise which couldn't be heard by human ears but which made each of us wince uncomfortably in turn. But they couldn't feel the agony that overwhelmed him as he fought with his desire to reach over and wrench her to him to….to what? To hold her to him and feel the warmth of her soft, human skin against his own cold and unforgiving shell? Or to rip open her veins with his razor teeth and take her life away from her only to satisfy his own animalistic desires? He raced from one to the other, his feelings changing in tenor with every slowly passing, agonising second, from the most human lust to the deadliest cravings of our kind. All the time afraid, angry, tormented…the usual for Edward, but magnified a thousand times. I felt every single one of these emotions along with my younger brother and I tried to find sympathy for him.

And I didsympathise…to a point. Bloodlust like that which Edward was feeling now certainly wasn't alien to me, I felt it every day, though perhaps not so _specifically_. At the same time I couldn't help but feel vindicated. Triumphant. I was used to being the weak link in our family. The one who was watched as if he might snap at any time, take out a classroom full of students, drain a supermarket full of happy shoppers as they went about their mundane day to day business. And it wasn't as if I could blame them, my adoptive parents and siblings, the family – no, screw it the _coven_ - for thinking ill of me, waiting for me to make a mistake. Seeing the things that others didn't was some kind of special skill amongst the damn Cullens.  
As if to prove a point to myself I swept a glance across the room, settling my focus ever so briefly on the pretty but unpleasant muckraker, Jessica Stanley as she gossiped to her neighbour, one disbelieving, jealous eye on the girl who was supposedly her friend but whom she was now hating with such maniacal pleasure it wouldn't have surprised me if she was all at once able to shoot more than metaphorical daggers in Bella's direction. I watched the slow, even pulse move beneath the translucent skin of her neck, imagining the panicked screams of her classmates as I launched myself – lithe, like a cheetah in pursuit of its feeble prey - across the room at speed and sunk my barbaric teeth in to the very place where hot blood rushed closest to the surface of her flesh, drinking deeply of…Alice's head jerked up, her eyes wide. Point proven.  
"You won't Jazz." She stated simply, capturing Emmett and Rosalie's attention, both stiffening, ready to talk me down, or hold me back. My wife, my sister. The only one sure that my vampiric nature could be overcome, but still even she kept one eye on my immediate future. I winked playfully and she sighed in response, glancing towards Edward as she did so, "really not the time. I'm trying to concentrate here." They retook their positions and returned their attention to the floor show elsewhere in the room.

"Oh, for…" Rosalie suddenly and angrily flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder with the back of one manicured hand, rolling her eyes "if I wanted to see a damn mating ritual I'd watch National Geographic."  
"Rosalie!" Alice scolded, "I really don't think this has anything to do with _mating_."  
Rosalie, bored of the drama unfolding a few tables away, muttered beneath her breath, "mating, murdering…whatever," before leaning back in her chair and throwing her long legs across Emmett's lap, her back decisively turned on Edward and Bella. It was then that everything changed.

Up until that moment the girl had been constant in her feelings towards Edward.  
First, curiosity: much like the other students of Forks High she was curious. But while others, wrapped up in their own lives, had but a fleeting interest in our unusual little family, her curiosity was part of something larger, more overwhelming. Rose had expressed concern that Bella was close to seeing us for what we were and I was beginning to think she could be right. Most, by now, had realised that whatever had piqued their interest in the Cullens was probably not good, potentially even threatening. It was an effective defence mechanism, allowing those around us to get just close enough to the truth to want to get no closer. But this impertinent girl seemed immune or stupid to the defence, no thanks to Edward's bizarre and ill advised interest in her.  
Secondly, lust: it was always disquieting to feel a part of someone else's desire, especially when directed towards one's own brother, but the force of Bella's desire for Edward was stifling, more intense than anything any other human being had felt for any of the Cullens, and we were none of us strangers to human lust. In the same way that Edward thirsted for her blood, she hungered for his body, the strength of feeling was more than uncomfortable it was…well, downright embarrassing. It made me glad that I was not, as my brother was, able to read minds.  
Lastly, confusion: the poor girl was disconcerted by Edward, as well she should be. It was a natural reaction to what we were. Who wouldn't be confounded by a group like ours? Bella's confusion was more than a by-product of her unsatisfied curiosity though. I suspected that Edward's inability to decide on a course of action had more than a little to do with it. She wanted him. She wanted to know who he was, _what_ he was, but his inability to be clear about his feelings for her – one day apparent hatred, another concern - had left her unsettled, not knowing entirely how she was supposed to feel. The confusion was tinged with frustration, irritation and even a hint of shame, though the reason for the last was beyond my usually efficient abilities to decipher the human mental state.

Then suddenly, within one short moment, a totally new emotion overwhelmed everything else in my vicinity. I could almost see it surging towards me, like a thick, ominous fog rolling off of the girl and across the tiled floor, illuminated by the harsh overhead strip lighting. It reached me just as Edward's more subtle combination of despondency and relief hit, as Bella's face changed, closed down. The lust remained, of course it did – an emotion of that kind couldn't be switched off, especially when a human was faced with a creature designed to be desired – but her curiosity and confusion diminished unexpectedly. Whatever Edward had said to the girl – I hadn't been listening, too unwillingly wrapped up in their vivid feelings to concentrate on anything more – had changed her, had made her sensible to at least some of the horror of the man opposite her, who now tugged desperately at handfuls of his own hair as if he wanted to rip it from his scalp. I looked away. I may not have been able to avoid intruding on his feelings but I could at least afford Edward some privacy in other, more natural ways.

My brother and sisters had done the same – Rosalie out of boredom, Emmett and Alice civility. Emmett concentrated on absentmindedly rubbing one of his wife's denim clad legs with a rough, oversized hand, there was little curiosity in him as his yellow eyes, as unnatural as my own, stared at the slow progress of his fingers from knee to ankle and back again. It was rare for Emmett to remain interested in one thing for too long and he was as impassive as Rose where the already tiresome saga of Edward and his new pet was concerned. Alice though, my poor lonely Alice, who had already invested too much in this ill advised relationship, was wearing an expression I recognised all too well. She was flicking through futures as anybody else might flick through television channels or a magazine, the features on her face blank and unmoving, her large eyes staring glassily beyond her surroundings. Suddenly she gasped and all three of us jerked our heads towards her. "What is it Alice?" I asked for all of us, she continued staring ahead for a long second before her eyes shifted back to focus on us.  
"She's gone. I can't see her anymore." Rosalie and I immediately understood, Emmett took a moment longer.  
"Who?" he asked at exactly the same time as Rosalie muttered "thank God."  
"Rose, she was supposed to be my friend!" Alice's face crumpled in sorrow, she visibly felt the loss of a friendship which had never even started and was never guaranteed but which she had already put so much of her own future in to.  
The scraping of a chair brought the squabble to an abrupt end, our attenuated senses telling us just who was moving and where, though even if we hadn't already sensed her movement, her distinct voice confirmed that it was Bella who moved. She spoke only very quietly but to our ears the words rang, clear as a bell, across the room, "Thank you Edward. Goodbye."

Isabella Swan gave Edward one last small, sad smile, turned on her heel and walked quickly and purposefully out of the canteen without once looking back.

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	2. Chapter 2

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A/N I'm really not sure about jumping the tense about here, it doesn't seem to read as well. But experimentation never hurts...tell me what you think. 

You can crush it but it will stay stung  
You can crush it as dry as a bone

You can walk it home straight from school  
You can kiss it you can break all the rules

But still  
Everything is broken

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Edward

Sometimes achieving the very thing which you've been working so hard for can feel hollow. But never had I understood more clearly just what a pyrrhic victory was than I now did. My own triumph had undone me. I was Pyrrhus himself, defeated by my own success, measuring great loss against accomplishment and finding myself lacking.

I watched her retreat, the enemy and the prize, defeated and lost, vainly hoping that she chose to ignore my warning after all. That she might turn back, say that she didn't care or didn't believe me. But at the same time I knew it was wrong to hope, that she needed to understand just how much of a danger I could be to her, to stay away and to force me to stay away from her too.

_"Edward?"_ Emmett called to me with his mind. I had tuned out the thoughts of my siblings, as I so often did, and had no desire to switch my ability back to the 'on' position right now. I glanced at Emmett, turning my head just enough to signal that I didn't want to talk, not now.

_"Well, if you need to vent…" _his thoughts trailed off and I heard him address Jasper, Alice and Rosalie out loud as I gathered up my jacket and made to leave the canteen, "I guess we should leave him alone, I don't think that conversation went all that well." There was a touch of sarcasm in his voice.

"Or, it went _too_ well," Alice hissed, eyeing me unhappily _"what about me Edward?"_ her inner voice shouted_ "She and I were going to be friends. You can be so damn selfish."_ I turned my back on her, stalking towards the door. Selfish was I? To prevent an innocent human girl from becoming embroiled in a relationship with a– even in my mind I couldn't help but spit the word with disgust – _vampire_? Automatically I began to walk towards biology class, too wrapped up in myself to think about what I was doing and where I was going. But as Mr Banner breezed past, heading for the same room, I caught his thoughts: _"wonder how many weak stomachs I'll be sending to the nurse today…"_

  
Blood typing…Bella. Separately, pretty bad news for this particular vampire, together a potentially disastrous combination. Not only did the idea of the release of Bella's blood in my presence fill me with dreadful desire, but so did the thought of sitting close to her, of talking her out of everything I'd pushed her in to during our lunchtime conversation. I reoriented myself in the direction of the parking lot, retrieving the keys to the Volvo from my pocket as I went. 

It wasn't often that I missed my human faculties, indeed I remembered most of them only very vaguely now, but as I turned the car stereo up loudly enough to drown out the hum of thoughts spilling from the school's student body and rested my forehead on the steering wheel I wished, perhaps for the first time in more than eighty years that I could cry. Not the pathetic, dry sobs which heaved from my chest now but the hot, wet tears of humanity, tears which would make me human enough for Bella, which would prove me to be more than a mere husk, a shell devoid of anything real, missing a beating heart and needing neither oxygen or warmth nor food and water. A deleterious Pinocchio, wishing I were a real boy – if it wasn't so appallingly pathetic I'd have laughed at the image.

It had been wrong of me to let this relationship – if you could even call it a relationship – with Bella go on for so long. I had caused both of us pain with my behaviour. _If only I could have left her alone_. But I didn't want to cry for her. For Bella I was relieved. She had finally understood. She didn't know the whole truth, of course not, but she knew enough to have broken whatever hold it was that I had had over her. She was no longer under any misapprehension, she could go on with her life, forget that she had ever sought my friendship, safe and happy with normal friends, other teenagers who could grow and age and change just as she could.

No, I wanted to cry for me. For the very first time in my long, frozen, unnatural life I was different. I had felt something real. Of course, I had wanted her blood. Lord, I had wanted her blood more than I had ever desired anything, in indescribable, heinous, despicable ways. It had taken everything in my power not to simply reach over and sink my teeth in to the silken, creamy skin of her neck on that first day, releasing the source of that deadly beautiful aroma which had affected me so deeply, taking it in slowly…as slowly as I could…to enjoy every moment, every aspect of the flavour, the warmth as her life slid down my burning throat, easing years of fire and need. I groaned with the memory, quickly forcing the image of Bella's flowing blood away yet again.

But it wasn't just the primal instincts of our kind which affected me, it was so much more. I wanted to wrap Bella Swan in my arms and to carry her away to somewhere safe, somewhere where nothing and nobody could ever cause her harm. Most of all, I wanted her in the very way I had never thought I'd want anybody – I had tried, too hard perhaps, knowing that it pained my parents to see me so alone, never experiencing love or passion, married to my books, perennially seventeen, verging on manhood but never quite reaching it. Bella Swan made me want to be a man, to experience her in the most human way that I could. I wanted to feel her slight, awkward body pressed against mine, her hot breath in my mouth, I wanted to see and feel and taste every part of her, stroke her hair away from her face and look in to her unfathomable eyes, to experience her body shudder and move with mine, wanting me as I wanted her…

I hit the steering wheel – hard – with the heel of my hand. The horn blared and the black plastic casing cracked, a jagged scar across the centre of the wheel which would doubtless displease Rosalie and amuse Emmett.

It was then that I saw him. Mike Newton. Crouched awkwardly over a limp, lifeless body, slumped on the concrete. Bella's body. With one swift movement I was out of the car and making towards them, my fists clenched at my sides, my mind racing. The boy's thoughts made no sense, just a string of panic and expletives.

"Bella?" I almost shouted it, causing Newton's head to snap up. Keeping my voice as even as I could I spoke to him, "what's wrong - is she hurt?"

_"oh, here he comes, the knight in shining fucking armour..."  
_  
"I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger."

She'd fainted, only fainted. Relief washed over me along with embarrassment at my own overreaction. What did I think? That this weak, innocuous, _human_ boy was more dangerous to her than I was? I really was losing my mind.

I bent in to a crouch next to him and he – sensibly, instinctively – leaned away.

"Bella…" I spoke her name with relief, "can you hear me?"

Without opening her eyes she spoke in a shuddering, tiny voice, "no. Go away."

_"You heard the woman Cullen, now just fuck off and crawl back under whichever rock you…"_ Newton was far more unpleasant in his thoughts than he was out loud, "I was taking her to the nurse, but she wouldn't go any further."

Torn. Did I sweep the beautiful, pale girl in to my arms and carry her away as I wanted to, risk undoing everything I'd achieved less than half an hour ago in convincing her that she should keep her distance? Or did I do the right thing and walk away? She couldn't come to any harm between here and the nurse's room after all.

It was the way it should happen. Mike Newton, or someone else equally human, should be taking care of Bella, capturing her attention and making her fall in love with him. She should be with a bland, unexciting boy who played football, took her to the movies, ate dinner at a greasy burger joint with her. A boy who would finish school and go to college, maybe the same college that she attended, who would graduate and marry her, give her children, grow old with her…_no! No, no, no, no! _My mind was screaming in protest at the mental images of Bella in a long, white dress standing next to Mike, of her belly swollen with his child as he tenderly stroked it. _No! _Bella was mine. Whatever it cost me or my family. Whatever it cost her, Bella was mine.

**Mike**

Cullen. That freak is everywhere I turn these days. Bella goes over on the sidewalk and there he is, out of thin air like some kind of ghost. Big fucking surprise. It's like…ok, wherever Bella is? Well, he's nearby, hiding in some trees or something. _Shit_. He's stalking her. He's stalking her like some kind of ghost fucking stalker.

Ok, so he probably isn't stalking her, but it's weird, right? And, why wasn't he in class anyway? Why was he hanging round out here waiting to materialise like Casper the Friendly fucking Ghost with a hairdo at the first sign of trouble?

He kneels down on the ground between me and Bella – _don't ruin your Gucci pants now, will you?_ – forcing a waft of his fancy cologne right up my nose. He smells really…really _good_. Shit. So I'm sniffing the freak now? What's that about? I shift pretty damn quick before I start trying to make out with him or something and then he's coming on like his Dad, giving it the old Carlisle Cullen M.D. shtick – "can you hear me?" fucksake, what is this ER?

"No. Go away." Ha! I could laugh out loud. You heard the woman Cullen...

"I was taking her to the nurse, but she wouldn't go any further." Why? Why was I explaining myself to this fancy prick? What's it got to do with him anyway? If he wasn't ditching _on his own_ like a loser he would have been there when she got sick but he wasn't. SO GO AWAY.

What the…? I'm not even done thinking and he's picking her up like she's as light as a load of dirty laundry and carrying her off without asking her if she wants him to.

"I'll take her. You can go back to class." Oh can I? Thanks so much for your permission, so good of you.

"No. I'm supposed to do it…" but he's gone, striding along with Bella held out in front of him like a fucking baby. And…are human beings _supposed_ to be that fast? He's carrying a whole person here. Alright, she's pretty skinny but man, that's not normal. Alright if he was built like that Frankenstein brother of his, but he's not that much bigger than I am and I'm pretty sure I couldn't lift her like that even if I wanted to… "Hey!" I shout after him but Cullen's outpacing me like some kind of freakish speed walker and there's no _way_ I'm going to catch him up now. I shrug and start back to class. Like I wanted to spend the afternoon trying to drag Bella to the nurse anyway.

**Edward**

"Put me down." She's right of course, I should put her down. I should stop this right now. But I'm as weak as the next man. Weaker. I ignore her pulse racing in fear, the insecurity written all over her face as I hold her out, away from me, to minimise the touch of my unnaturally cold skin on her shaking body. It's not the fainting episode making her tremble any longer, it's my presence. That much was clear from the way her entire being tensed as I lifted her with ease, the way it's still contracted now, folded in on itself as she cringes away from me, from my inhumanity, from the danger which she now understands. She looks awful and I tell her so. She looks at me as if I'm mad – which I probably am – as if it's the most ridiculous thing to say, under the circumstances, and she's probably right. But she _does_ look dreadful, and I can't bear it. Her skin is devoid of its usual luminescence, grey and green tinged, slick with a layer of sweat. She's clammy, strands of hair plastered to her forehead and cheeks, her breath is coming in short gasps though she strains to calm, swallowing repeatedly.

"Put me back on the sidewalk." She tries again, with more feeling behind her words this time, emphasising each one slowly as she challenges me with her eyes. I simply shake my head, caught somewhere between shame and amusement.

I can imagine my family's reaction to the scenario – Rosalie's scorn, Carlisle's pity and, worst of all, Alice and Esme's hope. Both are so desperate to see me happy.

Esme, my beautiful mother…full of romantic ambition on my behalf, longing for me to find somebody who can make me whole. Of course, she would never say it, never mention my complete deficiency when it comes to relationships but she, more than any of them, understands how lonely I am, even surrounded by my bizarre, loving family. How much I crave the closeness that they – Emmett and Rose, Jasper and Alice, she and Carlisle – enjoy, the physical and emotional both. She still hopes where the others have given up on me, left me to my solitude, written me off as a lost cause.

Alice hopes for herself. She longs for something more than our coven, more than our intense relationships, based first on need and convenience then, later, on love. Unlike us she never experienced _human_ friendship. Bella is…was…her one chance. It wasn't just blind hope for Alice. Her talent can be her curse. She knows that her visions of the future are subjective only too well. But that knowledge hasn't stopped her from turning one image over and over in her mind. Two petite, dark haired girls, arm in arm. One laughing uproariously, her hair hanging in loose curls over her shoulders as the other, smaller, slighter, whispers in her ear, both of them unnaturally pale but glistening, as if tiny shards of diamonds were embedded in their every pore.

This afternoon I watched Alice's vision disappear, but now…now with Bella in my arms, however apprehensive she may be, I know that Alice is seeing it again, even without searching out her mind from the cacophony of inner thoughts pouring from the small school's handful of classrooms. I've negated Bella's decision to heed my warnings and forced myself back in to her future, I must have. It wasn't a conscious choice but it would seem that despite it all I want Bella to fight for me.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I can't decide if this fact is funny or alarming. Bella certainly doesn't seem to find it amusing. She's just perched there, in my arms, looking at me with distaste. "And not even your own blood," I mutter under my breath.

Kicking open the office door I carry Bella through to Mrs Hammond, the wrinkled, plump school nurse, to whom I explain the blood typing episode, "there's always one," she nods wryly. And as Mrs Hammond bustles around the room fetching ice, Bella pushes herself up on her elbows where she now rests on the paper covered bed, twisting to eyeball me.

"You can leave now Edward." Her voice is still shaking but she toughs it out, forcing herself not to show how worried she is by my closeness. The problem being, and she can't possibly know this, that those of us who rely so heavily on scent for survival can very much smell fear.

"I should stay. Make sure you're alright." _Please?  
_  
"No, I don't think you should." I'm grateful for the opportunity to try to make that break again, to force the abyss to open between myself and Bella until we're standing on different continents but I also fear that empty, desolate feeling which had overwhelmed me as she turned her back in the canteen.

"She'll be absolutely fine dear, you get back to class," Mrs Hammond is firm but not as firm as Bella who, with an undisguised shiver, thanks me, simply adding "goodbye."

Goodbye again. She had said it earlier, not 'see you later' or 'call me' but 'goodbye'. Her intent is quite clear. I take a last look at her, drinking in every detail of her in the split second before I leave.

**Bella**

The nurse's room is unbearably hot, too small and too crowded. And worst of all, Edward is standing so close to me that I can almost feel his presence with every cell in my body, as if my nerve endings are reaching towards him without my permission. Despite my brain being quite certain that I should give up on any idea of being with Edward Cullen my body seems reluctant to follow suit. My fingers twitch, wanting to reach out and grab his hand, and not just because the cool of his skin would ease the burning of my own.

"You can leave now Edward." It takes all of my willpower to say it but I can't bear to have him so close, tempting me, all the while knowing that he's no good for me and, more to the point, that he had made such a concerted effort to push me away.

That's what really stings. There have been so many moments when I think that perhaps he feels just a fraction of what I feel. But those moments have been few and fleeting, until today. When he beckoned me over in the canteen, started talking about 'giving up' and 'letting the chips fall where they may', I thought, perhaps at least, that he had feelings for me too. I didn't stick around to find out, though I wanted to, so much. I walked away before I got in over my head. I did the _right thing_. I can't begin to understand what could be so dangerous about him – the boy with the angel's face - but he doesn't seem so willing to give anything away so I'm not going to find out the hard way by hanging around, waiting to see. That's me. Good, sensible, careful Bella. Too afraid of being hurt, of hurting somebody else to take a risk.

He hesitates, "I should stay. Make sure you're alright."

It's as if he knows I just want to reach across those few small inches and grab hold of him, press his cold hand to my burning cheek, pull him down to kiss me…I force myself to rebuff him, "no, I don't think you should."

As I say it I turn my head away, looking at the sickly green painted wall, so he can't see me biting my lip hard to keep from telling him to stay or my eyes sqeezed shut so his face can't tempt me any more. I hear the slam of a cupboard and the rustling of Mrs Hammond's nylon skirt as she turns back towards us, telling Edward to leave.

She presses an icy cold towel to my forehead and when I open my eyes he's gone. I should be glad of course, but I'm not. Staying away might be the sensible thing to do but that doesn't mean that I don't want him to fight for me, to refuse to leave me alone. To pick me up from the bed and shake me, tell me he doesn't care about anything else, that he can change, that he wants me no matter what it takes. But I don't think that Mrs Hammond would take too well to that kind of drama in her stuffy little room. And I'm pretty sure things like that only happen in books and movies. I try to imagine Charlie begging Renee not to leave him, throwing himself in front of her car…no, more likely he didn't even notice she'd thrown her belongings in to her car, strapped me in to the back seat and left him forever until the final whistle blew on the Mariners game he was doubtless watching. I snort to myself, imagining Charlie turning the place upside down, searching for my mother in the cupboard under the stairs.

"Are you alright there dear?" Mrs Hammond is back to searching through the backs of her cupboards.

"Actually, I'm feeling much better thank you," I sit and swing my legs off of the bed, the paper sheet rustling beneath me. At the same time Ms Cope, the receptionist throws the door open to allow Lee Stephens, held up by a red faced and panting Mike, access to the room.

"We've got another one," she announces and I quickly leap off of the coach, suddenly pumping with adrenaline, knowing that I need to leave before I smell blood on my blod typed classmates. Mike looks me up and down, seriously pissed. He doesn't like Edward, that much is clear, and I doubted he'd have been impressed with the stunt he'd pulled, dragging me off like a caveman. He may as well have clonked Mike over the head with his club and grunted. In fact Mike'd probably love an excuse like that.

"Where's Cullen?" he asks, one eyebrow raised. I shrug, eyeing his hand surreptitiously. He rolls his eyes but stuffs it in his pocket, "it's not bleeding anymore." I'm backing towards the door just in case.

"Do you need a painkiller dear?" Mrs Hammond sing-songs, helping her new patient on to the bed but looking at me. I see the tiniest spot of red on Lee's first finger. It's only a drop but it's enough, my ears start ringing and I feel the familiar surge of nausea in my stomach. I've yanked the door open in record time, calling out a 'thank you' behind me.

As soon as I'm out of the building I stop and rest my forehead on the cool brick wall of the main school building. I know I probably look a sight, leaning against a dirty wall, my hair tangled and my shirt stuck to my body with sweat, breathing like I've just run a marathon, but I don't care. I don't know when I last felt so awful. Part of it's the fainting but most of it is the knot of longing sitting in the bottom of stomach like a ten ton weight, the wish that I could just not care about Edward's secret, whatever the secret might be. Most other girls, I know, wouldn't. A lot of them would only find the strange proclamation that he was dangerous more reason to fall for him. But I can't take that risk. I've been through so much already, banishing myself to this miserable, damp little corner of the world, leaving behind everything I knew. I can't bear the idea of being thrown in to turmoil again by somebody who I know has the capability to hurt me so badly. It has nothing to do with his professed danger and everything to do with me and my low threshold for pain. Supposing I did throw caution to the wind, tell him that none of it mattered? I'd open myself up for him to hurt me – not physically, I don't believe him to be capable of that – but in other ways. There were definitely innumerable other ways that he could hurt me.

Pushing myself away from the wall with two hands, I know that I need to get it together, to stop moping like my favourite kitten just died. And I know that gym is absolutely not the place to get over myself. There's nothing like dodging flying missles and being openly laughed at to send a girl's self esteem through the floor, especially when it's already hovering dangerously less than a foot over the blacktop. So, pulling my arms around myself to keep out the cold – my coat and bag are still in the biology room, I'll just have to leave them now – I stomp to my truck, hauling in to the front seat and pushing the heater all the way up to red hot as soon as I start the engine. I take a brief glance in the rearview, my throat catching as I sight the shiny silver Volvo parked two rows away, and shake my head stupidly, throwing the truck in to reverse and then out of the parking lot.

As I wait to turn at the bottom of the road, away from the school and towards Charlie's house, a dark, ominous feeling washs over me. I check the rearview, almost positive I'd see the reason for my sudden feeling of doom right there. But the road is completely clear behind me. I heave a sigh and throw the truck round the corner. I really am losing it. I could have sworn I was being followed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to everybody who's reviewed so far, good to know I'm on the right track here! This chapter should be slightly less confusing...enjoy. May you all be blessed with late night EC visits x  
**  
**  
***************************************  
**Like the naked leads the blind  
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind  
Sucker love I always find  
Someone to bruise and leave behind  
All alone in space and time  
There's nothing here but what here's mine  
Something borrowed, something blue  
Every me and every you  
***************************************

Throwing her keys on to the sideboard, Bella heaved a sigh. She couldn't get Edward Cullen out of her head. She leant against the inside of the front door and closed her eyes, turning her earlier encounters with him over and over in her head. She couldn't understand why he would be so sure that she should stay away from him and then act like her knight in shining armour – _again_ – the next. Was he trying to prove something? Perhaps he was forcing himself to be good enough for her…no, she couldn't believe anybody – especially anybody as extraordinary as Edward – would put that much effort in to winning her affections. Forcing herself to move, Bella trailed to the kitchen to begin dinner. She dug a frozen pizza from the depths of the freezer, throwing it in to the oven and cranking up the heat. With twenty minutes to waste she headed upstairs to start tackle some Trig problems before the next morning's class.

There was something not quite right. She stood in the doorway of her haphazard little room, eyes darting back and forth, as if she expected somebody to jump out from the cupboard and shout 'boo!' at any moment. Everything seemed to be where she'd left it, but it was kind of hard to tell when you lived in a permanent state of chaos. Unlike the rest of the house, where Bella kept everything constantly and perfectly organised, lest Charlie throw a hissy fit when the remote went missing or he mislaid his gun cleaning gear or, worst of all, the particular fishing fly he needed was not within immediate reach at 5am on a Sunday morning, Bella was physically incapable of keeping her own space in any sort of order. Truth be told, she liked the disorder, so much unlike the rest of her perfectly regimented life. Her little box sized room, with its lack of cupboard space and broken shelves, yellowing net curtains and peeling wallpaper was an untidy little sanctuary where, surrounded by her piles of well thumbed books she could just be…Bella.

So there was the copy of Northanger Abbey which she was close to finishing for the third time, thrown on the floor by the side of her bed, exactly where she'd dropped it late last night, the pile of clothes strewn across the arm of the rocking chair seemed the same – at least last night's torn old sweats were definitely topmost of the heap as well they should have been, with the previous day's grey shirt poking out from underneath. A small library of CDs was spilled across her desk where they had been left following a frantic search for the last Editors album, which was never found. She stopped, her eyes alighting on the items neatly placed on top of the rickety office chair which Charlie had picked up from a yard sale to accompany the 'new' computer he'd got her.

Her bag, an over large faded brown backpack, the material straining against the corners of too many books, was there on the seat, her long blue anorak draped across the back, as if she'd walked in from school and neatly stashed her things in her room before doing anything else. Only she never, _never_, left her coat anywhere but on the hook by the front door and, more to the point, she had most definitely not had the presence of mind to collect her belongings before she'd bolted from biology class earlier this afternoon. Edging around the office chair, eyeing it warily as if it were on fire, she sat on the bed with a thump, bringing her knees up to her chest and scooting herself backwards until her back hit the headboard, never taking her gaze from the familiar but alien objects which were so unbelievably in her room.

She shook her head. She knew she'd left them behind, right there in Mr Banner's classroom. She remembered the decision she'd made in the parking lot to leave them until the morning – her keys were in her jeans pocket, the books she needed for her homework were right here on the desk in her room, there was no real need to risk facing free flowing blood again just to be warm and dry the next day. She remembered coming in from the truck just minutes before, nothing but keys in her hand, unlocking the door…closing it…putting down her keys…going to the kitchen…only then did she even go to her bedroom. There was no conceivable way that her school bag and the coat she had definitely worn this morning could be here, no rational explanation at all. She saw two possibilities. One: her belongings had grown legs and walked home from school. Two: somebody had broken in to her house in order to return her belongings to her. Some kind of altruistic reverse burglar. She peeked at her window. It was firmly closed. The front door had definitely been locked when she came home and the back door…well, that didn't even open without some kind of convoluted system of kicks and shoves which nobody would have bothered working out just to drop off a backpack. The beeping of the oven alarm made Bella start, dragging her out of her panicked reverie and sending her downstairs.

As Bella sliced a pizza in to eight, the door slammed and Charlie barrelled in, hanging his gun and jacket by the door and sniffing the air in appreciation.  
"You're too good to me Bells, dinner on the table when I get in from work every night!" He pulled out a chair and settled in as Bella bustled, grabbing a beer from the fridge for him, laying out plates and pouring herself a glass of milk.  
"Does anybody else have keys for this place Dad?" Bella asked, picking the peppers off of her slice of pizza with her fingernails.  
"Nope." He replied without giving it a second thought, "Well, I guess your Mom has, she never sent her keys back after she went. I should call her about that," he chuckled with a slightly weak smile. He looked at Bella questioningly.  
"Just wondering. Mom always had a neighbour look after a pair, you know in case she lost hers."  
"Had the same keys since I bought this place in '87 Bells. We're not all as scatterbrained as your mother." He winked as he said it, "we can leave a set at the station if you're worried…"  
"No, it's fine Dad, I just wondered whether anybody else could get in is all. Nothing to worry about."  
Charlie raised a questioning eyebrow but carried on eating in silence. Nothing ever interested Charlie Swan enough to induce him to speak any more than he had to, especially not to his equally silent daughter.

Bella couldn't concentrate on trigonometry. It was hard enough to solve the damn problems without the added concern that somebody was breaking in to your home to leave you your own belongings. She felt sure that it was something to do with Edward. Who else would do such an utterly bizarre thing? If Mike or Angela had thought to do her a good turn they would have just knocked on the door like normal people. And they should still have been in class until well after she had arrived home, much like anybody else who might have had access to her school bag and coat.

But _why_ would he do it and, more to the point, how the hell did he get in? She slammed the heavy textbook shut and pushed away from the desk, stalking to the bathroom she so inconveniently shared with her father.  
"Fuck you Edward Cullen," she muttered under her breath as she scooped up a damp towel from the floor and shoved it in to the laundry basket. It was one thing to tell her to stay away from him, to claim to be dangerous and then to force his way in to help her when she was incapacitated. It was quite another to be sneaking in to people's rooms, creeping about with their satchels and raincoats. The shower felt so good on her skin, she had completely forgotten about collapsing on to the pavement earlier, about the cold sweats that had drenched her as soon as blood was even mentioned. She scrubbed shampoo deep in to her hair, massaging her scalp, trying to ease the tension that she felt all over her skull, the headache that thrummed in her temples. She didn't know who, or rather what, Edward was but she had had enough of the mysterious conversations and improbable feats, the appearing out of nowhere, the bodily halting of speeding vans, the slipping in through locked doors. Clean and dry, she headed back to her room and slipped in to bed without sparing a glance for her Trig homework. It was only 8:30pm but she was too exhausted to even contemplate further wrangling with math problems, let alone a stilted conversation with Charlie, or indeed an attempt at cheerfulness to appease her mother's desperate need for details of every aspect of her new life in Forks. That could most definitely wait until tomorrow.

Bella fell in to a deep sleep almost immediately, her wet hair tangled over the pillow like ropes of kelp on the beach, her limbs spread across the small single bed at awkward angles, blankets knotting around her legs as she moved in her sleep. She dreamed of green and brown, of damp moss and dirt, of leaves and bark and mud. In her dream she walked through the forests of Forks, nervously, unsure of her surroundings, not knowing where she was going or even where she had come from. The forest was dark although she knew, somehow, that there was daylight somewhere up there, through the twisted green and brown fingers of the trees which blocked out any hint of sun. The tall sitkas seemed to go on forever, reaching up to the skies like the ancient long-dead arms of rotting giants. The ground was soft underfoot but dry twigs cracked, echoing loudly around the otherwise silent forest. No birds singing, no running water, no movement of deer or rabbits or squirrels, not even the drip of the rain which seemed to have fallen so recently. She walked and walked, on and on, deeper and deeper, running her fingertips over rough bark as she went, her hair catching in overhanging branches. She stopped now and then, imagining she could hear somebody breathing, feeling a presence watching her as she moved. But she'd look behind, from side to side and nothing…there was nobody there, only her. Her, and the trees and the moss and the dirt. As she went deeper the trees grew more thickly, closer together, she struggled to find a definite path so she forged her own, determined to continue moving, though she didn't know why, snapping back branches, clambering over logs slippery with moss and mud. Her clothes were stained with green and brown, her hair tangled in thick knots, her palms grimy with the dirt of the forest. She looked down at her feet, bloodied and bare. As she did so a cold hand locked firmly around her wrist.

She knew without looking. It was him. She breathed his name, "Edward…". She knew his touch although he had barely touched her before, the coolness of him was as familiar as the cotton of her own favourite shirt next to her skin. He pulled her around to face him, his eyes smiling, looking down in to her's with an amused intensity. She gasped but said nothing. He grasped the tops of her arms and leant towards her…as if in slow motion…leaning his face down and parting his full, red lips ever so slightly. He kissed her. Gently at first but then with more urgency, pressing his lips against hers until she thought that they might bruise, until she tasted blood. His tongue forced her split, broken lips apart, making her breath catch in her throat. His arms moved to ensnare her. She felt his body against the whole length of her, his hard chest pressing in to hers, the unusual cold of his skin through both of their clothes. And then he guided her backwards, pressing her against the hard trunk of a tree, where the bark scratched her arms and dug in to her back. She didn't care. He pushed himself in to her, hard and frozen like ice and in return she melted in to him, her hands in his hair, running along the back of his neck, her breath coming in ever shorter gasps. She murmured his name again and again as he ran his lips and tongue along her neck, around her collarbone, down to her shoulders, where he ripped her shirt away to expose her pale, soft skin, tracing his mouth along the bone where it ran in to her arm and then down…down until he was kneeling in the dirt in front of her, like a sinner awaiting absolution, holding the ends of her fingers between his own as he kissed them too. Moving almost imperceptibly he gently pushed her shirt up, covering her stomach with kisses, kisses so soft that she could barely feel them. He traced a hand along her side, the curve of her waist, slowly...agonisingly slowly. As he moved to brush her hip she cried out softly, arching her back involuntarily. She seemed to have entirely stopped breathing, using only enough oxygen to whisper 'please Edward, please…' He smiled up at her, a wicked smile, unlike anything she'd seen on his usually solemn face before, before ducking his head again, running his tongue from just below her belly button, down…

Bella awoke with a start, gulping for air and bathed in sweat. Her heart beat a loud uneven rhythm, keeping some kind of time with the urgent pulsing she felt between her legs. She turned to glance at the glowing red numbers of her alarm clock – 3:37 – feeling her thighs damply, pleasantly slipping against one another. 'Oh my God' she whispered, letting her head fall back against the pillow and wiping strands of hair out of her face. She glanced around the room, again she had the strange sensation of being watched. It sent a shiver down her spine. She certainly hoped nobody had witnessed that. With a wry smile, she settled back in to sleep.

**Edward**

It wasn't the first time I'd let myself in to Bella's bedroom. In fact I'd been there that very afternoon. And I knew that by now she would have put two and two together, she wasn't stupid. I supposed that I must have wanted her to figure it out, to know that I was different somehow, in a way she couldn't begin to understand except to know that I had capabilities beyond the norm. I also knew that it was wrong, on so many levels to be letting myself in to her room while she slept. Climbing her wall and letting myself in through the window like some kind of criminal Romeo. There was, of course, no way that I could be caught doing it, I was too fast, too practiced and, if all else failed, too dangerous, I could read the minds of those around me, hear them approaching before they even moved. But still, if Bella knew that I intruded in to her most intimate, private moments, listening to her mutter and mumble anxiously, watching her throw herself from side to side in troubled sleep, her brow furrowed even as she rested…well, she couldn't be blamed for feeling violated, for being terrified for the bizarre behaviour which I couldn't even justify to myself. She'd be well within her rights, sensible in fact, to report me to the police. The chief of whom slept in the very next room unaware of the crime taking place under his own roof.

As usual Bella slept in a tangle of limbs and hair, the room filled with the strawberry scent of her shampoo. When I eased the window open and slipped in to the warm room, so utterly imbued with her scent that it made my throat burn wildly, though less each time I came, it was apparent that she'd been asleep for some time, despite the relatively early hour. Her breathing was slow and even and she barely moved, merely twitching occassionally, her hands scratching at the sheets as if she was grabbing at something. I settled in to the old rocking chair by the window, enthralled by every minute move and sigh, longing to touch her, to stroke her hair, smooth out her tense forehead with my hand. Every night it was the same, I'd sit in the same position, tense, all of my effort concentrated on not leaping from my perch to touch her. But tonight felt different somehow. She knew that I had been here, I was sure of it. It seemed unlikely that she would have found any other reason for the sudden appearance of her forgotten belongings in her bedroom. She'd been perceptive enough when I had stopped Tyler Crowley's van on that fateful morning, she wouldn't have missed this. So, I reasoned, tonight was different.

Suddenly her breathing stopped, just for a second. Then it happened. "Edward…" It was an exhalation, barely coherent, but to my ears it was clear enough. She had said my name. Sure she wasn't waking, I moved to the side of the bed, closer to her than I'd ever dared allow myself to be before. Her breathing picked up pace and I could her heart thrumming and fluttering like a panicked bird. It was a nightmare, surely. I considered making a noise, I could be gone before she even stirred and she'd be woken from whatever bad dream she was having…a bad dream in which I was clearly present. No surprise I supposed. But I hesitated, watching her chest rise and fall with each shallow, hurried breath, wanting so much to touch her. Then she muttered my name again. It was all the encouragement I needed. I reached out. Barely touching her skin I traced a line down the exposed side of her neck where her pulse radiated the heat of her rushing blood outwards, almost burning my freezing skin. She groaned - it sounded like pleasure, perhaps it was - and turned her head further to the side, exposing even more of her neck as she did so, as if inviting me to lean in and…

I bent lower, almost kneeling at the side of the bed, as if saying my nightly prayers, and touched my lips ever so carefully, more carefully than I'd ever done anything in my whole existence, to her collarbone, the very base of her neck where the bones jutted, covered only by the merest layer of skin. Faster and faster she breathed and I knew now that she wasn't having a nightmare, that this was a dream of a very different kind. Her hands were twisting in the sheet beneath her, her hips moving almost imperceptibly and she whispered my name over and over again, breathlessly, "please Edward, please…" it took every ounce of my willpower not to wake her, to take her in my arms and continue wherever her dream might leave off. Of course it would be a horribly dangerous, stupid and wicked thing to do. Of course she'd probably scream the house down, but the temptation was so strong that it took me a moment to decide not to act on it.

It was then that I noticed that her ripped and bleach stained tshirt had ridden up just slightly with her movement, exposing the tinisest, most tempting strip of lily white skin, barely touched by sun, curving in at her waist in the most sensuous way. Leaning over further, my face centimeters from hers, her scent enveloping me so entirely that I could barely think, I tenderly pulled the tshirt down to cover her, my hand brushing against her side as I did so, the warmth of her body filling me with a desire which was totally alien, so long had I been alone, trapped in an unfulfilled seventeen year old body. As I made to move away I touched her hip ever so lightly, the back of my hand making the most momentary contact. She made a noise, a beautiful gasping moan that sent a shiver right through me. Her hips bucked upwards with a jerk, bouncing the headboard of her bed against the wall. I groaned, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply, the vision too much – being a vampire didn't make me any less of a man, and for any man this would be almost too much to take. But that very same inhalation brought me back to my senses with a jolt. There was a new aroma in the room. Or at least one which was much stronger than it should have been. Raising my eyes to Bella's face, beautiful and wanton, I saw her teeth biting in to her bottom lip, hard. And under them, the delicate skin of her lip split, pooled fresh, scarlet blood.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I originally intended this chapter to be much longer but it seemed natural to end it where I did. I appreciate the reviews, really, please keep commenting, good or bad, and making suggestions about where you might like to see the story go...**

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I hope this chapter formats a bit better than the last, I don't know what happened there but I couldn't get the gaps to stay where they were supposed to be...so sorry that some of you found it difficult to read.

Stuck in a world that would pull them apart  
And it cost in time  
If only they knew how to handle the cloud  
That was black as night

**Edward**

_Raising my eyes to Bella's face, beautiful and wanton, I saw her teeth biting in to her bottom lip, hard. And under them, the delicate skin of her lip split, pooled fresh, scarlet blood…  
_

The sweet, floral perfume overwhelmed my senses, filling my nostrils and making my head swim. In that moment my natural instincts struggled against almost eighty years of suppressing those most terrible urges. Never had I so wanted to forget all my promises, all my work, all my morals. I didn't care about my family, about Bella's family, about breaking so many hearts, taking an innocent human life. In a split second I made the decision. I was ready to give in, to stop fighting. My mind and body belonged to the evil desires of eternity, Bella Swan's tantalising blood belonged to me.

I moved with the speed which gave me such advantage over my prey, placing my nose against the side of her neck, inhaling deeply, feeling the blood rushing through her veins, allowing myself to savour the last of heartbeats, the last time I would feel her pulse vibrate against my skin.

I knew I would have time to enjoy, to appreciate every moment of Bella's beautiful death, to cherish her final sighing breath as her blood ran over my tongue, slipping down my throat like warm silk, created for me and me alone. Death would come quickly, she wouldn't even have the chance to cry out, to beg for my mercy. But in draining her I could take my time.

Charlie Swan would awake to simply find his daughter gone, no evidence of a struggle, no suggestion that anything criminal had occurred. I would not waste a drop of her blood, would not leave a trace of my presence or of her passing. Bella would simply be another teenage runaway, leaving distraught parents ever hopeful of her return.

I glanced at her pale, heart shaped face one last time, her eyelashes flickering against her cheeks as she dreamed. I licked my lips, coating them with the sickly venom which now ran so freely in my mouth, readying myself to administer that one last, fatal kiss.

'Edward…' she sighed again, her sweet breath washing over me, mixed with the devastating aroma of her blood.

* * *

**Edward**

I ran through the dark forest without looking back. I didn't know where I was going or what I would do. My mind was still full of Bella, of her scent. I could think of little else.

I leapt fallen trees and wide streams instinctively, feeling the night air, warm against my frozen skin but still, I knew, far too cold for any human to willingly endure. My sense of direction and speed told me that I must be half way to Olympia, far enough that Bella could no longer reach me, deep enough in to the wilderness not to be affected by the thoughts of others.

I threw myself at the nearest spruce, the force of my body striking causing the thick trunk to creak loudly, the branches sway. As I started to ascend, the weak bark flaked, falling to the ground like snowfall despite my fast movements, barely touching the tree. I quickly found myself amongst the needles, climbing higher and higher until I must have been more than seventy metres above the ground.

Locating a branch which would take my weight easily, I allowed myself to gracefully shrink to a crouch, my eyes wildly scanning the horizon, taking in the distant lights of the few small settlements which edged the forest. In the distance I could make out Forks, glittering seductively, still calling me back.

The hours passed in what seemed like minutes as I crouched there, not moving, unnaturally perched above the earth, watching the dull morning rise, casting a misty light across the very town I had run from so desperately, panic stricken. There had never been a single moment in my existence which had been so dangerous, so threatening to everybody and everything I knew. But I had survived.

Bella had sighed _my_ name. At that moment I had been the only one she was thinking of. The only one she had been dreamingabout. Her voice, in unconciousness, so tender, lingered over that one simple word; my own name, given to me by my mother, long since dead. And in 104 years never had the sound of it inspired so much feeling, so much confusion and passion and need.

It wasn't Bella's blood that I needed, it was her. All of her, her body and her mind, her entire being. I needed to possess her, make her my own, never allow any harm to come to her. I was, without doubt, an utterly selfish creature, I cared little about anything but my own needs, but my needs were not as simple as I had at first assumed.

I had not spared Bella Swan's life for her, nor for the sake of her family or mine. I had spared Bella Swan's life entirely for my own gratification.

Having lowered myself from my eyrie as the sun rose hire in the sky I feasted – if you could call it that, unsatisfactory as animal blood was to me – on the first unfortunate creatures to cross my path. Two deer, drained and disposed of where no human would find them, suspiciously and macabrely devoid of their blood.

I had come so close to harming the girl who, I now realised, I was in love with. And that could never, never happen again. I needed to feed and keep feeding until I was sure that I could bear the possibility of her blood being shed in front of me, until I knew that I was no more dangerous to her than a normal, human, boy.

Sated, I returned to Forks.

**Bella**

"Edward Cullen's watching you, _again_" Jessica sniggered, rolling her eyes, "what's the deal with you two anyway?"

I felt a blush rising quickly towards my face at the mention of his name, not daring to look up and meet his eyes.

"There's no deal Jessica. Just leave it ok?" I snapped. Her eyes widened in shock, not used to me being quite so forthright with her.

"Fine. I was just asking…_God_!" She slammed her textbook shut and stomped off in the direction of our trigonometry class, ponytail swinging, without bothering to wait for me.

We'd been catching up on our missed homework in the canteen when I felt his sudden presence. I hadn't even seen him but somehow, where Edward Cullen was concerned I had some kind of sixth sense. I could feel the atmosphere shift entirely around me, a shiver work its way down my spine, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I made a concious effort to concentrate on the books we had laid in front of us, on what Jessica was saying to me – nothing to do with trig of course – and to ignore him. I knew I would have to face him sooner or later, but I much preferred the idea of later.

It wasn't just the embarrassment of the whole blood typing episode, though being carried across the school grounds like a rag doll by a boy who proclaimed himself to be dangerous was enough to swallow. It was that I knew he had somehow slipped in to my home by some supernatural or magical means yesterday. And, more devastatingly, the fact that I couldn't even think about him without a complete re-run of last night's dream passing through my head in highlight form.

After waking at half past three I had tried desperately to slip back in to the dream, in to my heart pounding encounter with Edward. I lay in bed, eyes tightly shut, waiting for sleep, for hours. But sleep had never arrived. Before I knew it the grey light of a Forks morning was forcing its way through the thin fabric of my bedroom curtains and Charlie was clattering around the house getting ready for another day at the station.

As soon as he left I heaved myself out of bed and in to the bathroom where the shower washed away any remnants of the night. It was then, in the harsh light of day, under the steaming hot water that I began to feel a knot forming in my stomach. The dream I had had about Edward was so real, so…carnal, that I was not only utterly embarrassed, but also doubting my decision to stay away from him.

But I took the dream to be a warning, a sign that I was already in too deep. That my feelings for Edward were as dangerous as he claimed to be himself. That I needed to avoid him as best I could. Not just because my sense of self-preservation told me to but because it felt as if somehow if he looked in to my face he would be able to see every detail of the most sensual dream I'd ever had. The dream in which he'd played the leading role.

As Jessica flounced out of the canteen, I felt Edward's eyes boring in to me. I forced myself to keep my head bent over my book, waiting for him to leave or for the hands of the clock over the door to signal that I could leave it no later to get to class on time.

The minutes passed. I stared at the same problem on the same page, nothing but a muddle of numbers and symbols making no sense to my distracted brain. Then I heard him exhale loudly, even over the hubbub of the busy canteen, and scrape his chair back noisily.

I permitted myself a glance through the curtain of hair I'd allowed to fall between myself and his side of the room. He made to walk towards me, stopping metres short of the table I occupied and changing his orientation towards the exit.

I gave it a few moments before pushing back my own chair and throwing my books in to my bag. Hiking it on to my shoulder and grabbing my coat I rushed out, sure that I'd given him enough of a headstart that I would have a safe, Edward-free passage to class where the most worrisome thing I needed to face was a ticked off but curious Jessica. That, I could handle.

Dodging the crowds I made my way towards the canteen door, pulling it open, somehow - idiotically - stepping on my own trailing bootlace at the same time. I stumbled but rather than falling to the floor I was yanked upright, a familiar ice cold hand grabbing my wrist and pulling me out of the fall.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you to double tie your laces?" he chuckled in my ear. The way he held me, his hand firmly around my wrist, his mouth at my ear felt horribly familiar. My ears burned at the memory while my legs seemed to drain of blood altogether, weakening at the sound of his voice.

Everything felt like a badly facsimilied version of my dream. He pulled me around to face him, peering down at me with his intense golden eyes. I was totally incapable of forming any kind of comprehendible sentence, my mouth opening and shutting like a caught fish gasping for air. Edward continued staring at me, saying nothing. I almost thought he moved his face slightly, ever so slightly towards mine, as if readying to kiss me, though I was quite sure_ that_ could only be my imagination.

Despite everything I was still very aware that standing, saying nothing, was making me late for trig. I made to pull away, muttering a string of words which I hoped would make clear my need to be on my way to the math block. But as I did so the hand which wasn't already holding my wrist moved, inhumanly fast, to grasp the top of my other arm, locking me in place, his fingers digging painfully in to my skin.

"Bella, I need you to come with me." He spoke in little more than a whisper, with no threat in his voice. I nodded mutely and allowed him to pull me along the corridor and out in to the damp, cold misty morning.

We seemed to be walking for ages. My hair was soaked through and I was suddenly grateful for the unexpected return of my waterproof coat. Edward had taken my heavy backpack from me without a word and now carried it with ease over one shoulder. I trailed behind, struggling to keep up with his long strides, even more perplexed by his behaviour than usual.

We were out of sight of the school buildings, on a muddy path edging the forest when he suddenly stopped, whipping round to face me, a deadly serious look in his eyes. I waited for him to explain what we were doing, why he had dragged me out here, but all he did was stare, searching my face as if he were looking for something, his strange eyes flickering, taking in each of my features in turn.

I was freezing cold, drenched through and all too aware that I was skipping classes – which was something I never did. And what for? To be peered at by this bizarre boy who had by turns treated me like a pariah and a possession, told me he was too dangerous for my own good, let himself in to my house uninvited...

"Edward, what_ is_ this? What's going on?" I exploded, abruptly livid with him for turning my unremarkable life in to a confusing guessing game.

"I'm sorry Bella…I know that I've been less than candid with you, but you need to understand that I can't tell you everything, as much as I may want to."

"What, so you can't explain why you let yourself in to my house…no nevermind why. _How_ you let yourself in to my house. How you inexplicably saved me from Tyler's van?" He opened his mouth to respond "No Edward, don't tell my you were standing right next to me. I saw you. You can't have moved that fast. _ People _can't move that fast."

By now he was hanging his head, inspecting the path at our feet, rubbing the back of his neck violently. I was aware that in my anger I had started to shout, tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks to mingle with the rain, now much heavier, which streamed from my hair and over my face.

"Where did you come from yesterday, when I fainted? How did you know I was in trouble?"

"I was in my car…" he mumbled, interrupting me.

"Of course you were Edward, you're always _there_, ready to come to my rescue. You say you're dangerous but you seem to have dedicated your life to saving me from something. I don't understand any of it.

Either you want some kind of relationship with me or you don't Edward, but either way you need to tell me what the hell's going on here."

He was silent, still studying his feet as I glowered at him, my arms crossed in front of me – as much to keep me warm as to demonstrate my anger. Then he spoke, so quietly I could barely hear him.

"I want to tell you. Please understand that. But I can't, there are rules, it's too dangerous for you to know everything about me…"

"And who are you to tell me what's too dangerous for me?" I spat.

"Please Bella, you have to trust me. I can't explain, I can't tell the truth, no matter how much I want to, without putting you at risk. I won't do it." His eyes were pleading.

"Then what do you want from me?"

"I want _you_."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here's a little one for the Alice fans....enjoy, review....**

Alice

"Edward, can you trust this girl?" Esme stood in front of the glass wall, her hands on her hips. We all turned to look at him, awaiting his answer.

Silence. He chewed his bottom lip, staring at the blank television, as if somehow the answer would come to him if he waited for long enough. I supposed we had all the time in the world to wait for him to decide.

Obviously Rosalie disagreed. She snorted out a puff of air through her nose before pushing herself up from her spot between Emmett and I on the cream leather sofa.

"I don't know why we're even discussing this!" she raged, "the _idea _of telling a human is…it's just ridiculous Esme. We all know that if Edward pursues her this is going to end badly. If he tells her the truth it definitely ends badly. Whatever happens nothing good is going to come out of this."

She rounded on Edward angrily.

"This isn't fair you know. You shouldn't even be asking any of us to do this. You're putting all of us at risk. We've worked so hard to make a life here and you want to throw it all away for some stupid human girl…"

"Babes…" Emmett tried to soothe her.

"No Emmett, he needs to know and obviously nobody else has the balls to say it. We're happy here Edward, all of us. I don't want to move again and I'm pretty sure nobody else does either. And even if she can keep her stupid mouth shut there are _rules_. Are we supposed to risk the Volturi coming down on us because you've got a stupid crush?"

"That's enough Rose!" Carlisle slapped his hand down on the arm of his reading chair, where he had sat in silence throughout the discussion which had now been raging for hours.

* * *

Edward had arrived at the house, drenched and miserable, not long after Emmett, Jasper and I had gotten home from school. Of course I had seen everything that had happened as soon as he had made the decision to drag Bella out of school but everything had happened so quickly that I didn't have time to give him the heads up – snap decisions were kind of the bane of my talent.

He, in his arrogance, had thought that declaring himself to Bella would win her over, make her his. But he hadn't banked on her being just as stubborn as him. Hell, if I didn't have the handy ability to see the future _I _wouldn't have banked on anybody, least of all Bella, being as stubborn as Edward.

So he gathered us all in the vast living room where Carlisle was just settling in to his favourite wingback armchair with an oversized textbook and Esme was humming to herself as she arranged pink and white roses in a crystal bowl. I hadn't mentioned anything to anybody, not even Jasper, about what Edward was about to say to us. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, much less how the others would react. This one was Edward's battle, and you know what they say about messengers getting shot.

"I'm thinking about telling Bella the truth." He stated it simply, standing in front of us all, as still as a statue, his arms crossed defensively across his chest.

"The truth?" Carlisle repeated as Rosalie and Emmett exchanged shocked looks.

"Yes. I mean about what I am. Of course I won't do so without your blessing, all of you," he glanced at Rosalie, "but I want you to understand that I am in love with her. I wouldn't ask if it didn't mean absolutely everything to me to be able to do this."

"But why?" Jasper had shook his head, his eyes the picture of confusion, "I get that you love her but why does that mean you have to tell her about us?"

"It's the only way she'll be with him." I announced, rising from the sofa to stand next to my brother, who only nodded.

"I saw it all, she knows there's something not right about him, after the accident and…" sensing Edward's sudden discomfort I had decided to skim over some of his less sensible exploits, "…well, a few other things. And she wants to know the truth."

* * *

We had talked around the subject for some time, Rosalie absolutely quiet, stewing on what she had heard. We all knew that she wouldn't take Edward's announcement well, Rose wasn't exactly known for her tolerance towards him at the best of times, and now that he was suggesting outing himself as a vampire, to the daughter of Forks's Chief of Police no less, she was bound to explode.

"Rose," Carlisle soothed, letting his voice fall in volume following his outburst, "let's not turn this in to an argument. I think we're all forgetting that we do have a few useful tools at our disposal."

Edward groaned, knowing in advance what Carlisle was about to say.

"She can't Carlisle." He turned to me, "he thinks you should be able to forsee what Bella will do, whether she'll tell anybody."

"Whether the Volturi will rip us all in to tiny pieces, more to the point." Rose seethed.

I ignored her, "I can't see anything Carlisle. Edward won't make the decision to tell Bella without our say so and until he does I have no more idea than you do what might happen."

"This is impossible," Carlisle sighed, "I can't let you put us in jeopardy Edward but nor can I bear to see you so tormented."

"If Edward believes that Bella can be trusted, perhaps we should too. He deserves happiness as much as anyone." We all heard what Esme didn't say – she couldn't deny him the chance to love someone else the way the rest of us did.

It was frustratingly difficult for me to see what was going to happen. Edward and Bella's futures were constantly changing, shifting from moment to moment. Since that day in the canteen I hadn't seen Bella as one of us again but I had seen them together, seen them apart, seen Bella grow old, seen Edward leave us. But none of it would tell me where they were headed until they – both of them – made a firm decision. And I was so reliant on my visions that I was finding it hard to know how I felt about Edward's desire to tell Bella everything.

Carlisle had joined Esme by the windows, taking her hand in his as he did so.

"The only fair thing to do is to vote then," he said. "Edward, does that seem reasonable to you?"

Edward shrugged, he knew at that moment what each of us was thinking anyway, so there was almost no point in us voting out loud.

"Alright. Those in favour of letting Bella in on the secret?"

Esme raised her hand immediately.

As much as I wanted to have faith in Bella and to trust in my brother's judgement I hesitated to follow her lead. My first priority had to be Jasper. He was the least able to deal with humans, could he cope with having one around more permenantly? If only Edward would think about changing Bella things would be so much easier…

"You know that's impossible Alice!" He growled angrily, "I will _not_ consider it."

"But it would solve everything…"

"It would solve exactly nothing. I won't make that decision for somebody else, I won't take someone's life away from them."

"It was just a thought Edward."

"I know what you have to think about Alice. I know this is difficult for you and that you're acting blind…" he trailed off, dipping his head.

"You're right. I can't see what might happen, I'm as in the dark as anybody here. But you're my brother, I trust you not to put us at risk. And I want Bella as much as you do."

Emmett snorted and I rolled my eyes at him. It was typical of him to be seeing double entendres even when things were so serious.

"I think you should tell her everything." I finished, raising my hand.

Despite my vote, Edward's shoulders slumped and he stared at the floor.

"Sorry man, you know I can't go along with this one," Emmett glanced from Edward to Rosalie and back again.

"I understand Emmett, it's ok." Edward nodded, "I understand why you have to make the decision you've made, all of you."

"Jazz?" I whispered, forcing my husband to look at me. He shook his head.

"Alice, it's fine. It was a long shot. Thank you for believing in me…and in Bella. But I can't do this without everybody's agreement. It wouldn't be fair."

With that Edward was gone, through the back door and in to the forest. I started to go after him but Carlisle placed a hand on my arm.

"I think he needs some space Alice. He'll be back when he's ready to talk."

The rest of our family had silently slipped away, leaving Carlisle and I standing alone in the living room, staring after Edward, though he was long gone.

"I saw what you were going to vote, why didn't you say anything?"

Carlisle had never looked so sad in all the years I had known him. His eyes were raised to the ceiling, his mouth turned down in a grimace. He sighed.

"What I would have voted doesn't matter. Edward needed us all to agree."

"But you could have swung the vote in his favour, convinced the others to let him tell Bella…"

"Alice, it wouldn't be fair to influence any of them. Every one of you is part of this family through choice, we make our decisions together, we all have the freedom to have our own opinions. Regardless, Edward would not have been happy to make the decision to tell Bella without the full support of all of us – Rose included."

"Edward's an idiot."

Carlisle chuckled, "that may be so, but he's _our_ idiot. Let's try to be as kind to him as we can."

*********************************************************************  
**  
**I idly flicked through my closet, tossing out handfuls of clothing. It was something I did whenever I felt stressed. Cleaning out my wardrobe was therapeutic, I could concentrate on which colours were out of season and which items I would no longer be seen dead in, instead of whatever was going on in my madcap, frustrating family.

All of a sudden Jasper was moving a pile of French Vogues off of an antique, peach chaise longue, making room for himself to sit down and watch me.

"As long as you're sitting there you may as well bag some of this crap for the thrift store." I indicated the growing pile of clothing covering the bed.

"Are you ok?" He asked, cocking his head to one side.

"What do you think?" I snarled, throwing a full length silk dress in pale grey behind me.

Jasper stood up again and pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Alice?" He stooped to look in to my eyes while I tried to avoid his gaze sulkily. "Is this because I didn't want Edward to tell?"

I shrugged.

"It's not an acceptable risk. I won't have you put in a dangerous situation like that."

"I can look after myself Jazz…"

He snorted, "I know _that_ but you can't blame me for at least trying to protect my wife."

Just then something changed. A vision hit me. They were always there in the background, like a radio playing in another room. Mostly I ignored them but sometimes something significant would capture my attention, it was like the volume had suddenly been cranked up. This was one of those times and it looked like I was tuning in to Edward Cullen FM.

I stood for a moment, still with Jasper's arms around me, my eyes seeing nothing but this new, unexpected vision of the future. The near future.

"Jasper," I whispered, "he's going to do it anyway."

We both heard the door slam and jerked our heads up in sync. It was Edward and I knew exactly what he was back to tell us.

Pulling on Jasper's hand I fled down the stairs towards the kitchen where I knew Edward was now with Carlisle. He glanced up as we flitted in.

"I might have guessed…"

"Edward, please. Just think about what you're doing. Give it a bit of time. There might be another way to deal with your….situation."

He slowly shook his head. "I really don't think that there is Alice."

"Perhaps one of you might explain exactly what this is all about?" Carlisle requested. Edward and I often forgot that the rest of the family couldn't understand our conversations – between our abilities and the fact that we were so attuned to each other we often communicated in a way nobody else could hope to understand.

"I'm leaving." Edward stated quite simply, as if he was telling us that it was raining outside.

"He thinks that if he leaves the family he can tell Bella what he is without provoking the Volturi."

"Alice is right, I'm sure there must be another solution…" Carlisle began but Edward cut him off abruptly.

"If I leave the family none of you will be implicated in my revealing myself to Bella. The Volturi have no reason to accuse anyone else."

"Even so, if she knows what you are, we'll all be exposed. She's not stupid Edward." Jasper worked hard to keep his voice even but I could tell that he was angry.

"I know Jasper. But I do trust her. She isn't like other humans. And I promise to do everything in my power to protect you all. It's your choice whether you stay in Forks but I sincerely don't believe there's any need for you to leave."

By now Esme had joined us in the kitchen. If she was able she would have been crying, but as it was all she could do was pull Edward to her roughly, holding him close.

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know yet. It depends how she reacts I guess. I honestly wouldn't put you at risk if I didn't believe this was the right thing to do."

"I know, I know." Our mother – Esme _was_ our mother to all intents and purposes – smoothed his untidy hair as she soothed him. "I wish you wouldn't leave."

"Edward needs to do this alone Esme. But he will come back to us." Carlisle, ever the voice of reason, assured her.

She pushed Edward out in front of her to look at him carefully, smiling sadly as she did so, "she will love you. There's no way she couldn't."

I nodded in agreement. My brother might have been a vampire but I had rarely met anybody so good. Edward cared so much – probably too much – about everybody and everything, he was principled and smart, kind and irreprehensible. And I could tell that he was unable to live without Bella, although he knew her so little. It was a part of what we were that once we were changed – by love in particular – the alteration was permanent.

It took Edward mere moments to pack a few things in to his car and say goodbye. Of course he wouldn't be going far for now, and we'd be seeing each other at school. But he surmised that it would be best to keep our distance, to separate himself from the rest of the family, in case the Volturi should discover his 'crime'.

I suspected, as Edward did too, that Bella would not cause trouble. Even if she rejected him it seemed somehow unlikely that she would raise the alarm. I didn't know how I knew it – my visions couldn't yet tell me as much – but I felt as sure of Bella as I did of Edward.

He had made the decision that he would tell her only that _he_ was a vampire. He hoped that she wouldn't assume the rest of us were, though it seemed unlikely.  
But Bella Swan knew that we weren't dangerous, she had no reason to suspect it, even if she knew the truth.

Edward intended to leave if she reacted badly, giving her no reason to be afraid of him, asking her to keep the secret so the rest of us could stay in Forks.

Of course, if she refused it wouldn't be the first time we'd had to make a swift exit from somewhere we called home. And, I figured, if we all had to leave Edward could come back to his family.

It was a lot to consider and there was so much at risk. But Edward was in love. This was the only way that he could see to give himself the chance to be happy. The plan wasn't a good one, not at all, but it looked like it was all he had.

**A/N: I know, I know. Edward's plan is super dumb. But what can I do? Edward makes his own mistakes, I can't decide for him ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Ok, so I intended that chap 6 would move the story on but it seemed a shame not to shoehorn in this short, smutty little number. Explains why Edward (part vamp, part teenage boy) is suddenly determined to tell all.**

Bella is always criticised for being weak so here she is growing a pair. The lyrics come from Garbage's Supervixen - I imagine Bella to have it running through her head in this chapter.

Apologies for typos and repetitions, I come to you from the depths of the stinkiest cold and yuckiest ear infection in Britain. I probably need an android to edit for me...

*************************  
Make a whole new religion**

A falling star that you cannot live without

And I'll feed your obsessions

Now there'll be nothing but

this thing you'll never doubt

**************************

**Bella**

I had allowed Edward's words to hang in the air, hardly daring myself to believe that he had said them: 'I want _you_'.

My stomach had fallen through the soles of my feet at hearing him huskily utter what was undoubtedly the sexiest, most tempting thing I had ever heard in my life. He wanted me…I didn't know exactly how, but there were parts of my body which certainly had some ideas about what he might mean.

Unbidden, images from my dream flashed back through my mind.

Edward kissing me…Edward running his fingers across my collarbones, following them with his mouth, lower and lower…

I shivered against the cold, raising my eyes to him angrily. It seemed unfair that I should be living in agony like this – and it was agony, being unable to even think about him without being turned in to a pool of molten…_girl_ – while he kept on tormenting me with his ridiculous conundrums and ludicrous claims.

"Please Bella, I need you to understand…" he was begging. Edward Cullen was begging…for me. Interesting.

In a split second I pushed sensible, timid Bella aside. She was gone. Out of sight, out of mind. I was replacing her with an utterly alien version, one who did things that sensible Bella would never do, one filled with confidence and poise. One who took the 'strong, independent woman' advice which she touted around her friends.

I covered the distance between us with a stride, my boots sloshing muddy puddle water against both of our legs as I did so. Normally I'd apologise. Normally I'd probably drop to my knees and start sponging his damn jeans dry – God, sensible Bella was a doormat.

Without giving Edward time to think about what was happening I pushed myself up on my toes, placing my wet, freezing hands on either side of his face and looking deep in to his eyes.

Of course, his eyes – confused and beautiful – nearly tipped me off balance, made me lose control. But new, strong Bella wasn't going to let a gorgeous boy with strange eyes confound her.

"You want me?" I asked, hearing my voice as if it belonged to someone else.

He nodded, looking as though he daren't open his mouth to say anything more, his adam's apple moving as he swallowed. I felt victorious. It wasn't often that _I_ was the one making_ him_ nervous.

I tipped my head to the side, holding his gaze.

"Oh, I see."

With that I summoned up my last iota of confidence, moving my hands to the back of his head as I pushed my lips in to his with all my strength. His breath hitched as I tangled my fingers in to his soaked bronze hair, tugging at it gently, pulling him closer in to me, until it seemed as if every inch of our bodies were touching.

Breathing heavily, our mouths moving against one another, Edward and I seemed to fit together perfectly. He had snaked one arm around my waist, caressing my side with long, hard fingers, pulling my pelvis against his in a wholly inappropriate way.

His other hand tenderly stroked my cheek and jaw as he kissed me, fingers tracing my cheekbones, straying in to my bedraggled hair where they found resistance in wet tangles.

Forcing my tongue between his parted lips I readjusted my position, feeling my legs start to seize up. He groaned in to my mouth – knocking the 'I want you' off of the top spot on Bella's List Of Sexiest Things I've Ever Heard, Ever - and, as if he guessed my discomfort, lifted me with apparent ease until I was standing on top of his boots, the better to reach him. Suddenly being short didn't seem like such a bad thing.

We stayed, wrapped around each other in the pouring rain for far too long. I had intended to give him just one, lingering kiss but, as was always the case when it came to Edward, my body had overruled my brain. One taste of his lips, the feel of his hands on me, the intoxicating smell of his breath and I was pushing myself in to him with all of my strength, making our kiss deeper and deeper, entwining my body around his.

But strong Bella was in their somewhere and she wrestled doormat Bella out of the way. With one last, long slide of tongue across his bottom lip and, for myself as much as for him I had to admit, a final slow, push of my heaving chest in to his, I pulled away, dragging one hand down his arm until I held on to only the very tips of his fingers.

Stepping backwards carefully, finding solid ground, I peered up at him through my eyelashes, letting go of his fingers and sensing his arm dropping uselessly to his side, a very un-Edward movement.

"If you want me that badly Edward then I'm quite sure you can be honest with me." With a small smile I turned and started to walk away.

Keeping my back resolutely turned as I moved – I was quite sure Edward wasn't following me although I could feel his eyes on my retreating form – I allowed myself a triumphant grin. It might have been taking everything I had in me to keep my quivering legs from giving way but I had done it. I had walked away with the upper hand.

I quite liked new, improved, strong Bella. And judging by the messages his body was giving me not a moment ago, Edward Cullen did too.

* * *

**Bella**

I didn't go back to school. By the time I left Edward my American history class was already halfway through. I was soaked to the bone and unlikely to be able to concentrate on anything, possibly ever again. Looked like strong Bella didn't care so much about education either.

So I skirted the perimeter of Forks High, avoiding any stray faculty who might have been on the loose, and headed for my truck. Jumping in I threw the heaters right up and gunned the engine, pulling out of the lot as quickly as I could considering the one ton of rust I was steering.

I weaved through the wet streets of Forks for a little while, just thinking, before I headed home, none the wiser about what on earth I was going to do about Edward now.

"Your move Cullen," I muttered, swinging the truck up on to the muddy drive in front of Charlie's house.

Only once I'd showered and thrown on some of my trusty old sweats did I allow myself settle on my bed and run a minute-by-minute replay of the morning's events through my minds, half imagining a commentator providing an amusing voiceover… 'and she's going in with the tongue now Jeff, look at his reaction! He doesn't know what to do with himself!'

I rolled over burying my face in to my pillow to muffle a scream, kicking my legs violently up and down at the same time. Ok, it was a totally chick-flick thing to do but if anything had ever called for that kind of reaction it was a passionate, teary kiss in the rain with Forks' answer to James fucking Dean.

I still wasn't sure exactly what it was that Edward couldn't tell me but after being so close to him I felt as if it must have something to do with those things which made him so unlike anybody else.

It couldn't be denied that my experience with boys was limited. Ok, non-existent. But I was sure nevertheless that Edward's skin was somehow wrong. He was too hard and unyielding. When I held his face there was no give, no softness. He felt incredible, hard and smooth like stone but not entirely human. His lips, softer, more pliable but still, so hard against mine that I felt bruised even hours later were wrong somehow.

And he was cold. Even in a freezing rainstorm Edward was colder than anything else. The rain, running in rivulets down his face as I kissed him was warmer than his icy skin. Some people ran at a lower temperature, sure, but Edward was abnormally cold, as if no blood ran beneath his skin to heat it. I shivered at the memory of his touch.

Then there was my reaction to him. I couldn't be sure that it wasn't teenage hormones gone haywire – I'd been dreaming about the boy for goodness sakes – but my inability to control myself as soon as my lips touched his seemed an overreaction even considering the essential facts of science.

But despite all of the in depth information I had collected during the morning's 'experiment' I could still come up with no sensible explanation for his otherness. It could be a medical condition I supposed. But it seemed a disease which caused someone to turn to stone, have oddly coloured eyes and be inhumanly beautiful, ridiculously strong and bizarrely quick would be something that would get a little more press.

So, theory number two. Edward was an android. A really, really convincing android.

Rolling my eyes at my own stupidity I turned over on to my back as the sun started to break through the clouds and stream through my window.

Whatever the truth was, I hoped that Edward found a way to tell me it. After all I couldn't very well go back on this morning's demand.

* * *

**A/N stay tuned, I have some Rose-POV coming this way next chapter. And she won't be mincing her words.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N As promised a sprinkling of Rose. For those not up on Greek mythology, Hera was considered the most beautiful of all the goddesses. She seemed appropriate for the comparison as the wife and sister of Zeus and daughter of Rhea, the 'mother of the Gods'. Hera was the goddess of women and marriage and was notoriously jealous, most famously holding a grudge against Paris after he named Aphrodite as the most beautiful of all the goddesses. Well, you can probably see where my mind was going with the analogy.**

As always thoughts, criticisms, suggestions always welcomed x

**********************************************************************************************************************************

Rosalie

I was half way across the damn garden when Emmett caught up with me.

"Come on babe, come back in to the house." He pleaded, I smirked to myself without turning around, I knew that my faithful husband would be straight out behind me as soon as I stormed off.

As soon as the stupid family meeting about that human girl was over I was out of there, needing to get away from Edward. And all the others – they were all so pathetic when it came to his oh-so-sad singleness. Like he hadn't had any opportunity to find somebody. Like there hadn't been tons of vampire girls who wanted to go there. Tanya for one.

And now he wanted some boring, plain nobody. I mean, Tanya was gorgeous for a start. Gorgeous and smart and, well Jesus, she was certainly willing. And let's not forget who he was _supposed _to have fallen in love with.

Idiot.

"I need some time out Emmett. Go away." I started to run, clearing the stream behind the house with one elegant leap, hair flying behind me. I could hear Emmett following still, the slight sound of his feet as they touched the dried leaves on the ground reaching my sensitive ears. I threw a hand up to catch a low branch, swinging myself up and landing on the same branch, feet first, with cat-like grace.

I leaned against the trunk, my arms folded over the pale blue cotton of my thin, shirt, buttoned to expose just enough cleavage to keep my man happy. He liked obvious stuff like that.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone Em?" I purred, knowing full well that I would have totally bawled him out later if he'd let me leave without having a damn good go at stopping me.

He stared up at me, his face soft and pleading.

"Come on Rose, this isn't even anything to do with us. Why're you taking it so personally."

"It _is_ to do with us and you know it. Don't you _like_ our family the way it is? Do you _want _Edward to ruin everything for us?" I was snarling, ready to lose my temper. There was nothing like a good fight with Emmett to liven an afternoon up. Our scraps always ended kind of nicely anyway.

He launched himself in to the tree, landing close in front of me, the branch dipping under the weight of his huge body as he stepped even closer, running one of his large hands down my arm.

"Babe," he wheedled, "he's done it for the rest of us plenty. We owe him."

I scowled at Emmett's statement. It was true that there were members of our family who had made mistakes, that we'd had to leave homes because of them.

"He's never had to move on for me Em. And the other times, the rest of you, they were accidents. This is just damn stupidity and selfishness."

"Selfishness? Like when you asked Carlisle to change me?"

Well that was below the belt. And not in a good way.

"Like that is it Em?" I sneered, furrowing my brow.

"Aw, Rose. You know I didn't mean it like that."

He moved to stroke my face but I swatted his hand away, a little harder than strictly necessary. Not that he'd feel it. Stupid man of steel.

"You know, if you don't like our life, I'll put my _mistake _right for you."

As I bared my teeth at my husband, knowing full well that there was no way that I could end his existence even if he asked me to, he shuddered almost imperceptibly.

"Come on babes, this is stupid. You know I'm glad you got me changed and all. I just don't want all this Edward crap to affect us."

I dropped my eyelids, and smiled softly, letting my arms unfold but kind of push my cleavage in ever so slightly at the same time. A little cleavage always helped me put my case across.

"Exactly Em, neither do I," I whispered, "everything's just about perfect right now and you and I are so happy…"

Running a palm along his bicep I let a slight groan escape my lips, knowing exactly the effect it would have on him.

"Come home?" He asked, giving me a wink as he slid a hand behind me to squeeze my denim-clad behind, pushing me in to him at the same time.

I kissed him deeply, knowing I'd be sending him home to cross his legs and hope, and feeling pretty damn smug about it.

"I will Em, I just need to run for a while. I'll be back soon."

"Sure?"

"Sure." I leapt out of the tree and set off in to the thick forest at a sprint. I smiled to myself, knowing full well that there was a good reason Emmett usually let me run in front of him when we went hunting together and that he wasn't going to leave his spot until me and my pert ass were out of sight.

I ran through the forest until I was bored – which, in all honesty didn't take long – and began arcing back towards home. I took one of our trails which ran close to the town, just feeling the wind in my face, the all to rare sun filtering through the trees, enjoying the opportunity to stretch my legs. It wasn't often I bothered to run when I wasn't hunting, preferring to indulge my need for speed with four wheels rather than two legs, but now I remembered exactly what it was that made running for running's sake so pleasurable.

Raising my head to sniff the clean air and the damp, mossy forest I caught another smell. It was _her_.

* * *

**Rosalie**

Alright, so the bitch smelled good. I'd give him that. And she was pretty. Kind of. Her skin was immaculate and her features were delicate and doll-like. But she was scrawny. I'd be surprised if she even filled a B-cup.

Puffing my own chest out a little – Ds with a little extra oomph thanks to a good bra – I leaned forward a little to see what exactly she was doing.

All spread out on a blanket in Charlie Swan's little back garden she was just kind of…lying there. She was wearing disgusting sweats with holes in them and had yanked the sleeves all the way up. I guessed she was catching some rays.

Big mistake with that skin, girl.

I could kind of see why Alice was so desperate to make friends with her. She was kind of pretty and, with a bit of work would have a good figure – at least a good figure for clothes, she was never going to be the owner of a 'banging bod', as Emmett would call it – and nice hair. Yup, Bella Swan was makeover gold. Alice's perfect BFF.

She started humming tunelessly to herself as I watched, hidden in the relative darkness of the trees, my eyes narrowed, still trying to fathom what exactly it was Edward saw in her aside from her scent, which hit me in the face yet again as she fanned her hair out on the blanket.

I breathed in deeply, feeling the pleasant burn in my throat as her floral aroma filled my nostrils.

There was a way I could solve this problem for everybody. I thought about it. If Bella Swan was out of the picture, my stupid brother could stop angsting all over her.

I mean, it wasn't that I wanted to sully my impeccable record – I was the only one aside from Carlisle who had never drank human blood after all and I never got bored of reminding the others of that one - but if being rid of this girl meant we could get on with our lives without the risk that Edward would blow it for all of us…

And she smelled delicious.

I wrestled with the idea for a few moments longer. Imagining the moping from Edward – it was hard to imagine he could mope any more but if anyone was going to break the fucking moping world record it was my darling brother – Carlisle and Esme's disappointment, Alice's sulking.

I knew Em and Jazz would get it. Even if they were pissed that I'd offed the poor innocent little girl, they'd still back me up. We wouldn't have to leave. There'd be no trouble from the Volturi…just the thought of their disgusting, papery faces made me more determined.

With Bella gone, we could get on with our lives.

* * *

**Bella**

I couldn't resist the sunshine, it was all too rare in Forks. My light Phoenix wardrobe was pretty much useless, consigned to storage bags in the bottom of my wardrobe. I lived in long sleeves and jeans now.

So the minute the sun edged out from behind the almost permanent layer of gray rain cloud which we lived under most of the year I was out of the house, making the most of every second of warmth.

I spread the afghan from Charlie's couch on to the grass – it was still wet from the morning's downpour – and threw myself on to it, ignoring the dampness seeping through the wool under the weight of my body.

Pushing my sleeves up as far as they would go, I enjoyed the feel of the sun on my skin. It certainly wasn't hot, I suspected that it never really got hot in Forks, but it was so much better than the constant rain and cold which I had grown used to much too quickly.

I thought about getting up again to grab a book or my iPod from my room but decided against it. I had the memories of my kiss with Edward to keep me entertained and the chance of my being able to concentrate on any kind of reading anyway was pretty slim.

So instead I simply basked, imagining myself and Edward on a white, sandy beach somewhere, the only noise the gentle lapping of the turquoise sea and the breeze through the palm trees which edged the deserted cove. In my imagination he stroked my hair, humming to me as I sunbathed.

Just as I began to hum along I felt a presence right there in the garden. My eyes flew open but I didn't dare move.

While my mind told me that it was probably the very person I'd just been dreaming about, my body refused to accept that there was no danger. I could hear nothing except the distant sounds of cars on the roads through Forks, the faint rustling of the trees and, inside the house, Charlie's washer spinning my muddy, wet clothes clean.

When nobody spoke or seemed to move I let the breath I'd been holding out through my nose, cursing myself for being so fearful – or hopeful perhaps – and relaxing back in to the afghan again.

But then a shadow seemed to fall across me, sending my heart beating out of my chest and catapulting me bolt upright, gasping for air.

I turned slowly to face my visitor, still hoping against all hope that it might be Edward.

But instead, towering over me like some kind of immortal goddess – Hera, I surmised, remembering reading in a book on Greek mythology that she was the most beautiful of all the goddesses – was Rosalie Hale, Edward's terrifying older sister.

Her long, white-blond hair lifted slightly in the breeze, giving her a magical aura as she peered down at me, her pouting, red lips almost grimacing. She stared for a split second before speaking.

"I'm so sorry Bella, did I startle you?" She purred it quietly, smiling apologetically.

I shook my head crazily, "no, no. How did you know my name?"

"Oh, all of our family knows your name Bella. We've heard an awful lot about you…from Edward of course."

"Oh…ok." I was confused. Rosalie had never spoken to me in my entire time at Forks High School. In fact the most communication I'd had from her was the occasional sneer from across the canteen – I got the impression that I was definitely not Rosalie Hale's favourite person.

But now she was in my garden, uninvited, moving to sit next to me, stretching her impossibly long legs, jeans apparently painted on to them, out in front of her, flexing her delicate feet in their slightly muddied cream ballet flats.

"I was just out for a run and thought I'd drop in on you…"

I raised an eyebrow disbelievingly, running my gaze from the silk shoes to her tight shirt and perfectly made up face. She rolled her dark brown eyes – surprising, I'd never really looked, and always imagined them blue – and shrugged, waving a hand nonchalantly as if swatting away a fly.

"Sometimes the need to run just takes over me. Anyway. I was passing pretty much past your front door so I thought I might check in on you, introduce myself. After all, I understand you're _quite_ close with my brother."

A blush rose from my chest over my face, and I dropped my face onto my knees, letting my hair fall in front of it. I couldn't believe Edward would have told anybody, least of all his sister, about our _encounter_.

"I suppose so," I muttered, not really understanding exactly what it was that Rosalie wanted, I doubted very much that this was a social call. I should probably have just asked her straight out but new, improved, stronger than ever Bella wasn't prepared for Hera herself.

"Listen, Bella," she began – here it was then, the 'you're not good enough for my brother' speech, "I understand that you and Edward have something going on and that he cares for you an awful lot."

Did he? That was…interesting.

I couldn't think of anything to say though, so I nodded again, feeling like a mute dimwit.

Rosalie sighed then, pursing her perfectly rouged lips and squinting at the sky.

"Please understand, I don't normally like to get involved in other people's dramas Bella. But Edward's my brother, I have to watch out for him."

I snapped my head around to look at her. Did she think that I was going to hurt Edward in some way? Why would I? How?

"I'm not sure what you mean Rosalie."

"Well…" she paused for a moment, pulling her glorious hair in to a ponytail with her hands, "how much has Edward told you about his past? Before we came to Forks I mean?"

My eyes widened, wondering if I was finally going to find out what Edward's secret was.

"I guess nothing?" She continued as I shook my head at her question. Whatever it was must be serious if his older sister was coming to speak to me.

I wondered whether he knew she was here. Or if perhaps he'd even chickened out of telling me what I wanted to know himself, sending someone else to do his dirty work for him. It didn't seem likely but at the same time I didn't believe it beyond him to try something underhand. Because now I was wondering if I even wanted to know now. If it was so bad that I'd rather forget all about it and pretend nothing untoward was going on.

"Bella, I don't like to bad mouth my brother – I love him, really I do. But Edward, well, he's bad news sweetheart."

"How do you mean?" I snapped, finally finding my voice.

"I don't want to tell you too much, it's not my place. But my brother isn't like most normal guys."

"I'd noticed."  
She stiffened at my words, jerking her chin up and almost snarling before composing herself again, her face serene, as if nothing had happened. She carried on, talking in her low, sultry voice.

"It's just that I worry about him. He's really not ready for a relationship and I don't want to see him hurt." She hesitated dramatically before adding, "I don't want to see you hurt either."

"He wouldn't hurt me Rosalie, I know he wouldn't."

"Wouldn't he?"  
She looked directly at me, her dark eyes, strangely like Edward's, although I understood that they weren't related, boring in to mine.

"I…I don't think so." I stammered.

"Either way Bella. And I'm not saying this to be a bitch, truly I'm not, but we've just got things right in our family. For the first time in so long. Gosh, I honestly do feel bad for saying this – please don't be angry with me – but I want to ask you to leave us be. Your being involved with Edward could make everything go wrong again…"

I just gaped at her, not knowing what to say. Then suddenly her face changed completely and she – I wasn't sure but it certainly seemed like it – _hissed_.

A voice I would recognise anywhere rang out across the garden.

"Rose what the _fuck _do you think you're doing?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Thank you to everybody who has reviewed thus far, especially those who have given a little constructive crit and I'm glad Rosalie got a few of you riled...she's got Edward's back up too...**

-------------------------

Edward

I drove to Bella's house the Volvo still full of my hastily packed belongings, just wanting to see her, to confirm that my decision was the right one, for me if not for anybody else.

But as I stepped out of the car a familiar scent hit me – bitch and bitterness – Rose.

Storming around the side of Charlie Swan's little clapboard house I was almost blind with anger. I could hear Rose's 'sweet and innocent' voice being used to its full advantage on Bella. MY Bella.

I could have lingered in the shadows, listening in, gathering evidence against my darling sister but my anger pulled me forward, drawing me in to the shady garden. There she sat, carefully positioned in the shade of the nearby tress, just centimetres from the girl that she feared was going to ruin us all.

Sensing my presence she let a hiss out from between her teeth, speaking to me wordlessly at the same time '_someone had to do something idiot._'

"Rose," I spat trembling with fury, my mouth flooding with venom, "what the _fuck _do you think you're doing?"

She hesitated, staring at me with her mind racing, then her mouth slowly curved in to a grin, all teeth and no smile.

"Edward," she simpered "why don't you come sit with us?"

Her eyes traced the route from the shadows I lurked in at the side of the house to her spot under the trees. '_Why not? You're the one so keen on honesty…_'

I turned the idea over in my head. If I just strolled out in to the sunlight, let Bella watch the rays bounce off of my skin…just stood there, in the middle of her garden, glistening like a disco ball…and told her, what would Rosalie do?

Bella was watching us, either worried or intrigued – I couldn't be sure which – chewing on her bottom lip. Her mouth looked red and swollen and remembering exactly what had caused it to look that way sent a surge of want through my body. I could almost ignore the call of Bella's blood, _almost_, but there was something else now…

"Bella, would you go and wait in my car?"

She made to get up from the blanket she had been curled on, watching the battle of wills between Rose and I, but then she stopped, furrowing her brow at me.

"Why? What's going on?"

"Please Bella." I begged, pleading her with my eyes.

She didn't budge. While this new, more confident Bella which had been unleashed on me today was undoubtedly a very welcome improvement in many ways, she was also a royal pain the ass.

Rose chuckled, amused by Bella's stubbornness. She saw her as pathetic and weak, a mere human with little influence over anybody or anything. In her mind she compared her own powerful ability to get her own way with Bella's amateurish attempts at strength. To my arrogant sister Bella was a kitten - all spiked up fur, determinedly stalking a dust bunny - to her own regal lioness.

I dragged my keys out of my pocket, rolling a little disc of platinum bearing the Cullen crest which hung from the keyring between my fingers.

"I need to speak to you Bella. About what we discussed earlier…" I trailed off, looking in to her wide brown eyes pointedly, "but first I need to speak with my _sister_." Never had the word felt less true.

I threw the keys towards the blanket where they landed with a jangle next to Bella. She hesitated, her hand hovering in the air, looking from me to Rose, both of us watching her intently, wondering what she would do.

She huffed loudly, grabbing the keys and pulling up the blanket as she stood. Stamping out of the garden, towards the front of the house, she gave me a furious glare, a glare which was clearly meant to say 'I want answers.'

Hearing the click of the car door I rounded on Rose who was already darting towards the cover of the trees. I moved at vampire speed, confident that nobody was watching, placing myself in front of her before she could run away. I grabbed the top of her arms strongly, trying to shake her – briefly forgetting of course that Rose was every bit as strong as I was.

"Let go of me." She hissed, her beautiful face furious. Rosalie had always been an expert at guarding her thoughts but now, as she saw red, the wall tumbled down and her bitter mind opened entirely, washing over me with everything that she had hidden from me for so many years.

In that moment I finally understood at least some of Rose's anger.

Her thoughts focused briefly on Emmett, on the arguments which had raged for so many months after our last move – brought about by one of Em's own transgressions. I saw Rosalie repeatedly blaming her husband for the upheaval, for our having to start all over again. I saw her accusing him of weakness, of not caring, of intentionally causing her pain.

Then I saw them, more recently, play fighting behind the house. Their raucous laughs were at odds with the deadly artistry of their moves, Emmett using his strength to lift Rose easily off the ground, above his head. Her elegantly catapulting herself away, somersaulting before landing softly a few feet behind him. Pulling his arms up behind his back she whispered in his ear "I win again".

He turned to face her with a wry smile, "you always do," before pulling her to the ground, kissing her passionately, both of them still laughing.

A face I was familiar with only through Rose's memories flickered between us, pale and terrified, backed in to the corner of a dark, destroyed room. The lace veil obscuring Rosalie's vision lifting to reveal her face to him, causing the cowering man to scream - a high-pitched, blood curdling sound – as he recognised her. The Rosalie he had left for dead, but entirely changed. Ashen, impossibly beautiful and with deadly blood red eyes. Rose lifting her hands to his throat…

Echoing through her memories, Carlisle's voice – distant but clear, "I think the application of venom directly to the vein may have made all the difference. I can't be sure but I'm almost certain it will be over within the next hour."

Footsteps echoed through the darkness and suddenly, as they stopped, there was blinding, flickering light, shapes at first unfocused then adjusting to the surprisingly detailed vision of the first thing she saw after her transformation…I had never known.

"She's undoubtedly one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen, don't you agree Edward?" Carlisle again, her eyes flickered briefly to him and then back to me.

I'd barely thought of this day in more than 70 years but evidently Rose had committed it to memory.

"I suppose so," I replied, my face and voice so completely disinterested as to be insulting.

I watched the earlier incarnation of myself turn his back on them both, mumbling "perhaps you might consider the idea of distributing the venom between several pulse points Carlisle," before leaving the room without casting so much as another glance at my newly transformed sister as she tore a handful of splinters out of the table beneath her, unaware of her newly inhuman strength, angrily reacting to the first of my many snubs.

"Oh Rose, I didn't…" I loosened my grip on her, suddenly filled with shame at the way I'd treated her.

"Don't flatter yourself Edward, I was a stupid newborn." Her face was filled with loathing as she sneered at me, her lip curling upwards. But beneath it all, her eyes were resentful and sad. I had known that Carlisle had created her with the specific intention of giving me a companion, but I had had no idea how much my attitude had affected her.

It wasn't that I didn't recognise Rose as attractive. Nobody could fail to consider her the most beautiful woman they'd come across, she was breathtaking, even in her bloodied and broken human form, the very first time I'd laid eyes on her, barely breathing in Carlisle's arms, her limbs limp and broken, her blond waves wet and tangled, it was obvious.

"I'm sorry Rose, I've treated you appallingly," I leaned in to her, placing my lips to her smooth forehead. She stiffened briefly before leaning away, disgusted.

"Get the fuck off of me Edward!" She pulled her arm back and, before I could react, slapped me across the face with all of her might.

It didn't hurt of course but I reeled from the force of it, the shock and the embarrassment, lurching backwards.

"Go and do something about your stupid little human," she choked angrily, "perhaps if you grew a pair and did something to make _yourself_ happy for once the rest of us could have a day off from your damn self pity."

Another memory, Emmett's bulk slung over Rose's delicate shoulder, his blood coursing down her back from his many wounds. She held her breath, fighting against her instincts as she carried him through the dense forests in the dead of night, hopeful that she could get him to Carlisle before…

Rosalie was gone, speeding through the trees towards her husband, our home and our family. Leaving me to consider everything I had seen.

**Bella**

Idly flicking through Edward's CDs I wondered whether I should sneak back to the garden, find out what on earth was going on.

My conversation with Rosalie had been a shock. But not as much of a shock as Edward turning up to bawl her out.

There was obviously something weird between the two of them, something which – big surprise – I wasn't allowed to know about. Another Cullen mystery to add to the long list. I was getting pretty sick of the whole thing.

I leaned across to slide the key in to the ignition, letting the stereo burst to life. It was playing loud classical music, something I didn't recognise, shaking the windows with the bassy volume. I hurried to turn it down, fiddling with the knobs on the unnecessarily complex stereo system, all fingers and thumbs. Even his CD player was annoying.

Eventually I just hit the power button, huffing to myself and leaning back in the leather seat, my arms folded defiantly. I'd give him two minutes…

I watched the clock with narrowed eyes. A minute passed, then two. I gave it another few seconds.

Sighing I pushed the door open and stepped out of the car, slamming it loudly behind me in frustration. If Edward thought I was just going to wait around, sitting in his stupid car, listening to his stupid loud stereo he had another think coming. Bella Swan wasn't waiting around like an idiot for him, she was going in the house to…well, probably to stew over it all, but he didn't need to know that.

I hesitated, the keys were still in the ignition. And it wouldn't be fair to just leave his car there, waiting for a thief or a joy rider.

In that moment he rounded the corner, holding his arms out pleadingly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. My sister she's…well, she can be a little overprotective sometimes."

I rolled my eyes, making to move towards the house. But he stopped me, planting his hands against the car on either side of my head.

"Edward!" I gasped, a little shocked by the move, not to mention confused by the way he kept glancing worriedly up at the grey cloud passing across the sun, casting shadows over Forks yet again.

"Please just get in the car." He begged.

I quirked an eyebrow, sensing that I had the upper hand, for one reason or another.  
"And if I get in I'll get some answers?"

"Fine, fine," he huffed, leaning down to open the passenger door and practically lifting me in "let's just go."

Before I knew it Edward was in the car and we were roaring away from the front of my house, heading for the 101. I sneaked a sideways glance at him, his jaw set fast, hands clutching the steering wheel tightly as he stared, not at the road in front of him but right at me.

"Jesus!" I screeched, my brake foot uselessly pushing in to the floor in front of me, "Keep your eyes on the road!"

He snorted derisively but turned his head to look out of the windscreen at the empty highway in front of us, driving ever faster as we left the town behind, dark green hills rising beyond the horizon in front of us, trees growing ever more thickly on either side of the road.

"It doesn't matter," he stated without looking at me.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter. Whether I'm looking or not I mean."

I sighed, my patience with his cryptic statements at its end.

"Either way I'd rather you humoured me."

"The next vehicle to pass us will be a '96 Tacoma. In about 45 seconds."

A few days ago I might have laughed out loud but I was finding little humour in the situation. Whatever stunt he was trying to pull or joke he was trying to make, it wasn't funny. Not funny ha-ha, not even funny peculiar. It was just damn annoying. I fumed silently for a moment, not even wanting to humour him.

"Right, a Tacoma. Whatever the hell _that_ is." I muttered under my breath.

"A Toyota truck Bella," his voice was disbelieving, like_ I_ was the ridiculous one.

"Of course. And I guess you can tell me what colour it is too."

He grinned towards the horizon, "white."

Following his gaze I saw a truck just coming in to view. Dirty but undoubtedly white.

I felt like one of Charlie's salmon gasping for breath, flailing. But there was nobody waiting to knock me out with a stick and put me out of my misery, just Edward, ignoring the road once again and smiling sheepishly at me.

"Pull over." I breathed, glaring at him. "Pull the fucking car over Edward."

The smile faded from his face and he pulled a sharp right, taking us on to a side road, stepping on the gas until the needle on the speedometer crept past a hundred.

"I said pull over!" I screamed, reaching for the wheel. His hand grasped mine, yanking it away before I could do anything.

"What are you doing? I'm going to pull over in a…"

"NOW!" I wasn't even angry with him any longer, I was scared.

We wrestled over the wheel, me desperately grabbing at it in a panicked combination of fear and resentment, him fighting me off easily.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew what I was doing was dangerous, that no matter how much I might be frustrated and confused by Edward that I could trust him to keep me safe, that he probably _would_ stop the car at the next convenient lay-by. But my body and mind were working independently of each other, adrenaline surging through my veins, my limbs nervously shaking, tense, a needling sensation attacking every inch of my skin. My hands went repeatedly back to the wheel, beaten every time by Edward's lightning fast reactions, slapping me away before I could send us veering off course.

"Bella please stop it," he pleaded over and over again, a note of – it wasn't fear…frustration perhaps – in his voice.

I unclipped my seatbelt, and he looked at me, pale amber eyes wide with worry meeting my own crazed gaze and taking in my red hot, clammy face as sweat beaded over my forehead and top lip.

"Please…" he whispered, but I wasn't listening, nothing made sense any longer, I wanted out of the car, away from Edward, and I didn't care how I did it.

With barely a thought I darted my hand out, yanking up the handbrake between us, sending the Volvo careering off course, wheels screeching as it crossed the road sideways, bringing us ever closer to the wall of huge spruces which lined the deserted street.

Despite Edward's best efforts, his hands almost a blur as he struggled to right the car, set it back on its course, his nails digging in to the plastic of the wheel, literally gouging in to the tough casing, the vehicle continued to arc towards the trees.

I felt as if we were moving in slow motion, I had time to think, turn things over in my mind almost lazily, images of Edward denting Tyler's van with his shoulder, racing to lift me off of the ground after blood typing, the speed with which he moved and the ease with which he lifted me, my abandoned bag inexplicably returned to my room, his nervous smile as the white Toyota came in to sight in front of us…

The car bumped on to the spongy, damp verge, slowing slightly as the wheels met the resistance of mud and grass but still moving too fast, almost sideways towards the impenetrable barricade of the forest.

Cursing, Edward released the steering wheel, giving me only a split second to be confused by the unlikely action before he threw himself out of his seat and across me, holding my head in to his chest with his improbably strong hands.

And then…nothing. 


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: getting there, getting there...**

**Bella**

It's probably wrong to say that everything went black. It didn't. There were flashes, brilliant white flashes, blazing across the empty blackness. Spots of green and purple and orange and pink, electric blue and neon yellow chased each other too, their edges undefined as they circled.

My life didn't flash before my eyes, though I was sure that I was dying. There were sounds, brief echoes of the past working in tandem with the light show. But they were short lived, fading quickly in to nothingness as the colours disappeared to be replaced by a blinding pinprick of light expanding and expanding until it engulfed everything. Pure brightness and a deafening roar as if a conch shell was being held to my ear.

Then a voice. His voice. Too close.

"Bella? Bella!"

A shadow moved in front of the light, a welcome relief from the burning in my retinas. Slowly my eyes adjusted, along with my brain. I was alive. Either that or we were both dead and heaven was just as wet as the Olympic Peninsula.

I tried to move my left arm but it met with resistance, a strong hand pinning it down.

"Don't try to move, you could have damaged your spine." He scolded, his face finally clearer, streaked with dirt and creased with worry.

It was only then that my brain began to register the pain. A searing burn in my shoulder, my head throbbing, every inch of my body aching as if I'd gone ten rounds with Ali.

"What happened?" I rasped, my throat parched and sore, my voice barely recognisable as it scratched its way out of me.

"There was a car accident. Where does it hurt Bella?"

I suddenly remembered the Volvo spinning out of control, careering off of the road in to the trees. I had pulled on the handbrake at a hundred miles per hour.

"Oh! Your car…is it ok?"

He blinked at me in disbelief, "it doesn't matter about the car. Can you feel your legs?"

I wriggled my toes experimentally, "yes, I think so. My shoulder hurts. And I've got a headache."

"I'm going to call an ambulance, don't try and move…"

"No!"

"Bella, you've been in a bad accident, do you understand? You need medical attention. I just need to walk out on to the road, try and get reception on my cell."

The idea of another hospital visit, a panicking Charlie, mom freaking out over the phone, filled me with horror. I'd rather crawl home.

"Please, I'm just a bit bruised. Nothing bad, I promise."

"I'd rather have somebody take a look at you," he frowned, surveying the body which was doubtless betraying my words laying crumpled and pathetic on the dank mossy ground. "Besides," he continued, "I don't think the car will be up to the trip home."

I turned my head, wincing against the sharp pain that shot through my neck as I did so, to find the silver car concertinaed against the vast trunk of a tree. The windows were shattered and glass glistened on the grass like millions of tiny diamonds. The passenger door lay a few metres away, twisted and buckled. The poor shiny Volvo was dead.

"Oh my God," I gasped, realising that the carnage was pretty much entirely my fault, "I'm so sorry."

"It's just a car Bella. Metal and glass. I'm more concerned with your flesh and bones right at the moment."

"What about you? Are you ok?" A cursory glance at his still form, leaning over me suggested that – aside from dirt and grass stains – Edward had managed to escape the car unblemished.

He sighed, "Bella I'm going to go and call the hospital."

"Please Edward, I promise I'll get checked out, but no ambulances. Couldn't…" I hesitated, my conversation with Rosalie coming back to me all of a sudden, "well, perhaps one of your brothers might come and get us?"

He sighed, dragging one filthy hand across his face, his eyes suddenly shifting to look up towards the road.

"If I can get you out of here with no ambulance will you let my father look you over?"

Nodding I began to pull myself in to a sitting position. Edward swooped down on me, slipping one cold hand behind my neck, another under my knees, lifting me with ease as he stood.

"Um, I think it's a bit far to _carry_ me back." I half-giggled, although part of me knew that he probably could do it.

"We're not walking back…" he began, his voice cut off by the roar of an engine and a squeal of brakes.

A gleaming black low-slung car screeched to a stop in front of us, its windows tinted to conceal the driver. Although not for long.

The driver door flew open and out stepped tiny Alice Cullen, her short black hair covered with a brightly coloured silk scarf, an unnecessarily fancy and impractically white taffeta coat tied over her slightly more sensible jeans.

"This seemed the most inconspicuous mode of transport did it Alice?" Edward grinned.

I wondered about his question. Her choice of car was the least of my concerns – how had she _known_? Edward hadn't made a call, he was ready to phone for an ambulance. He had no cell reception where we were and he hadn't moved from my side since I came to. And she had arrived only moments after I had suggested that one of his family pick us up.

"Jazz is following in the jeep to deal with this mess," she tutted, looking at the totalled Volvo, "and you left this one behind. It looked lonely sat there in the garage, all sleek and sad. A car like this needs to be driven Edward."

"You're lucky I'm grateful for your abilities right now." He replied as they both settled me across the low seats in the back of the car and took their positions up front, "are you comfortable there?" he asked.

"Mmmm," I sighed, leaning back in to the butter soft cream leather and closing my eyes, "what car is this?"

"It's _my_ Aston Martin," he replied pointedly "I thought you didn't know anything about cars?"

"Like James Bond?" I opened one eye to watch as he turned around in the front seat to look at me.

"Yes, like James Bond. Try not to go to sleep until I've had Carlisle look at you."

"Oh. Are you a spy?"

Alice chuckled softly, "not on purpose."

"No, of course I'm not a spy Bella." Edward turned back to watch Alice's driving, flinching with every gear shift as we - I guessed - drove back towards the town limits.

"Alice…" I began, sitting up straight in my seat, ignoring the burning in my head as I moved.

"Hi Bella," she glanced at me in her rearview, smiling at me encouragingly.

"How did you know we needed rescuing?"

* * *

**Alice**

The silence was deafening. After first Edward and then Rose had flounced out of the house, Carlisle, Jasper and I sat, not moving, in the living room.

Upstairs Emmett was equally quiet. It was out of character for him not to be making some sort of noise – clanking exercise equipment about or 'singing' bad rap-rock at the top of his lungs – but after returning from some sort of crisis talk with a seriously pissed off Rose he'd gone upstairs to their room, shut the door and stayed there, completely quiet.

In fact the only sounds were the ticking of watches and alarm clocks throughout the house and the snip-snip of Esme's shears as she pruned her roses in the small bed out back.

Hour after silent hour passed by. Carlisle eventually went back to his book, although he appeared not to be reading, just looking at the pages, his eyes barely moving. Esme ran out of roses so began stripping beds of their linen and re-making them, the shake and waft of sheets and the occasional bang of mattress hitting bed frame a welcome break from the dead air.

I tuned out the flashes of futures as best I could. It was difficult to do, they were similar to errant thoughts, just appearing there uninvited – a bit like Tyler 'wandering hands' Crowley on one of his canteen love-sprees. Without any conversation to distract me it was harder, little snippets creeping through my barriers as I recited the periodic table, first in alphabetical order – actinium through zirconium - then by atomic number.

Fed up of the silence I started out loud, a bit of elementary chemistry always cheered Carlisle up if nothing else.

"Praseodymium, neodymium, promethium, samarium…"

Carlisle chuckled and without looking up from his book continued, "europium, gadolinium, terbium…by atomic number Alice? How very basic."

"Boiling point?" I challenged.

"Helium, hydrogen, neon, nitrogen, fluorine, argon, oxygen, krypton, xenon, radon, chlorine…I assume you're avoiding the visions? Bromine, iodine, phosphorus, astatine…"

"Hmmm. Edward's giving me a headache."

He raised his head and arched an eyebrow, his medical interest piqued.

"A headache? That shouldn't be possible."

"It isn't. But if it was I'd have a crippling migraine by now."

Carlisle smiled in sympathy.  
"I know it's not always pleasant but your visions are extremely useful, especially in the current situation. I for one certainly appreciate being able to keep some kind of eye on him with things as they are. And I know it will give Esme comfort to know that we can have a connection with him while he's away."

Esme's voice floated down to us as she stood at the top of the stairs, a bundle of sheets in her arms, "where is he now Alice?" she whispered sadly.

I sighed, letting the visions of Edward back in. I couldn't deny that my ability was sometimes a good thing – if it made Esme happy to be able to have regular Edward updates it made me happy to be able to give them to her.

"He'll be with Bella, about a kilometre east of Mosquito Creek in around half an hour. Telling her…"

"How will she react?" Esme flitted down the stairs, perching herself on the arm of the dove-grey sofa, holding my hand and peering in to my face expectantly.

"You know I can't see that," I frowned, frustrated again by the limitations of my power, "I'll keep looking."

"Thank you Alice," she sighed, "it means a lot."

Carlisle and I went back to listing elements while Esme clenched my hand tightly, waiting for me to see something that would reassure her.

It was then, as Carlisle started on 'elements by date of discovery', that I saw the Volvo spinning out of control just off of the 101, the crunch of metal against wood, Edward kicking out the car door – bless his more dramatic tendencies, anybody else would have just opened the damn thing – and rolling himself and Bella out, on to the ground, seconds before the car slid in for a fight with a pretty sturdy spruce. The spruce won.

I jumped out of my position, pulling away from Esme's hand as I did so, "shit!" I cursed, grabbing my newest purchase – a pretty cute, Grace Kelly style evening coat which probably wasn't ideal for rescuing the survivors of an RTA but it was the nearest thing and I hadn't had the opportunity to debut it just yet.

No sooner was I out of my seat than Esme, Jasper and Carlisle followed suit all clamouring at once to demand an explanation. Emmett was down the stairs moments later.

"There was an accident. Edward and Bella. They're fine." I threw out rapidly.

"What do we do?" Carlisle putting a hand on Esme's shoulder.

"I'm collecting them. Jazz, take the jeep and follow me, beyond the junction of Maxfield Road, just over the Queets. The car needs to be dealt with. Carlisle, you'll need to check on Bella when I get her back – do you have time before your next shift?"

"Of course. Shall I come with you? It might not be a good idea to try and move her…"

"I think she's fine, just a few bumps and bruises," I explained, darting to the garage but catching a fearful look on Esme's face as I went, "don't worry, I'll be back in no time."

The front door slammed back on its hinges as I passed, admitting Rosalie fresh from interfering in Edward's life.

"Bitch," I threw at her over my shoulder, "don't worry I haven't told anybody. I'll leave that pleasure for you."

It took barely ten minutes to reach them and I found Edward in sheer panic – no great surprise, the boy was in a constant state of angst and turmoil – although Bella seemed to be in one piece and fairly coherent.

We were soon on the road, Bella laying across the back seats and Edward bitching about me using his car in the front.

_"Did you tell her?" _I thought, knowing he'd hear. He turned his head ever so slightly, his mouth turned downwards. Edward and I often communicated in this way, we had a system going.

_"Then why the freak out?" _He rolled his eyes at me and lifted a shoulder.

At the same time Bella started wittering on about James Bond.

"Alice…" she pulled herself upright, leaning forward slightly and wincing. Glancing at her in the rearview I noticed one of the sleeves of her shirt hanging by just a few threads. She'd need to borrow something later and I saw no reason to give her anything so bland and…urgh, _fawn_.

"Hi Bella," I replied, knowing what was coming and in two minds how to deal with it.

"How did you know we needed rescuing?"

Edward shot me a warning glance.

_"What are you going to do about it?"_

He narrowed his eyes. If looks could kill… he sniggered as an old 80s song started running through my internal jukebox.

"Jeux sans frontières," I grinned at him, all the time watching Bella as she stared at us, nonplussed. The song was seven years older than she was.

"I have this…well, I suppose you'd call it a skill." She cocked her head, turning her mouth down at the corners in what could only be described as an 'I don't get it' gesture.

"Alice, not now." Edward moaned, tugging at his hair in that irritatingly childish way.

_"So stop me."_

"I get these visions sometimes," I began, "I don't know how to explain it without freaking you out."

"It's okay, tell me." She whispered. Edward groaned.

"They're like flashes of the future, sometimes a really long way in the future, sometimes just a few moments."

"So you saw us crash? In one of these visions I mean?"

Edward and I exchanged glances. His eyes were bugging. She was behaving as if I'd just told her that I had a cold.

"Pretty much."

She nodded slowly chewing on her bottom lip. I pulled on to the long forested track leading to the house. I gave her time to process what she'd heard, letting Edward try his darnedest to burn a hole in to the side of my head with his angry glare.

_"Do you want to tell her the rest or shall I?" _I threw at him.

"Holy crow!" She suddenly exclaimed, almost bouncing off her seat. Next to me Edward froze.  
"Is this your house?"

She was goggling out of the window at the home Esme had lovingly restored. Large and well proportioned, the cream painted Queen Anne building with its carved gables, veranda and oversized windows was, I supposed, a bit of a surprise, suddenly appearing as it did out of the thick trees. Only Forks' architectural history buffs were even aware of the place, few people ever came up here now.

At the same time as Edward um-hmmed I turned round in my seat, the car now parked in front of the door.

"It sure is. You like? I can take you for a tour if you want. After Carlisle's had a look at you and all. I'll fill you in on _everything_."

Bella's eyes gleamed as she stared back at me excitedly.

* * *

**Carlisle**

Other than minor lacerations requiring only a few sutures, a number of quickly dressed abrasions and some unpleasant but ordinary bruising, Bella seemed to have come out of the car accident rather well.

Alice's decision to send Jasper to clean up the debris at the site of the accident soon became clear. My newest son struggled rather more with human blood than the rest of the family and Bella, though not severely damaged was bleeding somewhat on arrival to our house.

Indeed Esme and Emmett after brief polite greetings left rather quickly while Alice and Edward held their breath, sitting at a distance as I worked, checking over Bella to ensure that she wasn't suffering a concussion and had broken no bones.

"This is becoming a regular occurrence Bella," I smiled, checking her pupillary reactions.

She blushed, exactly as she had in the emergency room the last time I checked her over and, as before, her attention focused repeatedly on Edward. The draw she had to him was quite clear, the feelings he had for her were very much mutual.

"I'm kind of a magnet for accidents," she sighed, half smiling "I don't know how I've managed to cheat death this long to be honest."

Edward let out an unattractive snort, its meaning clear to his family, if not to Bella.

"Well, once again you seem to have walked away from a tangle with an automobile almost entirely unscathed," I nodded, placing my ophthalmoscope and dressing forceps back in to my bag and throwing everything else in to a stainless steel emesis basin which I held out to Edward.

_"Burn it out back, tell Esme it's fine to come in now too."_

He took the basin and left, throwing a quick, worried glance at Bella.

_"She's fine, really."_

"So what?" She turned to Alice continuing a discussion, I assumed, from previous to their arrival, "You're kind of psychic?"

Astounded that Alice – I assumed that the information had been offered by Alice rather than her brother – had broached the subject, especially when Bella had already been through a rather unpleasant accident, I frowned, turning to Alice, her legs crossed as she perched on the kitchen counter, breathing freely again.

"You've been discussing your gift Alice?"

"Unavoidable given the circumstances," she smiled serenely, turning back to Bella, "I'm not sure psychic is the right word."

"You might refer to Alice as a seer, she doesn't so much predict the outcome of an event as experience visions of the future. It's subtle but it is a significant difference," I continued.

"Right. So you know when we're all going to die? Who we'll marry? How many kids we'll have? That kind of stuff?"

Alice chuckled, "it's not quite as straight forward as that. What I see is based on decisions a person makes. I saw myself taking you and Edward home this afternoon because he had made the decision to call me. But of course, he didn't have to…"

Edward loitered against the open doors at the rear of the kitchen uncomfortably, I could see him watching Bella intently, waiting for her reactions. But she appeared to take everything she heard in her stride, her heartbeat remained steady and though she fidgeted, she certainly didn't appear uncomfortable.

"So that's how you knew about that Toyota! You can do it too!" She cried, throwing her arms up without thinking, "Oof, my shoulders are still kind of sore."

I pushed a couple of Motrin across the table to her and rose to fetch a glass of water. As I crossed the kitchen, my back to Bella I stared Edward directly in the eye.

_"You have my support son," _I thought, _"Esme's and Alice's too."_

He gave me a watery smile but said nothing. His decisiveness of this morning had clearly been shaken by the events of the afternoon.

"Edward's been playing 'next car round the corner' with you too?" Alice roared, slapping her knee in amusement, "that's not got a damn thing to do with seeing! Car geek!" she shot at Edward with a wink.

"It's a bit more than that," Edward sighed, looking first at me then at Bella.

"Although he is_ very_ knowledgeable about cars," I smiled, I hoped, in an encouraging and sympathetic way, if Edward was about to tell Bella exactly what he was, in the Cullen family kitchen no less, I wanted to ensure she felt as comfortable and unthreatened as possible.

"Perhaps Edward and Bella would prefer to talk alone," Esme had been quiet until then, observing our son and the object of his affections carefully with a small, hopeful smile.  
She threaded her arm around my waist, "we'll be in the den if you need anything. Anything at all."

The offer was very clearly aimed at Bella.

**A/N: for those interested the song referred to by Alice and Edward is an old Peter Gabriel number 'Games Without Frontiers'.  
**  
**Alice's clothes of course require research so see my profile for links...**

**I may have taken liberties in my description of the Cullen house as a Queen Anne - how do you all imagine it? Really, I'm interested to know...  
**  
**Lastly, I PROMISE that next chapter is the one - Bella will finally get the lowdown!**


	10. Chapter 10 part one

**Bella**

It had been so long since I had felt the sun on my face – really felt it, beating in to my skin, making it prickle and flush.

Leaning my head back against the cushions of the garden swing, feeling a slight sweat begin under my thin cotton t-shirt, I closed my eyes and drifted off in to a deep sleep.

It was the same dream. Dark and green and brown and cold. Trees and moss and rain. Edward.

"Bella…Bella…"

I awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright, eyes swivelling wildly until I found her face, full of concern.

"You were having another dream sweetheart," she crooned, handing me a glass of milk as I sat up, "are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"No thanks Mom, it's really nothing."

The sun was disappearing behind the distant mountains now, I must have slept for a long time, through dinner for sure – my stomach protested angrily in confirmation. It was quiet apart from the roar of cars on the freeway and the distant thump-thump of somebody's music somewhere along the road. It wasn't the kind of silence I was used to. It was taking some time to adjust to the hugeness of Phoenix again.

"Who's Edward?"

My heart leapt in to my throat at the sound of his name and I felt the colour drain from my face.

"Nobody…um, why?"

"Isabella, you forget that I know when you're lying. And you've been shouting out his name every time you fell asleep since you got back."

"It's nothing Mom, really," I pleaded, downing my milk and handing the plastic beaker back to her, "I'm kind of hungry, is there any food?"

"Nope. Want Thai?"

I nodded enthusiastically, stretching at the same time before hopping off of the swing and following my mother back indoors, watching the last of the suns rays light up her wild auburn hair – lighter than mine and with more red and copper and…bronze. I shivered.

As we settled at the kitchen table, boxes of Thai food opened and steaming between us, Renee started up her interrogation again.

"You know how happy I am to have you back baby," she popped a forkful of noodles in to her mouth, chewing and swallowing before continuing, "but I need to know what happened back in Forks. You're not right Bella. You're scared of your own shadow and these dreams…" she faded off, staring at me with concern.

"Mom, honestly nothing happened, not really."

"Then who in the hell is this Edward?" She demanded angrily, jamming her fork in to a spring roll with force.

I gave her the story. Edward was a kind-of boyfriend. We fell out big time. I freaked and came running back to Mommy.

"And you're sure that's it?"

I nodded, eyes wide and innocent.

"Then what's with the nightmares? Seems kinda an extreme reaction to breaking up with your boy Bella."

"They're not nightmares." I muttered, gathering the finished boxes from our dinner and pushing them in to the dustbin before returning to find Renee with a perplexed expression on her face. Realisation dawned and her jaw dropped, practically hitting the table.

She waggled her eyebrows at me, "_Isabella Marie Swan_…you didn't!"

"Jesus Mom! Of course I didn't. And they're not that kind of dream either!" I stomped out angrily, heading for my room in true hormonal teenager style.

"I hope you've been being careful!" She screeched after me, half laughing.

I threw myself on my soft old bed, ignoring my mother's combination of cackles and reprimands, jamming the earbuds of my iPod deep in to my ears and cranking up the volume as high as it would go without deafening me.

Of course I couldn't tell my mother the truth. She'd probably believe it.

**Edward**

Alice had eventually sloped away, following Carlisle and Esme to the den.

"So, if you're not like Alice then what?" Bella had asked encouragingly.

"It's a bit weird," I began, pulling up a chair across the table from her.

"And seeing the future isn't?"

"I can read people's minds." I whispered, tensed for her reaction.

None came. We just sat there, looking at each other thoughtfully. Then…

"What number am I thinking of?" Her brow was furrowed in concentration, her deep brown eyes boring in to mine.

I threw my head back and laughed uproariously.

"I can read anybody's mind Bella, except yours."

As I let the information sink in she started to look annoyed. And then, all of a sudden, tears welled in her eyes.

"What's wrong? Bella? Are you ok?"

It took all of my effort to move at a human speed as I circumvented the table to kneel in front of her.

"It's stupid…" she huffed, swiping at her face with the sleeve of her tattered sweater.

I stroked her arm soothingly, shushing her at the same time, "I'm sure it isn't, tell me."

"Well that's the thing isn't it?" she sniffed, "If I was _normal_ you wouldn't have to ask."

"I'm sorry?"

"It's just like me to have the defunct mind."

Only Bella would see things this way. Anyone else would be worried, scared or intrigued. Bella Swan was worried that there was something wrong with her because the _mindreader _couldn't read her mind.

Suddenly she stood up, pushing her sleeves up to her elbows like she meant business.

"So show me your house!" she exclaimed.

"You don't have any questions? Anything to say about…"

"Oh, I've got a whole ton of questions Edward," she replied, seriously "but I've got to get it all straight in my head first. Show me the house!"

"Um, what do you want to see?"

She was suddenly inspecting her fingernails, dirty and jagged from the accident.

"How about your room?"

If I was Emmett I probably would have pulled a fist pump or perhaps done a victory lap of the marble topped kitchen island.

I placed a palm on the small of her back, guiding her towards the staircase, feeling the warm electricity of her as I did so.

Suddenly she stopped, "your parents won't mind will they?"

I smiled, "Carlisle and Esme'll be fine. I'm old enough to be trusted with girls in my room."

"You have a lot of girls in your room?" she chuckled.

"No, you'll be the first."

She peered at the odd collection of artefacts which lined the walls as we moved through the house – Carlisle's father's huge wooden cross, juju hats from Cameroon, gilded Venetian masks, fragments of antique Asian silks from Japan, Thailand, India.

"Wow, look at all this stuff. Where do your folks _get_ it from?" she breathed, running a finger along the strings of a turn of the century Balalaika.

"Carlisle travelled a lot when he was younger."

I steered her towards my room, at the rear of the house, letting her enter in front of me. I leaned in the doorframe watching her take everything in. Her face was reflected in the huge glass wall, now inky black in the darkness of the encroaching evening, here I watched her eyes darting along the shelves of books and CDs, the old vinyl records leaning against one wall.

She stopped at the window, cupping a hand against the glass, "you must get amazing views from here."

I moved across the room, positioning myself just behind her, "just the forest. It's nice I guess."

She jumped at the sound of my voice, spinning around to face me.

"How're you feeling now?" I murmured.

"What? Oh, the accident…" she absentmindedly rubbed her sore shoulder, "yes, I'm…I'm fine." She was breathing heavily and her heart was racing, I could feel the temperature of her skin rise by a couple of degrees, see the fine hairs stand up on her exposed forearms.

She swallowed loudly, looking up at me with those huge brown eyes which could almost make me lose my train of thought.

"Good. I was really scared you know." I ran a thumb gently across the red graze which followed the line of her cheekbone, letting it linger at the corner of her lips.

She closed her eyes, leant her head in to my hand and sighed, "I know."

"I've tried so hard to keep you safe Bella," I was stroking her hair.

"I know you have," she breathed, "but I don't know why."

She turned her head without opening her eyes, touching her soft, warm lips to my palm. I could feel the blood pulsing through them as she did so but it didn't tempt me.

I had broken through some kind of barrier. The accident had caused so many cuts and scrapes to her delicate skin that the aroma of her blood was inevitably stronger but while I certainly couldn't ignore the smell the temptation was barely there at all. My instinct to protect her was too strong.

I moved my hand to cup her chin, tipping her face up to mine. A smile lingered around her lips and her eyes flickered open once again, focusing on me.

Leaning down I kissed her, at first gently but then with more urgency.

She reacted immediately, wrapping herself around me, tangling her fingers in to my hair, tugging gently at it as she moved, her breath coming faster and faster.

"Actually, I'm glad you can't read my mind just now," she gasped, a hand twisting in to the front of my shirt.

"I'm not," I mumbled in to her mouth, feeling her tongue dart out to tangle with my own.

Standing on her toes she pushed her chest in to mine forcefully, crushing her breasts against me with a groan.

"Um, Edward, not that I'm making suggestions but where's the bed?" she asked breathlessly.

"Haven't got one."

She was running her mouth along my jawline, nibbling at my earlobe with her small, sharp teeth.

"Where do you sleep?" she breathed heavily in to my ear.

I curved my neck, giving her better access as she continued her path down my neck to my collarbone, humming with satisfaction as she alternated between lips and tongue and teeth.

"I don't," I opened one eye to look at her but she barely reacted to my reply, just nodded slightly and pulled at my shirt, moving towards the black leather couch and taking me with her.

"Human beings can't survive without sleep Edward," she laughed, pulling me down on to her as she leaned back against the dimpled leather.

I shifted my weight so as not to crush her and as I did so, she pushed a hand under the cotton of my shirt, running it along my bare, cold flesh, shivering in response to the unusual temperature.

"Human beings can't, no."

Despite knowing, somewhere in my mind, that what I was doing was wrong, that this wasn't the way to let her find out about me I carried on, breathing in to her hair, moving a hand roughly down her side and to her hip, caressing it as she pushed her pelvis up to mine, rocking in to me in an entirely inappropriate way.

"You're not human." It wasn't a question and she didn't seem to care about getting an answer. Instead throwing her head back, exposing her throat entirely to me she let out a long shaky breath, "what _are_ you then Edward?"

"Promise me you won't be afraid," I allowed myself to breathe deeply, my nose nestled in to her neck, feeling the thrumming of her pulse, the heat of the skin warmed by her sweet, rushing blood.

She shook her head, whispering urgently, "I'm not scared of you."

I kissed her throat gently before raising my head to look her directly in the eyes.

I whispered it, "Vampire."

"Are you going to bite me?" she stared at me, staring at her, my body pinning her to the couch, her face betraying no emotion.

I stroked her slightly damp hair away from her face, sad, "Of course not."

Crushing her lips against mine, pushing the back of my head down to her, she shuddered, "you could."

Worried about her reaction – her interest appeared barely piqued - I started to pull away but she dragged her hand down, across my bare stomach until her fingers found the waistband of my jeans, one hooking itself just inside. All strength left me.

"Of course I could…" I muttered "I won't."

"I meant that if you wanted to…" she turned her head to one side, exposing the lily white skin of her neck once again and smiling at me wickedly.

I was across the room before she'd even finished, crouching against the wall.

"This isn't a joke Bella."

She sat up, curling her arms around her body, her face flushed, eyes wild.

"I know."

Every cell in my body wanted me to reach out to her, to pull her to me and stroke her hair, whisper that everything was alright, that she didn't need to worry. But everything wasn't alright, I was foolish to believe that I could just tell her like this, to give in to such basic needs instead of approaching the situation logically.

"You believe me?"

"I think I always knew. In a way. I'm not sure Edward, I don't know what to think…"

"What can I do?" I whispered, my head in my hands, not daring to look at her.

"Nothing. I don't think that there's anything that you _can _do," I heard her shift, standing up.

"I don't…I mean…what I eat…" I couldn't find the words, didn't know how to reassure her, "you don't need to be scared of me."

"Christ Edward, don't you think I know that!" I raised my head at the sudden ferocity of her voice, she strode across the room to stand in front of me, the heels of her hands pressing in to her temples. She was…incredible.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, looking beyond her to the black of the windows, reflecting the scene pitifully.

"Would you just stand up for Christ's sake?"

I did as she asked, but too fast, she flinched at the speed of my movement.

"Tell me. Everything."

I did. I told her about my life before the Spanish Influenza, before Carlisle. About our family, all of us. I explained how I had been changed first, then Esme, Rose and Emmett. How Alice and Jasper had found us. I told her about our vegetarian lifestyle and my own transgressions, the time I'd spent away from my family, living on human blood. How we had moved from place to place, relocating when people began to get suspicious of us. Everything she needed to know, I told her. And more.

For more than an hour she perched silently on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest, chin resting on top of them. Her face betrayed no emotion as she absorbed my words.

Eventually I stopped.

"Can _anybody_ be changed?" She whispered.

I frowned at the strange questions, "in theory. But Carlisle only changed those of us who wouldn't have made it otherwise."

"Do you want to change me?"

"WHAT?" I roared, making her jump, "how could you think I would do something so…so, selfish?"

"I didn't ask if you would. I asked if you wanted to."

Her gaze held mine, serious and unflinching as I thought.

"Bella, there's nothing I want more than to ensure that you're with me forever. You've changed me irrevocably. But I could never take your life away from you, please don't worry that I will."

"I'm not worried. I want you to."

I reeled at her statement, unsure quite how to feel. I knew she felt strongly about me, as I did her…but this? Could it be her unconscious reaction to the qualities designed to draw humans to me? Hormones? A blind desire for immortality and power?

My reaction to the request was more than a little confused. Venom pooled in my mouth, my throat constricted and burned. At the same time as my fists clenched in anger and frustration I was filled with desire, my cock suddenly at attention, straining at my jeans with the mere thought of biting her, of making her irreversibly mine.

"Bella," I choked, "you don't know what you're asking for."

"Are you saying you won't do it?" She purred, leaning in to me, forcing her scent to fill my senses.

Closing my eyes and gathering my every ounce of willpower I shook my head, "no Bella, I won't make you a vampire."

She nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

"You know Edward, sometimes we have to make sacrifices to ensure our own happiness."

"This is one sacrifice I'm not willing to make," I replied.

"It isn't _your_ sacrifice," she stated simply, firmly. "I need to go."

She stood and walked slowly to the door of my bedroom. Her hand resting on the handle she turned to look at me, "you need to decide what's important to you Edward."

I had no reply. I wasn't entirely sure I even understood what she meant.

We went out to the car in silence, climbing into the Aston Martin wordlessly. As we drove out of the forest and towards Bella's home, I could see her chewing at the inside of her cheek, her jaw locked tight.

"I understand if you don't want to see me any more."

She turned to look at me, eyes burning with fury, her hair whipping around her face in the cold wind blowing through her open window.

Perhaps it had been the wrong thing to say.

"I mean…a vampire isn't the ideal friend for anybody…" I stuttered.

"Friend?" she spat, "I was under the impression that there was more to it than that."

"That wasn't what I meant Bella."

She snorted, restraining herself from saying any more. Within minutes the car was idling in front of her home.

Combing her fingers through her hair and hissing at her ragged reflection in the vanity mirror above her seat, Bella prepared to face her father, cuts, bruises and all.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping out in to the faint glow given off by the security light over the door of the little clapboard house.

Leaning back down in to the car, she fixed that beautiful, angry gaze on me once again.

"When you're ready to let yourself be happy Edward, let me know."

She slammed the door shut forcefully and turned to the house.

Yet again, I let her go.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
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**A/N: Well chaps, there you have it, she knows, she wants some of her own bloodsucker action. I have to admit I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with this chapter, I struggled a wee bit to know how best to deal with these two this time round. With that in mind reviews are REALLY appreciated - good, bad, ugly - more reviews, quicker updates dudes, that's all I'm saying ;)**

edit: this chapter has been unhappily shouting at me from my desk all morning. Lovely reviewer jadeEyre and her review (thank you love!) has confirmed my niggling suspicion - being consistent with the length of chapters is not really as important as content. Duh. Therefore Chapter Ten will soon become a two-parter. Sorted, as we say in the East End.


	11. Chapter 10 part two

**Bella**

After Edward had left I ran straight to my room, dashing past the living room where Charlie was watching television, ignoring his shouted questions - where had I been and who with?

My shoulder throbbed and my mind raced.

Sitting on the edge of my bed I let the tears come. They streamed silently down my face, large drops plopping in to my lap, soaking through my jeans.

It had been the longest day of my life.

* * *

Days passed.

It didn't take much to convince Charlie that I was too sick for school. I knew that I looked like death warmed up, my face pale and my eyes red and swollen.

He wanted me to see the doctor. I refused.

It wasn't difficult to get my way with Charlie. He wasn't used to teenage girls. He wasn't used to anybody. He let me sit in my room day after day.

Occasionally he knocked on the door and I'd open it to find him awkwardly shuffling from one foot to the other, a bowl of steaming soup in his hands. Canned chicken noodle soup. He must have been keeping Campbells in business singlehandedly.

I ate a few mouthfuls but never finished the bowl.

Edward didn't contact me. I didn't contact him.

There was so much I didn't understand. Though my body was listless and incapable, behind the mask my brain worked like it had never worked before.

His explanations echoed through my mind over and over again.

He was a vampire.

The Cullens were vampires.

I didn't want to believe it. At the time I had accepted his admission willingly. Embraced it and ignored the danger. But now…

Though I turned every single syllable he had uttered during that hour he had spent pouring out his life story there was one thing that kept coming back to me.

_"The way we look, our voices, even the way we smell…it's designed to draw humans to us," he had said, looking at his hands as he spoke, avoiding my eyes. "You've noticed how people at school avoid us? Under normal circumstances a human…well, I suppose they don't have the chance to realise that those things that draw them to us are the same things which make us dangerous."_

I had frowned at this.

_"A _normal_ vampire, if one could ever call what we are normal, would never give somebody the chance to realise that our faces and our bodies and the way we speak and the way we smell are the most deadly thing about us.  
We're designed to trap our prey by making them desire us, once they're close they can't escape. Desire overtakes the ability to reason."_

I knew, as soon as I recalled his words that I couldn't trust myself, I couldn't trust how I felt about him.

_Desire overtakes the ability to reason._

And how did I know I could trust _him_?

It all made sense somehow, although it shouldn't. I understood why I fell in to him, why I wrapped myself around him like fast growing ivy, why I inhaled his scent as if it was a drug, wanted to taste every inch of him.

Why I had begged him to change me too.

_Desire overtakes the ability to reason._

It was as if, when I was close to him I was drunk. Drunk on pure, unadulterated Edward.

I couldn't trust any thought or desire I had where he was concerned.

I had never felt so out of control.

Day after day after day I turned everything I had heard, everything I had seen and felt over and over in my head.

I wanted to see him, to be close to him, to ask him questions and to have him tell me that everything was alright.

But I couldn't be near him. Because more than anything I craved his touch. The way his hands felt on my skin, the way his lips felt on mine.

_Desire overtakes the ability to reason._

I was a drug addict, going cold turkey.

At night I tossed and turned, the few moments of sleep I managed were full of terrifying images and I awoke from strange dreams of sharp teeth and blood and desire and lust and sex, tangled in my sheets, soaked in sweat, full of need and want.

During the days I stared out of my window at the grey, wet Forks skies. My head ached, my vision was blurred, my hands shook.

It wasn't fear. It was withdrawal.

Over and over I reached for my keys, readying myself to go to him. I kept finding myself at the door, my coat and boots on, keys in my hand.

I'd catch myself and turn back to my room, trudging up the stairs. Dead girl walking.

Eventually I put my car keys on the highest shelf in Charlie's bedroom. I wouldn't be able to get them at night. In the day I'd need to use a step ladder to reach. It would give me more time to think about what I was doing when the urge took over.

Part of me, a huge part of me, wanted him to call. To turn up at the house uninvited. To appear at my window in the dead of night begging me to let him in.

But he didn't.

I didn't know why not. All I knew was that I was glad. Even though, at the same time, I was angry. Angry and offended and frustrated and sad and scared – scared that he didn't want me after all.

_Desire overtakes the ability to reason._

* * *

Twelve days.

Twelve days passed.

Twelve days without real sleep, without real food.

Twelve days without Edward.

I awoke from another hour of disturbed sleep, laying in a pool of sweat, cotton sheets knotted around my legs.

I untangled myself and went to the bathroom. I peed. I splashed water on my face. I looked in the mirror.

The girl staring back at me wasn't me. She was somebody else. She was somebody scared and untrusting and unhappy. Her hair was in knots, it hadn't been brushed in days. Her eyes were so black with lack of sleep that they looked bruised. Her skin was papery – dry and dull and white. Her mouth was turned down, her lips dry and cracked.

That morning I told Charlie I was homesick.

The next day I went home. Home to Arizona.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: This is what they mean when they say that things write themselves then... thoughts? As always I love your reviews, I could kiss all of you who have complimented, questioned, wondered and worried. It means a lot to see so many reading in my stats too - I'm surprised! Thank you, hope this chapter doesn't annoy too many!**

**Edward**

It was always a waiting game.

I was used to waiting. In fact, I'd got very good at waiting over the years.

And as I stood, unmoving, in the darkened doorway of the closed bookshop, I reflected on how long I had waited for the very thing, the very person, which had turned me in to this monster.

Seven years.

Those seven years had been the longest of my existence. I had been patient. I had waited.

I had counted the breaths I took, striking off the days like a prisoner locked up for a crime he didn't commit.

Waiting, I had listened to the repetitive platitudes which fell ever more easily from the mouths of my siblings, my mother, my father. I could barely remember their faces now. I refused to linger on the memory of them – it wasn't that it was too painful but that I was numb to it. And I didn't want to feel numb.

Waiting, I had spent hour after hour, day after day in the woodlands outside her house, watching the lights turn on and off in sequence as her father returned from work: hallway, kitchen, living room, hallway, bathroom, bedroom…darkness.

Waiting, I had embraced the darkness. My life had become an everlasting twilight, forever waiting for the stubborn sun to rise again. But she never did. I was destined to live in eternal dusk, to never feel her warm embrace again.

Seven years.

And then one day, Alice - I cringed at the unbidden image of her round smiling face, her bright kohl-rimmed eyes, always sparkling but now somehow dimmed – had finally uttered the truth.

"I don't think she'll ever come back now."

Alice was right, of course.

Every summer Bella's father took a month in Phoenix to spend time with her. His thoughts, though difficult to decipher, gave no indication that she would return.

Carlisle and Esme had waited too long already, they stayed in the big white house in the woods with me, watching me tear myself apart in frustration. My siblings had gone away – Alice and Jasper to Europe, Rose and Emmett to Vancouver. They could no longer pass for the age they played so, like so many Washington teens, they left this rainy, dank corner of America almost immediately after graduation and never looked back.

And so the citizens of Forks awoke one November morning to find their lives once again free of mythical monsters. The Cullens were gone, without explanation or ceremony.  
The big white house in the woods was left with an out of town real estate agent who dealt only with lawyers, the hospital under the impression that Carlisle had taken a well earned sabbatical from his illustrious career.

Since we had left Forks I had seen Carlisle and Esme only once.

It was three months after our evacuation from Washington State and I had been spending time with Alice and Jasper in France where they were staying with friends in a village just outside of Lille.

I flew in to Boston and drove, slowly, to my parents' new home. A few times I began to turn back. I couldn't be sure why but the thought of seeing them somewhere new, somewhere different…I couldn't comprehend it.

And I couldn't bear to see that look in Esme's eyes again. The look of sadness and loss and pity which she couldn't help but allow to pass over her face when she saw me.

But I had promised and so it was that I found myself parking my rental car in front of a sprawling house surrounded by manicured lawns and perfectly colour coordinated flower beds.

I lasted only two weeks. Bethlehem, New Hampshire was all too familiar. It was wet and cloudy, it edged a large, mountainous national forest. Its small main street offered the bare minimum of amenities and its school was small and close knit. Carlisle worked nights in the nearby hospital where the nurses giggled over him and the doctors marvelled at how he hadn't been snapped up by a bigger, better city hospital.

Bethlehem was almost exactly like Forks but here there was no hope. At least there I could hope…imagine that she might suddenly appear, chugging around a corner in her ridiculous red truck, tripping over nothing outside the local diner.

Bethlehem held no connection to Bella Swan. And so I left.

I begged Esme for her forgiveness. I knew, I told her, that I had promised to stay for a while but I needed some space, some time alone.

I promised to return soon. I knew I wouldn't.

Carlisle called me to his new office, so much like his old one – wood panelled and lined with paintings and photos, books and documents, his huge walnut desk in front of the leaded window overlooking the White Mountains in the distance.

He leaned forward in his seat, tenting his fingers as he rested his arms on the blotter in front of him.

"What will you do now?" He asked, his voice dripping with concern.

At that moment I hated him.

I hated him for making me live through this. I hated him for not just leaving me to die.

If nature had taken its course, if Carlisle hadn't intervened, so desperate for a companion, so eager to take somebody else's death away from them, I would have been nothing but dust by the time that Bella Swan was born.

If it hadn't been for this misguided do-gooder I would never have felt this pain – pain which rivalled the agony of transformation, pain which outdid the foggy discomfort of lungs flooded with influenza.

"What does it matter?" I sneered, leaning back in the leather chair across the desk from the selfish vampire, not caring if I hurt him, not caring if he thought me ungrateful.

"It matters to Esme and I that you find some reason for existence other than Bella."

The casual mention of her name sent a furious bolt of electricity through my body. I said nothing.

"It's been too long Edward. I had hoped that some time away, away from Forks, from the memories that that place holds, might make a difference. I had hoped you would come back to us and we could start a new life here, as a family again."

I knew that my siblings were already on their way back to him.

"I don't think I can be a part of this family any longer," I whispered from between clenched teeth.

"You might leave Edward – for a year or for a hundred years – but you will always, _always_ be a part of this family to me."

I had felt their eyes on me as I left, on foot, walking away from them for good. I could hear Esme's mind, so full of questions and worries, I could hear the dry, useless sobs issuing from her chest as she watched me go from an upstairs window.

And as I walked in to the forest, leaving the rental car in the drive, I heard Carlisle's inner voice, as clear as a bell; "good luck, _son_."

Though I didn't know where I was going I had moved with purpose, pulled onwards, deeper in to the mountainous wilderness by an invisible force which propelled me away from my family. Away from the pain, away from the hurt and the disappointment. Away from the nothingness.

I had spent several weeks living amongst the trees and the rocks, just hunting. It was half a life – no companionship, no civilisation, no hope.

I doubtless affected the local black bear population. It was the first of Carlisle's rules which I broke. And the least of them.

Eventually I craved something more, some kind of human interaction. I moved onwards, leaving the forests behind, travelling South.

I stopped in Boston and in Providence, I followed the coastline, spent time in Cape Cod, sitting on beaches just watching the sea, wondering whether I could swim to France. The constant motion was soothing. While I stayed the same the world kept on changing, people lived and died, they loved and hated and worked and earned and paid and changed. But these tides, these sands, they had been here forever, for longer than I had walked the Earth, since long before I had lived, _really _lived.

As the waves swelled and broke, the cold sea lapped at my even colder toes, coming closer then cringing back, caressing me then leaving I imagined Bella Swan again. I imagined her close, the touch of her hands on my unbreakable skin, the feel of her lips pressing against me.

I needed to feel something again. And though I knew I couldn't feel her I was sure I could force myself to feel something.

New York. If there was any place I could hide but still be surrounded it was New York. If I could make it there…ha.

New York was an assault on the senses. My mind was never empty of the thoughts of others, my nose constantly filled with the smells of humanity, there was always somebody to talk to, somebody to watch, something to do.

I took a small one bedroom flat in Brooklyn. My more indulgent tendencies told me that I could certainly afford a flat overlooking Central Park. But the idea of being noticed…I didn't want to be seen. And I didn't deserve the luxury.

I belonged here, in amongst the tramps and the poor, the criminals and the scum. I was one of them.

Galleries, museums, libraries, sights. The Staten Island Ferry and the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero and the Empire State, Times Square and Central Park. I did it all. I went to ballets and operas, saw Broadway plays and musicals.

None of it meant anything. Something had changed.

And so here I was. Leaning in the doorway of a bookshop late at night, watching, waiting.

It was cold. I couldn't feel it but I knew it by the way people moved, what they wore. I knew it from the television weather reports which I watched on the small set in my small but tastefully decorated apartment. It would soon snow.

A gaggle of NYU students flocked past, laughing uproariously. A small but muscular blonde girl jumped on to the back of her stocky boyfriend who grabbed her ankles to hold her there. She ruffled his hair and leaned down to kiss his ear.

I could hear their thoughts, their plans to return to his room in Brooklyn Heights, his roommate was away, hers would understand. And in the head of the blonde girl I saw her…

The blonde jumped off of her boyfriend as they passed the doorway, unaware of me watching, waiting. She walked back a few metres to the corner they had come around, hesitating a moment, hopping from foot to foot in the cold and pulling her coat around her body, hugging herself.

Her roommate turned a corner, looking down at the small black cell phone in her hand, her thumbs flying across the tiny keys, composing a text message.

She looked up at her blonde friend and I got a good look at her face as she smiled and greeted her.

Perfect.

She was small and slight with a softly curved figure. The long, almost black hair which had covered her face as she looked down she now pushed behind her ears in an almost nervous tic. Her lips were just ever so slightly too thin but her doe-like brown eyes, too big for the rest of her face and framed by long, dark lashes were right.

Smiling at her friend she wrapped her overlong gold and blue striped scarf around her neck again so that it covered her chin.

"It's going to snow," she looked up at the orangey sky and smiled, her face lighting up.

Bella always hated the snow.

Her friend only nodded, too preoccupied with her own plans.

"Will you be ok getting home if I go back to Riley's place?"

The dark haired girl linked her arm through her friend's. They walked on, caught in the harsh orange light of a flickering street lamp as they passed my hiding place.

She was pale, deathly pale but she smelled…perfect.

I let them go until they were almost out of sight, still listening to the mundane conversation, following when they reached the junction with St Nicholas Ave.

"We could walk you back first, then go over to Riley's…if you want."

"Don't be stupid Bree, I've walked back to the dorm a million times. I promise I won't get lost." Her voice had a nasal New York tone but it was quiet, soft.

"Or raped or mugged or murdered?"

"Or raped, mugged or murdered, or kidnapped. And I promise not to wake up in a bath of ice in Harlem with my liver cut out." She laughed.

"Promise?" her friend, I knew, had had no real concerns aside from getting back to her boyfriend's room and what they would do when they arrived there. But she talked a good talk.

"I promise Bree, go have a good time."

Bree, the blonde, picked her up and spun her round, staggering a little under the girl's weight.

"Thanks Charlotte, you're the best!" she called, half skipping, half running to catch up with her boyfriend and his friends.

The girl – Charlotte – stopped, obviously not really part of the group, her only connection was with Bree, pulling a set of white headphones out of the inside of her oversized green army surplus jacket, jamming them in her ears.

I could hear the loud rock music blasting from her iPod as I followed her, matching her now faster pace easily, only a few steps behind. Just close enough to enjoy her smell, hear the old Muse album she ever so quietly sang along to, but far enough away to not appear suspicious to the few people we passed.

She walked for some time and I wondered why she didn't take the metro. Nothing in her mind gave any clue. Perhaps she couldn't afford it, perhaps she just liked to walk.

Before long I found her leading me down a deserted side street, only old abandoned looking warehouses visible, disgusting smelling dumpsters parked on the sidewalk the only indication of life. I could hear the squeaking and scratching of the rats.

I thumped one of the dumpsters lightly, creating a slight metallic ringing sound.

Charlotte stopped abruptly, yanking an earphone out and whirling round, a terrified expression on her face. I noticed the hand holding the ear bud shaking, the other was jammed deep in to her pocket around, my sense of smell told me, a can of pepper spray.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I gasped, "I didn't mean to startle you."

She eyed me suspiciously but as her eyes raked over my form and she noticed that I was young, possibly younger than she was, and good looking – much better looking than any of the boys on her psychology course she mentally noted. She breathed more easily.

"It's ok," she smiled, still nervous but less so now that she had seen me properly.

She began to turn back to her route but before she could I closed the few footsteps between us.

"I was worried I might scare you," I chuckled, matching her pace as she walked, "I've been behind you for a while…not that I'm stalking you of course."

She only looked at me, slightly confused by my seemingly inappropriate comment. It was all well designed of course, I knew what worked.

"Are you listening to Muse?" I asked, nodding at the one earbud which still dangled free over her scarf.

"Yeah. Vintage…I know."

"Ah, the classics never go out of fashion," I replied, plucking my own iPod from my pocket and shaking it at her, "you should hear some of the beauties I've got on here."

She visibly relaxed, laughing as she had with her friend again, "don't tell me you've got Muse on there too?"

"Sure," I replied, sticking the gadget back in my pocket, "I've got all sorts of old stuff on there. Remember Phoenix?"

She threw her head back and screamed with laughter, "I thought I was only one who did!"

"See, we all have skeletons on our iPods. My personal guilty pleasure? Ms Dolly Parton," I announced, mock-proudly.

"Jeez, that's bad," she drawled.

"Oh, like you've got nothing less fashionable than Muse on there."

"Ok, ok," she pretended to check that nobody was listening, "so I'm a massive Michael Jackson fan," she pulled her remaining earphone out and stuffed it and its partner in to her inside pocket, quickly re-zipping it against the cold.

I snorted, "Off The Wall, Thriller – Jackson wrote some of the classics,"

"Yeah I know right?" she replied sheepishly, "but I _really _like Earth Song."

"Oh, that's bad! I'm Edward by the way, Edward Masen."

She smiled widely and held out a small pale hand to me, "Charlotte Levene, NYU student, 90s Jackson specialist."

"Um, look, I know this is probably a bit weird but would you like to come over to my place, play some bad music?"

I knew her answer before she said it, even as she chewed her bottom lip knowing that going home with random strangers was a bad idea I knew she wanted to.

"You're not going to cut out my liver?" she frowned.

"What? Do I look like I'm in the black market organs business?"

"No," she smiled, nudging me with a small, sharp elbow, "so you live far from here then?"

An hour later as I leaned over Charlotte Levene's limp, pale form to button her shirt over her exposed chest I felt only a pang of regret for what I had become.

I pressed a last kiss to her cold, too thin lips then pulled my own shirt closed, still gleaming white, not a drop spilt – I always had been such a tidy eater – and set about disposing of her body.

This was what I was, how it was supposed to be. I was a vampire.

**A/N: So who wants a visual? Carlisle and Esme's house in Bethlehem can be seen in my profile x**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: so how good am I to you lot? Another update already. Loving your responses to the last chapter - mad, sad and confused alike. Requests for BPOV are granted below. A little insight in to where she's been all this time and a hint of why she ran. More explanation later - I don't think it would be fair for Bella and Edward to tell you guys everything before they've even told each other ;)**

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Again, all reviews are met with jumping joy and kisses blown at the computer screen!

EQ x

* * *

**Bella**

**To: **Bella Swan  
**From: **Alice Cullen  
**Subject: **Hi…

Hi Bella, how are you?

I don't know if you remember me but we were at Forks High School together. Go Class of 2006, woo!

Anyways, I hope you don't mind, I got your email address from your Dad, I guess he thought it would be ok. He says you're in San Francisco now, I bet you're having an awesome time there!

Look, Bella, thing is I was wondering if you might have heard from my brother – Edward? I know you guys weren't really in contact after you left but, you know, I wanted to check every avenue and all. We've none of us seen him for a long time.

I'll understand if you ignore this email but it would be great to hear from you, hear what you've been doing the last few years.

Alice Cullen x

I almost choked on my damn apple.

There, in amongst the junk emails offering me toner cartridges and vicodin was a name I never thought I'd see again.

Alice Cullen.

It took me a while to build up the courage to open the email. In fact, by the time I did the long forgotten, half chewed apple was going kind of brown and unappealing. I dropped it in to the wastepaper bin under my desk, it landed with a thump.

I straightened my pens out.

I checked my drawers were full of…drawer stuff.

And I readjusted my chair.

Only then did I allow myself to open the email, finally.

One eye closed, my head turned away from the screen, I clicked. When I looked back her message was there, open, spread across the screen.

Part of me had thought – hoped perhaps – that it was from another Alice Cullen. Both names were pretty common and I hadn't heard from any of the Cullen family for…God, seven years. You never knew.

It wasn't as if I hadn't thought of them or, more specifically, _him_ in that time. I thought of Edward Cullen every day. Every damn day.

Sometimes I thought I saw him – a flash of auburn hair or a pale white hand – but it never was. There were pale imitations, mere flashes of Edward but never anything which came even close to the real him.

I dared not hope I'd _ever_ see him again. But nonetheless for seven years I had thought about nothing else…not really. Not since I stupidly left Forks in a fit of panic and fear and run home to Mommy. Idiot. Stupid lovesick idiot.

And now this. An email out of the blue from his _sister_. The sister I barely knew but loved immediately. The sister who had rescued me in the most impossible way so many years previously, whom I had never thanked, never said goodbye to.

I scanned her email quickly.

Then I read again, hovering over every word, reading every conceivable meaning in to every keystroke, every exclamation mark and comma.

There was a soft knock at the door after – I checked my watch – forty five minutes. I'd been reading and re-reading for almost an hour. I minimised the email and summoned the visitor in to the tiny space which I called an office.

The door pushed open and the fuzzy grey head of Caroline Dean, Chief of Children and Youth – my boss – poked in. She peered at me over her half moon spectacles, every inch the librarian, her watery blue eyes smiling.

"Morning Bella," she chirped, "I'm on the Starbucks run this morning…I know, I know, makes a change! What will you have?"

I grimaced, "I don't really feel like coffee actually. Thank you Caroline."

She eyed me suspiciously. I always had coffee, too much coffee. It was a running joke amongst the administration staff that they'd use our next donation to install a defibrillation unit in to my office in case of a caffeine shortage.

"Are you feeling alright Bella? You look very pale sweetheart," she hummed, moving in to the room and closing the door behind her.

"I'm fine, just a little under…" I was cut short by a sudden violent churning in my stomach. Lurching out of my seat I made for the door as quickly as I could, cursing as I hit the soft side of my thigh against a corner of the desk.

Caroline dashed to hold the door for me and I sped down the corridor towards the bathroom, half running, half limping, a hand over my mouth, as if it would make a difference.

After violently expelling what little I had in my stomach from this morning's breakfast-on-the-move, I slumped against the cubicle door, facing the lavatory, tears streaming down my face, painful heaves pulling at my empty stomach.

I had dedicated seven whole years of my life to escaping this feeling – this panic, this sadness, the sheer emptiness – and now with a few innocently cheerful sentences the old wound was ripped open again, as fresh and as raw as the day I had fled from Forks.

It had been three years since the wound had been fully opened. I remembered it all too well. Just another innocent catch up call with Charlie, a how-are-you-what-are-you-doing call. I was in my dorm room at USF, looking out of the window and chewing a hank of my hair absentmindedly as my father haltingly filled me in on his latest big catch, the new car Mike Newton had gotten, the new waitress at his favourite diner…

"…strangest thing, the Cullens have moved."

I froze, my eyes fixed on a smudge on the dorm room window.

"You remember the Cullens honey? The Doctor and his wife, all those good looking kids? Coupla them were in your year?"

"I remember Dad," I whispered, barely breathing.

"So one morning the hospital gets a call saying Carlisle – Dr Cullen, sorry – is taking a sabbatical, moving on, he won't be in. Next thing the house is on the market and they're gone, no goodbye, no nothing." He had hummed, "Guess the kids had already moved on, college and all, no reason for Dr Cullen and his wife to stick around in that big old house just for the one son."

"Which son?" I gasped, already knowing the answer.

"Now what was his name? Edwin? Ed…"

"Edward."

"That's him, never went to college funnily enough, even though they reckoned he could have gone anywhere – Ivy League material, all that. But he stayed at home with his ma and pa. Not that you'd know it, I've not seen him around town in years."

Charlie didn't volunteer any more information and I never asked. I never heard the Cullens mentioned again. I never even heard if anybody had bought the big, beautiful house in the forest.

I closed that chapter of my life as best I could and carried on living my miserable half life, hearing his voice everywhere I went but still trying to pretend that Edward Cullen had never existed.

"Bella, Bella…" I heard the bathroom door creak open and the soft shuffle of Caroline's sensible shoes, "Bella, are you ok?"

She tapped on the cubicle door I leaned against as I groaned in what I hoped was a positive tone.

"Would you like me to run you home sweetheart?" she crooned.

I pulled myself up to stand and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand before flushing and easing the door open,

"I'm sorry Caroline," I whimpered, "must be something I ate."

"Not to worry hon, lets get you washed up and home to your bed."

Home was a modest one bed apartment in the Mission with the most pathetic kitchenette and a scruffy tabby cat in residence. The cat was called Mr Darcy. It didn't suit him other than he was rude and unfriendly to everybody, myself included. He certainly wasn't elegant and refined and intelligent that was for sure. No chance of ever finding his place as a romantic hero, smelly animal.

I had paid the deposit on the tiny first floor quarters with my first paycheck from the library. I had first worked there Saturdays - returning books to shelves, helping to catalogue new titles, pointing visitors in the right direction - as an English Lit major.

When Caroline had offered me the position as her assistant in Children and Youth Services I didn't refuse. I was ready to graduate with an ok qualification, I knew my way around the library, San Fran was nice enough. Honestly, I had no ambition to do anything else.

So I got the job, rented the flat. Then the cat arrived, uninvited, and refused to leave. I was the perfect single girl about town.

In theory.

The thought of going to bars, of meeting people, of meeting _men_¸ of doing the single girl about town 'thing' sent a shudder down my spine.

It wasn't that I hadn't had boyfriends, I'd been on dates, I'd even had a couple of month or so long relationships. But they had never really got off the ground.

I couldn't bear to kiss them. I couldn't look them in the eye. I couldn't even talk to them…not normally, not boyfriend-girlfriend small talk. I certainly couldn't…well, _you know_.

I couldn't think of anything, anyone but Edward.

I didn't think I ever would. Especially not now.

Anybody else, anybody in their right mind would have left it alone. They would have deleted the email and forgotten about it.

Not me.

The wound that had been ripped open again, the barely healed wound of seven painful years was too tempting. I picked at it like the gangrenous scab that it was, picking and picking and picking until it bled.

I accessed my work emails from the slow old laptop which had seen me through college. I read Alice's missive again. And again.

Wrapped up in an old tartan blanket I curled on my sofa and let myself immerse myself in memories and in imaginings and in suppositions.

Where was he? What was he doing now? Why had Alice and her family lost contact with him? And did he still think of me? _Most importantly of all_, did he still think of me?

Every ounce of common sense told me to click that big 'delete' icon, to walk away, to avoid letting myself hurt any more.

I had tried to close the door to that world of monsters and fairy tales when I left Forks, when I had run away too scared to trust myself, too afraid of what Edward was and what he made me feel – most of all too terrified that he would reject me because I could never be perfect, powerful, like him.

I had pushed against that door with all my might, forcing it closed, forcing the monsters back in to the closet they had escaped from, uninvited.

And now here I was flinging that dark door back on its hinges and letting it all come tumbling out.

**To: **Alice Cullen  
**From: **Bella Swan  
**Subject: **Re: Hi…

Hi Alice,

Yes of course I remember you. How could I not?

I'm afraid I haven't been in contact with Edward since I left Forks. I do hope everything is alright with the family, let me know if I can help in any way.

As you know I'm in San Francisco, I'm working at the Main Library as an assistant to one of the department heads which is great. I graduated university here and kind of fell in to it but it's good, a way to use my English major.

I hear you guys left Forks too, I hope your parents are well and happy in their new home.

Bella.

Part of me hoped that would be the end of it. Another part hoped that there was more to come, that perhaps there was a reason that Alice would contact _me_, of all people, out of the blue to ask about her missing brother. Just covering all bases seemed so unlikely – would she have really spoken to everybody whose path had crossed Edward's in the last one hundred odd years?

I closed my laptop gently, shoved it back in its tatty leather case and dragged my weary, battered body to bed.

For the first time in over a year I had the dream. The same dream which had plagued me for so long following my removal from Forks.

The trees, the rain, the moss. It was all so familiar. I ran and I ran, weaving through rows of towering trees – trees so tall I couldn't see where they ended and the sky began. Rain rolled off of the needles of the spruces landing on me in fat droplets.

I ran, screaming. Screaming his name over and over and over again.

I ran not away from Edward but towards him, always just out of my reach, never hearing my calls, never turning around. I couldn't even see his face.

A soft thwack around the face woke me. Mr Darcy's tail flicking me repeatedly across the cheek like a very soft, gentle but persistent whip. I shoved him off of the bed with a grunt. He yowled and stalked to the infinitely less comfortable chair which I had grudgingly bequeathed him after one to many nights waking up with a face full of cat. He gave me an indignant look and raised his leg to clean himself.

"You can't make me feel any worse than I already do Darcy," I sneered, rolling out of bed, giving only a cursory glance at the clock.

Five forty five in the damn A. M.

Passing through the little living room on my way to grab a glass of milk I spied my laptop peeking out over the top of its bag, invitingly.

I frowned at it angrily and continued on my milk mission.

By the light of the refrigerator I gulped down a glass of cold cow stuff, letting myself cool down after the bad dream – time had clearly not lessened its effect on my body, I was drenched with disgusting, sticky sweat.

On my way back through the laptop gave me another evil come hither look.

It wouldn't be obsessive just to have a peek.

And I hadn't checked my work emails since this morning anyway. There could be any kind of bookshelf emergency waiting for me in there.

Before I'd even finished justifying it to myself the old beast was firing up with a roar and an over the top display of yellow and green blinking lights.

And there, almost as soon as I loaded my emails, was a reply. Her name, standing out beyond all the others as if it was typed in a bolder font.

No pretence this time round, I hastily clicked it open.

My heart stopped.

**To: **Bella Swan  
**From: **Alice Cullen  
**Subject: **Re: Re: Hi…

Bella, thank you SO much for replying.

I didn't think you would have heard from Edward but I had to check.

I know it's a little out of the blue after all these years but I'm going to be passing through San Francisco on Friday. I don't suppose you'd like to meet?

It would mean a lot to me if you were able to. Please let me know.

Alice x

Did I want to meet Alice Cullen? I didn't know. It certainly wasn't the sensible thing to do. I knew I'd be making everything a hundred times worse for myself if I agreed to it.

I replied immediately. I'd be happy to meet.

It wasn't like I had anything better to do.


	14. Chapter 13 part one

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the comments and messages, I'm so glad that the last two chapters have got you guys worried! Please, please, please continue reviewing, it really spurs me on when I know you're looking to the next installment.  
There will be a second part to this chapter although I've yet to start it. I'm hoping to get it online by the end of this week.**

**Alice**

I paused in the doorway of the diner to compose myself a wee bit. It was then that I spotted her, almost completely unchanged.

Bella Swan, hunched over her cup of steaming coffee, was the same twitchy, slightly scruffy girl she'd always been. I assumed she was dressed for work in wide black trousers, fitted beige shirt and flat shoes, her hair pulled back in a lopsided ponytail, but still she gave off this nervous, unsure air.

I shoved the file folder in to my Fendi tote and crossed the space to the counter where she perched on a stool.

"Hi Bella," I tapped her on the shoulder lightly and she started, nearly wobbling off of her perch.

"Alice…hi," she breathed, "um, how was your trip?"

"Oh fine, fine. I've not pulled you out of work have I?" I indicated her clothing.

She shook her head and nodded to the waitress who hovered behind the counter, a pencil behind one ear.

"I took a couple of hours out, just done for the day. Could I get another coffee please Lauren?" she asked the waitress, "Anything for you Alice?"

"No, thanks anyway," I smiled warmly at the waitress and handed her the plastic covered menu. Bella blushed and muttered 'of course' under her breath.

"So, what was it you said you were in town for?" she eyed me, I thought, suspiciously nodding her thanks at Lauren as her coffee cup was refilled – no milk – from an overlarge jug.

Of course, Bella knew as well as I did that I had no business in San Francisco, that I was only really there to meet with her.

"I didn't actually," I smiled, "so what is it that you do at the library?"

Bella told me a little about her work – deathly boring by the sounds of it – and some about her life in San Francisco. Her flat, her few friends, her cat.

Eventually she sighed, "Look Alice, I don't want to be rude but this is kind of weird. I get the feeling you came here to speak to me about something and I guess that the something is to do with Edward," her voice wavered over his name, "so…"

Bella was as perceptive as ever, of course she was. I fiddled with the clasp on my tote, wondering whether or not to get straight down to business. But though I foresaw no amateur dramatics in her reaction to the news – it wasn't in Bella Swan's nature to pull a tantrum out of the bag – it didn't seem fair to dump this on her in public.

I hopped off of my stool, smoothing down my knitted Sonia Rykiel dress, "perhaps you could show me your place?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"Or we could go to my hotel if you'd prefer? It's the Mandarin Oriental – not too far from here?"

"Wow…um, but we can go to my place if you _want_. I mean, it's not quite the Oriental but…" she stuttered.

"Okay," I immediately turned and led the way out of Sam's Diner and on to the street.

She made me take the tram thingy – something she referred to as the 'muni', insisting that she couldn't afford a cab but not wanting to let me pay. So we took the funny, smelly little tram, standing all the way mind you, and walked the short distance from the stop to her apartment.

"So this is it," she indicated a shabby old yellow painted building.

It was cute, in its way, her little apartment. Cluttered with piles of books and with only one small couch to sit on, her living room was so…_Bella_.

She indicated the careworn brown couch, intending for me to sit there but instead I took a space on the floor, crossing my legs and digging my fingers in to the old sheepskin which was spread over the old wooden floor.

"Can I…" she began but I shook my head.

"I don't need anything Bella, as you know," she smiled weakly and curled in to the couch herself, bringing her arms around her body and kicking her shoes off as she did so.

"I don't think your cat likes me," I quipped, noting the ball of angry fur backed in to a dusty corner under the shelving unit.

"Oh, Mr Darcy doesn't like anybody," she shook her head, "I think he prefers not to have friends. He's kind of a grumpy old loner."

"Sounds like someone else I know," I muttered darkly.

Bella smiled weakly but said nothing. I guessed she was a bit fed up of small talk, so I took a deep breath and began.

"I need to tell you how Edward was after you left Bella, to explain why it is I emailed you about him. And why I'm here."

She chewed on her bottom lip in exactly the way I remembered seeing her do so many times back in Forks. She seemed to steel herself for what I was about to say.

"When he told you what we were he was so angry with himself Bella. He expected you to be scared, to freak out about it. Well, you know, it's not every day you find out vampires really exist right?"

She laughed but there was no humour in it, her face was suddenly, impossibly, paler.

"The last thing he expected was for you to ask him to _change _you…"

She reddened a little, "I didn't realise you knew about that…"

I tapped my temple, smiling wryly, "kinda difficult for me not to know."

"I guess so," Bella was looking past me, staring at the blank wall behind my head.

"It scared him Bella, really scared him. He was afraid that you'd been blinded by the…the possibilities - the immortality for starters. I mean, most people would be, it's not often you're faced with the idea of everlasting life, is it?

"I've never believed that you really wanted him to change you, I think it was more than that, that you wanted perhaps to prove that you accepted what he was? Or to find a way to show how much you wanted to be with him…"

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

"And I know," I continued, "that we have an effect on human beings. A physical and mental effect. I know your judgement was clouded."

"I just wanted to be with him Alice," she was crying now, the tears spilling on to her cheeks, "but it was too hard…I couldn't trust myself to be so close to him. And when he didn't contact me...it was almost two weeks. He didn't even call…"

"He ran Bella," I rubbed my hand across my forehead in frustration, "when you asked him to make you one of us he wanted to do it. He wanted you to be part of our family.

"But you had - you _have_ - a life and a family and a future. He didn't want to be the one to take that away from you. Carlisle only ever changed…"

"People who are dead anyway, I know." She sniffed.

"Exactly. Bella, he was as scared as you were, maybe more so. I don't know exactly what went through his head but I know my brother well, better than anybody else I think.

"He has a tendency towards the dramatic. He needed to get his head clear and he wanted to give you time to think. But instead of doing what perhaps you or I would do – sit in our bedroom, talk it through with our friends, whatever – he went awol.

"I think he always intended to come back to you. But by the time he did…"

"I'd left."

I jumped up and went in to the bathroom, pulling some toilet paper off of the roll perched on top of the cistern.

"Here," I handed the paper to her, "I tried to persuade him to contact you in Phoenix – obviously I knew where you were - but he took your leaving as…I don't know, a sign?

"I might be able to see what a person decides to do but I can't see the reasons behind their decision Bella. I could never tell Edward why you left, whether it was because you were too scared by what we are or whether it was because you thought that he had left but without knowing he wouldn't make a move.

"It's a dumb way to behave, I know," I answered her vehement shake of her head and her aghast expression, "but that's Edward through and through. You must remember how damn melodramatic that boy can be, not to mention stubborn. And he's so damn afraid of getting hurt."

"I can't explain why I left, Alice. I don't know. But I wasn't scared of _him_ or of you. I think I was scared of myself."

She stood and grabbed a glass tumbler and a bottle of clear liquid from her kitchen.

"Do you mind?" she asked, holding up the bottle of vodka. I smiled and shook my head, encouraging her to pour. She added the remnants of an old can of coke from out of her tiny fridge and returned to her spot on the sofa.

"I panicked I suppose," she took a slug of her drink, wincing against the strong taste of the alcohol, "God, I was seventeen Alice, I didn't know what I was doing and by the time I realised that I'd made a mistake it was too late."

"It was never too late Bella, he always wanted you to come back. When you left he spent weeks refusing to speak to anybody. He barely fed, we had to drag the animals back to the house for him…"

Her eyes widened in horror and I guessed maybe that was too much information, even if it was true. Dragging near dead deer through the forest to feed my practically comatose brother was not my favourite memory.

"We all moved on after graduation, Jasper and I and Rose and Emmett I mean. We had to – we weren't changing and we should have been going to college anyhow - but Edward stayed in Forks, hiding out at home. He never left except to hunt. It was horrible Bella, like…I don't know…like when you left you took his soul with you. Not," I scoffed, "that Edward thinks he has a soul."

"What do you mean?" she gasped, "of course he has a soul. Doesn't he?"

"I don't know. Do any of us? I mean, there's not really any definite answers out there when it comes to vampires. Carlisle thinks we do but Edward has always struggled with the idea, he thinks that we're soulless creatures, that we're destined for hell or that what we are _is _hell."

"What a horrible way to think."

"I know, I prefer Carlisle's approach I must admit."

She balanced her tumbler on her knee, running her finger around the rim slowly, thoughtfully. I knew I would have to tell her why I was here soon. It wasn't a thought I relished.

The others had offered to do it, all of them except Rosalie – not that any of us thought that _she_ should be involved anyway – but it seemed somehow right that I should reconnect with Bella.

I didn't know why but it made sense that I be the one to do it. I was the closest to Edward and I had felt a connection with Bella for such a long time. When she left I was shattered. For so long I had blamed Edward for ruining my only chance at a real, human friendship.

I had loved her as much as he did, although we had barely spoken in her few short months in Forks.

"My dad said that Carlisle and Esme moved out," she frowned and I nodded in response.

"Yes, they went to New Hampshire. They're still there now, we all are. All except Edward."

Her head snapped up and she looked at me, "which is why you're here?"

I sighed, "which is why I'm here."

**Bella**

Alice reached in to her handbag and pulled out a manila folder, hugging it to her chest as she spoke.

"Bella, I haven't seen him for nearly two years."

"Do you know where he is?"

The idea of the Cullens without Edward, Edward without the Cullens, was painful. What was even worse was the idea that I might be responsible, that somehow my teenage indecision and fear had ripped their family apart.

"He's in New York. Carlisle's visited him, tried to speak with him but…" she hesitated and in that small moment her eyes were full of pain and sadness and…something else. Alice Cullen, a vampire, indestructible and immortal looked absolutely terrified.

"What happened?" I whispered, throwing back the last of my too strong vodka and Coke. I didn't usually drink - the vodka had been sitting around the apartment for so long I suspected that it was well past it's best - but now seemed as good a time as any to start.

"It…um, it didn't go too well."

I wanted to ask her for more details, to know how Edward was, what he had said to Carlisle, what Carlisle had said to him. But at that moment she leaned over to place her manila folder next to me on the couch.  
I hesitantly reached for it, resting the slim volume on my knee but not opening it, knowing that whatever was inside would be somehow sad.

"Bella, we didn't want to contact you after all that happened between you and Edward, especially not like this. But Esme's been so worried, especially since Carlisle couldn't bring him back. And now..."

She indicated the folder with one tiny hand, a large diamond glistened on her ring finger, catching the last of the fading light as it streamed in through the window.

"We thought you needed to know."

I flipped open the folder without taking my eyes off of Alice and pulled out the contents – a small handful of newspaper cuttings.

Looking down at the scraps in my hands I read the first headline:

**NYU Girl Missing Following Drunken Night**

It was only a short piece, a student – nineteen year old Charlotte Levene – was missing. Police were investigating numerous leads. Her friends and classmates had been interviewed.

Confused, I glanced up at Alice who was watching me intently as I read, but her face gave nothing away. I didn't know what this Charlotte Levene had to do with any of us.

Perhaps Alice expected me to recognise the name, maybe she was somebody we had been at school with. I racked my brains but couldn't pull the name from anywhere in the depths of my memory.

I put the article to one side, closely followed by the next two – both further snippets about Charlotte's disappearance.

The next clipping was larger:

**Bizarre Murder: Promising Student Found Dead**

I scanned the article, another girl – an eighteen year old high school student, Jane Johnson – had been found dead in a national park in New York state some miles away from where she had last been seen. Her body had been entirely drained of blood.

My stomach turned violently as I realised that this evidence pointed almost unarguably towards something which most normal human beings only believed existed in books and movies. Vampires.

Turning back to the clipping I noticed for the first time a tiny, grainy picture of Jane Johnson. She smiled broadly in what looked like a yearbook photo, her long hair held off of her face with barrettes.  
I felt tears well in my eyes again as I imagined the fear she must have felt in her last moments as she realised what was going to happen to her. I only hoped that whatever vampire had done this – a vampire who clearly didn't hold to the same set of rules which those I had known lived by – had done it quickly.

Cuffing the tears which threatened to spill over again I set the reports of Jane Johnson aside.

Another followed, then another and another. Three more girls, three disappearances, only one found. Dead and drained.

All were young, high school or college students. All lived in or around New York City. It was obvious that the police were somehow connecting the two.  
But more oddly the Cullens were connecting them too. And connecting them, somehow, to me.

I read report after report of their last moves, statements from the police promising that they were doing all they could to find the missing girls, to uncover who was behind the two deaths, comments from their parents and friends begging anybody who knew anything to come forward. I set each piece of paper aside carefully before looking to the next.

The final clipping, from the New York Times, was dated twenty one months previously:

**New Leads In Heidi Novogratz Murder**

Alongside an article detailing the murder of a twenty one year old shop assistant was a photo of the victim. She stared out at me, disturbingly familiar. Long, dark hair falling over her shoulders in waves, her face heart shaped, her dark eyes just slightly too far apart, nose narrow and chin pointed. Her lips were small, rosebud shaped, and she looked a little chubby but, otherwise Heidi Novogratz looked almost exactly like me.

I looked at Alice, she stared back nodding ever so slightly. She knew what I had noticed. She had noticed it too.

"But she…" I trailed off, unable to find the words.

Instead of finishing my sentence I threw the Heidi Novogratz clipping to one side and ripped through the others, seeking out more images, more photos of these poor, dead girls.

I pushed article after article aside, collecting only those which featured photos, however grainy and unclear, in to one shaking hand.

Then, with the sound of blood rushing in my ears, my heart beating out of chest in an uneven rhythm I methodically laid out the clippings on the floor between Alice and myself. Six photos of six girls.

Every one of the girls had the same wide set, large eyes, the same out of balance heart shaped face. Some of them wore bands or braids or ponytails but they all had the same long hair, definitely dark though I couldn't tell the shade from the black and white images.  
All except one had the narrow nose which I had first noted on Heidi, and the girl with the wider, upturned nose had distinctively uneven lips – far too full for her delicate jaw and small chin.

"Alice," I whimpered, choking the words out through gasping sobs, "these girls…they all look _just_ like me."

**A/N: By the way, I always kind of over research. So for example Sam's Diner is a real place, near SF Main Library and the route Bella and Alice take on the Muni does indeed take them from the diner to The Mission. All this means that I have links to Bella's apartment building exterior and Alice's Rykiel dress & Fendi bag and will no doubt have links to further details throughout the story as I have before. Do you guys like to see research links or is it all just boring ol' detail to you?**

****

*edit*

For research links please see my profile x


	15. Chapter 13 part two

**A/N: A million apologies...I've had some kind of chapter muddle nightmare this afternoon. Which has meant things have gone missing, ended up in the wrong place, disappeared, reviews have gone awry. Hopefully now all should be sorted. Again huge apologies.**

Bella

I awoke stiff and sore to find myself awkwardly curled on my old second hand couch, a blanket tucked around me and Mr Darcy stretched along the length of my back purring softly. It wasn't like him to get so close, but then again he didn't often have to share possession of the couch at night.

As I rubbed my eyes and shifted slightly I heard the gentle murmur of Alice's voice coming from behind the closed door of the bedroom. I strained to hear what she was saying, remaining absolutely still for fear of disturbing her.

"She didn't take it at all well, of course not…" there was a pause as someone, on the other end of a phone I surmised, spoke to her, "asleep just now…well, eventually, I think she wore herself out with it all."  
It wasn't difficult to decipher who she might be talking about.

There was a long silence before she continued, "I don't know. Why would she want to?...yes, but after all this? It's such a lot to ask….Carlisle, I wish you could see her. Even before I showed her the clippings. I don't know, it's like she's dead inside. She…well, _she reminds me of him_."

I didn't understand what she was implying. I was dead inside? Huh. It seemed a little strong. But at the same time I could kind of see what she meant.

Since Edward I had lost so much of my enthusiasm for life, Renee commented on it often. She blamed Charlie, she blamed 'this Edward', as she referred to him, and she blamed Forks. Where Renee was concerned the entire town of Forks had been public enemy number one from the day she was born.

I knew that when I had walked away from Edward I had walked away from the mad, passionate love I had always imagined would be mine one day, the kind of love that I read about in Austen, Bronte and Shakespeare.

And it was those same books which had given me such hopes which I retreated in to to escape my loss. While other students had begun wild affairs, spent entire weekends partying, wasted money like it was water, I had spent my time studying in my little dorm room. My nose always in a book.

I had little interest in life outside of the pages of a novel, I only now came out of my shell when I was at work in the library, surrounded by literary tomes, complex histories bound in leather, collections of poems and essays, oversized encyclopaedias.

Withdrawing from real life after losing Edward had resulted in an excellent qualification, what promised to become an illustrious career and sheer, unremitting loneliness. I was utterly empty.

"There's nothing behind her eyes, she jumps at her own shadow. It's so upsetting Carlisle, I look at her and all I can see is _him_…I know, I know."

It gave me some small joy to know that Edward was the same, that he was as hollow as me. But then I remembered what his emptiness had resulted in.

All those girls. All those poor, mourning families and friends, the police tying themselves in knots looking for a killer that they had no hope of catching.

It was Edward. I knew it and the Cullens knew it too. He had turned his back on all of his goodness, the light which his family's determinedly positive way of life had cast on to his existence and allowed himself to be swallowed entirely by the darkness which had always waited threateningly on the sidelines, threatening to engulf him.

The tears began to well in my eyes once again. I was surprised that I had any more in me. The previous night, after I had realised what Edward had been doing, that he was taking the lives of innocent human beings, human beings who resembled myself in the most terrifying way, I had collapsed.

A tangled mess of limbs on the old, splintered wood floor of the apartment, I sobbed over those horrific newspaper clippings until my throat was raw and I was emitting only hollow, rasping sounds.

Alice had dragged me to the couch and held me in her tiny arms, rocking me gently, stroking my hair with a small, diamond adorned hand. She said nothing. We both knew that there was nothing to say.

Eventually I must have fallen asleep.

"I'm going to see how the land lies this morning. God, I just hope we haven't done the wrong thing, I can't bear the thought that we've damaged her more than she's already been damaged…yes, I know," she sighed in response to whatever Carlisle had said to her, "but Edward made this choice, she didn't."

I tried to stifle a yawn but the movement of my body disturbed Darcy. He hissed and leapt up, using me as a launch pad as he jumped to the floor landing with an inelegant thump.

"I should go, please tell Jasper I'll call him in a couple of hours," I heard Alice slam her phone shut followed closely by the clicking of her heels.

The door opened and Alice eased in to the room, a small sympathetic smile on her face.

She had changed while I slept – I assumed she had spares in her bag though I had little idea of how she had fitted in the heels _and _kept her jumpsuit so well pressed, it had to be an Alice thing – and looked somehow sombre all in black with her normally spiky hair slicked down in a severe side parting held in to place with two parallel bobby pins just above one ear.

"How are you feeling?" she sat next to me and pulled my blanket around us both.

"I don't know Alice, it's all so much to think about."

She nodded kissing the top of my head lightly, "how about I go get you breakfast while you shower? Then we can talk."

While Alice collected coffee from the local café I straightened the living room and kitchenette, rinsing my vodka glass and repositioning cushions.

I brushed my teeth and showered, hopeful that the warm water would bring with it some kind of relief from the pain I felt.

Wrapped in a towel, my hair dripping quickly cooling water down my back, I searched my bedroom for something clean to wear. In amongst the clothes draped over the Loom chair in the corner of the room I glimpsed Alice's bag, the manila file shoved on top of her belongings.

A wave of guilt hit me as I stared at it. I suddenly couldn't deny that this was my fault. That I had turned Edward in to this…this, monster. That perhaps if I had just stayed instead of running away from him, too scared, that he would have continued his life as it was seven years ago. That those girls would never have met him.

The slam of the apartment door brought me out of my reverie. I quickly wiped my face again and threw on the nearest jeans and sweater to hand.

* * *

**Bella**

"Bella I will understand if you can't do this. We all will sweetheart," Alice cooed, stroking my limp hand as it lay uselessly in my lap.

I mutely shook my head and continued to watch the departures board as the information moved slowly up the screen, disappearing as each flight took off.

Only a few minutes later the flight was called and Alice and I leapt from our seats, grabbing bags and near running for the gate.

Of course our hurry only meant that we were sat, strapped in, on the tarmac for even longer than every other passenger but somehow every move we made seemed to be urgent, imperative. At least we felt as if we were doing _something_.

Alice complained a little about flying economy, the meals, the legroom, the bathrooms. All things that made no difference whatsoever to her but which appeared to have somehow annoyed her.

"So what do we do?" I whispered when we were finally cruising at 38,000 feet and our fellow passengers began taking advantage of the hostess trolley.

"I don't know Bella, I just hope that you being there will make something click."

After we, or rather I, had thrown back the morning coffee and nibbled unenthusiastically on an almond croissant, Alice had told me that she needed to ask me something important.

She held both of my hands and faced me, her face the picture of seriousness. Her dark eyes burnt in to my own as if she was searching for some indication of what I would say.

"Remember I told you that things didn't go well when Carlisle tried to speak with Edward?"

"Yes," I had choked out.

"I didn't want to tell you the whole thing, it's too… you see it upset us all so much Bella, it was awful just hearing Carlisle talk about it."

"What did Edward _do _Alice?" I tried unsuccessfully to suppress the shudder which ran along my spine.

"Carlisle tried to persuade Edward to come home, to go back to his old way of life, living as a vegetarian with us, living amongst human beings.

"But Edward refused, saying that he couldn't go back to what he was, that he had been denying his nature all along. He told Carlisle that he was embracing the truth. He said we were all weak and stupid for following an impossible ideal.

"When Carlisle realised that he couldn't reason with Edward he decided to play hardball," if I didn't know better I could have sworn that Alice turned paler as she spoke, her voice quieter and quieter as she went on.

"He told Edward that he would turn him in to the police, tell them where the missing girl's bodies were. He showed Edward – through his thoughts – that I knew where he'd been and what he'd done, some of it at least.

"He didn't deny it Bella. He didn't even care. He…" she choked on her own words, "he threatened to kill Carlisle."

I stared at her in silence, registering what Alice had just told me, trying to make sense of it.

"But…I didn't think…how….?" I had thought that vampires were indestructible.

"Oh, there are ways," Alice spat ruefully.

"I don't know what you want me to do though Alice. I understand that this is a horrible, _horrible_ situation but I can't help. I'm just…a human."

"Don't you see? That's just it!" Alice had cried, throwing her arms up in the air, "you're the only one…the only one who could get through to him. You changed him before Bella, you'll be able to do it again!"

For the first time in hours Alice's pixie-like face had become animated. She spoke too quickly and I struggled to keep up with everything she said.

"We think he just needs to see you, to understand that you didn't leave because you hated him or because you despised what he was. When he fell for you it changed him entirely you see – it's just how it happens for us…"

"It happened for me too," I had murmured.

"He'll never, never get over losing you. But if he could just hear you tell him that you didn't leave because of his being what he is…it would make a difference Bella, I just _know_ it would."

Her eyes had gleamed with hope and enthusiasm for her lunatic plan.

"So, what you're saying is that you want me to go and speak with Edward?"

"Yes! Yes, tell him what happened in high school, explain it to him like you did to me…"

"But Alice, if you're so sure I changed him irreversibly last time…um, well doesn't that mean that he is what he is now because of me? What if I only make things worse?"

"You won't, I know you won't. It's got to work Bella, don't you see?" Alice was out of her seat and striding to stand in front of the window. A shaft of sunlight broke through the clouds, illuminating her from behind. She glistened slightly, like an angel sent from heaven, like the angel Gabriel.

Or perhaps my own personal angel of death.

"He's been killing people Alice," I had whimpered, "people who look like _me_."

"I'll be keeping an eye on you and we'll all stay nearby. _Please_ Bella, this is our only chance to stop him, I can't see another way…" she was begging, her strange skin throwing reflections, like a million tiny diamonds embedded in her skin, across my floor.

I had sighed deeply, reaching down to scoop Darcy from the floor – he struggled, pushing at my hands with his dirty white paws until I dropped him – and closed my eyes, "ok, fine. I'll do it."

Of course when I agreed to Alice's crazy plan I had expected to be given a few weeks to think about what I might say to my long lost vampire ex-boyfriend. To consider how I might speak with a murderous member of the undead regarding his particular thirst for girls who bore a striking resemblance to myself.

But somehow, swept up in Alice's enthusiasm and desperation, eight hours later I was pulling a lap belt across myself, preparing to land at New York JFK with only a small holdall of clothing, my purse and a toothbrush.

"Jasper is going to pick us up at the airport," Alice announced as the airplane began to descend, breaking through the thick clouds which created a blanket over New York State and shook the plane ever so slightly as it pushed through them.

Normally turbulence would scare me, I'd be gripping on to the armrests with white knuckles, eyes trained on the spot where I knew the oxygen mask would drop from.

But this time, somehow, plummeting thirty odd thousand feet to my death seemed like the preferable alternative to what I was about to do. The freefall would perhaps be terrifying but as soon as the plane hit the ground death would doubtless come quickly. I could only hope.

As is always the case when you're dreading something though life appeared to go in to fast forward. Somehow – I suspected it had more than a little to do with the inhumanly beautiful girl with the tinkling laugh who glided alongside me serenely – we found ourselves off of the safely grounded plane and waiting at the doors of JFK within minutes.

The roar of an engine and a low whistle from a street sweeper standing close by alerted me to Jasper's approach. Apparently the Cullens hadn't toned down their taste in cars. This one was silver, sleek and low with a long bonnet and masculine lines.

"Jeez Alice, an SLS AMG? You're kidding me?" I gasped.

"I'm sure I was told that you didn't know the difference between a Chrysler and a Citroen," Alice quipped raising one perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

My face burned with a blush. I hated to admit the reason for my now encyclopaedic knowledge of high end cars.

"I guess I read it somewhere," I muttered, watching Jasper duck under the gullwing and leap out of the car towards us.

He pulled me in to an unexpected bear hug so tight I half expected him to break me in two. I recalled Jasper well from my time in Forks and to say he seemed to avoid all contact outside of his own family was an understatement.

"Uh, hey Jasper," I stuttered, extracting myself nervously from his grip, "it's nice to see you."

"Jazz…" Alice hissed.

"Oh. Yeah, sorry Bella. Long time no see huh?"

I forced a smile, eyeing his car suspiciously. He caught me looking and shrugged.

"Alice kinda squeezes in to the smallest spots," he grinned holding up his thumb and forefinger in a pinching motion so close to his face that his eyes crossed.

She shoved him gently, rolling her eyes at what I guessed was probably the five thousandth 'short' joke she'd heard from her boyfriend.

Moments later we were speeding down the highway, the skyscrapers of New York City rising out of the horizon in front of us. Alice and Jasper spoke at a mile a minute, a barely decipherable hum just louder than the growling engine of the car that I knew would have cost five years-worth of my San Fran Library Service wages.

I had given Jasper an overview of the last seven years of my life but couldn't help but feel that all three of us were avoiding the rather large, Edward shaped elephant in the room…or rather in the fancy-ass cockpit.  
A tension buzzed over the three of us, nothing to do with my feeble human body wedged in to such close proximity to two potentially bloodthirsty creatures.

After all I'd had some time to get used to the idea that vampires…_vampires_…existed. Living, breathing versions of every nightmarish horror movie and gothic novel walking among us, unnoticed by the average human being.

I didn't know how many of them might be out there in the danker, colder, darker corners of the world – hell, today wasn't the first time I'd questioned why I'd chosen to call sunny California home.

Under normal circumstances I would have taken the opportunity to gape out of the windows at the scenery unfolding around me. Yellow cabs honked their horns angrily as we slipped around them, crossing the Brooklyn Bridge towards ever more taller buildings. Times Square passed in a blur of neon, Carnegie Hall whipped by and then Central Park opened up ahead of us.

We passed the New York Library and screeched to a sudden halt outside a towering glass building causing the vehicles behind us to swerve, drivers winding down windows to gesture and shout.

Helping Alice and I out of the SLS, Jasper threw his keys to a waiting valet and led us towards the building where a be-suited doorman held the vast glass doors for us with a gracious nod.

The silent elevator ride took us – of course – to the penthouse where I was met with three beaming smiles and one indifferent shrug.

Carlisle, Esme and Emmett took turns to pull me in to hugs which put Jasper's to shame. Their hard bodies pressed in to me with such warmth that it almost didn't matter that they each ran a temperature equivalent to your average ice cube.

"Bella, darling. I'm so happy to see you," Esme smoothed my hair as she spoke, my face buried into her fragrant neck, her caramel hair tickling my nose, "you'll never know how much it means to us all to have you here."

As she stepped back Carlisle reached for her hand, squeezing it gently as he spoke to me.

"I can't begin to express our gratitude for what you've agreed to do for this family. Truly, words cannot begin…"

"It's no problem," I mumbled in the general direction of the vast Persian rug beneath us.

"Oh gosh, Bella you must be absolutely starving after your journey!" Esme suddenly exclaimed, pulling away from her husband's grip and turning towards, I assumed, the kitchen.

She passed close to Rosalie who stood, utterly unchanged, a few metres behind the rest of the family, her arms folded and a scowl etched across her beautiful features.

Esme appeared to whisper something to her, squeezing her shoulder as she did so.

The angry blonde rolled her eyes and, avoiding my gaze, spoke at last.

"Hi Bella. You're back then?" she drawled before turning away from us all and stalking out of the room.

"Rose!" Carlisle scolded at low level. There was the loud slam of a door from the general direction she had gone in and Emmett, punching me lightly on the shoulder, apologised for his wife's behaviour.

"Ah, she's just pissed man. Edward and all…"

I smiled weakly, again cringing at the mention of _his _name.

* * *

Half an hour later, seated on one side of a vast mahogany dining table I pushed a huge serving of pasta from one side of my plate to another with a heavy silver fork.

Sat across from me were four specimens of perfection, vampires who controlled their primal urges, as beautiful and intelligent as they were utterly unique.

Esme's worried eyes bored in to me while Carlisle half smiled serenely, his arms folded on the table in front of him. Alice meanwhile beamed hopefully, one delicate hand clasped in Jasper's long, masculine fingers.

Emmett had soon disappeared after Rosalie's outburst and there had been near silence from the both of them since.

In some ways I could understand Rosalie's reaction. After all it was hard to forget how much she had resented me in the past. And now I was back amongst her family and being relied on to put right something which had happened as a result of my existence…

Well, she might not have been right to be angry with me but I could kind of see her point.

"Is the alfredo okay Bella?" Esme's face was full of motherly concern and frustration, "I thought about using shrimp but chicken just seemed…"

"It's fine!" I snapped, surprising myself with the coldness in my own voice.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. It was a move I had inherited from my father – Charlie worked the bridge-pinch whenever the Seahawks missed a field goal.

"I'm sorry Esme. It's lovely I'm just…well, I'm not all that hungry to be honest."

She pushed a glass of coke towards me with a sympathetic smile.

"You should at least drink something darling."

I took a sip, my eyes trained on the two couples who watched me intently as I did so.

Setting the glass on the table I sighed loudly, steeling myself for the conversation which was to follow.

"Listen, it's great to see you all again and everything but let's be honest," I tried to smile but my facial muscles refused to cooperate, "you wanted me here for a reason. So just what _exactly_ is it you want me to do?"

**A/N: Thank you AGAIN for your reviews - they mean a lot guys, truly.**

I know the story has kind of leapt a million miles out of its zone, hence the description change.

I won't apologise, this is how I write dudes, it comes to me it goes on the page, I put it out there!

A couple of you have questioned the canon but I still believe that I'm on it albeit seven years in the future and with a bloodthirsty Edward. It depends how you interpret the term I guess but how *canon* can one be without re-writing Ms Meyer word for word?  
Likewise we all interpret the characters differently - that's the beauty of fiction - so the Cullens in MY mind may not be the precise picture YOU have of them.

The only thing I can say is stick with it, our beloved E is still in there somewhere we just need to dig him out of his hole. That's why Bella's in NY, no?  
I truly hope I can satisfy all your hopes for the story but I know that I'm going to confuse, annoy and irritate as many, if not more, people than I please. I love that you're giving me the opportunity to put my words out there and that I'm entertaining you guys along the way so let's just enjoy the ride eh? Much love to you all, EQ x 

****

Lastly, Looking back I see I can't add links here so I'm going to try and put research detail in to my profile. I'm afraid these past couple of months are my first on FF and I'm still getting to grips with it all! But I have links for the Cullen's NY apartment, Alice's outfit and, of course, Jasper's incredible car. Check my profile x


	16. Chapter 14

**Esme**

Any mother would be sure to understand why I insisted we ask Bella to intervene.

Edward was, in so many ways, my first child. I couldn't sit back and watch him stray from the right path and neither could Carlisle.

We knew Edward as well as we knew any of our children and none of them, not one, had an ounce of evil in them.

That wasn't of course to say that I excused Edward his actions. We all felt disgusted by what he had been indulging in during his absence from us but at the same time we all knew how it felt.

I could sympathise with Edward's baser desires, indeed during my earliest years after transformation I had strayed. It was only love for my husband and son which kept me from turning entirely to the darkness.

Love.

I understood only too well how love could kill as well cure, how it could change somebody so entirely that they forget who they are. That losing it could send one utterly mad, that achieving that feeling again, if only for a brief moment could lead one to extreme lengths.

I once read 'to forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.' Though it was hard to forgive Edward for his errors I still did. Because I loved him, unconditionally. And I trusted that despite everything he still loved us too.

And so it happened that when Carlisle had failed to bring Edward home to his family I suggested that we contact Bella.

Alice had already expressed some concern for the girl – none of us had failed to notice the eerie similarities in Edward's…mistakes. It seemed only right that she know what was going on and if she could help us, all the better.

"Do you think she'll do it?" I asked Carlisle as we sat on the roof terrace, looking out across the lights of the city, still noisy and full of life despite the late hour.

He squeezed my hand gently, not taking his eyes off the point he had fixed his gaze upon.

"I certainly hope so. She seems determined enough," he sighed, "but it seems so cruel to expect so much from her."

I only smiled sadly at him, knowing that Carlisle struggled with Edward's fall from grace more so than any of us.

My husband was the epitome of goodness, a true angel walking on earth. He had dedicated the hundreds of years of his existence to prolonging lives, preventing suffering, and to teaching his little family to respect life.

Carlisle suffered for himself and he suffered for Edward. I had never seen him look as sad as he had returning from his conversation with our son just three weeks previous.

"I only hope that Emmett and Jasper don't scare her too much," Carlisle grimaced as a small squeal reached us from the living room below where the boys and Alice were prepping poor Bella for her meeting with Edward.

Carlisle stood and reached an upturned palm out to me, "shall we check?"

I allowed him to help me out of my seat, though we both knew there was no need – I was as agile and as strong as he but the pretence of weaker femininity pleased me almost as much as it did him. We were as old fashioned as we were old I supposed.

We climbed back down to the apartment, and in to the slightly over-decorated living room. After this was over I would have to look in to buying our own pied a terre, I really did hate renting. New York's moneyed residents appeared to have rather opulent tastes.

Stepping inside we discovered Bella curled on one end of a brown leather chesterfield couch, her bottom lip clamped between her teeth, as she watched Emmett and Jasper demonstrate evasion techniques.

Alice sat at the other end of the same piece of furniture, describing in gloriously gory detail the effects of vampire venom on the human body.

Most surprising was that Rose had joined them. She was draped across an armchair with a forgotten magazine in her lap. She watched Emmett intently, a slightly smug expression on her face as she absentmindedly curled a strand of long hair around one finger. Suddenly she looked at Bella.

"Of course none of this will be of any use Bella," she was using what I recognised as Rose's snake smile, I fixed her with a stern look but if she noticed she chose to ignore it, continuing, "you're not going to be fast enough to get away from any vampire. Or strong enough to fight him off."

"Rose!" Carlisle snapped, dropping my hand and moving to stand, arms folded, in the centre of the room.

Emmett and Jasper had stopped their play fighting as soon as Rose spoke and now stood on either side of the room, visibly annoyed that their fun had been interrupted.

"Bella, you won't need any of this you know," Carlisle soothed, "in suggesting that you had a wider understanding of vampire nature this wasn't at all what I intended. As well you all know."

He pointedly glared at each of our children in turn.

Earlier, when Bella had demanded to know what it is we wanted from her Carlisle and I had taken it in turns to explain our hopes.

We admitted that it was a long shot, that there were dangers in approaching Edward as he was now. We told her that we would understand if she left today and refused to have any further contact with us.

But we also begged her to understand Edward's state of mind, our desperation and her unique position.

If losing Bella was what had caused this we hoped that speaking to her, understanding her motivations in leaving, might go some way to correcting it.

"So what? I just turn up at his door?" she had asked, one eyebrow raised doubtfully.

"Pretty much," Carlisle had nodded.

"And say what exactly? 'Hi Edward, remember me? Sorry about the running away thing, now do you mind not killing people who look like me in revenge anymore?"

"Perhaps not that exactly," Carlisle had chuckled darkly, "just explain why you left perhaps. Let him find out what he needs to know. Answer his questions. It's the doubt which has driven him away."

He had then suggested to Alice that she and the boys help Bella to further understand Edward's nature.

It was this that they had clearly misunderstood. Or possibly not, if I knew Emmett.

"Ah, we're just preparing her for every eventuality man," he drawled, leaning against the wall.

"And scaring the poor girl witless at the same time," I frowned, "you should know better, especially you Alice!"

I sat down as close to Bella as I dared risk, not wanting to scare her any further than she already clearly had been. I stroked her knee soothingly, humming under my breath as Carlisle continued with his pep talk.

"We are most certainly not expecting you to need to protect yourself when in Edward's company. As you may or may not know vampires are rarely changed. When change does occur it is entirely irreversible.

"In saying this what I mean for you to understand is that Edward fell in love with you seven years ago Bella. I don't know how you felt about him or indeed how you might feel about him now and I don't wish to pry. But if Edward was in love with you then he is almost certainly in love with you now.

"His instinct has always been to protect you. Remember the incident with the van? The car crash?"

Bella nodded, her gaze fixed on Carlisle, her mouth had fallen open. He had that effect, especially when he spoke so passionately. It was just one of the reasons I had loved him for almost my entire being.

"Bella, even if Edward is a danger to you – and I sincerely doubt that he is - we'll be nearby, all of us…"

Rose snorted as if in disagreement and Carlisle turned to look at her.

"all of us," he repeated without taking his eyes off of her, "to intervene at the first sign of trouble. As you know, Alice's abilities will give us advance warning of any likely…uh, _unfortunate outcomes_."

"I won't let anything bad happen," Alice murmured. It sounded as though she was convincing herself as much as anybody else but I decided not to voice the opinion.

In many ways we relied far too heavily on Alice's visions, as subjective as they were. It put her under so much pressure in times like these and of course she would only blame herself if she missed something.

Recently Alice's visions of Edward had been extremely changeable. It had, Carlisle supposed, something to do with the way in which he was living now, relying on instincts and nature, making few advance decisions and allowing chance to lead him where it may.

Under my hand I felt Bella's leg trembling.

"I trust my son Bella," I whispered to her, "he may have followed the wrong path but Edward is good at heart. And he truly loves you. I _know_ he won't hurt you."

"No you don't Esme," she gave me a watery smile, "I appreciate the sentiment but I think we all know that there's a risk involved."

"There is," Rose spoke suddenly, "we're misleading Bella if we don't accept that there's a risk that Edward will kill her."

"Rose I really think that's overstating it a bit," Alice retorted.

But Rose's eyes flamed as she sat bolt upright in her chair, "look, Bella," she began, "I don't like you, you know that, but I don't want you to die."

Emmett groaned at her unnecessary bluntness.

"Shut up Emmett," she snapped before continuing, "we're asking Bella to do this for entirely selfish reasons. None of you is being honest about the risk. Edward is dangerous, especially to her…"

"You're only saying that because _you _don't want him back!" Alice raged.

"I want him to come home as much as the rest of you do," Rose was unusually calm, "I just don't need to treat him like the prodigal fucking son."

"Rose is right. Edward is a risk…not just to Bella but to all of us." Jasper was standing a way from the rest of us, against a wall, his deeply scarred face half in darkness. I was glad those thousands of scars – ancient, glistening bite marks of the many newborns Jasper had assisted in unleashing on the world – would be invisible to Bella's eyes.

"We're all assuming that he's the same Edward we called our brother but he isn't…Esme don't look like that, it's true," I hadn't realised that I had let my mouth turn down and my brow furrow at his words, I worked to straighten it out, "there are certain things we do know but we can't assume anything.

"Edward has chosen to live entirely guided by his senses, that in itself makes him so much more deadly than any of us. As _somewhat_ civilized beings we are less attuned to those things which are typically useful to a hunting vampire."

Jasper was in his element, it was in these moments I couldn't help but imagine him as he once was, so smart in his long navy coat, gold buttons glistening on his chest, proudly seated on the grey mare he had once told me that he rode during his time in the army. I smiled almost unconsciously as he continued his extremely serious lecture.

"I agree that the risk _is _very small, like Esme I believe that Edward's instincts are to protect Bella, not to harm her. However we can't ignore the fact that he has always been so drawn to her blood above that of any other human being.

"There's also the fact that he can't _hear _her. If she takes him by surprise he may attack before he even recognises what's happening or even perhaps who she is, should his sense of smell, for any reason, be clouded. The risks, Bella, are very real. And there is little you can do to protect yourself from one of our sort.

"But I can assure you that we will do everything in our powers to ensure your safety."

"Thank you," Bella whispered, her voice wavering. She cleared her throat and stood slowly, "I appreciate your honesty Jasper, Rosalie."

The poor girl was as pale as we were, her face drained of colour, accentuating the deep black circles under her eyes which I assumed were probably not usual for her.

"Now," she cleared her throat, "I should get some sleep, it sounds like I've got a big day on tomorrow."

Almost in sync, Alice and I jumped up from the couch. Alice threw her arms around her, almost knocking the only slightly taller girl off of her feet,

"Thank you," I heard her whisper, "thank you so, so much Bella."

As Alice peeled herself away I nodded to Bella, indicating that she should follow me and offering to show her to her room, a room which Alice and Jasper had given up for her – it seemed only fair that the only human in our midst have somewhere to sleep.

"The bathroom is just through the closet there," I hovered in the doorway unsure what I should say to Bella now we were alone. Every fibre in my body wanted to close the few metres between us and envelope her in a hug. But I wasn't Alice, I had _some _respect for personal space. And I wasn't sure that Bella's delicate body would appreciate any more vampire affection.

"I think everything you need should be in there but of course if there's anything at all…well, you're in the city that never sleeps with the family that never sleeps…"

She laughed, the first time I'd ever heard it.

"Oh Esme," she shook her head disbelievingly, "I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and the last couple of days will have all been a dream."

She thought for a moment, "no, you know what, I don't think I've even come 'round after that damn car crash yet. I'm probably in a coma and the last seven years have just been my stupid overactive imagination running riot."

I stepped in to the room, letting the door swing closed behind me. Taking one of her hands in mine, brushing the back of her fingers with my thumb.

"I wish I could tell you that you were right darling. Who knows, perhaps we _are_ all just figments of your imagination. Who's to say otherwise?"

"Only my sick mind could come up with all this," she grinned.

"That, I'm afraid, is the kind of possibility you'd be better off arguing with Carlisle. He's much more knowledgeable about existentialism than I am. I'm more paint colours and fabric swatches."

We stood awkwardly for a moment, her hand limply resting in mine.

"Bella, may I hug you?" It felt silly to ask but I didn't wish to alarm the poor girl, she was still shaking.

But instead of answering she simply threw her arms around my waist and leant her head in to my chest, a little awkwardly.

I cradled her head, stroking her long, dark hair as I did so. I felt, suddenly, that she was one of my children, as much a part of our family as myself or Emmett or Alice.

"I'll do my best to bring him back Esme," she whispered and I felt her tears begin to soak through my blouse.

"I know you will sweetheart," I held her out at arms length to look at her.

Her eyes may have been teary but her face was steel, she looked determined. Like Joan of Arc ready for battle, she was too small, too feminine, too delicate, unsuited to the task ahead of her. But somehow I knew she was capable, more capable than anybody else, of the task ahead.

Perhaps it was a divine calling. Only her calling was from love, not God.

**A/N: again, many thanks to all who reviewed, it means a lot.**

For those looking for another fic in between If updates may I recommend Nothyme's Swan Song (can I link to ff here? If so .net/s/5728734/1/Swan_Song otherwise a search should help you to find her). She kindly added this story to her favourites which led me to find her story which is a little different to others and quite intriguing.

I'll do my best to update again this week but no guarantees I'm afraid!

EQ x


	17. Chapter 15

**Bella**

My hands shook uncontrollably as I took the tiny silver cell phone Carlisle held out to me.

"Are you sure I can't get you guys anything?" the waitress, tapping her pen impatiently on a pad, stood at the end of our table, hand on jutted out hip. It was the fourth time she'd asked us and apparently even Emmett's muscular arms were losing their charms in the face of a diner full of hungry, paying customers.

Esme glanced at the menu before smiling up at the waitress.

"Actually, I'll take a club sandwich please," she threw a look at Alice and Jasper.

"Uh, sure a club sandwich sounds good thanks Mom," Jasper quickly added, "and I'm sure Alice'll take a chicken salad?"

She nodded enthusiastically, perhaps a little too enthusiastically for lettuce and vinaigrette. But the waitress seemed satisfied, jotting down the order and strutting off with a none-too-subtle ass wiggle.

"Ugh, chicken," Rosalie wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Nobody's asking you to eat the stuff Rose," Alice rolled her eyes, "Bella can have mine."

"Thanks but I don't think I could eat right now," I murmured, absently clicking the little phone open and shut.

The diner stood just around the corner from Edward's apartment building. The very same building that I was supposed to be entering very soon.

I was nervous on so many levels. Beside the obvious fear-for-your-life thing I was terrified of seeing Edward again for all sorts of reasons.

I was scared that my feelings hadn't changed. And I was scared that they had.

Until recently I had been able to assume that Edward had forgotten all about me and continued on with his life – if one could call it a life – unaffected by our short time together. I could assume I was little more than a dim and distant memory, a girl he had once known for a couple of months way back when.

But now I knew that he had been in love with me, that what we had was more than just a stupid teenage crush. I'd been forced to face up to the fact that he had been as irrevocably changed by our meeting as I had.

And now I had to meet the personification of this feeling, tackle him head on and, much worse, find out if he hated me as much as the gruesome evidence suggested he did.

I placed both of my palms flat on the table, squaring my shoulders and looking around me at the Cullens, crammed in to a tiny booth; Esme crushed up against the grimy window by Emmett's hulking form, Jasper and Alice holding hands tightly, Carlisle and Rose the picture of blonde perfection, sat opposite me, both as still as shoulder to shoulder statues.

Nobody could look more out of place in this run down street corner diner and every other person in the room knew it too as they gawped at them, watching Rose run a hand through her hair in almost slow motion, listening to Alice's musical laugh or watching their unfeasibly young father as he paid an inordinate amount of attention to me – the plain mousey figure sat there amongst these gods on earth.

"So, I guess I'll just be…" I jerked my head towards the door, pushing myself up from the sticky PVC seat beneath me.

As I did so, Rose leaned across the table and grabbed my wrist, her pale pink painted fingernails digging in to my skin.

"Take care," she muttered, looking off to the side rather than directly at me.

I smiled weakly and said nothing, turning and walking away from them as quickly as I could.

Under any other circumstances it would be lucky. Just as I arrived in front of the brown stone building, crisscrossed with fire escape ladders, a green awning declaring '55' over the door, a skinny grey haired woman pushing an ancient bicycle opened the buzzered front door.

I darted through as it began to swing closed behind her and found myself in an unassuming white painted lobby, a row of metal post boxes labelled with names alongside me, I eyed them carefully although I already knew which apartment Edward lived in. It seemed somehow important that I do so.

K. Johnson…Garcia…D. Sanchez/L. Parker…W. Kozlowski…Walker-Stewart…Fleischer…M.F Hallock…Lila Barrett…

The only unlabelled box was for apartment 24.

The front door opened again and a gust of cool air lifted my hair gently.

"You ok there?" a short thick set man, not much older than myself was suddenly in front of me, his brow furrowed in genuine concern.

I wondered who he was – blue eyed and reddish blonde hair, W. Kozlowski perhaps? Fleischer?

I shook my head and smiled wanly.

"No, I'm fine thanks."

"You looking for someone in particular?"

"Kind of. I know where I'm going."

The man shrugged and reached past me to access his post box. Fleischer. He pulled out a bunch of envelopes and waved them in front of his face.

"More love letters from my ladies," he waggled his eyebrows at me, flicking through the envelopes as he spoke, "Miss Amex, Miss Visa and the ever lovely Miss Cablevision."

He started up the stairs at a bouncing jog – no elevator, typical – shouting back at me over his shoulder, "if you get lost I'm in 17, just knock!"

At least, I mused, if anything happened to me this evening I could bank on Fleischer remembering the confused, near mute stranger in the lobby of his building.

I waited until he was out of earshot and mounted the stairs myself, trudging up to the fifth floor…dead girl walking.

Before I knew it there I was, standing in front of a non-descript stripped wood front door, an aluminium '24' hanging in its centre.

I had intended to march straight up, knock loudly and boldly barge through as soon as the door was opened. But instead I had hesitated, allowed myself to think before I acted and consequently found myself staring the door down as if it were my worst enemy, biting a corner of my thumb nail as I did so.

I turned to the stairs and thought about leaving, telling the Cullens that there had been no answer. But there was no way I'd get that one past Alice. Damn see-all psychic.

So instead I walked up to the door, steeled myself and raised a fist, ready to knock. As if it had a mind of its own my hand stopped in mid air, pulled back as if to rap on the panelled wood. I let it drop back to my side, exhaling noisily.

Both annoyed and disappointed with myself I leaned against the wall next to his door, my forehead against the cool plaster.

"How long do you intend to stand there Bella?"

His voice, cool and clear, was so familiar to me that I barely flinched on hearing it.

"I don't know," I sighed in to the wall, not moving from my admittedly slightly bizarre position.

It wasn't exactly how I had intended Edward to first see me when we met again – face first against a wall, sweating slightly and wearing a ripped old pair of jeans and my muddy Converse. But then in none of my fantasies – most of which involved running in to him whilst wearing the kind of sexy, figure hugging dress which I would never consider buying, possibly whilst collecting the Pulitzer or, at the very least the Nobel in Literature – was I dispatched to beg him to stop killing people and go home to his parents.

"Would you like to come in?" he asked, giving no indication of whether he wanted me to do so or not.

"I don't know," I repeated.

I watched as tiny droplets of water formed on the surface of the paint in front of me, condensation from my hot breath blooming and receding over and over again, as if taunting me and my weak human frailty.

Finally, I turned my head to look at him, my cheek rolling against the cold wall.

He seemed somehow older, though I knew it was impossible. His face seemed sharper, more chiselled, the outline of his body, barely visible under the white button up shirt and light gray cotton slacks he wore, appeared to have become less soft. He was hard. All muscle and sinew and bone.

And his eyes…his eyes were no longer the strange yellowish brown which once intrigued me. They were a deep, dark carmine red, the colour of dried blood.

I shivered in horror.

"You haven't changed," he mused quietly, holding the door open, indicating that I should enter his apartment.

"Ironically," I slowly stepped towards the door, not wanting to be so close to him, "you have."

As I passed under his arm, holding the door open to grant me access I felt a familiar pull. My whole body was alive with yearning. For so many years, I now realised, I had been barely alive, this feeling – the adrenaline coursing through my veins, the blood pumping erratically in my neck, the pure, deep longing which dove from my chest to my stomach and then deeper – was why I was alive.

Then he breathed in.

It wasn't a simple draw of oxygen, it was a deep inhalation, sampling the air around us, the air which was full of my scent.

"I knew you were nearby before you even walked in to the building," he grinned, pushing the door closed behind us, "your aroma…I've never forgotten it Bella, never."

I didn't know how to respond so instead I simply stood, taking in the room around me. Perhaps I had expected a coffin or pet bats or at least a skull or two, somehow the normalcy of the apartment surprised me.

It was plain and white, the walls dotted with paintings and what looked to be framed record covers, one black leather couch backed up against an exposed brick wall, looking towards the window where the very top of the cherry tree outside was just visible.

In the small, airless room, _his _room, I could smell the sweetness of his breath, the almost sickly aroma which clung to his skin.

"I imagine Carlisle sent you."

I nodded, "and the others, they're worried about you."

He snorted and rolled his eyes – his deep red eyes. Then, without warning his palm touched my elbow. The touch was only gentle but it sent a shock of electricity buzzing in to every cell of my body. I gasped at the sensation.

Edward guided me to the couch where I unthinkingly and inelegantly plopped down, as if he'd thrown me. The next thing I knew a tall glass of iced water was being placed on the small glass side table next to me.

"Are you always such a good host?" I almost sneered it but, of course, to my ears I sounded more petulant than threatening.

"I try to make a good impression on my guests."

"So I hear."

He was standing in front of the window, his back to me, and I took a moment to appreciate the hard lines of his body, the way his untidy hair curled at the nape of his neck, the strength in his exposed lower arms, the tendons visibly flexing. I knew, by rights, I shouldn't feel every bit as attracted to him as I had all those years ago but it appeared that certain parts of my brain weren't communicating with each other.

"I suppose you know everything?" he asked without turning.

"Alice filled me in, yes."

"Alice?"

"She came to see me, she…" I hesitated, "she showed me some articles from the newspapers up here."

His head inclined slightly and he sighed.

"You have to understand Bella…"

"What Edward? What is there to understand?" I was on my feet, unsteady but determined, "you've _killed _people! How can anybody understand that?"

"It's what I am. You knew that I'd done it before. I told you as much."

"But that was different," I said, my voice small. I knew it was no different, that there was no excuse then, just as there was no excuse now.

"Different because you didn't know me then? Different because you wanted something from me?"

I was knocked sideways by his questions, by the way he spoke about the deaths of these people so easily.

"What do you mean? I never wanted anything from you…"

He laughed, a sardonic, bitter laugh before turning to me, his eyes alight with rage.

"You wanted me to change you Bella, you wanted what I have. You were just like everybody else. All you wanted was what I could give to you."

"I wanted to be _with _you."

"Oh, so it had nothing to do with the promise of eternal existence? Nothing to do with having power over people?" his voice dripped with sarcasm.

"How dare you put words in to my mouth!" I fumed, "if you'd have bothered to talk to me you would've known that what I said to you that night had nothing to do with anything like that."

He strode across the room, covering the distance between us in little more than a step. Looking down in to my face he shook is head sadly.

"How could you have known Bella? How could you have been so sure that you wanted to be like me? You have no idea what you were asking me to do…look at me, look at what I am. A soulless monster."

"You choose to live like this."

"I don't _choose_ anything, this is who I am."

His face was full of anger and sadness, he seemed helpless, out of control. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost, but not quite.

"It's who you are now Edward, it's not who you _have _to be. Look at what you were before - that was a choice you made, the right choice, living with the others, like them. And you've turned your back on it, you've hurt everybody who cares about you…"

"Does that include you?" he interrupted me.

"Yes it includes me! For Christ's sake, do you think I want to see this happening? I don't want to see you like this, I don't want to be caught in the middle of something so fucked up."

"Nobody asked you to get involved."

"Actually, they did. Your family didn't know what else to do, you selfish idiot. And, for the record, I think I was pretty involved the minute you decided to do what you're doing to girls who look exactly fucking like me."

He bent his head, his arms hanging uselessly at his side.

"I don't want to be here any more than you want me to be here. But I'm here for your parents, they're at their wits end."

"It was Carlisle that made me like this."

"Don't you dare blame Carlisle!" I was so angry I could hardly get the words out, my vision was blurred by tears and my whole body was shaking, "this is you Edward, all you. It's nothing to do with me or with Carlisle or anybody else for that matter. Don't even try and lay this on anybody else.

"You're a killer, a fucking murderer. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go to the police right now?"

He grasped my arms, tightly, "nobody would believe you."

"Maybe not. But at least I'd be doing the right thing, at least I wouldn't be here, feeling guilty for something that isn't even my fault. I wouldn't be here scared to death that you'll kill me."

His breath hitched at my words and he gripped my arms even more tightly, I felt the tip of each of his fingers digging in to the delicate skin of my arms.

"I would never hurt you Bella…never." he whispered.

"How can you expect me to believe that? Jane Johnson? Charlotte Levene? Heidi Novogratz? All those other girls? You killed them all. What makes me so different to them?"

"They were just bodies, you…you're Bella. I could never… _I love you_."

My stomach churned violently and I felt a familiar tightness in my throat.

"Where…where's the bathroom?" I choked, slapping a hand over my mouth.

He pointed across the room wordlessly and I ran. Slamming the door behind me I crouched over the bowl and vomited, heaving and choking until there was nothing left but pointless dry heaves, my throat and mouth burning with the remnants of acrid bile.

The door pushed open behind me almost silently and I felt rather than heard Edward come in to the room.

He crouched behind me, curled around the base of the toilet sobbing and coughing, rubbing at my mouth with the sleeve of my sweater, and began to ever so gently stroke my back, up and down in a soothing motion.

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered, "I'm so, so sorry."

When the threat of sickness finally subsided I allowed Edward to pull me out of his bathroom and back to the couch where he sat me down and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.

Despite everything, despite the guilt and the fury and the fear it felt good. It had been so long since somebody cared. It had been so long since I had felt close to someone…to him. I had had no idea just how much I had missed him, how much I had still wanted to be near him.

Sure, I'd thought about him every day, _every damn day_. I knew I'd never got over Edward Cullen, that I never would. I had lived every minute of my life hoping that somehow he would reappear, take me in his arms and say those words. I love you.

Now, here it was, that moment. And I wanted it so badly.

But I couldn't accept it.

How could I? We couldn't be together, not now he was like this, living this way. He was a killer. He was dangerous. He was a vampire in the truest sense of the word. He wasn't good like Carlisle or Rose, reformed like Jasper and Alice, he didn't try. Edward was an honest to goodness horror movie vampire with a thirst for blood.

And still I wanted him.

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**A/N: Again thank you for your reviews and messages, do please keep reviewing, it inspires me to keep going!**

I'm glad to get these two (love) sick puppies back together...more of them soon, promise :) EQ x 


	18. Chapter 16

**A/N: Feeling hot, hot, hot. Coming to you from the sunny comfort of my back garden...I'm getting a little hot under the collar here in the good ol' British summer - and I'm not the only one ;)**

* * *

Edward

Crouched on the arm of the couch I studied Bella carefully.

I refused to believe she was really here, in my apartment, albeit shivering like a cat that's just been fished out of the river.

My memories of her had been mere echoes of the reality, I now realised as I allowed myself a surreptitious sniff of her still utterly singular bouquet. She was more fragrant, more delicious than I had remembered.

And she looked so much more delicate. I remembered her as breakable but now, despite the softness of the curves which replaced her once skinny frame she seemed as if she would shatter in to a thousand pieces at my touch.

Her skin was translucent, although a dusting of freckles had bloomed across her nose in the interim years, and I could pick out the blue crisscrossing of her veins under the thin skin of her arms and chest.

But more than anything she looked tired, broken. Her eyes didn't gleam with determination the way they once had, her mouth turned down in permanent sadness.

"Is this all my fault?"

"What?" she turned to peek out at me from the large blanket I'd draped over her. I hadn't even realised that I'd spoken out loud – but of course, how could I forget how little control I had over my thoughts and feelings around her.

I sighed, leaning over to run my thumb gently underneath one of her eyes.

"You look awful Bella."

"Gee, thanks," she shrugged away from me sharply.

"I didn't mean…is it because of me?"

"What do you care?"

"I don't want to have been responsible for you suffering."

She snorted rather unattractively, "yes, it's not really in your nature to cause suffering is it?"

"Not to you, no."

My reaction to her had surprised me somewhat. I had been standing by the window in the apartment when that familiar aroma had filled my nostrils, sensuous and sweet like the most overwhelming incense.

There was no way that it could be anybody else, that smell was so perfectly, wonderfully…Bella. I had held the memory of it close to me for so long, stripped it down in to its component parts in my mind, reconstructed it, tried to imagine it on others…nothing could compare.

So when I heard her voice it came as little surprise, and when I saw her in his thoughts – the little ginger prick from 17 – and heard what he was thinking about her, I was prepared.

But still it was a surprise to find that my self control remained. I had lived so long ignoring it that I had prickled at the first wave of her scent, stiffening as if I could second guess my own reaction.

I had imagined so many times how I might respond to that most magnetic of temptations were I to ever see Bella again. And in my mind, while the scenario played out differently each time, it always ended in the same way. Blood, death, incomparable satisfaction.

But here we were. In my apartment. Closer than should be safe. But the only risk was to damn Fleischer if he kept thinking about her the way he had been.

"Well it's too late Edward, don't you think?" she broke in to my thoughts.

"How do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" she cried, her eyes finally alive, blazing with fury, almost imperceptibly darker as she spoke.

Though she was angry it was comforting to know that whatever had happened to her since she removed herself from Forks – from me – hadn't killed her spirit entirely.

"Why do you think I'm here? Just to be helpful to your parents? Because Alice said please? Do you think I travelled to New York from my home, walked out on everything I have there at a moment's notice to risk my life just to do a fucking favour for a bunch of people I barely know?"

She had thrown the blanket to the floor in anger and I was watching in awe as her face flushed with the effort of shouting. She was fiery and stunning and full of passion still under that sad, ruined veneer of hopelessness.

"I deserve a few answers Edward Cullen and I'm damn well going to get them, if I have to stay here all week."

I kind of liked the idea and considered playing mute just to see how long I could keep her with me.

"What would you like me to tell you?" I asked, still unsure where the conversation might be going but happy to play along.

She knew about the girls, she had recognised their similarities. It was probably safe to assume she might have one or two questions regarding _that_.

She was suddenly up out of her seat, the energy that had been sapped out of her as she was ill returning to her body in what appeared to be one bolt of human electricity.

"Why did you leave? Why didn't you say anything?"

It seemed a strange place to start, but an easy one.

"I couldn't pretend any longer, living with Carlisle and Esme watching me, waiting for me to fall apart. When I came to New York I couldn't…"

"Not then," she rolled her eyes as if I was stupid, peering down at me where I sat, now slumping in to the couch, "Forks you…you moron, after you told me what you were."

Oh.

I hadn't seen that one coming.

"Strictly speaking you were the one that left Bella," I spoke smoothly with a calmness that I really didn't feel.

"Excuse me?" she choked.

"I needed to think. After the accident, after you asked me to change you. It was so much to take in. You have to understand that I thought once you knew what I was that you'd run screaming. Anybody in their right mind would have.

"But you didn't. You Bella, got some crazy notion in your head that I should make you just like me, take your life from you then and there. And, by the way, you tried to seduce me in to doing it by rather…well, rather womanly ways shall we say?"

Her mouth hung open and I watched her as her flush somehow changed from furious red to an embarrassed pink, spreading across her chest. I didn't miss the way her nipples hardened under her t-shirt either.

When she said nothing I continued, watching all the time for her reactions.

"You were so, so determined that the only way we could be together was for me to change you…"

"I never said that," she whispered, looking down at the floor.

"Not in so many words perhaps. Look, Bella, _I _came back. I came back and you were gone. Maybe I did the wrong thing, maybe I should have stuck around, done my thinking close by. But I didn't run away from you, _you_ ran away from _me_."

"I thought you didn't want me."

"How could you have thought that?" I rose from my seat and hesitantly approached her, reaching out to take her hands. She flinched but didn't stop me.

"I wanted you Bella, I still do. When I came back and you were gone…" I sighed, taking another slow step in to her, "I fell apart Bella, I couldn't function, everything had changed."

Silent tears were falling from her eyes, trailing wetly down her reddened cheeks.

"I kept hoping that you'd come back, that I hadn't scared you off for good. I knew deep down it was too much to hope but even so, I stayed in Forks, I waited for as long as I could."

"I didn't know," she shook her head, "why didn't you call? Why didn't you come after me?"

"How could I? I had told you the most disturbing, frightening truth. You ran because you were scared of me, I couldn't risk making things worse…"

She interrupted me with a vehement cry, suddenly placing her small, warm hands on either side of my face. I felt a shock run through my entire body at the tenderness of her touch, the feel of her skin against mine.

"I was never scared of you Edward! I was only scared of myself."

I searched her face, furrowing my brow in confusion.

"I was always so out of control around you, I couldn't trust myself to do the right thing. I didn't want you to change me – not really. But in the heat of the moment I had said it, I had convinced myself that it was what I wanted.

"As soon as I was away from you I knew I could never just throw away my life like that. I couldn't leave Charlie and Renee behind, disappear without a word. I had no idea what I was saying until I was away from you.

"It was like I was under a spell when I was around you. And then, when you disappeared without saying anything…I took it as a sign."

"A sign?" I scoffed, "and you called me a moron!"

Her huge, sad eyes were flickering slightly from side to side as she stared at me, her hands still clamped to my face, so close I could feel her breath on me, warm through the cotton of my shirt.

She hadn't left because she was scared of me. She didn't hate me. She hadn't even wanted me to change her. Everything I knew –_ thought_ I knew – was wrong. I had been living under a misapprehension for so long, believing that she had run from me and from what I was.

"I think we were both morons. Perhaps we should have…I dunno, spoken or something?" her voice was barely more than a whisper, she was breathing shallowly, her chest rising and falling in rhythm with her speeding heartbeat.

As if my body was taking its own initiative – something it was more than accustomed to – I leaned in towards her, cupping her chin with my thumb and forefinger and tipping her head back.

She reacted by licking her lips, slowly, unintentionally seductively. Her eyes were hooded as she willingly stepped closer to me, until our chests were touching.

Dipping my head towards her I allowed our lips to touch, gently at first, feeling the electricity spark between our skin everywhere it met. When she reacted, touching my bottom lip with an exploratory tongue, I deepened the kiss, allowing both of our tongues to wrestle with each other, fighting for dominance between our mouths.

I was overwhelmed by the scent of her, the sensation of her body against mine as she leaned in to me, her breasts heaving in to my chest, the feel of her soft palms brushing against the nape of my neck as her fingers weaved in to my hair, tugging on it.

My hands behaved of their own volition, exploring her eagerly as she wrapped herself ever more tightly around my body, like verdant, vigorous ivy finding its way around an empty marble pillar. Vibrant life wrapping itself around hard, cold death.

By now her toes were barely touching the floor, I realised I was taking almost her entire weight in my arms, lifting her ever closer, wanting to feel every inch of her softness against me.

I knew it was wrong, somewhere deep in the long buried remnants of my conscience. I knew now that she was unable to control herself around me and I knew I was taking advantage of that very fact, the information only just recently imparted to me.

But still I couldn't find it in myself to stop. I wanted this, I had wanted it for so long.

As she fought to get impossibly closer to me I reached down to grasp her thigh, hitching one of her denim clad legs around my waist. She groaned as she felt me against her now open pelvis, moving to find friction.

Her hands found their way inside my shirt, grasping desperately at the bare skin she found underneath, scratching at my unbreakable skin with her bitten nails. The sensation of her hands on me – it was something I'd dreamed of, the very thing I'd been seeking out since she left me – was incredible, warmth against ice it melted me.

My barriers, the walls I'd surrounded myself with, the anger I'd been curled in to all dissipated, collapsed under her touch. I was a mere puddle of nerves and sensation, pooling at her feet.

I eased her backwards until the back of her knees met the couch, gently pushing her down on it, collapsing on top of her prostrate body.

Gasping, pushing herself up – hard – in to me, she began to fumble with the lower buttons on my shirt, her hands shaking. She managed, in between exploring my neck with her mouth, to open it, pushing the thin cotton back off of my shoulders and on to the floor.

I followed her lead, hurriedly pushing up the shapeless navy blue t-shirt she wore, my breathing coming more and more raggedly, faster, as I took in every inch of the porcelain skin which I found beneath.

She ignored the cold of my hands as I ran them over her stomach and up along her sides and obligingly lifted her arms so I could tug the t-shirt over her head and throw it down to join my shirt.

Taking a moment to stare, I allowed my eyes to trace over the soft curves of her waist, the line where her stomach met her jeans and up, up to the soft swell of her breasts, rounding under the simple purple bra which she wore. I ran a curious finger along the top of one cup, delighting in the shiver she gave as I tucked it just ever so slightly in to the material, feeling more, exploring.

I followed my finger with my tongue, running it down the elegant line of her neck and in to the dip where her shoulders met her throat. I continued down, letting my tongue flick over the sensitive flesh of her still covered breasts.

She writhed in to me, faster and faster, I could feel the seam of her jeans rubbing against me, making me impossibly harder with her furious motions and her desperate mewling.

I returned my lips to her ear, nibbling gently, so gently, on the delicate, fleshy lobe.

"Bella," I breathed, "this is nothing like…I mean, the others were…"

She froze, her breathing stopped. She pushed at my chest with both of her palms, wordlessly. The movement was useless, she couldn't shift me, but even so I sat, still straddling her…confused.

"What's wrong?" I whispered gently, leaning in to push her hair out of her eyes.

Her face, still flushed and lightly coated in the sweat of passion, changed.

Bella swung her arm back and, with all of her strength, administered what was doubtless intended as a stingingly painful slap to my face.

**A/N: please, please keep on reviewing guys I really do savour each one even though I don't get a chance to reply to everyone! EQ x**


	19. Chapter 17

_I walked down to the ocean__  
__After waking from a nightmare__  
__No moon, no pale reflection__  
__Black Mirror, Black Mirror_

_Shot by a security camera__  
__You can't watch your own image__  
__And also look yourself in the eye__  
__Black Mirror, Black Mirror, Black Mirror_

_I know a time is coming__  
__All words will lose their meaning__  
__Please show me something that isn't mine__  
__But mine is the only kind that I relate to__  
__Le miroir casse_

****

Bella

"Shit!" I cursed, my hand ringing with searing pain.

Edward rolled his eyes, at the same time jumping off of me and dragging me up from the couch where I lay, cradling my injured palm.

Forcing my hand under the running cold tap in his kitchen, Edward clicked his tongue at me.

"Do you mind explaining what that was all about?"

I fumed inwardly. Was he really that dense? Apparently a hundred odd years didn't guarantee well developed common sense.

"I think it's broken," I breathed as the coldness of the water bit in to my skin.

"I doubt it," he replied, "it's pretty difficult to break your hand slapping someone. Even somebody made of stone."

"Fuck," I hissed as he turned my hand so the water cascaded over the top of my hand, "you could have warned me."

"Sadly Bella, I still can't read your thoughts. I wasn't expecting a slap at just _that_ moment…"

"Really?" I yanked away from the sink and turned to eyeball him, "you start on about 'the others' while you're making out with me? A slap was kind Edward, let me tell you."

Amusement crossed his face. It was a fleeting, blink and you'll miss it shift but still I was painfully reminded of the old Edward, the relatively carefree Edward I had known in high school.

Ok, so he rarely smiled or laughed, even then, but he still seemed…I don't know, younger?

"I meant…I didn't mean…" he ran his fingers nervously through that copper hair. I wished I could do the same. Argh! Get a grip on yourself Isabella Swan!

"What am I meant to understand by 'others'?" realisation dawned, and there was me thinking him stupid…"Oh."

"I don't know what I can say Bella, it's just…" a growl rumbled deep in his chest and he curled his hands in to fists, bringing them up to press in to his temples, squeezing his reddish eyes tightly shut.

"This is too much to take in Edward. I thought that you just…just…um, you know, I didn't know you had…" I was blushing furiously.

It seemed so irrelevant. He had killed these girls. He had murdered them. And here I was_ jealous_. Fucked up much?

The idea of him being with anybody else. Some other girl with her hands on him, her lips…my stomach clenched, my ears rang.

Only now did I realise that I had never imagined myself with anybody else. Sure, I'd been on dates since moving to San Francisco – well, only two but it was two more than none – but I'd avoided anything physical. I'd even dodged the goodnight kiss on both occasions. I'd always thought that I just hadn't found the right guy. It dawned on me then that the problem was that I _had_ found him.

His eyes flew open, blazing with – what? Anger? Annoyance? – and his mouth formed a perfect 'o' of realisation.

"No!" he cried.

He stepped towards me, shaking his head slowly, sadly.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice low, seductive, full of meaning, "it's only ever been you. I couldn't be close to anybody else, I've never even…"

If Edward Cullen could blush this would have been the moment he did. I watched, with something approaching delight - guilty, disgusted delight – as his thick black lashes lowered and he rubbed his lips together between his teeth.

"Bella, I never so much as kissed anybody else. I suspect that I've seen less, uh, action, than you have since we were last together."

I suppressed a giggle, only shaking my head in answer to his statement and he grinned.

Forcing the images of those girls, his victims, back to the forefront of my mind I composed myself.

How could I be so uncaring? So disrespectful? Edward had killed people and all I cared about was whether he'd had sex with them first…I tried to feel shame but it appeared to be being smothered by a huge, ugly blanket of selfishness.

"Listen Bella," he suddenly sighed, all trace of humour gone from his face, "I want to explain this to you, I don't know if I can but I'd like to try."

I felt my heart shudder in my chest. I had imagined there could be no reasonable explanation…but, perhaps he could make things better, perhaps there was something I hadn't thought of…perhaps.

Cocking my head I contemplated him, his still angelic face, written with concern, pain, anger…those eyes – once a hypnotic amber now the deep red which reminded me what he had become – boring in to me as I considered.

He wanted to explain, I wanted to hear his explanation…didn't I? But what did that mean? If he could make it right where would we go from there?

All those years which had passed, the pain we had caused each other. It couldn't just be undone overnight. We still wanted each other, as badly as ever before. There was still that pull, as if we were joined by an invisible thread.

But was the pull just an echo of something long past? Could I forgive what he had done? Could he forgive me for leaving? So much had changed, we were different now, we weren't teenagers, the Edward and Bella of Forks High were long gone to be replaced by something much more complex, an Edward and Bella tangled in a web of confusion and misunderstanding, of fear and death and sex. Two people trapped in a dark tunnel, trying to feel their way blindly to some kind of light but only holding each other back unwittingly.

"Why?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you want to explain? What do you think it will achieve?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

"I really don't know. I don't even know if I _can _explain. But I have to try. I need to know that if you leave me again I haven't just let you go without a fight."

"Let me go?" I whimpered, not daring to hope he meant what I thought he did.

"Do you have to make me spell everything out?" he burst, "Isabella Swan, I have thought about nobody, nothing, but you for almost eight years. Alright, it's not forever but it's enough. I can't imagine another day without seeing your face, without touching you.

"You standing here now, it's more than I ever dared to hope for. I am _not_ going to give up on the possibility – however remote - that we might be together again, that you might consider staying with me despite everything.

So I need to tell you it all. I need to make you see why I've done what I've done. I need to do everything in my power to make you care for me again. Like you did before."

He crossed his arms, apparently satisfied with his speech. And it was only as he did so that I realised that my mouth was hanging limply open, as if my jaw was swinging on a rusty loose hinge.  
I snapped it shut and steeled myself. I didn't know if his explanation would make any difference but the fact that he wanted to try…it was enough, for now at least.

Letting my still throbbing right hand hang by my side I strode across the small kitchen, stopping immediately in front of Edward. He searched my face with his blazing eyes, not moving even slightly.

I pushed myself on to my tiptoes – a memory of being lifted to stand on his shoes in the rain crossing my mind, unbidden, _he's so much taller than me_ - and pressed my lips to his. Hard.

I didn't move them, I didn't touch him with any other part of my body. I just pushed my lips in to his with all the strength I had. It was like kissing a statue – Michelangelo's David was somehow too much of a cliché for him. And there were certain aspects of David that I recalled weren't quite, _ahem_, generous enough.

The thought caused me to smirk against his mouth. He felt it and pulled back, holding me away from him, peering questioningly down at me.

"I don't just care for you Edward, that isn't nearly enough. And I never stopped."

It was a somewhat late retort to his statement but he seemed to understand. He reached down wordlessly, taking my good hand and lacing his fingers with mine.

"As you know, I found it somewhat…difficult…after you left Forks. I caused myself and my family a lot of pain, I know that Esme and Carlisle felt your absence as much as I did. Because of me."

I was seated, on his couch again, wrapped in the blanket he had thrown around my shoulders earlier. The apartment was quickly darkening, the sun long gone to be replaced by an inky dusk.

Edward stood in front of the window, his features indecipherable as he spoke, his voice quiet and solemn as he launched in to his story.

"Alice had tried to convince me to go after you – Emmett too. She found out your Mom's address and phone number, she left them pinned to my door.

"I did consider it Bella, I really did. But you had your reasons, I thought you were scared, I thought you hated me. I made excuses to myself, reasoned myself out of doing it. Eventually I burnt the note.

"Waste of matches really – photographic memory," he smiled wryly and tapped the side of his head.

"My siblings got pretty bored with me. The atmosphere in the house was awful, they all tip toed around me. Well, all of them except Rose of course. She muttered insults and pulled faces when she saw me. But the others – even Carlisle and Alice – just kept their heads down, avoided making me angry.

"You see, I lost my temper Bella. _A lot_. It was dreadful for Esme especially, seeing one son behaving so abominably towards her other children. I'd pick on anything any of them said. Emmett said something about you one evening…"

He hung his head shamefully, his voice now barely a whisper,

"I could have destroyed him Bella, if the others…if Jasper and Carlisle hadn't pulled me away."

I gasped. In my mind there was nobody who could damage Emmett. Even if he wasn't a vampire…the dude was Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme and Diesel all wrapped up in one big, muscle bound package.

Looking surreptitiously through my lowered eyelashes at Edward I reconsidered. He wasn't Emmett's size, no, but he was strong and lean. I knew he was fast and he had the advantage of hearing the opposition's mind. And his eyes – again I drank them in. I remembered, even before, when they hadn't been coloured by human blood…there was always something there, almost invisible but still somehow utterly tangible. Whatever it was it had always scared me.

"That was the beginning of the end I suppose. After my fight with Emmett he and Rosalie left. They couldn't live with me any longer. They had already 'deferred' college so there was no suspicion when they disappeared. A few weeks later, as soon as graduation was over Alice and Jazz went too."

He turned his back on me, staring out of the window over the tree lined street below.

"I felt so empty without you Bella, I felt like I was always waiting for you to come around the corner, to tell me it was all a misunderstanding. But of course you didn't. I was in a black hole and I couldn't get out. I blamed what I was for you turning your back on me. And in time I blamed Carlisle for making me this way."

"Do you still?" I whispered.

He shrugged, I saw in his reflection - the window a black mirror, allowing me to spy on him – his eyes closed in response to the question.

"I don't know. I think so…some at least. I think he has to accept some responsibility for what I am."

I didn't know enough to argue. I didn't know Carlisle and I didn't know his reasons for changing Edward – not well enough to defend him. Carlisle seemed to me to be a good man, better than most humans. But still, he had condemned Edward – and not just Edward but three others too – to a life of eternal darkness.

"When we had been in Forks for too long Carlisle and Esme put the house up for sale and moved – well you know that much I'm sure. Obviously it isn't possible for us to stay in one place for so long. I fought them on it, I wanted to stay. I considered remaining in Forks alone, waiting for you.

"When the house was sold, when all of my family had left Forks…Bella, it was like they'd given up on you. On me.

"I went to stay in France for a while – Alice and Jasper were there – and I met someone, an old friend of Jazz's, from his life before."

My eyebrows shot up. I didn't know what Jasper's life _was _before he had met the Cullens. All I knew was that he and Alice turned up at Dr Cullen's house some years ago and made themselves a part of the family.

Edward's words suggested that they had had separate lives before they were a couple, that Jasper had another history apart from Alice. I decided I could broach the subject later.

"Although Jasper left the coven and became a _vegetarian_, he and Peter have remained friends. While we were in Saint-Amand together Peter and I spent a lot of time in each other's company. It was easier for me, somehow, to be with somebody on the outside.

"We spoke at length about the choices our family had made, about why we chose to deny our nature.

"The more I spoke to Peter the less I understood. I was blinded by hatred for myself and for what I was. But trying seemed so hard, it was pointless in a world which didn't include you."

He turned back to me, his head on one side as if he was pleading for something, though I didn't know what.

"I had never forgotten what it was like to drink human blood. But Peter's descriptions made it all real again. I recalled what it was like to feel so feral, so…animal. It's as if your body takes over Bella, your mind is given over entirely to your needs and your desires. Your body is in the moment, your mind is concentrated.

"And the taste…human blood is champagne compared to the cheap beer of animal blood."

He spoke with the fervour and passion of a religious zealot. I should have been sickened. But instead I felt a familiar tensing in the pit of my stomach - a feeling forever associated with the man stood in front of me - a slight dampness soaking in to my underwear, uninvited. I flushed, embarrassed and annoyed with my body for its ridiculous reaction.

"I was with Peter the first time I turned my back on Carlisle's rules again. It was in France. He allowed me to accompany him on a hunt.

"We were in a town called Valenciennes, just far enough away from Alice and Jasper's home as to raise no suspicion. I had intended only to keep Peter company until he discovered his prey.

"It was late in the night and we were walking past the Notre-Dame du Saint-Cordon –perhaps you've heard of it, it's quite famous…"

I shook my head, confused at the sudden mundanity of his words.

"No, well I suppose it doesn't matter. She was sitting on the ground in front of the _basilique_ when I spotted her. Leaning over a book, trying to read by the light from her mobile phone.

"Although her hair – it was long and dark – covered her face I was reminded inexorably of you. It was the way she sat, hunched over, alone. She was on the ground like a beggar but she was clearly not a pauper. And she was trying to read. In the dark.

"I made my excuses and left Peter. I watched the girl for a while and eventually she looked up. Although it was dark I could make out the features of her face. She was so much like you Bella."

"_Was_?" I gasped, a feeling of dread spreading through me, cell by cell.

He ignored me, continuing, unbroken as if in a trance, consumed by his memories.

"I approached her, sat beside her on the sidewalk in front of Saint-Cordon. We spoke for some time about her book – it was a French translation of Wuthering Heights, classic English literature. The irony wasn't lost on me. She was French, from a small town outside Nantes. Studying Comparative Literature at the university in Valenciennes."

I chose not to mention that I had just recently applied for a PhD in Comparative Literature. Even so the coincidence made me shiver.

"Although when I approached her I had no intentions or expectations…well, it was the closest I'd been to you in so long in a lot of ways. She had the same spirit, the same vibrancy about her. She was self deprecating and funny…"

"What was her name?" I had to know.

"Angelique," he murmured, "Angelique Desmarais."

I pulled the blanket closer around me, trying to stave off the cold which enveloped me.

"I intended at first to take her home. It was easy to imagine she was you. I couldn't be close to you and she was the next best thing.

"But I couldn't do it. It felt as if I was betraying you, even though you had left me…"

I opened my mouth to disagree but he raised a hand to stop me.

"I thought so at the time Bella. She obviously wanted to take things further and I tried, right there in front of the church but I couldn't…"

He ran a hand through his already chaotic auburn hair, appearing lost for words.

I fought with myself. Part of me wanted to run. But the other, larger part of me won over.

I stood, dropping the blanket behind me on the couch. Standing before him I nervously raised my arms and, carefully avoiding putting pressure on my damaged hand, held him to me tightly, stroking the back of his hair and making soothing, shushing noises.

**A/N: I know, slightly slow on the burn...**

I had fully intended to get this entire conversation in to one chapter when I sat down at my laptop a couple of hours ago. But in typical style the characters ran away from me. So next time expect a short flashback - The Death of Angelique Desmarais.  
As always, THANK YOU for the reviews. I hope the above has answered some questions at least.

For those who have asked about the timing of updates...I try now to update once a week if not more. But sadly work-work has to take priority and there's a whole heap of it now. Plus I have kiddiewinks to look after. Life eh?

Of course, more reviews will keep my enthusiasm for it up ;) EQx 


	20. Extra: The Pleasant Death of Angelique D

**A/N: as promised, a little outtake from If... it won't make any difference to the story if you don't read it so do feel free to skip it. Trans. of any French phrases used are below.**

**The Pleasant Death of Angelique Desmarais**

How silly we have all been to ignore the signs. We believe that the creatures we read of in books are pure myth, the figments of a creative imagination. We never consider the possibility that fiction must come from somewhere, that the author bases his or her stories on experience, on real, visceral knowledge, on something which has touched them.

I met him on a warm Sunday evening, in front of La Basilique Notre-Dame du Saint-Cordon.

The story of Saint-Cordon had always fascinated me. It was one that the people of Valenciennes held close to their hearts, although none of them believed it. It was a story of great plagues and angels, of prayers fulfilled and wishes granted. It was a story which was intended to affirm the greatness and mercy of God.

I often found myself drawn to the basilica, to its quiet majesty and its hundreds of years of knowledge.

For so long it had been watching over the town, providing solace and refuge for those in need. I liked to imagine the stories it might tell, if it could.

On this particular evening I had banished myself from the apartment I shared with a friend, Delphine. Delphine wasn't my closest friend but we both found ourselves in need of quarters at the same time and we liked each other enough to share a space and an electricity bill.

Our little two bedroom apartment was rustic, needed work, but it was home. For the time being at least. We shared a squalid, leaking bathroom and we often cooked together in the tiny, ill equipped kitchenette, sharing our grandmothers' recipes. Delphine was from the South of France, I was from Brittany. We had much to teach each other.

Her boyfriend, Silvain, often visited. We were friends, the three of us, we drank together at a bar a few metres from the apartment or we watched films on the too small television in our living room. Silvain had access to a lot of films – he worked in the rental store and was obsessed with the European Avant-Garde movement.

But there were times when I knew it was better to keep out of their way. When Delphine and Silvain argued it was easy to get caught in the crossfire.

So that Sunday evening, when I heard the familiar slam of the door, followed by an angry hammering and Silvain's raised voice from the hallway I hurriedly gathered up my shoulder bag, threw the copy of Wuthering Heights which I was part way through, my mobile telephone and my purse in to the depths of it and scooped up my keys.

I hesitantly tapped on Delphine's door. She threw it back to hit against the wall behind it, no doubt leaving another scar in the decrepit plaster work. Delphine and Silvain had long ago ensured that we would never see our holding deposit again.

"Oh, it's you," her face turned from red rage to sweetness in a moment.

"Are you okay Delphine?" I asked

She grinned mischievously and glanced at my bag.

"I'm absolutely fine darling, Silvain may not be. You're going out?"

"Yes, I'm going to give you some space unless you need me?"

"Of course not, Silvain is just being jealous."

"Adrien?"

She replied with a mock-angelic smile and held her hands together as if in prayer, "would I?"

"Yes you would, that poor boy…he thinks you like him Delphine, it's not fair."

"Ah, he knows it's just fun."

"à la côte," I muttered turning my back on her and heading towards the front door.

"Let the dog in on your way out," she called, loud enough for Silvain to hear. He barked loudly in response.

I unlatched the front door to find Silvain leaning casually against the wall, his arms crossed.

"Salut Angel," he smirked.

I nodded at the DVD case he held in his hand, "what's on tonight?"

"Ah, Ménilmontant, a classic Kirsanoff silent film. You'll be back?"

"When you two have finished…" I started down the stairs, calling behind me "texto moi!"

For a while I walked – Valenciennes was so pretty in the dusk. But eventually the call of the book in my bag was too much.

Books were like that for me, once I started it was hard to finish. This one was a favourite, I re-read it often. There were few English novels which really moved me – the British hold back too much, their passion is too little and their books give nothing of the human feeling away – but _this_ I could enjoy.

I bought a cappuccino and walked to the Basilique where I took up my usual position, cross legged to the right of the huge doors. It wasn't comfortable but I found being in the protective shadow of the huge, timeless building somehow comforting. I felt protected. Safe.

I dug around in my bag for first my book and then the little clip on light I usually used to read by in the dark. Of course I'd forgotten the light.

But rather than find a café and be tempted by more caffeine or go home and listen to the sounds of Delphine and Sylvain making up after their fight, I used the tiny amount of light emitted by my mobile phone to illuminate the page in front of me, holding it awkwardly over the book, repeatedly pressing the key which would power up the glow.

It had been only minutes when I heard the two male voices which made me look up from my book.

They were speaking in English and their accents were – I thought – American. It wasn't unusual to hear American and British accents in Valenciennes but usually Americans spoke with ugly, harsh voices. I had never liked their accents.

But these two men…their voices were smooth and musical, quiet but commanding. It was the unusually seductive quality which made me look up.

As I did so one of them turned to look at me, as if perhaps he had heard my jaw drop at their perfection – it wasn't only their voices which were appealing. I bent my head quickly, letting my hair fall over my face like a curtain separating me from them.

The light on my mobile phone flicked off at that moment and I was forced to raise my head slightly to press the keys which would re-illuminate my book.

Through the screen of my hair I saw someone approaching me – I could only make out a pair of what I thought were probably very expensive black boots, made to look like they'd cost only a few Euros at the flea market, and the bottom of a pair of faded grey jeans which artfully creased around the top of the boots.

"Bonsoir, puis-je m'asseoi?"

I looked up at him, nodding.

It was the first time I'd been able to see his face properly and it took my breath away.

I had truly never seen such a stunning person – male or female – in my whole life.

Up close, I could see, he was much younger than I had first thought. Probably younger than me.

Both his hair and eyes were strange colours and he was deathly pale, though not unhealthy looking. In fact he looked strong. I let my eyes wander across his chest and down his arms, I could see enough through his worn black t-shirt…

He raised the corners of his mouth then and I realised that I wasn't just staring but that my mouth was open and I was breathing inappropriately deeply.

He introduced himself – Edward, a strangely archaic name for an American – and asked me why I was sitting on the floor outside the church, in the dark.

"Are you begging?" he grinned, his French impeccable.

"No, I like to come here to read. My flatmate is arguing with her boyfriend at our apartment."

"It was a joke," he raised his eyebrows, making me feel extremely stupid.

We sat in silence for a moment, watching a couple walk arm in arm past us, slowly, teasing each other as they went.

"You live in Valenciennes? Or are you a tourist?" I asked him, curious to know the reason for his presence in my not all that remarkable town.

"My sister and her husband live nearby – Saint-Amand-les-Eaux?" I nodded, knowing the place well, "I'm taking a break there for a while, before I start college, seeing the sights, catching up with Alice and Jasper."

"Your sister and brother in law?"

"Yes."

There was another silence and I found myself rooting deep in my brain for something to say. It wasn't usual for me to be lacking words but this boy had me in knots.

"How are you finding France?" I tried, imaginatively.

"Couci couça."

I was taken aback by his informal choice of words, "your French is very good. Have you lived here?"

"No, my father speaks a lot of languages though, he studied in Europe…" he trailed off, sighing softly.

He seemed to have very little to say, which surprised me. I didn't quite understand why he had left his friend to sit with me, a stranger, if he wasn't going to say anything.

My mobile phone beeped twice, snapping me out of my reverie. I glanced at it.

It was a text message, from Delphine: 'D'ac. Film? GHT2 bier x'

I began to gather up my belongings, throwing my forgotten book in to my bag.

"Bronte?" he asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"I'm a literature student," I offered by way of explanation.

He looked thoughtful again, rubbing the back of his neck in silence.

"Well, I'm going to go. It's getting cold," I stood and slung my bag over my shoulder.

We said goodbye and taking a long look at the beautiful, strange American boy I started towards home, planning a route via the convenience store for Delphine's beer.

I turned my bizarre encounter over in my head. Why had he chosen to sit with me? Why did he have so little to say? He seemed so sad and distant, as if he didn't want to talk to anybody…which made no sense. And why did he make me feel so uneasy?

I had walked less than a hundred feet when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I started, readying myself to run.

"Angelique…" I relaxed, slightly. It was him.

I turned to smile, confused. Was he following me?

"I don't feel like going home. Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

* * *

"So she left without saying goodbye?"

He kept running his finger around the rim of his beer bottle, he'd barely touched the drink inside, and nodded down at the table.

"Pute!" I hissed.

I knew now why he seemed so sad, this poor damaged boy. Sat in a dark corner of an impersonal bar in the centre of the town we had chatted for a while, Edward buying me beer while he cradled the same bottle for over two hours.

Eventually he had started to talk. And when he did he told me about the girlfriend who had left him.

_"I had a…a crise de confiance do you say? And I needed to get away, think things through. I came back and she'd gone."_

_"Gone? Where?" _

_"Phoenix, to live with her mother. She didn't even tell me, leave me a note or anything."_

The American girl, he didn't tell me her name, had clearly fucked him up. How anybody could just leave this gorgeous boy without a word I didn't know. The thought made my heart clench with pity.

"So here you are," I raised my bottle in salute.

"So here I am…" he seemed to be saying more as he touched his bottle to mine. His dark eyes bored in to me, burning with something which looked like desire. He held my gaze until I turned away, blushing.

"You remind me of her Angelique," he whispered, the way his voice caressed my name making my stomach flip and my heart soar.

"I do?"

He leaned across the table and pushed my hair behind my ear. His hand was ice cold but I couldn't be sure if it was the temperature or the intimacy of his touch which sent the violent shiver running down my spine.

"Yes, you do. You're just as beautiful, just as smart…"

My breath caught in my throat, everything about him made me lose myself entirely.

"But I'm not a bitch."

"No, you're not," he suddenly stood, his face strangely impassive, his mouth set in a hard line but his eyes alive with fire.

I looked up at him, confused and startled by the movement. He grabbed my hand and dragged me up next to him.

"Come with me," he demanded, starting to pull me away from the table.

I gathered my belongings and allowed him to drag me away from my half finished Budweiser and out of the door of the grubby little bar.

-

"Where are we going?" I gasped, breathless from being led at speed out of the centre of town to the less salubrious outskirts.

He stopped and I took a moment to take in my surroundings. The street we were on was narrow and dirty, I didn't recognise it but I knew we had come past the hospital a moment ago which meant we were well out of the centre of town.

"I don't know," he said, in English, under his breath.

I eyed the tumbledown garages which lined one side of the street.

"Are we lost?" I asked, my voice shaking. Although I knew Valenciennes well and knew I would easily find my way back to the apartment it had only just occurred to me that, for now at least, I was lost, slightly drunk and with a man I didn't know.

As if he could hear what I was thinking he whipped around to face me, fast, sudden, his eyes boring in to my skull, his irises in the dim light of the one working street lamp as black as tar.

"No, we're not lost," he murmured under his breath, "in the sense that I know exactly where we are."

"I don't know what that means."

"I don't either," he grinned but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He cocked his head to one side, furrowing his brow, "are you scared of me?"

I was, but I didn't want to tell him so. So I only shook my head and smiled, although I felt that the smile was probably as unconvincing as his.

"I think you are," he whispered, leaning in to whisper in to my ear.

The shiver ran down my spine again, turning my legs to jelly, making my head spin and my arms feel weak.

"I should go home…" I sighed, but the fear I felt had dissipated and all I felt was weakness. I was drawn to him, every one of my senses was overwhelmed by this man…or was he a boy? He said he was only seventeen but he seemed so much older.

He didn't move away, his mouth was still at my ear and he was breathing heavily. My scalp prickled at the sensation of his cold breath on my neck – somewhere in my mind I knew that breath should be warm but I ignored the nagging doubt – and without warning I felt myself lean in to him until our foreheads were touching.

"Hello," he whispered.

My mind was fuddled by the smell of him, it was so unlike anything else. I couldn't find a word for the way he smelled, not even if I had the thesaurus and unlimited time to do so. He was as sweet and as appealing as the first sniff of a box of the finest Belgian chocolates, as masculine and spicy as the perfect aftershave, there was a faint smell of warm skin, cut grass, coffee, fresh brioche…it was as if his own, personal scent had been created just to seduce me.

"Hi," I choked in reply, my breath coming in gasps.

His hands strongly pinned my arms to my sides, so I couldn't touch him. It was an odd sensation, I felt helpless and I so wanted to run my hands down his strong chest and touch his strangely _roux _hair.

Without thinking I licked my lips slowly, breathed in a huge gulp of Edward-scented air and leaned in to kiss him…

But my lips met not with his but with the skin of his jaw as he turned his head away from me.

I should have been insulted and embarrassed but instead I simply traced the line of his strong jaw with my lips, my tongue, my teeth…

It was wrong, not being able to touch him with my hands, not being able to kiss his lips, not feeling him reciprocate.

He groaned, loudly, a deep rumble from way down in his chest, a raw, feral sound which just made me more desperate to touch him, to take him home to my bed and touch every part of him, to have him undress me…slowly.

I wanted to be taken to the edge time and time again by this man, this stranger. There was something so raw about him. Something which, despite his urbane exterior – his polite, impeccable perfectly accented French, his in depth knowledge of classic literature and classical music, the expensive designer clothes – made him seem primal, dangerous. And it wasn't just the fact that he was apparently about to fuck me in a dirty alleyway.

He was walking me backwards, and I willingly let him, stepping unthinkingly until my back hit something solid – a wall, a door, I wasn't entirely sure and I really didn't care.

Pressing himself in to me he still refused to kiss me, refused to look me in the eye as we struggled against each other, me trying to touch him, to capture his attention, him trying to stop me.

It was strange, he was the one pinning me down yet it seemed that I was taking advantage of him. I couldn't have cared less, a spaceship could have landed twenty feet away from us and I wouldn't have been able to stop myself.

"Bella," he breathed, his voice low and guttural.

I stopped, brought back to reality by his strange choice of words. Perhaps it was a term of endearment…perhaps he had his languages confused. I didn't care.

"Permettez-moi…" I muttered, trying again to free my arms, "Edward, let me…" I tried in his own language.

"No!" he scolded, pressing my arms tighter in to me.

I jerked my head up to meet his eyes with mine. His were indecipherable – lust combined with anger, fear, hatred.

And he released my arms, but only to gather both of my hands in to one of his, cold and hard and strong, behind my back. My body was bent out towards him by the motion, helpless and trapped.

He ran one perfect, long cold finger down the side of my face, agonisingly slowly, letting out a hissing sound as he did so, like the longest intake of breath.

His face was steel, in some way determined. He looked like an animal, a deadly predator, there was no softness and no emotion in his gaze. Like the rest of him his face was cold, hard and unforgiving.

Cupping one cheek with an affection which didn't match his expression, he watched me writhe, trying to free myself from his grip. My hands were starting to feel numb and he was hurting my wrists.

"Forgive me," he whispered. Whether he was talking to me or sending up a desperate prayer to the God who had forsaken him I don't know. I never will.

With the gentlest of touches he guided my head to one side, I let it loll gently, rolling back, feeling the slightest of stretches in my tendons and letting my eyes close.

Finally he released me, running his hands up along my arms, gently, so gently…slowly, making every hair on my body stand to attention. I felt his hands not just on the delicate skin of my bare arms but the ghost of them elsewhere and then…

I sighed at the touch I had been silently begging for. His lips…freezing and unyielding, unlike any others I had felt, hard but soft, so delicate, like glass…his lips touched the sensitive exposed skin of my neck.

Nothing could have been more intense. The mere whisper of his skin on mine caused my insides to melt, I was nothing but that one small, insignificant point on the side of my throat. I heard nothing but his deep, longing sigh. I could smell only his singular, flawless aroma. The only thing I saw, behind my closed lids were flashes of colour and light. He consumed everything.

I felt one delicious swirl of his tongue as it caressed the space, where just before, his mouth had been. And then he leaned back, holding me at arms length.

Flickering my eyes open I peeked at him from between lazy lashes, pursing my lips slightly, hoping to entice him back towards me.

He was searching my face for something, I don't know what. Hope? A sign? Permission?

And then his gaze shifted. He was no longer human, his face was a death mask, pale with the sheen of marble, his eyes were not pools but flat, black discs, betraying nothing. He pulled his lips back, exposing his teeth, glinting like crystal daggers in the pale, inadequate moonlight. The flickering of that one pathetic, broken street lamp casting him first in light and then plunging him into dark, a slow strobe dancing to an unheard rhythm.

I felt terror then in the pit of my stomach. But more than terror I felt want, the memory of his lips lingered on my neck, I still felt his hands on my wrists, binding me, bending me. I wanted more.

As I watched from hooded, hazy eyes he lunged at inhuman speed.

My throat. He was there again but this time there was no kissing, there was no tongue or lips. It was teeth and tearing and ripping.

A burning began in the point where his teeth had met my flesh, where he had ripped me apart, razor teeth on silken skin. A painful burning which should have made me cry out in pain or terror, but something else was there, something more than the burning, the want in the very pit of me, the need to be consumed, to be a part of him.

I sighed, my intake of breath rattling my chest, a groan of pain mixed with pleasure escaping my lips at the same time.

A pulling, a drawing sensation, my blood being pulled from my veins. A bright, blinding flash of white lights in front of my eyes, the feel of his hands, holding my shoulders, guiding me slowly, carefully as my legs gave way beneath me, as my weak body slumped to the floor under the weight of death and desire.

Finally a warmth spread through my whole body, burning pleasantly from the inside out. I took a last gasp of air, air filled with that inexplicably beautiful aroma.

And I turned to face death, an exquisite, graceful death at the hands of a fallen angel.

**A/N: French phrases used:**

_à la côte: on the rocks, but used I think to suggest someone who is walking a fine line, or on the edge of something_

_Bonsoir, puis-je m'asseoi?: 'good evening, may I sit here?'_

_D'ac. Film? GHT2 bier: Text speak: 'ok. Movie? Please get beer'_

_Couci couça: a more formal 'comme ci, comme ca', meaning 'so so'_

_Pute: bitch (or slut but Angelique uses it in the first sense)_

_Crise de confiance: as it sounds, crisis of confidence_

**So there you have it. Although it hasn't moved the story along at all it's a wee Edward insight isn't it? And some things just beg to be written...this was one of them. I will endeavor to have the climax of E&B's NY conversation finished this weekend for you all.**

**much love, EQ x**


	21. Chapter 18

**Bella**

Quietly, as we sat huddled on the floor below the window of his apartment, Edward told me how he had come to kill Angelique Desmarais.

I was appalled. Just the idea of him being so callous was anathema to me. And it went against everything I knew of my pale knight in shining armour.

But there they were, the facts.

Edward had killed Angelique because he felt, somehow through her, closer to me. He played out the deep, dark desires which had consumed him on his first meeting with me first through her and then, unthinkingly, on other girls here in New York. Girls who looked like Angelique, girls who looked like me.

I tried to understand and, in some ways I did. I understood his need to feel close to me even when I was so far away. I had done the same in some ways, the two dates I had been on, the two failed, no-goodnight-kiss dates had both been with tall, auburn haired men. And, let me tell you, auburn haired men ain't easy to find.

I'd absorbed every piece of information I could lay my hands on when it came to cars, it was a passion which Edward had, one of the only things I knew about him well enough to emulate.

And more morbidly I had spent more than seven years amassing an encyclopaedic knowledge of vampire myth and legend. Every spare moment I had was spent researching on the internet, in books, on film…I was an expert on the story of Arnold Paole, I could recite the entire history of the strigori on demand. I – and I hoped Edward would never know about this – had a some time job working with the San Francisco Vampire Tour.

Alright, I hadn't killed people. But I could understand his reasoning a little in that respect.

And he had embraced his true nature, challenged what he thought he knew. Could I deny him that? Even if it meant something so depraved? In any other situation a person exploring their true self would be applauded.

I could see Edward's agony as he sat next to me, refusing to meet my gaze, slowly, hesitantly, telling the stories of the deaths of his victims.

Stoically I refused to let any further tears fall. They were there, threatening to spill over time and time again – tears for Edward, tears for his victims and for his family and for myself. But I wouldn't let Edward see me cry, flinch or cower away from him.

Eventually he ran out of words.

There was a silence as we sat in darkness – neither of us had bothered to turn a light on – our faces illuminated by the low moon outside the window.

"I understand…at least I think I do," I whispered, willing him to look up at me.

"How can you?"

"Please look at me Edward," I begged, reaching over to tilt his chin upwards.

Finally his dark eyes met mine, his face an impassive mask.

"I know what it's like to be alone. And I know how it feels to lose someone you're in love with, to wish you could be near them so badly you'd do almost anything."

My words were coming too fast, garbled, but I needed to get them out.

"All the time I've been without you I've felt empty, like my feelings are on mute," I continued, "I've tried all kinds of stupid things to feel close to you again. It was like…I don't know if this makes sense…It was as if the way I felt around you, back in Forks, it was too much. Nothing since has been enough."

"Like an alcoholic," he mused.

"What?"

He ran his hand through his hair and looked towards the ceiling, thoughtfully.

"An alcoholic begins by drinking just a little yes? But each time he drinks he becomes more and more immune and it means he needs more and more alcohol to have the same effect…"

"So we got too drunk the first time round?"

He gave a half smile, "um, something like that, yes."

A strange buzzing began from somewhere near us, I looked around for the source of the unexpected noise, confused.

"Uh, Bella," Edward whispered, almost conspiratorially, "I think your pants are ringing."

"Oh, shit!" I leapt up and fished in my pocket to retrieve Carlisle's cell phone.

Flipping it open I gasped a frantic, 'hello?'

"Bella, good. I thought you weren't going to answer," Carlisle's voice was as clear as a bell.

"Sorry, I didn't know what the buzzing was…I didn't realise it was my pants…I mean…"

Carlisle cleared his throat at my confused rambling.

"Is everything alright? Are you with Edward?"

"Yes and yes."

I saw Edward roll his eyes, he could hear his father's end of the conversation as well as mine I didn't doubt.

"Bella, Alice is getting very confused visions just now…"

There was a clatter and a pop and then Carlisle's voice was replaced by a higher, sweeter, more excitable one.

"Is he coming home? I can't tell, one minute everything's back to normal, the next it's not. Have you two…"

"Alice, it's Edward," he snatched the phone out of my palm – much to my annoyance – and held it to his own ear.

Not having vampire-level hearing I could only hear his side of the conversation as he paced the length of the room, the phone firmly pressed to him.

"It's not that simple Alice…well, is that_ really_ a surprise?..." his voice was harsh. I heard Alice raise hers in response, although her words were no more than a twitter to me.

"I don't know…I can't just forget everything…I need to think, work out what the right thing is for me."

He stared at me from where he had paused, by the bathroom door as he said those last words.

I made out Alice's goodbye and another voice on the line.

"Esme," I was surprised at how cold he was to his mother – I remembered the only time I had seen them together and how he seemed so affectionate towards her, I recalled how he had spoken almost worshipfully of Esme as a teenager.

It made me acutely sad to hear him say her name as if it were a swearword.

"I would have preferred you not to guilt trip Bella in to coming here, which I'm sure you did," he was saying, pacing the room again.

"Of course I'm glad to see her but under the circumstances it was an underhanded move," he sighed, a long, drawn out breath as Esme replied, "fine. Where?...no, not now. Tomorrow evening?...Ok, that's fine. I'll see you then."

He snapped the phone shut without a word, handing it back to me.

"Is everything ok?"

"I thought that was what they were calling to ask _you_?"

"Well, yes but…" I trailed off, suddenly gripped by fear at the furious expression he wore.

"Do you really think I would hurt you Bella? Do _they_ really think I would?"

"All things considered I think it's an understandable concern," I whispered.

He grasped at fistfuls of hair, his eyes tightly closed.

"Edward, what are you going to do?" I whispered, curling up on the couch.

"I don't know Bella," he replied, perching next to me and pulling me towards him, "I really don't know."

My eyes flickered open, blinking against the harsh onslaught of the sun, burning my retinas as it streamed through the window of the apartment.

Not my apartment…the Cullens'?...shit!

"Good morning," Edward's voice was low and affectionate, his breath gently tickling my ear.

I was wrapped in a blanket, curled up on his chest. Oh my…

"What happened?" I mumbled thickly, my voice still lazy with sleep.

"You fell asleep, I didn't want to disturb you. Are you ok?"

I pushed myself up in to a sitting position, scratching my head and yawning involuntarily. Was I ok? The last thing I remembered was leaning against him in the dark apartment, letting him stroke me hair.

"Yes, I think so. My hand still hurts."

He chuckled, "my face is pretty hard."

I rolled my eyes at him. It was easy, here in his apartment, bathed in light, light which bounced off of his skin, making it glisten gently. I was reminded of the pieces of quartz I kept on my bedroom windowsill back in Phoenix.

I picked up his hand, carefully turning it to catch the light.

"That's weird," I muttered.

"Vampire thing. This is nothing – you should see me outside in the sun."

Woah! So we're making plans now are we? It may have been easy to forget everything here in our little bubble on the couch but they were still there – the dead girls, the seven years of loneliness.

"Do you have a spare toothbrush?" I asked, blushing.

"No, you can use mine. Help yourself."

Nodding I disentangled myself from the blanket and from Edward and headed to his bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, holding Edward's weird wooden toothbrush in one hand, I inspected myself closely.

My hair was a mass of greasy tangles around my head, my face was pale and smeared with mascara – I hadn't even worn any since I left my apartment in San Francisco, how long ago was that? I couldn't think.

But despite the overall tramp look I was working there was something different…my eyes. My brown eyes, shallow and dead for so long glistened from between their red, swollen lids. They looked alive, hopeful.

I twisted the tap on and squeezed a glob of toothpaste on to the brush. I was overcome with a sudden shiver, _Edward's teeth…_

Inspecting more closer I decided the toothbrush looked new anyway.

_You had your tongue in his mouth last night stupid! _A sarcastic voice in my head scoffed.

Shrugging I jammed the brush in to my mouth and scrubbed.

Feeling vaguely human I emerged from the bathroom to find Edward waiting expectantly for me, two mugs in front of him.

"I didn't know if you liked tea or coffee…um, so I made you both," he indicated the mugs.

_Really?_ The sarcastic voice was unimpressed with his efforts.

I smiled, weakly, "coffee, please."

He passed me the steaming cup of coffee and offered to make me eggs to go with it. I dared not ask what a vampire needed with breakfast ingredients. I didn't want to know the answer.

"I should get going anyway…" I threw back the last of the coffee and set the cup down.

"Oh," he bit his lip nervously, "will I see you again?"

Shit. There was a question. Would he? Did I want to see him again? The disembodied sarcastic voice said '_yeah, right_' at the same time that another, shier voice pleaded with me to say yes.

I shrugged, "Well, I have to get back home...go to work…see Darcy…"

"Darcy?" his voice was sharp, his eyes blazing.

_Oh, like you're in any position Edward Cullen._

"My cat," I drawled, cocking an eyebrow, challenging him to say more.

"A cat," he seemed to chew it over thoughtfully as I stood, waiting between him and his front door.

"I don't even know where you live Bella! I don't know anything about you any more."

"No. You don't."

I knew that he had expected me to give him a quick potted history but I felt emboldened, seeing him on the back foot like that. I quietly enjoyed his not knowing something.

Truth was, I did want to see him again, of course I did. Even standing there, waiting to leave, still just metres from him I missed him, yearned for his touch. But I didn't know if he would change, if he _could _change. And even if he did could I forgive and forget? Could he?

And what of the practicalities? I had a life in San Francisco, he lived here, what? Two and a half thousand miles away?

"I'm seeing Esme and Carlisle tonight," I had gathered as much from their conversation, "will you come with me?"

I pretended to consider for a moment.

"I'll come with Carlisle and Esme," I replied.

Just catching his half smile I turned my back and walked out of the door.

Stepping down the first flight of stairs I felt his eyes boring in to the back of me. Turning my head slightly to peek over my shoulder I was proved right. There was Edward, leaning in his doorway, his armed wrapped around himself, a slight smile on his face.

I pushed open the door to Edward's apartment building, slightly disbelievingly – less than twenty four hours previously I had walked through these doors and, since then, everything had changed.

Caught up in my thoughts I walked headlong in to somebody, almost sending myself sprawling to the pavement.

I looked up in to friendly blue eyes, I recognised him from somewhere…oh! Fleischer.

"Hi, sorry," I muttered, blushing.

"No worries…uh, what did you say your name was?"

"I don't think I did. Bella," I stuck out a hand awkwardly and he took it in both of his, pumping it up and down quickly.

"Hi Bella, I'm Adam, Adam Fleischer."

I pulled my hand away shyly, making to leave.

"So, you know the guy in 24 eh?"

I nodded in reply and Fleischer let out a low whistle.

"Woah, he's a bit of a weird one, no?"

I laughed out loud, he sound bouncing off of the closely packed buildings around us.

"Adam, you have no idea."

**A/N: So there you have it. They're back together...sort of. But don't worry we're only in the eye of the storm. This pair aren't going to sit back happily and relax now.**

Ok, so check reviews for the last chapter if you'd like some in depth - the lovely Mamato has a question or two hundred and I've done my best to answer. If there's anything that's been bugging you it may well be in there.

I know this chapter was short and some of you wanted to see E's full explaining of his murders but, man, I just needed to get this one shifting along. Promise we're not letting sleeping Bella lookalikes lie!

Fellow Brits out there, if there are any, enjoy the long weekend and here's hoping for more of that heatwave action EQ x


	22. Chapter 19

**Bella**

"Alice, please," I begged, "I don't want to talk about this."

"Don't want to talk about this with me or don't want to talk about this in general?" she wheedled, twisting the black spikes of her hair around her finger one at a time, eyeing me as I stood behind her at the dressing table, my arms folded defensively.

I answered her reflection, "in general Alice!"

"God, I hate not knowing!"

From the moment I had returned from my unplanned sleepover with Edward, Alice had been demanding information.

Was he coming home?

Did he seem sorry?

Would he change his lifestyle?

And, apparently most importantly, was I still in love with him?

Carlisle had contented himself with the knowledge that he would be able to speak to Edward tonight and Esme had done her best to follow his lead, breaking her unwilling silence only to ask after Edward's well being.

And while Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett maintained a respectful distance from me having – I guessed – been warned off by their father, Alice's curiosity proved too much.

"I suppose," she had surmised on or around the third time I had refused to give her any information as to the state of my feelings, "the thing is that I'm used to having a certain amount more knowledge than your average person. So when there's something I _don't _know it's all the more frustrating."

"Why can't you see?" I had asked, my curiosity piqued.

"It's you and Edward," she rolled her eyes and sucked her cheeks in, "you're so damn on again, off again! It was the same in Forks, neither of you can make up your minds."

It was difficult to be annoyed with Alice. I knew that if anybody else had pried in to my love life – or lack thereof – I would have given them a piece of my mind. Caroline Dean back at the library had soon found that out.

God, the library. It felt so far away, and not just in distance. My whole life in San Francisco suddenly seemed to belong to another time, another me. It was as if the time which had passed between my leaving Forks and now had been just an intermission, a gap in what was my 'real' life.

But who was to say that this was my real life? This strange arrangement, a party to a secret that I wasn't supposed to know, embroiled in a string of gruesome murders, playing cover up. I didn't know the Cullens, not really.  
Hell, I didn't even know Edward. How was it that someone I had known for mere weeks so many years ago could figure as the most important character in my entire existence? How did I feel so at home here in Alice and Jasper's borrowed New York bedroom, chatting as if she and I were best girl friends?

"You know, you should change your outfit. You at least need shoes, I'll get some from Rose for you. Oh! I could do your hair."

Alice had turned around to face me, her head tipped to one side, sizing me up.

I glanced down at my tatty jeans and Converse. Alright, I wasn't going to win any style awards but it was fine, comfortable.

"Are we going somewhere fancy?"

Alice shrugged, "not especially I guess. I just thought…"

"Just thought what Alice?" I sighed, already knowing what was coming.

"Well, jeans and sneakers are fine Bella but, you know, I thought you might want to look your best."

"For Edward? Not especially."

The snarky inner voice was back: _yeah, pull the other one Bells._

"Oh," Alice's face turned down in a sad frown, "it's just…oh never mind."

"What?" I was confused.

"It's stupid really," she sighed, looking up at me through dark lashes, "I kind of hoped you'd let me do your hair. I just…well, I've never _had_ long hair. And Rose won't let me touch hers."

I breathed out through my nose noisily, she knew what she was doing and it had worked.

"Fine."

"You mean 'fine' I can do your hair?"

"Yes," it couldn't be that bad could it?

Apparently it could. Before I knew what was happening Alice had launched herself across the room, squealing and pulling me in to a bone crushing hug.

Later, as she fiddled with some deadly looking contraption far too close to my scalp for comfort I began to feel something which I hadn't felt for years. Or perhaps I hadn't felt it ever.

I felt…normal.

Putting aside the facts of the matter – Alice was anything but normal – we could be any two young women, doing each others hair and gossiping about boys. Alice was just such a _girl_, sniggering about Emmett checking out his muscles in the mirror when he thought nobody was watching, talking about Jasper and how much she loved him, bitching about Rose's too-tight pants.

I had never felt the common easiness around other women that I did with Alice, even when I was younger. I had always been on the outside, finding it easier to talk to boys, to be myself around them.

"This is nice," Alice murmured, echoing my thoughts, "I've never had a girlfriend."

"Not even before?" I asked.

"Hmm, not that I know of," she sighed deeply, "I can't remember any of my human life. It's kind of a long story…."

"Edward does."

"I know, they all do. Like I said, long story," she screwed up her nose in distaste, "let's save it for another time."

My curiosity was piqued but I didn't want to push her in to telling me something she wasn't ready to share.

"You know I fell off the wagon once Bella," she frowned, watching my face carefully in the mirror, worryingly not watching what her hands were doing, "Edward isn't really bad. What he's done…well, he's a good person who's done a bad thing."

"I know that, I just don't know if I can ignore it."

"Do you love him still?"

I couldn't answer her. I didn't know how to. I knew I felt a strong attraction to him but the doubt was always there – was it a bodily reaction to what he was? And could I overlook what had happened? Could I be with a killer? Because, try as I might to look at it any other way, that was what he was.

"I don't know if I can forget what he's done Alice," I whispered, bowing my head to inspect my bitten nails.

"That's not an answer."

"No, it isn't."

She continued in silence, curling and spraying and fluffing and pinning. I was so engrossed with my thoughts that when she stood back and trilled 'da-dah!' I started in shock.

In front of me was a different person. My hair shone like it was coated in liquid glass, falling in soft curls over my shoulders, the sides pinned to the back of my head in a pretty knot.

"Say something!" she urged, suddenly doubtful.

"Wow," I breathed turning my head from side to side between the mirror on the dressing table and the little looking glass she held behind my head.

"You look beautiful Bella."

It wasn't Alice who spoke but someone with a deeper, almost gravely voice.

Rosalie.

I turned and smiled weakly at her, standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest, watching me hesitantly.

"Could I have a word?" she asked as Alice floated past her, turning to wink at me before leaving us alone.

Rose strode purposefully in to the room, folding herself on to the bed like a wonderful Persian cat, her long legs crossed, her hands resting on her knees in some kind of yogic pose. What did she _want_?

"Bella," she started, her voice unusually soft, "I wanted to say sorry."

"Uh…it's fine," I replied, not sure what she was apologising for – for being mean or for ignoring me or for being so blunt before I went to visit Edward. All were possibilities.

"I know I was horrid to you back in Forks and that I haven't been particularly welcoming since you came here."

"No, I guess you haven't."

"I don't think I should have to explain myself to you, Esme disagrees of course, but there you have it."

"Right," _where the hell was this going?_

"I know that everything between you and my brother has been kind of fucked up,"

"That's an understatement," I muttered and she smiled weakly, ignoring me as she continued.

"What Edward has done is utterly unforgivable and I wouldn't blame you if you walked away right now and never came back. But, believe it or not, I want to see him happy. And if being with you is what makes him happy then so be it."

I was confused, "so what Rose? You're giving us your blessing?" I didn't check my sarcasm before I spoke.

She laughed, "you've got bolshy in your old age Swan. What I mean to say is that if you want to be with him you should be, regardless."

"But what if I can't forgive him?" I didn't want to discuss this with Rosalie Hale but the words were out before I could stop them.

"You probably won't ever be able to forgive him and you'll never forget what he's done Bella. Shit, you'd be even more of a sap than I thought you were if you did. But love doesn't come along all that often – not real, unconditional love like Edward is offering you – so when it does I think you should grab it with both hands. Fuck everything else."

Shocked, I considered her words and found that I agreed with her. Although I kind of didn't want to.

"Has Emmett ever killed anybody?" I asked, not knowing if I wanted to hear the answer.

"Carlisle and I are the only ones who have never given in to the desire. It's a struggle every day, for all of us. We're different to you, entirely different. I think maybe Carlisle and I are more determined to fight against the different because we're the ones who despise what we are the most. I don't know. Emmet and Jasper, even Alice and Esme to a degree, enjoy aspects of it."

"What about Edward?"

"I don't know, he's kind of a complex guy," she gave a wry smile, "I think maybe he hates what he is even more than I do."

"Then why?...you and Carlisle never…"

"Only he can tell you that hon. I can't tell you what to do, and you'd probably tell me to go to hell if I did. But I can tell you that you won't find anybody to love you like my brother does. And I know that you can help him to be good again, like he was before."

She stood then, smoothing out her tight grey pants as she did so. She smiled at me warmly - well, warmly for Rosalie - and without a word left me, perched on the stool, gaping after her, even more befuddled than I was to begin with. 

* * *

"Would you like to see the wine list?" The waiter asked, barely taking his eyes off of Esme though he spoke to Carlisle.

"Perhaps just a jug of water? Bella?" Carlisle tipped his head questioningly at me.

"Water's fine."

"Very good sir," the waiter, straight backed and suited left the room, letting the door close softly behind him.

Carlisle, Esme and I were sat at a round table in the centre of a small private room in an extremely over the top French restaurant – the kind of restaurant with valet parking and an obsequious concierge who brushes invisible flecks of something off of your shoulder when he takes your jacket.

In fact I didn't know if they were even called concierges or maitre d' something or others. This was definitely not a Swan family kind of restaurant. Upmarket for Charlie meant food came on a plate instead of in a bucket. Renee meanwhile considered the cocktail list first, menu second.

We were due to meet Edward here at eight, neutral ground where – I knew they were thinking it although the thought hadn't been voiced – Edward would have to keep control of his temper.

The private room, behind a heavy concealed door off of the main dining room was, Carlisle explained, for the sake of privacy. It made sense, this wasn't a conversation which they wished to be overheard.

As we sat in silence, Esme occasionally throwing a concerned glance in my direction, the door opened again, the concierge holding it wide to allow Edward to enter.

Dressed in light grey pants with a dark grey sweater over his white shirt he looked like a model in a fancy aftershave ad. Although it had been mere hours since I'd last seen him he still took my breath away. I didn't think I could ever tire of looking at him.

"Carlisle, Esme," he nodded curtly to his parents, Carlisle now standing – old fashioned manners - though Esme remained seated, her face hopeful and sad all at once.

"Son," Carlisle greeted him, "take a seat."

Edward moved towards the table, "Bella," he greeted me, his voice full of the warmth that had been missing when he had previously spoken, "I'm glad you came."

"I said I would," I replied, almost sighing as he came closer, filling my nostrils with his wonderful scent. My skin prickled with desire at his proximity, my toes curling inside my borrowed shoes.

Carlisle and Esme attempted pleasantries as our waiter bustled backwards and forwards for a few moments, delivering the tiny piles of delicate, brightly coloured food, framed by artistic swooshes of sauce and accompanied by 'air of' this and 'essence de' that - food which would go uneaten despite its gourmet credentials.

"Edward, please come home," Esme suddenly gushed as the door closed on the waiter for the final time, "we've missed you so much."

She leaned across the table to grab at his hand but he pulled it smartly away before she could reach him. The action, cold as it was, made Esme wince. I felt a rush of sympathy for her, the abandoned mother, helpless and needing reassurance from her lost son.

Carlisle, a man I had only ever seen composed and efficient appeared to crumple before our eyes, rubbing his palm across his face, looking for all the world like a broken man now he finally had Edward in his sights.

"I know you blame me Edward," his voice was soft but still strong despite his defeated demeanour, "but you must believe that I only wanted to do what was right by you, to give you another chance. It was what your mother wanted."

I looked questioningly at Esme but she shook her head in reply, whispering "his birth mother."

"As you know Carlisle changed me when, by rights, I _should _have died of the Spanish Influenza," Edward began, adding, "my mother died just hours before I did."

"She seemed to know somehow that I had it in my power to keep him from death. She asked me to save him," Carlisle continued.

In my mind I saw Edward, a frail young man in a filthy, crowded hospital, breathing his final breaths. Eyes green, colour high in his cheeks, so unlike the hard, impassive figure alongside me now.

"If I could change my decision Edward I would. I could never have guessed how miserable this existence would make you."

"You had an idea," Edward scoffed.

"Perhaps I did. Perhaps I was selfish. But you must understand by now my reasons were more than just the desire for companionship," Carlisle pleaded.

"There's something you need to speak to me about, something more important than all of this?" Edward was suddenly on his guard, his entire body visibly tensing as he locked eyes with the older, blond haired vampire.

Esme, reached out again, this time her hand finding Edward's, gripping it hard, he didn't move away.

"It isn't your fault darling," she soothed, "you couldn't have known."

I looked at each of them in turn, confused. All three were as still as statues, the only movement Esme's thumb tracing circles on the back of Edward's clenched hand as it lay on the table between them. Whatever it was I wasn't getting, it was bad.

"Tell me," he whispered, his voice almost menacing.

Carlisle sighed and reached down in to the leather satchel which leaned against one leg of his chair. He unbuckled it and pulled out a newspaper. The New York Post.

More newspapers. I made a resolution never to buy another fucking rag again after this was all over, they were nothing but bad news for me.

He placed it on the table between himself and Edward, who pushed his untouched plate to one side and pulled the paper towards him with the hand now reluctantly released by Esme.

"Page four," Carlisle said, watching Edward carefully turn the pages one by one, agonisingly slowly. I wanted to rip it out from his hands and find the page myself so prolonged was his progress.

"I never had you down as a tabloid reader Carlisle," Edward began before stopping short, his left hand stopped dead in the action of turning a page.

"Shit," he muttered, his eyes scanning the page.

Giving up on any attempt at politeness I scooted my chair across the floor between us until I was right next to him, ignoring the brain fuddling effect of having Edward so close and slapping the page down out of his fingers so it laid flat before us.

**I Survived The Vampire: Sick Killer's Only Victim Tells All!**

I gasped. Without even reading the full article I knew what it would contain.

"No," Edward suddenly shouted, slapping his palm on the table, "this has nothing to do with them."

Carlisle nodded, "I'm afraid it does."

Their conversation made no sense to me. Were they talking about the newspaper staff? Something which was mentioned in the article? I tried to read it but before I could Edward had whipped it away and folded it up, thrusting it at Carlisle.

"This doesn't have to concern you," he sighed, "you should leave, go home to Bethlehem."

"No," Esme gasped, her eyebrows knitting together in determination.

"Even if we wanted to walk away Edward, we're already a part of this. We're too close to you. And so is Bella."

Carlisle's words made no sense to me, the essential facts I understood but what they related to I wasn't sure.

"I won't tell anybody anything," I assured them, words falling out of my mouth faster than I could think, "I mean, if the police come looking for me, which I doubt they would anyway. Nobody knows I'm here. I didn't tell anybody I was coming to New York, I didn't say who I was with."

"This isn't about the police Bella," Edward snapped, not taking his eyes off of Carlisle, "we need to get her home, away from all of this. _Right now_."

"I don't know, she might…"

"No!" Edward was out of his seat now, his fists clenched at his sides, "I won't have her anywhere near any of them."

The wonders of mind-readers, I was only getting half of the conversation, even though it was apparently about me.

"Near who?" my question fell on deaf ears, Esme only looked at me with a sympathetic smile.

Edward, his jaw locked solid, was glaring down at Carlisle who stared back at him, his face a blank but quite obviously – obviously to those who were in on the strange little secret anyway - communicating with his son silently.

After a few moments of silence, Edward collapsed back in to his chair, slouching low, his legs stretched in front of him, his head in his hands.

"So where do we go?"

"We should go to the house in Bethlehem, all of us," Carlisle looked at me, "we can decide how we deal with them from there. I think the best thing is to stick together for now, we can think about the more specific details later, with Alice and Jasper."

"Fine. Has Alice seen anything of them?"

"Not as yet, she's trying. Who knows what or who they might have employed to throw her off of the scent."

Frustrated that I seemed to be the only member of the group completely out of the loop - a loop which, it seemed, it might be quite important to be within – I cleared my throat noisily.

"Sorry but could somebody please explain to me exactly who the hell we're talking about here? Who are _they_?"

Carlisle, Edward and Esme exchanged what looked like nervous glances before turning to look at me, moving almost as one.

"Oh Bella," Esme murmured at exactly the same time that Edward answered my question.

"The Volturi."

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**A/N: ** Agh, I'm sorry this chapter has been a while coming, it's been a tricky little bugger to get out. As I've said before I'm aware that the story is kind of a long burn but I'm in for the long haul guys!

I suddenly got loads of new readers this last week or so, I guess someone has recc'd me somewhere? If so THANK YOU and let me know so I can shout you out in return.

Speaking of recs: www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5972130/1/The_Corrupted

it's a bit of an oddun but if you like your FF with a twist this one's looking pretty darn promising, I'm only a couple of chapters in but hooked, totally. Pre-warning, NSFC (Not Safe For Canoneers).

Much love and thanks again for the reviews EQ x


	23. Chapter 20

**A/N: I can hardly believe we're 20 chapters in already! I started this in February thinking it'll be a good way to pass the time for a couple of weeks and here we are in June with 20 chaps under our belts. If I may I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Everlastingmuse, IvoryAdulation and fallunder who have been faithfully reading and reviewing from day one - thank you guys!**

Carlisle

The poor girl was trembling with fear as Esme and Edward ushered her in to the waiting car.

I slipped the valet a couple of bills, waving away his attempts to return at least one – I hadn't looked but surmised that they must have been larger denominations – and slid in to the low leather seat of the idling Maserati.

Pulling away from the front of the restaurant with an engine roar I normally would have enjoyed, I glanced in the rearview to see Edward reach for Bella's hand. She snatched it away, anger and steely determination etched on her face.

Anybody else would have welcomed the comforting gesture. She was stronger than any of us had ever given her credit for.

"Nothing's changed Edward," she hissed before raising her voice to speak to me.

"You said they're a kind of royal family Carlisle but I'm not sure I understand what kind of power they could possibly have over any of you. I mean, it's not like they can put you in jail…can they?"

Esme, I noted, gripped the edge of her seat a little more tightly and not because I was taking corners too fast.

"No, there's no jail Bella," I replied, meeting her eye briefly as I again glanced in the mirror, "but there are rules which those of us with the gift – if you could call it a gift, many wouldn't – of immortality are expected to follow. The Volturi see it as their job to ensure those rules are followed to the letter."

"What kind of rules? Surely er, _killing people_, is kind of part and parcel of the whole vampire…thing?"

"Absolutely," I nodded, not sure how to explain without upsetting her unduly.

"It's the leaving them alive they don't like," Edward muttered, finishing the sentence for me.

"Not quite how I would have put it but essentially, there's only one rule we're all expected to keep to – and it's quite obvious really – we are to keep our existence a secret from humans at all costs."

"But I don't understand, I've known about all of you for years. Why now?" Bella's voice was high and she spoke fast.

"The newspaper article," Edward muttered, staring away from us all, out of the window, "it's too close to the truth. I've broken the rules and now it's being flaunted right in the Volturi's faces."

"What will they do?"

None of us answered Bella's question immediately. We all knew, only too well, what the penalty was for revealing the existence of vampires to a human being but it was too painful to put in to words.

The idea of Edward facing the Volturi, my own acquaintances of old, of being accused of revealing too much, filled my heart with dread.

"Edward?" Bella's whisper interrupted the tense silence, she reached across to touch his hand lightly, repeating her question, "what will they do to you?"

"They'll destroy me."

I gripped Esme's hand, trying to soothe the ragged sob which ripped from her chest in reaction to Edward's matter of fact reply. My beautiful wife had been through so much in the last few years, so much pain and unutterable devastation.

Edward could not begin to understand the pain he had caused her - the way she spoke now, wistful, her voice nearly devoid of emotion. He hadn't watched her day after day standing at the window overlooking our driveway, watching for his return, unmoving, humming to herself the piece he had once composed for her on his piano – the same piano which stood in our hallway like a shrine, unplayed, waiting for him. The piano which, like Esme, remained as beautiful as ever but was empty, useless without the one who created its soulful music.

Hearing Edward heave a heavy sigh I knew he was listening to my thoughts, seeing the images of Esme's suffering through my memories. I couldn't feel sorry for letting him feel just an ounce of her pain.

Reaching the apartment block I indicated to my passengers to stay where they were, jumping out of the car and entering the lobby of the building.

There, very much as I had hoped, was Alice, a slight smirk on her face and a large backpack at her feet.

"The others are bringing the cars round, we'll see you back at the house," she trilled, scooping up the backpack with ease and throwing it over a shoulder.

She reacted immediately to the call of a car horn – there was no mistaking Emmett's Dukes of Hazzard musical signature, installed in his Amarok by Rosalie as a joke – jogging lightly towards the door, the bag bouncing on her back.

She turned as the glass doors swung closed behind her, giving me a thumbs up before disappearing. It was a small gesture but somehow Alice's confidence made me feel a little lighter, more hopeful that we would find a way out of this godawful mess.

I handed the apartment keys to the concierge, tipping him heavily and requesting that a cleaner be employed on our behalf before the owner's return.

He nodded in startled thanks, tucking the bills in to his inside pocket before wishing me a safe journey home.

But it wasn't the trip back to New Hampshire I was worried about.

"I can't see a damn thing!" Alice grabbed Rose's magazine out of her hands and threw it on the floor angrily.

"Do you mind?" Rose snapped, leaning over to retrieve it, "it's not fucking Elle's fault!"

"Girls," Esme soothed, "please."

Alice had been in a terrible mood ever since we arrived back in Bethlehem. She spent day after day sat in the same position on the same couch, her eyes glazed as she searched desperately through her visions, hoping to catch some small glimpse of the Volturi.

"Sorry guys," she muttered, "I just keep seeing the same thing, there _has_ to be something else!"

"Can you try again to see where we meet them? Or when?"

"Carlisle I've looked time and time again, I can't give you any more than I already have," she rose from her seat, stretching her arms high over her head, "I need to get out, hunt…"

Jasper appeared at the doorway then, running shoes in his hand, "I'll just be a sec doll."

"Can't I go alone?" her question - and her rolled eyes - were directed at me.

"Alice, nobody goes anywhere alone, we've discussed this."

She sighed, holding out her hand for Jasper to take as they left through the French doors backing on to our lawn.

I knew everyone, Esme included, thought I was overreacting but I dared not take the risk. Despite Alice's best efforts to predict when and where we might be faced with the Volturi the only information she could give me – even with Edward's help – was that it would happen soon, nearby.

We had spent hour after hour listening to Alice describe the glimpse she had had, the glimpse which, combined with the newspaper revelation, had warned us that we needed to prepare for the worst.

Edward took his turns, watching as she went over the image again, describing Aro, Caius and Marcus in great detail, their sombre expressions as they faced us in a clearing surrounded by trees, flanked by two of their guard – unusually small, their faces obscured by dark, hooded robes.

Both Alice and Edward tried to give us a timescale, focusing on the foliage on the trees, the mere glimpse of sky through the dense upward growth.

The most worrying thing, judging by the endless descriptions, was that we stood, defensive, surrounding not Edward, but Bella.

Why she was with us we didn't know, it seemed a stupid choice on our part. I could only assume that perhaps her presence wasn't our decision after all.

It was only when I felt Esme's hands brush across my chest and her head rest against the centre of my back did I realise that I was so absorbed in thought, looking out of the doors in the direction of Alice and Jasper's leaving.

"You're not responsible for any of this darling," she purred, nuzzling in to me, her palms ghosting down over my stomach and back up again.

Esme had an uncanny ability to know exactly what I was thinking. If I didn't know better I might think that she shared Edward's gift.

I relaxed minutely under her touch, "I believe Edward would beg to differ."

"Edward's a very confused young man Carlisle. And he knows in his heart that you're not to blame."

She moved languorously, never breaking contact as she shifted to place herself in front of me, her entire body pressed in to mine. I sighed, letting my eyes drift closed in response to the spectacular creature I was fortunate enough to call my wife wrapping her sensuously curved body around me.

"Are you trying to distract me Esme Anne Cullen?" I murmured, allowing my fingers to find purchase on her small waist.

She leaned away, cocking an eyebrow suggestively, "would you like to be distracted Doctor Cullen?"

"Oh, puke!" Emmett's voice rumbled from elsewhere in the house. Rose, who had been ignoring us until then sniggered from behind her copy of Elle.

Esme raised her voice slightly, "perhaps Emmett, you might learn to use that enhanced hearing more selectively my darling."

She pulled away from me then, a tiny smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as she turned her back on me.

Unable to resist the urge, I lightly slapped her behind, murmuring "my consultation room Mrs Cullen, right now."

"Man," Rose made a noise best described as 'cat-with-furball', "you're way too old for these gross PDAs."

"Rosalie, my darling girl, I am but 350 years young give or take, it's the prime of life."

Esme paused, part way up the stairs, her silk neck scarf already unknotted and dangling from her hand, "prime of _existence_, certainly."

"Just go away and do what you have to do guys," Rose picked up the remote and turned MTV on, pushing the volume right up.

Some hours later I stood in my study, tapping a biro against my bottom lip as I peered in to the most dominant, and possibly most valuable, portrait in my study.

It took up almost the entirety of the wall, its ornate gilt frame standing out among the less excessive surrounds of the less extreme images. Barely noticeable amongst the bright swirls of colour, the debauched figures painted in varying states of ecstasy, was the quartet I was now focused on.

I ignored Solimena's representation of myself, slightly apart from the more menacing trio of Aro, Marcus and Caius, leaning over the balcony, almost leering down at the scene below them.

"What do you want?" I muttered, lost in thought, only wishing the tiny painted figures could provide me with some answer.

Just then there was a hesitant knock on the door.

"Come," I commanded, easily sensing that it was Edward on the other side. He pushed the door open slightly, peering in at me.

"Are you busy Carlisle?" he asked.

"No, no, just very deep in thought," I chuckled, indicating that he should enter.

I walked behind my desk, settling in to the oversized leather chair. Edward turned to study the same painting I'd been considering just moments before.

"You know them well?" he asked

"It's been many, many years. I certainly wouldn't call them friends."

"No, we should be so lucky," he sighed, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

"As you may recall they are…ah, disapproving shall we say, of my lifestyle choice."

"_Our_ lifestyle choice," Edward replied, pointedly.

"You're renouncing human blood again?" I asked, adding silently '_because of Bella?'_

"I've made mistakes Carlisle. Huge mistakes. It isn't just Bella, I've put all of you at risk. I never meant for it to happen this way."

"Of course you didn't, nobody believes that. I'm glad you've come back to us, although the circumstances could have been somewhat more pleasant."

He chuckled. The sound wasn't light but then Edward had never been one for easy laughter. His brooding, even in happier times, overshadowed the more carefree side of his personality.

"I've been thinking Carlisle, about Bella."

I nodded, tenting my fingers and resting my chin on them, leaning forward as he turned to face me, his back to the painting which now felt so much more sinister than it ever had before.

"I know Alice's vision has us all meeting with the Volturi, Bella included," he continued, suddenly eager, "but it seems foolhardy not to at least try to keep her out of this."

"I quite agree, as far as we know they're unaware of her existence. And of course Alice's visions are very much subject to change. What do you suggest?"

"What if we sent her home? To San Francisco?"

He was staring at me, clearly expecting my agreement but I took time to mull it over, weighing up the possible outcomes of the move. We had discussed it briefly before but Bella had vetoed the idea.

"She refused to go Edward," I reminded him.

"I'm sure I could compel her to leave. If I told her I didn't want her…"

"No," I said forcefully, "I will not watch you and that poor girl go through that kind of separation again."

The idea of Edward forcing Bella away, letting her believe that he didn't care would only lead to more pain for both of them. _Have you learnt nothing?_

"I can't see any other way Carlisle," he was clutching at straws, too desperate to keep Bella safe, thinking nothing of himself.

"With Bella gone, believing that you don't care for her…could you really live without her?

"What I mean to say is - allow me to be candid for a moment - when faced with the Volturi would you be willing to stand up and fight for yourself, for your existence knowing that you would be apart from Bella, potentially, forever?

"We watched you fall apart last time she left. I truly believe, and please, do correct me if I'm wrong, that death would have been a welcome option for you at that time Edward."

"You think I would hand myself over willingly?" He asked.

I paused a moment, considering the potential effect of my words, "in a world without Bella Swan, yes I think you would."

"Is that not my choice?"

"It is always _your _choice, however you must realise how far reaching the effects will be if you choose destruction. You have a family, regardless of recent events, and I can't begin to imagine how news of your death would effect Bella."

He sighed, flopping in to the couch across from me.

"I need to keep her safe Carlisle," he muttered, not meeting my eyes as he said it.

"It's of primary concern to myself and Esme too, not to mention Alice. But we have no guarantee that Aro is not aware of her. He is an incredibly powerful man Edward, he has abilities that match only your own. Assuming he has no knowledge of Bella's existence now, that really is no guarantee that he won't find out, perhaps not now but in the future."

"You're all well practised at hiding your thoughts from me," he stated, "you could keep Bella out of your thoughts around Aro."

"We could certainly try but the Volturi have more dangerous powers than mind reading abilities, _ways of making you talk_ if you will." I couldn't help the Bond villain-esque Russian accent from slipping out.

We sat in silence for some time, Edward with his eyes tightly closed. I tried to keep my mind blank, allowing him some silence, but under the circumstances it wasn't easy.

For days now Edward had been assaulted by our thoughts; worry, blame, regret, fear, concern, anger. It could not have been easy for him knowing that his actions had caused almost every one.

Bella meanwhile, an outsider in so many ways, had struggled to comprehend the magnitude of the situation. She understood, of course, that the Volturi had been provoked by Edward's flaunting of their one and only enforceable rule and she understood the penalty for doing so. But at the same time she had little comprehension of the powers Aro and his coven had over us, nor the possible outcome for her should she be found, human and knowing, among us.

None of us wanted to tell her. It seemed too cruel.

"What do you suggest?" Edward finally spoke.

"A family meeting."

Just an hour later we were gathered around the large antique table, the sun setting over the garden beyond the wide windows of the spacious but underused dining room.

Bella glanced at each of us in turn, a look of confusion passing across her features. The Cullen family meeting may have been a familiar occasion to the rest of us but it doubtless seemed strange to her – this vampire war cabinet.

I cleared my throat gently and silence fell over the room, all eyes turning expectantly to where I sat at the head of the table.

"I'm sure you can all imagine what I'd like to talk about," I began.

Emmett nodded sagely, "the frankly shocking rise in oil prices right?"

Esme and Bella smiled but nobody else reacted to his joke.

"While oil prices are something of a concern considering the family's penchant for gas guzzling cars I think we'll be able to ride that storm, thanks Emmett," I replied.

"I'm in total agreement with your plan Carlisle," Alice spoke before I could even begin, glancing at Edward briefly, "though I see Edward isn't."

"No," he answered, tugging at a handful of his hair in frustration, "I'm not."

"Stupid pride Edward, what is it they say pride comes before?"

"Funny Alice, but if you think for a moment I'm just going to go along with this you're stupider than I thought."

"Enough!" Esme exclaimed, sensing the beginnings of an argument, "perhaps somebody would be so kind as to explain what exactly we're fighting about here?"

I suppressed a smile as I caught Alice stick a tongue out at Edward who arched an unimpressed eyebrow in response to her rather childish action.

"Now, Edward came to me earlier to discuss the possibility of sending Bella back to San Francisco," Bella shook her head and opened her mouth to speak. I raised a hand, indicating that she should let me finish, "I know that this is not something that Bella is willing to consider…"

"No, I'm not," she crossed her arms and glared at Edward.

"It might not be such a bad idea you know," Jasper whispered, "they aren't here for her."

"We can't assume that the Volturi aren't aware that Bella knows about us. They could be here to, uh…"

"Kill two birds with one stone?" Rose finished for me.

"I was looking for a more sensitive way to put it but, essentially yes. And of course, as you're aware, Aro has an ability very much like Edward's."

"He can read minds?" Bella asked.

"He needs physical contact to be able to do that though," Edward answered before I could.

"This is true. However, Edward's belief that we can shield our thoughts from him has two essential flaws."

I paused to look around the table – Jasper and Emmett, always eager for a confrontation leaned forward on their elbows expectantly.

"Firstly, unlike Edward who can hear only the thought you are having at that very moment, Aro can experience every thought a person has ever had, no matter how small."

Bella gasped at the revelation at the very same time that Rose smirked, "you'd be quite time consuming for him then old man."

"I certainly would," I replied before continuing, "Edward is quite right of course, Aro does indeed need physical contact in order to perform this…feat, shall we call it? However one does not refuse Aro a request."

"Oh come on, what is he? Like a bazillion years old?" Emmett flexed his biceps, "we can _definitely_ deal with that."

He held out his palm to Jasper who slapped it with his own.

"While I've no doubt that Aro would pose few problems for you Emmett, physically speaking, I am quite sure he continues to surround himself with useful cohorts, as he did during my own time in Volterra.

"You might say that he collects those with special abilities – just one reason I'm not eager to have him meet some of you in particular," I looked in turn at Alice, Edward and Jasper, "one can assume that, based on Alice's vision, that the two vampires accompanying Aro, Marcus and Caius on their visit will have abilities which could compel any of us to comply with their wishes."

"I thought they were small?" Emmett looked a little disappointed.

"They are indeed small and may be physically weaker than yourself and Jasper, however I have little doubt that whoever they may be their powers will not require physical strength."

"Basically what you're saying is that even if they don't know about me now they'll probably find out about me when they turn up?" Bella concluded with an ill concealed shiver.

"Precisely," I nodded, "and with this in mind I don't believe that leaving Bella in plain sight with no protection is a sensible idea."

"I'm not sure her being_ here_ when the Volturi arrive is sensible though darling," stroking the back of my hand, Esme spoke nervously.

"I quite agree. Which is why I propose that we hide her and, at the same time, hide their primary target – Edward – along with the only member of our family who can find out their whereabouts."

"Alice," Jasper looked relieved. He hated the idea of Alice being in the line of fire, though her ability to see in to the future made her a deadlier fighter than any of us, Edward perhaps excepted.

"But I thought there was no hiding from the Volturi?" Bella looked from me to Edward and back again.

"There isn't, assuming those that they speak to know where you are. We can't give them information we don't have."

Alice bounced up and down excitedly, "you, me and Edward are going on the run!" she squealed.

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A/N: so if you're wondering about 'the one that got away' I think next chapter will be EPOV, he should clear a few things up for you...

Carlisle's car is a Maserati Quattroporte S (they're _gorgeous_, the dean at my university collected Maseratis - they clearly pay deans too much here), Emmett's is a Volkswagen Amarok.

Please, please, please keep reviewing, it really does help me to write when I know what needs clearing up, what you lovely readers want to see happening (lemons, lemons I know...they're, uh, coming) and what outcomes you're hoping for.

EQ x


	24. Chapter 21

**A/N: A million apologies for the delay in posting, RL takes over once again...**

-

Edward

"You have a private fucking jet?" Bella enunciated the words carefully to ensure we understood just how ludicrous she found the idea.

"_We_ don't," I muttered, a little embarrassed, "Carlisle does."

"He hardly uses it really. Carbon footprint and all," Alice chirped, her little red suitcase on wheels rattling along the tarmac behind her.

"I imagine your cars don't exactly have Thumbelina sized footprints Alice."

"Everybody needs a treat now and again. And just think what we save between us on food miles."

Bella didn't laugh. I guessed it was all a little soon for Alice's vampire jokes.

I snuck a look at her as we were shown to our seats, chewing her bottom lip nervously, her eyes rimmed with dark shadows.

I wished I could talk to her, find out how she felt. I knew she must be scared – although we'd only told her the bare minimum about the Volturi it would still be enough to give someone nightmares for several years – but I wondered how she felt about me.

I knew it was selfish to be even thinking about myself at that moment, to even entertain the hope that Bella might still find some redeemable quality in me but I found it hard to keep my imagination from running riot. Perhaps by some miracle the Volturi_ wouldn't_ find us, perhaps Bella would forgive my terrible transgressions, perhaps we could have the happily ever after which I so desperately wanted, the ending which I would do anything to achieve…for us both.

_Was that you or her?_ Alice's thought broke through my own, she had always had a skill for interrupting me with her thoughts.

I lifted a shoulder in a half shrug to indicate that I didn't understand.

_Your future…_she thought and though I couldn't see her face it was only to easy to see her running her glimpse through both of our minds.

_A perfect meadow bisected by a gurgling stream, long green grass dotted with spires of sweet clover, surrounded by tall pine trees. Bella and I, on our knees , facing each other. Her face is happy, her eyes unclouded, a small smile playing on her lips as the breeze gently lifts her hair. My skin ablaze in the sunlight, I hold a small velvet box out to her…_

Snapping around in my seat I glared at Alice.

"What was that?" I hissed.

She shrugged, her mouth clamped closed but her smile nonetheless lifting her cheeks and creasing her eyes.

_Somebody changed something Edward. Wasn't it you?_

I ignored Alice's question and continued to turn the image over in my own head. It _had _been me, I had vowed to myself to do anything for a happy ending. Was it possible that I might be able to win Bella back? That we could survive everything and come out the other side of this? I hadn't thought so…but now…

The plane began to taxi and I watched as Bella gripped the sides of her plush leather seat, her knuckles white.

"Are you ok?" I leaned across to where she sat on the other side of the narrow aisle, my seat turning in her direction.

"I'm not great with flying," she admitted, her face flushing a beautiful shade of red.

I hesitated before holding out my hand towards her, palm upwards. Her eyes flickered to my face, unsure. Then she shifted quickly in her seat, the leather creaking slightly as she did so, grabbing my proffered hand eagerly.

It was the first time we'd touched with anything approaching intimacy since the night she fell asleep in my arms in New York. That night I had watched her, not daring to move in case I should disturb her already interrupted sleep. She murmured and whimpered as she slept, repeating the same phrase over and over again; 'Edward, don't leave me…' I had promised her sleeping form then that I would never make that mistake again. It was a promise I fully intended to keep.

Now I brushed the pad of my thumb over her knuckles, trying to soothe her again, bleakly amused that none of our, admittedly limited, descriptions of the Volturi appeared to phase her half as much as this plane trip.

The steep ascent over Bella, calmed somewhat, shook her hand roughly free of mine, easing herself out of her seat and heading for the bathroom.

"It's a good omen you must admit," Alice spoke for the first time since we had taken off.

"Maybe. I'm not counting my chickens Alice."

She shifted in her seat, impatient to dissect her earlier vision, leaning forward to bring herself closer to me, her cheek leaning against the back of my seat.

"Are you really going to ask her to marry you?" Alice's mind, typically, was full of white dresses and floral displays.

"I have no plans to just at the moment Al, getting her to stop hating me is first on the agenda to be perfectly honest."

Alice huffed, "I was only asking. Look Edward, all I'm saying is that any snippet of anybody's future is a good thing right now. I don't know how we're going to keep ourselves safe from the Volturi but it looks like we just might do it."

I shrugged, turning to lean my head against the window, watching the carpet of cloud pass beneath us, a shield between us and our fate on Earth, our enemies, our hunters, those wanting answers we couldn't give them.

Guilt, now the primary emotion I felt on a daily basis, washed over me. My stupidity had put everybody I loved at risk. My stubborn belief that I had been the injured party – injured by Bella, injured by Carlisle – had led all of us in to the path of danger. We couldn't run forever. The Volturi had all the time in the world to find us. As if they'd need it.

And how long would Bella accept our feeble explanations. We were keeping so much from her for fear of frightening her. Outwardly Carlisle may have convinced everybody that he had some influence over the Volturi's decision, that he may be able to talk Aro in to being lenient.

But I could see Carlisle's mind, he knew he had little chance, he knew that the best we were doing was buying ourselves time and hoping that we might find a solution which had not yet hit us.

The toilet flushed and Bella stumbled out of the cubicle, white faced, holding on to the doorframe tightly, swaying on the spot. I had barely registered that we had hit turbulence.

I leapt up from my seat just as the captain's voice came over the loudspeaker, suggesting we fasten our safety belts. I grabbed Bella around the waist, almost lifting her off of the floor in my hurry to get her in to a seat. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that there was nothing to worry about – it was just a little turbulence – but I was suddenly keenly aware of just how vulnerable Bella was. Supposing she fell? She could hit her head, knock herself unconscious. And my medical knowledge was limited at best. I needed to get her in to her seat, safely strapped in.

"Edward!" she gasped, pushing her palms against my chest.

"It's just a little bad weather," Alice was turned in her seat, looking at me as if I was nuts, "put her down for God's sake."

Ignoring them both I manhandled Bella in to her seat, pulling the lap belt tight around her while she protested weakly.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked, still kneeling in front of her.

"A valium?" she suggested, her voice shaking slightly, the nerves doubtless helped along by my overreaction.

Before I could respond Alice was next to me holding out a glass clinking with ice, "we've no valium, how about vodka and coke?"

Bella grabbed it gratefully, downing the drink in two gulps before smiling up at Alice. She seemed to know exactly what Bella needed while I flailed about like an idiot making everything worse. I felt stupidly jealous of Alice, wishing I had the same instincts that she appeared to have developed when it came to Bella.

The more time I spent with Bella the more aware I was of how much I'd messed up. I had caused her nothing but misery and now her life was very much at risk because of me.

"What is it?" snapping back to the present moment I realised that Bella was staring at me where I knelt before her, deep in thought, her brow furrowed in concern.

"Nothing, I'm sorry," I breathed, hesitantly pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

She shivered in response to my touch and her eyes closed briefly, "you've nothing to be sorry for."

I hung my head, guilt spreading through me in waves, "if I hadn't been so reckless Bella…" I began, my hands finding their way in to my hair where they anxiously tugged at it.

I felt the warmth of Bella's hands as she grabbed mine, yanking them away from my head, "it was my choice to be a part of this Edward, don't feel guilty for me."

As she spoke her large brown eyes burned in to mine, "you've made a lot of mistakes," she continued, "and I'm not going to deny that I'm more than a little pissed with you. But not about this whole Volturi thing, don't feel bad for that, please."

"But…" I began, stopping when I saw her rolling her eyes at me.

"Don't play the fucking martyr Edward, it doesn't suit you."

I allowed myself a grin which she returned and just for a moment, a fleeting second, nothing else in the whole world mattered. It was just Bella and I.

Eventually I returned to my seat, encouraged by Alice's loud and uncomplimentary thoughts regarding my sappiness, and for the remainder of the journey we sat in silence, Bella snoozing in the oversized reclining seat once the turbulence passed and the effects of the vodka kicked in.

The pilot announced our descent, rousing Bella from her sleep. She sat bolt upright, her eyes darting first to me and then Alice who was rolling long leather gloves on to her skinny arms.

Questions were written all over her face but she voiced none, thus far we had yet to even tell her where we were headed and she seemed not to want to ask. It was typical Bella – trusting and drama free. She was the polar opposite of my sisters, high maintenance Rose and hyperactive Alice, both so different but both such hard work in their own ways. Bella Swan was a breath of fresh air.

As the plane taxied in she glanced out of the window, attempting, I assumed to work out where we might be. It probably came as something of a surprise to her to see the blazing sunshine which filtered in to the cabin, glancing off the little skin which remained exposed on my body. Unlike Alice – now in her elbow length gloves and oversized hat - I had chosen not to use this as an opportunity to play dress up, instead wearing long sleeves which could be pulled over my hands and a much more understated beanie hat.

We were met on the tarmac by an old Mercedes with blacked out windows, minimising the time we spent in the sun.

"Cairo?" Bella whispered, glancing at the letters emblazoned across the airport terminal, "I've never left the continental US…"

"I'm sorry the reason for your first trip abroad wasn't more palatable," I replied, my voice lowered to match hers.

We sped along the ill kept roads, our driver never speaking after initially greeting us, instead concentrating intently on the conversations taking place on the local radio station which buzzed through the car's speakers.

The densely packed buildings of Cairo soon gave way to dry near deserted scrubland dotted with unattractive concrete factories and tumbledown roadside shacks. Bella, leaned her head against the window, taking in the sights as we drove, asking no further questions.

It became increasingly warm in the car, which had no air conditioning, and it wasn't long before Bella stripped down to a thin cotton tank top. But even with her warmer layers shed she shifted uncomfortably, peeling her thighs from the sticky leather seats, blowing upwards in to her grown out bangs and occasionally swiping the back of a hand across her forehead.

"Can I help?" she raised a curious eyebrow at me and I responded by touching her cheek very briefly with an ice cold palm. It wasn't often I was grateful for those things which set us apart but now I was glad to have an excuse to help Bella, to be closer to her.

She shivered at the sensation, wordlessly grabbing both of my hands and forcing them onto either side of her hot, flushed face, sighing in relief.

After a few more moments - moments in which we sat awkwardly side by side, half facing each other, my arms awkwardly across her body – Bella unclipped her seatbelt with a sigh and shuffled along the creaking leather until she was buried in to my side. I raised an arm to allow her to lean in to me, placing a hand under her hair on the soft, damply hot skin on the back of her neck.

I felt her shiver again and recalled those moments in my New York flat, her lying under me on the couch, her warm body pressed against mine, forgetting everything which had gone before.

She peeked up at me through long lashes, almost as if she could read what I was thinking, and placed a small, hot hand on my thigh, squeezing ever so slightly. It was an intimate gesture but certainly not a sexual one. I struggled to understand what she might have intended to communicate with it.

But before I had time to come up with any theories, good or bad, the car slowed, turning off of the main road – if the sandy, pebbled track could be called that – and passing through elaborate, if rusty, electric security gates.

"What is this place?" Bella whispered, still leaning in to me but craning her neck to see where the driver was taking us.

"We have friends here, we're not far from the town of Bawiti now, central Egypt," I explained.

"Friends?" she asked, her eyes widening as she considered my words, "vampire friends?"

I nodded, knowing that this might not be the most welcome news, especially now as we approached the run down mansion, apparently rising organically out of the earth as it emerged from the sand and palms. Windows were smashed, many of them gaping, glassless, and the stone with which the building had been built was crumbled and cracked, the victim of vandals and harsh weather alike.

"They're vegetarian, like you?" Bella now addressed Alice who sat on the other side of me, pretending to ignore us, her eyes closed against the light although, of course, she didn't sleep.

We exchanged a nervous look, Alice's flickering open one amber eye to bore in to my own still deep red ones.

"No, not exactly," I cleared my throat, wondering if she was about to open the door and throw herself out of a moving car right here in the dessert.

"But Bella, they really are lovely, _good_ people – vampires should I say? – I know they won't hurt you. They'd have me to answer to if they so much as thought about it. Which they wouldn't…"

No sooner had Alice stopped rambling than the car was pulled to a halt directly in front of the steps which rose up in front of the building to an ornate, pillared entranceway, complete with a grand but broken and peeling door.

Our belongings were dropped at our feet and the driver crunched his Mercedes in to gear and sped away, throwing up a cloud of choking dust behind him.

I watched Bella and Alice exchange a glance, Bella chewing her bottom lip in worry as Alice gave her a reassuring smile. It was clear that Bella was unconvinced by the assurances she'd been given, especially now she was stood what was, admittedly, a building straight out of a horror movie.

I hesitated before moving closer to her, placing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to me. I leaned down, surreptitiously inhaling the familiar aroma of her hair, whispering in to it, "I wouldn't have brought you here if I didn't think that it was safe Bella."

She tipped her head to stare at me, her eyes wide and fearful, and she nodded just slightly, unconvinced by my promise. It frustrated me greatly that she found it so hard to trust my reassurances but, the more reasonable part of my brain surmised, she couldn't really be blamed.

We watched Alice trip lightly up the sand covered steps to the door where she rapped loudly before turning to look back at us.

"There's nothing to be worried about here Bella," she smiled serenely, a contrast to the creaking door which swung open behind her, apparently of its own volition, revealing nothing but gaping blackness.

**Bella**

I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as we stepped in to the darkness of the house.

It was strangely cool but at the same time dry and dusty, airborne grains of sand and dust settling on my exposed, damp skin.

Forcing my sweating body more tightly against the marble of Edward's I shivered – whether at his too cold temperature or the creepy atmosphere of the Egyptian house of horrors I couldn't say – hoping that either Alice or Edward might change their minds about this visit and turn me around and back to the road.

Despite their reassurances that we – sorry, _I_ – would be perfectly safe here, every cell in my body, every reasonable inch of my mind told me that I shouldn't trust anything that the two confident Cullens told me. Not when they were leading me in to the lair of unknown vampires. Vampires who happily chowed down on people exactly like me every day of their lives.

Yet all the time I was shaking with fear, my blood pumping skin-tingling adrenaline around my body, sending my fingers oddly numb, my fight-or-flight reactions were abated by the feel of Edward right there, pressed against me, leading me on. Somehow my stupid body, despite being well aware of a potential danger, still reacted strongly to him, humming with desire and alive with the possibilities of being close to him again. Only I would be thinking about sex at a time like this.

It was only when Edward tilted his head to look at me, one eyebrow raised in question, that I realised that I'd voiced the annoyance with myself by letting the frustrated growl I thought was only in my head rumble out of my throat.

"Ok?" a blush crept over my face as I nodded and shrugged all at once in a slightly spastic movement.

Any concerns I had over looking an idiot in front of Edward were short lived though as he suddenly stopped, turning his attention to a spot I couldn't quite make out in front of us.

"Ah, Edward and Alice Cullen!" a smooth but heavily accented voice rang out in the vast hall, bouncing off of walls I couldn't quite make out.

"Hello Amun," Edward answered the darkness and my gaze naturally followed the direction he spoke in.

In the gloom I could just make out what appeared to be the swirl of a grand staircase and, I thought - my eyes adjusting to the dark more with each moment - a tall, slim figure stopped half way down the flight.

A whimper escaped my lips before I could stop it, causing Edward to jerk his head back to me, whispering, "it's fine Bella, absolutely fine."

"So the rumours are true Edward," the grave voice continued, "a human?"

I desperately tried to suppress the shiver which attacked my spine but my body cooled and shuddered in reaction to the words.

"It's a little dark in here Amun…" Alice commented lightly.

"Oh!" the vampire seemed surprised by Alice's revelation, as if he hadn't noticed that he was in absolute shadow, "how rude, I forget the limitations of others, follow."

I assumed by 'others' that this Amun meant me and, though it was the least of my worries, I couldn't help but feel a little offended. I hadn't really considered that the hall was probably only completely impenetrable to me and my weak old human eyes. Huh.

Edward guided me onwards, closely following Alice further away from the outside.

Suddenly, a metallic screech filled the space and a shaft of brilliant light spread across us, highlighting tiny spores of dust as it danced in the huge hallway which I could now see towered above us, the full height of the building, the sweeping staircase curving away from a grandly balustraded mezzanine.

Shards of light bounced off of every surface, a complete contradiction to the darkness, as if perhaps a chandelier was hung from the ceiling, catching the sudden burst of sun, but I could see only a cobwebbed candelabra, long out of use. I followed the prismatic shimmer back to its source, gasping up at Edward, the side of his face I could see – all set, chiselled jaw and tension – alive with light, his skin shimmering as if embedded with a million miniscule diamonds.

He glanced down at me with a rueful smile but said nothing, moving again to pull me through the newly opened door.

The room we entered was like nothing I had ever seen. Faded and dusty, laced with cobwebs, but in the light which poured through huge windows - some of them cracked, others entirely missing panes of glass – flanked by peeling, shabby shutters, I could now see that the house was once as grand and regal as any palace. Almost every surface was gilted in now tarnished and discoloured gold, pillars which I wouldn't even be able to reach my arms around were carved from now dirty marble.

And there, in the centre of the room, sat on an ancient, worn, green velvet couch were three utterly beautiful, completely unique vampires, their dark skin paled by their transformation but shimmering perhaps even more than Edwards and, I noted, Alice's.

Amun glided in to view, standing alongside the couch, observing me closely as he rested a palm on the shoulder of the woman to the right of the seat. She, unlike the others, maintained a totally passive expression as her eyes trained on my face.

The other two – apparently younger than Amun and the woman I assumed to be his mate – broke in to friendly smiles, casting their gazes first to Edward and Alice before alighting on me, standing awkwardly hunched under Edward's arm, half hidden by his body.

"Well, Edward Cullen, I hear you have got yourself in to quite the situation," Amun frowned, not entirely pleasantly, "I assume you intend to bide your time here while our Italian friends pay a visit to America?"

"We hoped we might take advantage of your hospitality Kebi," Alice replied confidently.

The older woman's mouth turned down in a grimace as she wordlessly turned her head to look up at Amun. He raised his shoulders ever so slightly before letting them fall and looking back at us, letting his gaze slide from the top of my head down my body.

He sighed and turned his attention to Alice, "I can't say we wish to be involved in any attempt to escape Aro, however Carlisle has long been a good friend to us. Stay by all means."

"Thank you so much," Alice smiled, Edward nodding in agreement with her exaggerated gratefulness.

"But," Amun raised a finger as if to stop her saying any more, "do not expect us to stand against the Volturi when they find you. Which, Edward, you can be sure they will."

-

**A/N: For those interested I'm going to pop a link to the mansion which inspired Amun and Kebi's. It's actually a very interesting place, have a wee looksee. EQ x**


	25. Chapter 22

**A/N: here's hoping a little citrus will make up for the delay in delivering the last one...EQ x**

Bella

As my backpack hit the silk covered bed a cloud of dust was released in to the air around us, settling in my hair and on my skin. I didn't hold out much hope of getting a decent shower either.

I tried to hide the disgust on my face as I glanced around the room, taking in the cobwebs which hung from every corner and the grime which had built up on everything. As with the rest of the house I could see that the room would have once been incredible and I wondered who might have lived here before the Egyptian vampires we were now entrusting our lives to took it over.

The small, swarthy boy – at least he seemed boyish in his looks and manner, I had no idea how old he was, physically or otherwise – who had been tasked with showing me to the room cleared his throat, causing me to turn and face him.

"I know it's a little uninhabitable at the moment," he chuckled, a wide grin spreading across his friendly, open face, "but I'm sure I am able to help make it less unsavoury."

Edward, standing close by – despite his and Alice's promises that the Egyptian coven were of no threat to me he seemed reluctant to unglue himself from my side – frowned briefly before unexpectedly gripping my arm tightly, as if he might be anchoring me to him.

A warm wind seemed then to pick up around us, swirling my loose, long hair around my face, pushing my t-shirt up to my waist and sending goosebumps rushing along my skin.

"Close your eyes," Edward murmured, his own hair billowing in a reddish halo in the sunlight which filtered through the ripped and yellowed gauzy curtains at the bedroom window.

I didn't question his demand and closed my eyes obediently, feeling the breeze turn in to a more powerful gust, peppering my face again with the dust and dirt of the room. I had the bizarre sensation of being caught in a tornado indoors, like a dark, fucked up Dorothy. We certainly weren't in Kansas anymore.

As the wind became more powerful, howling as it licked at my skin, the furniture in the room began to rattle and creak against the floor. I gripped Edward as tightly as I could, mirroring his firm hold on me which he now accompanied with a soothing stroke, moving his thumb up and down the sensitive inside of my arm.

Without warning the wind seemed to abate, my hair falling back around my shoulders, heat settling once again on my skin. I allowed myself to open one eye experimentally, but on seeing the scene before me the other quickly snapped open along with my mouth to join it.

In front of us a ball of what seemed to be moving air, captured dust and dirt in a violent swirling vortex. The only thing I could compare it to in my staggered mind was those fancy Dyson vacuums which Renee had always gone on about wanting, even though she hardly knew where the cleaning equipment was kept.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Benjamin crouched to one side of us, his arms outstretched before him, concentration etched on to his beautiful features. At first I thought he was trying to keep the strange cyclone at bay, perhaps protect himself from its swirling mass.

But then, on second glance I realised that Benjamin was controlling it. His arms seemed to move in time with the wind, which span faster and faster as it ever so slowly drifted away from us. I watched surreptitiously, afraid of what he might have intended to do with this bizarre, unlikely power, as he pushed his palms outwards in one fluid motion.

As he did so an almighty crash caused me to scream out, I whipped my head around in the direction of the sound to see that the windows had been thrown back on their hinges, hitting the bare plaster walls with such force that further cracks appeared, spreading out to join existing gaps in the pink render.

My scream hung in the air before being sucked from me, in to Benjamin's cyclone which continued moving towards the windows where the curtains now danced wildly in the combination of the encroaching winds and the soft, lazy breeze outside.

Over the noise I could make out Edward's low whisper, his gentle calm voice telling me not to worry. I couldn't understand how he was so relaxed about the bizarre spectacle taking place in front of us but his impassive expression and his apparent trust in Benjamin settled my nerves somewhat and I began to watch with wonder, turning my attention from Benjamin to his cyclone and back again, waiting to see what his next move would be.

As quickly as it had begun it was all over, the whirling, frantic ball of dust and dirt sucked from the room out of the window where, suddenly, the fabricated wind stopped and the debris it had been carrying dropped out of sight, some caught in the less violent natural breeze of the day, the rest – I assumed – floating to the earth below us.

Edward loosened his grip on me without letting go of my arm. I turned to look at Benjamin who now stood upright, his arms folded across his chest in apparent satisfaction.

"Not ideal," he smiled at me, "but now the dust is gone we have something we can work with."

I just gaped at him, rooted to the spot. In the back of my mind I could hear my parents reminding me it was rude to gawp but I figured that they'd agree that producing small tornadoes in the guest bedroom of your vampire lair wasn't the height of good manners either.

"Incredible," Edward laughed, "I had no idea."

He seemed impressed by Benjamin's performance though I didn't know quite why. To me it was mostly a bit scary.

The smile fell from Benjamin's face then, "yes, Amun prefers to keep my abilities to ourselves. He is rather secretive."

"I understand," Edward replied with a sage nod.

"I do not," Benjamin replied ruefully, his expression suddenly making him appear much older than he at first seemed, sadder too.

"I don't want to be rude," I interrupted, suddenly annoyed that Edward seemed to be brushing off the incident as something which was neither scary nor dangerous, "but does anybody mind telling me what the fuck that was?"

Edward and Benjamin laughed together, as if I'd just asked what colour the sky was. Poor, stupid human. My hackles were definitely rising. Not that I was entirely sure what hackles were.

"Bella, Benjamin has certain extra abilities," Edward began, leading me to sit on the edge of the now much less dingy but much more rumpled bed.

I looked Benjamin up and down from behind the protection of Edward's form. The slim, dark boy stood absolutely still, an oddly serene smile on his face again.

"It's similar to what Alice and I can do, at least in that Benjamin's talents are unique to him and in addition to what he is able to do as a vampire," I nodded along though failed to see how freakish indoor storms were similar to mind reading, "the difference being of course that Benjamin's abilities are influential. I suppose you could say that in some ways he has more in common with Jasper."

I looked at them both questioningly but Edward was on a roll and I'd quickly learned over the last few days that once he was underway with an explanation it was best to save questions for later.

"While Jasper can control feelings, in a sense, Benjamin is able to control the elements. What we just witnessed was an example of that – he used his abilities on the air around us, creating a wind…" he trailed off as I peered at him doubtfully, my eyes flickering briefly over to the very unpowerful-looking Egyptian boy.

I knitted my eyebrows and scratched my forehead as I considered what I'd heard.

"Right," I stretched the word out, letting it linger before I continued, "so what you're saying is that Benjamin can influence the elements to clean a room?"

"Exactly."

"So you're like, I don't know…Mary Poppins meets Jesus?"

Benjamin hesitated, "Mary Poppins?"

Edward's face was a picture as he tried not to laugh, although whether he wanted to laugh at my skewed understanding of the situation or the fact that Benjamin didn't know Mary Poppins I wasn't sure. I knew which one I found funnier.

There was a knock at the door just then and Tia, the other young Egyptian vampire eased in to the room.

She smiled at me and Edward, although I couldn't miss the fact that she seemed to be holding her breath – and I knew exactly why. Somehow Benjamin appeared to find it fairly easy to be close to me however his companions had quickly made their excuses and sped away from me after our initial introductions.

I knew that Edward and Alice felt confident that the Egyptians would respect their wish to treat me as a member of the Cullen family, however I couldn't help but feel vulnerable in the presence of vampires who I knew, in the absence of Edward's protection would view me as a light snack.

The fear I felt when faced with these vampires, Benjamin perhaps excluded, was a hundred times worse than I had felt when facing Edward for the first time just a short time ago. I knew that, despite everything that I'd learnt in the past few days, Edward was too much in love with me to ever hurt me.

It was a knowledge that both terrified me and excited me at once. Being in his presence it was soon clear that my feelings hadn't changed over the years we'd been apart, I still cared deeply for him, though I was reluctant to consider the 'L' word, and if anything my physical need for him – and it felt very much like a need – was even stronger with my maturity. Edward may not have changed in the last seven years but I certainly had, the innocent passion I had felt for him at seventeen was now entirely R-rated.

Tia and Benjamin spoke quietly, in a foreign language while Edward watched them, fascinated. As they finished, Tia turned to me, smiling again, although the smile looked a little strained, no doubt due to her proximity to my blood. I almost felt bad. Or at least I would've done had her discomfort not been due to the fact that I smelled to her the way that bacon smelled to me.

"I wonder what you need to make your stay with us more pleasant?" Tia addressed me directly, her voice – as heavily accented as both Amun's and Benjamin's – was beautiful, exotic and seductive.

I chewed my lip thoughtfully and shrugged, "I'm sure I'll be ok," I answered, not sure what kind of thing she meant. I guessed asking to be put up in a nice, dust- and vamp-free hotel wasn't part of the deal.

"If you could lay your hands on some food, I'm sure that would help," Edward interrupted, "some eggs perhaps? Bread? And bottled water."

"Of course," Tia nodded, "it has been many years since we have had to consider these things."

Edward suggested that I might appreciate fresh sheets for the bed – I didn't like to say that I wasn't going to be able to sleep in the house of horrors anyway – and, to my dismay and further horror, enquired as to whether they had a working toilet.

Tia replied in the affirmative, looking at me curiously as if I was a strange creature in a zoo, before stepping over to the window. In one fluid movement she lifted herself in to the opening and catapulted her entire body out in to the air. I gasped in shock, bolting across the room after her, leaning out of the same opening through which she'd leapt. I was just in time to catch a glimpse of her streaking in to the distance, her mane of raven black hair flowing behind her like a victory flag.

"Damn vampires," I muttered, ignoring the fact that the often irritating abilities would ensure that my companions heard me.

The evening passed in a whirlwind – pun entirely intended – of vampiric catching up. Edward and Alice, it seemed, knew Amun and Kebi only slightly, Benjamin and Tia not at all. Carlisle had a worldwide network of friends however, including the Egyptian coven, who would do just about anything for him and his family.

It seemed odd to me somehow. Carlisle demanded so much respect from these beings whose lifestyle he openly despised. Still, I didn't like to bring it up, I wasn't in the position of having the upper hand here.

Amun appeared riled with Benjamin, it seemed his talent really was supposed to be a secret 'especially when we're expecting Aro at any time'. It was made abundantly clear that Amun controlled the coven – Kebi only spoke when directly addressed and Tia was equally chatty.

Tia had returned after a few hours, well after sundown, her eyes noticeably redder but laden with baskets filled with eggs and fresh bread, not to mention beautifully soft sheets which Edward carefully made my bed with, his OCD tendencies to the fore as he tightly pulled perfect hospital corners.

"Where did you learn to do that?" I asked.

He shrugged, still bending over the bed, pulling at a rogue corner of the sheet, "Carlisle's a doctor and Esme's kind of a neat freak," he replied.

It was such an innocuous conversation in amongst all the weird, we could almost be a perfectly normal couple just getting to know each other. Not, of course, that we were a couple. I wasn't sure that I was ever going to be ready for that, that I could trust Edward.

"Hmm, that must be nice, Renee's was always a bombsite," I commented, stifling a yawn.

"You need to sleep, it's been a long day," Edward straightened up and pulled back the top sheet on the bed.

I curled my top lip at the idea, still not convinced, even with the new sheets and the absence of dust that I could sleep in the spooky old mansion.

"You're perfectly safe here Bella, you know that don't you?" Edward was suddenly full of concern, his eyebrows lowered and his mouth twisted in to worried grimace.

I smiled weakly, not really wanting to admit to being scared but at the same time worried that if I sucked it up and went to bed I'd freak right out the minute I was left alone.

"It's not that so much," I muttered, a telltale warmth in my cheeks again, "it's just…"

"What?"

"It's kind of spooky here don't you think?"

I rolled my eyes at Edward pressing his lips together to stifle the smile which threatened to break out on his face.

"It's not funny!" I squealed, thwacking him lightly on the arm in frustration.

"I know, I know," he laughed, "I'm not laughing!"

"Er, yes you are laughing Edward Cullen," I pouted, "and I find it a little unfair."

He stepped towards me, so close that I could feel his cold breath on my face as I looked up at him.

His voice was suddenly low and serious, "I could stay if you wanted."

"I…I don't know if that's a good idea Edward," I stuttered.

And I really didn't. My mind was very sure that having Edward in my bed was a bad idea. My body, on the other hand, was positively vibrating at the idea. I hoped that Edward didn't pick up on the increase in my heart rate and the rush of blood to the surface of my skin in places which definitely should not have a mind of their own.

"I didn't mean anything like _that _Bella," he explained, indicating a chair in one corner of the room, "I'll just sit there if you like, while you sleep."

"Oh," _don't sound disappointed Bella, don't sound disappointed, _"ok, I guess…I just thought…" _nice work_.

Edward waited outside the door while I readied myself for bed, leaving on a pair of panties and a vest top and pulling the sheet up to my chin before I called him to come back in.

"Good night Bella," he folded himself in to the chair as I watched, "I won't leave."

"Please don't," I yawned, "I'm going to have Nosferatu nightmares as it is."

But rather than suffering with fearful nightmares it was the heat which disturbed my sleep, I tossed and turned, pushing the sheets back then pulling them around me again when they cooled with the absence of my body heat. I curled in to a ball and then spread out like a starfish, a limb at each corner of the bed, I tried lying on my front and on my back, moving around until eventually the sheets were tangled around my legs and I was sweating more than I would have if I'd just stayed still.

I sat up to extract myself from the cotton cocoon I'd created, huffing as I did so.

"Are you alright?" Edward's voice was low despite the fact that the only person in the house who could sleep was currently having an argument with her bedding.

"It's just so damn hot in here," I complained.

"The window's open."

"Hmm," I groaned, "they need to start fitting air con in these old vampire mansions."

Edward was quiet for a moment and then, in the darkness, I heard him move, the floor creaking under his feet.

"Don't freak out," he said, his voice suddenly closer, the sweetness of his breath washing over me.

"Why…? Oh!" I gasped as the sheets billowed and the bed lowered under a new weight.

Before I could object Edward had slipped in to the bed beside me and lifted me in to his arms until I was very nearly lying on top of him. Through the thin cotton of his t-shirt I could feel the welcome coldness of his skin against my cheek which rested on his chest.

"Please, don't wait for an invitation Edward," I snarked, trying to sound nonchalant but failing desperately, not in the least helped by my right hand which appeared to be working of its own accord, tracing the outline of the chest I was now using as a pillow.

"I'm trying to help," he ground out before letting a shuddering sigh fill the room, "and I'm not the one getting handsy Miss Swan."

"Oh, yes…uh, sorry," I quickly pulled my exploring hand back, shoving it under my hip to keep it under control.

"I didn't say I minded," Edward lifted me again, the sheet slipping to the floor as he pulled me further up on to him, our bodies now flush against each other, faces inches apart. I felt a pleasant pressure against my pelvis as we lay there for a moment, not speaking, listening to each other breathe.

"You're so cold," I gasped, snaking a hand underneath myself to push up his t-shirt, "can I?..."

Before I could finish asking he'd somehow managed to lift me off of him for a split second, remove the offending article and place me back down, colder than ever without the inconvenience of Gap's finest.

By now my breath was shuddering out faster than was strictly polite - the combination of my imagination and the feel of Edward's pelvis hard against my own causing my body to react in unexpected ways.

In the small amount of light which filtered in to the room I could make out the planes of Edward's face, his razor cheekbones, defined jaw. I could see, or at least I thought I could see, raw animal desire in his eyes as they stared, unblinking, in to my own.

"Are you alright?" he murmured, stroking a freezing hand across the small of my back, the tip of his fingers tracing the waistband of my - admittedly not all that sexy – boy shorts, "is this ok?"

I groaned embarrassingly loudly in response, cursing my own lack of experience before pressing my lips against his, biting his lower lip, pushing at his mouth with my tongue. My body appeared to have taken control, the need which had been pulsing through me since that first night on Edward's couch exploding out in a fury of hands and lips and heavy breathing.

Frustratingly Edward was all restraint and while his hands moved up and down my back, twisting in to my hair as they went they moved cautiously, carefully, as if he was afraid that he might break me, or that I might tell him to stop. While I was aware that the first was a possibility I was quite sure that the latter was definitely not on the cards.

As he became more confident Edward's hands travelled down to my hips where he drew lazy circles with his thumbs before unexpectedly pressing me down in to him, my pelvis meeting with the very definite outline of his hard on. I whimpered in response to the sensation, a tongue of blazing fire pulsing through me and I shamelessly ground myself down, eliciting a throaty sound – almost a growl – from him in the process.

"Oh God Bella," he gasped, kissing his way down my neck and to my collarbone, "I don't know if I can do this…what if…? I don't think I can stop myself from hurting you."

I continued moving, feeling warmth spreading from the pit of my stomach directly down my legs, my skin flushing and prickling and my panties becoming increasingly, embarrassingly, wet.

"You won't hurt me," I whispered, nibbling at his earlobe, running my lips along his sharp jaw, "I trust you."

"Why? After everything that's happened."

"Edward," I covered his words with a long kiss, searching his oddly cold mouth with my tongue, his responding by tangling with it, fighting for dominance, "I don't want to have this conversation now."

"What do you want then?" he mumbled in to my mouth, letting his hands wander over my ass and onto my thighs, pushing me upwards just a fraction of an inch before letting my body settle back in to its original position.

I whimpered again, sure that I was close to totally losing it, I could feel the orgasm building moment on moment, simply from the friction.

"I want you to…" I began, interrupted by another gasp as he shifted me up and back down for a second time, "I want _you_."

I looked up at shyly, hoping he understood what I meant, to find Edward's eyes open wide, staring at me in confusion.

"Really Bella, I don't know if it's even physically possible…not without hurting you."

I pulled my knees up and raised my torso until I was sat upright, straddling him, my hands braced against his chest.

"Edward, I'm offering myself to you here on a platter and you're making excuses? Do you know how insulting that is?" I fumed.

He chewed his lip a little, nodding, "I just don't want to risk damaging you in any way."

Setting my jaw and steeling myself, knowing that tears were threatening to spill over, I spoke carefully, sounding out the words slowly and deliberately.

"I…don't…care," I took a deep breath and launched in to it, "Edward, since we went our separate ways I haven't wanted to be with anybody else like this. I've tried, but it was like, all this time, I was waiting for you and only you. Please don't take it away from me now."

I felt pretty stupid, begging for sex, but my mind wasn't entirely in control of what I was saying or doing, there were definitely other, more powerful entities involved.

He considered for a moment, looking at me with abject sadness before he reached up to touch my cheek, pushing his palm under my hair and on to the back of my neck.

"I love you Bella Swan," he murmured, pulling my face down to his and kissing me passionately until I swear I saw stars.

I brazenly worked my pelvis in to his, letting myself feel the full effect of his erection on my body. We both groaned and gasped together, searching each others mouths with lips and tongues and fingers, I knew he was still holding back, trying to keep from hurting me but I urged him on, pressing in to him, pushing my breasts against his chest in the most obviously wanton way, letting my top ride up and my panties work downwards as I moved, not caring to adjust them for decencies sake.

"You have to tell me if I hurt you, even a little bit," Edward suddenly murmured in to my ear, encouraging my top further up before pulling it over my head in one easy flourish.

I was kind of stunned. Really? It was that easy? Still, I didn't ponder on it for long, and before I could do any more than utter a whispered 'ok' his hands were palming my now bare breasts, my nipples puckering in response to his cold fingers as they passed over them, gently stroking a message directly down through my nerves to my already overly sensitive clitoris.

Stroking his hands downwards and letting them rest on my hips he leaned up on his elbows beneath me, the slight shift causing a shudder to run right through me, and bent his head to take first one nipple and then the other in to his mouth, sucking and lapping gently at them, all the time peering up at me through his lashes, checking that I was alright.

I was, of course, more than alright. There was a lot I hadn't thought about – I didn't have condoms, did he? Could he even get me pregnant? I doubted it but was there a risk? What if he _did_ hurt me? Things seemed…well, a pretty good size down there. But the sensible part of my brain was quickly outvoted.

My entire body was alive with the sensation, feeling Edward with every inch of my skin, every pore and nerve ending, I moved languorously, allowing myself to feel him flush against me, moving ever so slowly, ever so gently, his hands exploring me, seeming to worship every curve.

Neither of us moved to take off any more clothing – for now this was enough, just being like this, skin against oh so sensitive skin, enjoying the movement and the sounds, the heavy breaths which washed over each other, the silent professions of love on each other's mouths, lips finding lips over and over again as we became ever closer.

The orgasm which had threatened for so long built ever further, my legs becoming numb and shaking, my bones turning to liquid under Edward's reverent touch, my flesh alive and burning. And then, _then_…explosions of light and heat and sensation, every cell in my body burning and melting, my body too delicate, too pained, too touched. I cried out, throwing my head back, my hair whipping around my face where strands stuck to the film of sweat on my face.

As I stilled Edward's whole body stopped moving and his face became an impassive mask. What was wrong? Had I taken things too far? Had I done something wrong? I found it a little difficult to care, letting my body collapse, my head resting where his poor heart should have been.

There was a timid rap at the door.

Without warning I was flipped on to my back and covered with the fallen sheet which immediately stuck to my passion flushed body. Edward was across the room, his muscular form flexing as he reached for the door, swinging it open into the room.

I peeked from the relative safety of the sheet, flushed with sex and embarrassment, to see Alice, standing awkwardly in the doorway, a small smile on her face. But the smile didn't reach her dark eyes.

"Sorry," she muttered, "but I needed to let you know."

Edward nodded, his face serious, "right, how long?"

"They'll be there within the week."

I looked from one to the other, once again frustrated at being on the outside of Edward and Alice's strange connection.

"What?" I choked out, "who'll be where?"

"The Volturi," Alice grimaced, dragging her immaculately manicured fingers through her short, spiky hair, "they're on their way to Carlisle."


	26. Chapter 23

**Bella**

"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry Bella!" Alice gasped as Edward bundled her back out of the room at speed, muttering something incomprehensible under his breath.

He followed her out of the bedroom and pulled the door closed behind them, leaving me alone, blushing from head to toe and gasping for breath. I tentatively unwrapped myself from the sheet, listening for the telltale click of the door handle, quickly retrieving my tank from the floor and pulling it on over my head.

It appeared that, once again, my self-control had failed me when it came to Edward Cullen. I wondered whether, if Alice hadn't appeared when she had, things would have gone even further. I doubted that I would have stopped us but would Edward have? I knew he worried about hurting me not that, in the throes of passion – as Renee would call it, urgh - I cared about a few bruises or pains.

The door creaked open again and Edward's dishevelled hair entered closely followed by the rest of his head, peeking around at me sheepishly.

"It's ok, I'm decent," I smiled, indicating my reclaimed top. He grinned and slipped back in to the room. He tried to push the door shut but met with resistance – Alice's hand was pressed up against the outside.

"I'm so sorry Bella," she grimaced, "I didn't know…"

"Al, please, you're just making things worse," Edward groaned.

"It's fine Alice, no worries," I replied, "is everything alright? Are the others in some kind of trouble?"

Ignoring Edward's protests his sister barged her way in to the room then, darting over to sit on the edge of the bed. She twisted a large diamond ring on her finger absentmindedly.

"From what I can see it's all fine, of course Carlisle knows Aro and his cronies well enough to know how to deal with them. And Jasper should be able to help things…" her voice trailed off and I could see that despite her outward confidence she was worried for Jasper.

"I'm sure he'll be fine Alice," I soothed. I wasn't in the least sure of course but it seemed to be the right thing to say.

"I know, I know," she sighed, shaking her spiky head, "I just hate being away from him. I know that they all rely so much on Edward and I. The thought of them being without us when Aro and Caius and Marcus are there…" she seemed to shiver at the thought.

"Alice can't see the outcome of the meeting," Edward explained. Leaning against the wall, as arms folded over his naked torso he looked, utterly, utterly hot. I shook my head in annoyance at myself – _so not the time Bella._

"I can only see that they'll arrive within the next twenty-four hours, but until they've spoken to Carlisle and the others I can't know what they'll decide to do, what information they might get out of them."

"They've no information to give," Edward interrupted, "they don't know where we are, even using his powers Aro can't find out."

Alice rolled her eyes, "I'm sure that they'll just give up Edward, it's not like they can track us or anything."

"Track us?" I asked, suddenly feeling very much like a deer in the forest being chased by hunters with big old shotguns.

"Hmm," Alice sighed, "trackers have their own special abilities. They can find anybody, anywhere. No matter how hard we try to hide they'll find us."

"Then why are we even trying?" Was Alice really saying that this whole trip was completely pointless?

She glanced at Edward who ran a hand through his already untidy hair, "we have unique abilities between the two of us…no tracker has ever tried to find either Alice or I before…"

"Edward _thinks _that between us we can stay one step ahead."

"And they'll eventually give up?"

There was a silence, Alice staring at Edward, an eyebrow raised.

"I…I hope so…"

"To be honest Bella all we've really done is buy ourselves a little extra time," Alice whispered, "the Volturi don't really give up."

My mind was whirring with questions. I had been under the impression that we were escaping, finding somewhere safe to stay until all this blew over.

"You might have all the time in the world to play hide and seek but I don't."

"Exactly what I've been telling Edward," Alice widened her eyes in his directions.

He pushed himself away from the wall and began stalking the length of the room liked an angry caged lion. A hot, angry, caged lion.

"I know Alice," he raised his voice, "I'm thinking alright?"

"Fine," she huffed, standing up and making for the exit, "but we haven't got long. I mean it Edward, we need a plan and we need one soon."

After Alice swept dramatically out of the room I fell back in to bed, sheepishly asking Edward to lie with me. Although my mind was full of horrific images of angered law-making vampires and spooky Egyptian mansions I somehow slept extremely well pressed in to the cool stone of his side, my head on his chest, rising and falling with his breath. The last thing I remembered feeling before I drifted in to my dreamless sleep was his lips moving against the top of my head, as if he was silently singing me to sleep.

**Emmett**

"No Emmett, I do not want anybody out there alone until the Volturi are done with their visit," Carlisle was totally eyeballing me from across the table.

"Fine," I crossed my arms over my chest, flexing a tricep or two for effect, "but know that I'm extremely insulted."

"Sweetheart," Esme started stroking my arm lightly, eliciting a sharp look from Rose. Euwwww, Esme was like _my mom_. Sometimes my girl totally took the jealously thing too far. "I'd feel much safer having you with me when I'm out hunting, or with Rosalie."

Oh, smooth.

Rose tutted, "I don't need protecting," she huffed. Huh, not so smooth after all.

I grinned at Rose, ruffling her perfect hair, "but I wouldn't leave my poor little girl wandering the forest alone while the big bad vampires are out there would I now?"

"Urgh," she screeched, batting my hand away angrily, "get off me you…you caveman!"

"Gees, kidding baby!" I chuckled, pulling my chair closer to her, "would you rather I didn't care?"

She softened visibly, scooching over to perch herself on my lap, grinding a little bit on purpose. Niiiice.

Jazz raised an eyebrow in disgust while Carlisle continued laying down Cullen law.

"Just because you're not getting any man," I whispered in Jazz's direction.

"Enough Emmett," Carlisle shouted. He didn't often lose it but I had to admit that when he did it was usually with me. Oops.

"Sorry," I muttered, not very sincerely.

"Emmett, this is a dire situation, please take it seriously."

"I know, I know…I just need to get out man," I was whining a little bit but I was getting real hungry.

"Jasper needs to hunt too," Carlisle pointed out, "go together but please, please be vigilant."

Jazz stood and saluted, soldier style. I scoffed at the move, he could be such a douchebag sometimes.

"Come on then Sergeant Major Doofus, let's do this!" I raced him to the door, catapulting myself out in to the garden and quickly in to the woodlands beyond, already aware of nothing besides the sounds and smells of the wilderness, the town already a faint murmur in the distance.

We hunted separately but kept tags on each other, sometimes crossing paths, fighting it out over the odd animal – not because there wasn't enough to go around but because Jazz and I both liked a bit of competition from time to time.

So full of warm animal blood I was sloshing I watched as Jazz finished off a last moose, crouching over it on the ground while I swung from the branch of a tree, watching him.

"What do you reckon on this whole Volturi deal then?" he asked, wiping his sleeve across his mouth.

"I dunno dude, Carlisle's totally losing it on this one. Do you think they care about Edward that much?"

He shrugged, swinging up in to the tree above me, the drained moose carcass dragging behind him from under an arm.

"They might do Em," Jazz knew more about the Volturi guys than I did, he'd been in all sorts of shit with them over the years, "Edward's going to have seriously pissed them off with this one."

He hefted the dead moose over his head and aimed, launching it between trees towards the lake in the distance. We both listened for the telltale splash before hopping down from the tree and taking off at a run, this time side by side.

"But Edward's stuff isn't anything to do with us," I complained.

"As far as the Volturi are concerned we're his coven. His mistakes are our mistakes."

"Edward's such a douche man, I mean all this Bella stuff it's so damn weird."

"Yeah but he's our brother, he looks out for us, we look out for him…"

Jazz trailed off, slowing up to a jog all of a sudden. I started to ask him what was up but he put his palm up, stopping me before I said anything.

Then he stopped, crouching down close to the damp ground. I followed Jazz's lead and it was then, crouching like a pair of idiots that I noticed it – the smell - beyond the leaf mould and the moss was a distinct aroma.

"Other vampires?" I hissed, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end, thrill pumping through me.

Jazz nodded, "the Volturi," he explained thoughtfully, "I recognise Aro…Marcus…and Caius. Definitely."

"There are two others," I told him, confused, it wasn't like him to miss things like that.

"I know man," he whispered, "I don't know who they are though."

Ah.

"So three old vamps and two others? Let's finish it once and for all dude," I raised my hand ready for a high five, "don't leave me hanging Hale!"

"Even if we could – and we have no idea who the other two _are_ by the way – Carlisle would kill us Em."

Damn it! How was Jasper always right about shit? I knew he wanted to take on the Volturi as much as I did but he was working his zen thing, all 'doing the right thing' and 'thinking it through'… still, he was right, Carlisle would totally freak out if we took out the old guys.

"So what then Yoda?" I hissed, "do we head back and warn the others?"

Pushing his hair back in to a ponytail and pulling a band round it – one of Alice's pink ones I noticed, filing the information for future ribbing – Jazz indicated that I should follow him, moving forward, low to the ground.

We kept out of the way of the approaching vamps, circling them at a distance as they moved West, towards Bethlehem. We jumped in and out of trees, laid low in bushes and slipped in to streams to avoid detection, always keeping their scent at arms length, pretty sure that we were off their radar. Jazz was good at that stealthy stuff so I just followed his lead. My instinct was usually to storm in like a Grizzly being poked with a stick. It was a useful talent when someone needed shitting up but in this case it was probably better to go down the Captain Jazz route.

"They're getting too close to town," he hissed, after we'd been stalking for maybe an hour.

"So what?"

"So I think we need to get back to the others, let them know what's going on."

I saluted, "whatever you say Oh Wise One."

We ran, top speed, back to the house, keeping silent until we reached the gardens. I grimaced as I barrelled through a rose bush, knowing that Esme wouldn't be too impressed with the mess I'd made. I stopped a moment to try and put things back where they were and kind of…puff up the plant a bit to fill in the gaps. It was pretty useless so I just scuffed the dropped pink petals in to the ground instead and followed Jazz inside.

He was already debriefing when I hopped through the door, brushing leaves and dirt off of me as I went.

While Jazz filled them in on the situation – how fast the Volturi were moving, how many were coming and from which direction – Carlisle paced the room, running his hands through his hair nervously. He was normally all cool and collected so it didn't look to be a great sign.

Esme was still as a statue, her face all kind of…nothing…while she listened to Jasper really carefully. Rose, who I leaned up next to was sat on the kitchen counter, swinging her legs, frowning and, I could tell, super pissed. For a change. She was still pretty angry with Edward, more so than the rest of us. There was a long history between the two of them, all of it involving one being pretty heavily ticked off with the other and Edward had definitely not helped matters with his big Bella Swan flip out.

I was pretty sure that Rose would stand by him in front of the Volturi but there was a possibility, just a small one but a possibility none the less, that he might have burned all his bridges there.

"I suggest that we head them off at the pass, I am not in the least happy about having Aro and his ilk so close to town," Carlisle was mobilising the troops already, "please let me do the talking, stay calm and please, please don't antagonise them."

Was he looking at me? Like I'd…ok, I'd _totally_ antagonise the Volturi given half a chance.

"We don't have any information which will help them to find Edward and Alice so we needn't worry that we're in any danger, is that right Jasper?"

I caught Carlisle's meaning – he wasn't checking that Jazz agreed but making sure that he hadn't gotten in touch with Alice.

He hadn't of course, Jazz would do anything to keep his girl safe, even if she was the most irritating, high pitched little pixie in all of the continental US.

"Let's do this!" I whooped, leading the pack back out of the door, Rose right behind me while Jazz took the rear, behind the old folks.

We took it easy, not wanting to look too panicked in front of the Volturi, Carlisle giving us titbits of information as we ran – it was mostly stuff we knew; how Aro's mind reading worked, that Caius was probably going to be the hardest to keep from wanting to do something drastic, which members of the guard they likely had with them.

It didn't take long to catch up to them.

"Carlisle, what a surprise!" Aro spoke as if he was delighted to see us emerge from the cover of the trees.

I half listened to their exchange as I took in the five vampires in front of us, sizing them up. Aside from Aro, Marcus and Caius, who I could snap like twigs, there was a little boy hiding under a hood – no problemo – and another guy.

The dude was huge. Like, me-huge, and all muscle and steel. Man, if only Carlisle would give the nod I'd have loved nothing more than a little one-on-one, mano-a-mano with the guy. But, of course, Carlisle was busy being polite.

"A surprise Aro? I had assumed that you were in the area to see me."

Aro chuckled lightly, which was kind of spooky, "ah, you see right through me as always Carlisle."

He was peering at each of us one by one, looking for something. Caius stood to one side, his face twisted in to a nasty smile while Marcus just looked really damn bored. Volturi-Emmett was glowering at me, checking over the old muscles and weighing me up. Good.

"In fact," Aro moved closer to Carlisle, grasping his hand in a tight hold, "though it is wonderful, truly, to see you again old friend and your beautiful wife," he leered at Esme who smiled tightly, like she might knee him right in the balls if he touched her, "I had hoped to speak with your son…"

He trailed off looking at first me and then Jasper, "although I see that the one I require is missing…"

"Edward?" Carlisle asked innocently.

"Hmm," Aro mused, "two are missing from your midst Carlisle. Has the coven split?"

"Edward and Alice aren't with us at the moment, no."

I caught sight of the sneer on Caius's face, his nostrils flared wide and he bared his teeth, I stared him down, widening my shoulders in a nice, subtle threat.

"Such a shame, they're always so…" Aro searched for the right word, "_entertaining_."

"They knew we were coming," Caius snarled, "do they think they can hide?"

"Forgive me," Carlisle shook his head in pretend confusion, "were you looking for Edward for a particular reason?"

"I think you know that we are Carlisle," Caius was getting really angry, his fists curling in to balls at his side.

"I'm afraid that we _are_ here on official business," Aro confirmed, his voice still friendly, "we will need to see Edward as soon as possible."

"Ah, I suppose you're here about his…shall we say, slip?"

"You are aware that there is some talk amongst humans then Carlisle? Talk about Edward?"

Carlisle nodded sadly, "yes, unfortunately mistakes have been made. Of course we are more than willing to make amends where necessary."

"Where is the boy Carlisle?" Marcus droned, looking like he wanted to get it all over with and get home in time for the game.

"I'm afraid Marcus that, just at the moment, Edward is not with us."

"Is he at your home? Perhaps you could lead us there?" Aro patted Caius's hand lightly, looking as if he might be trying to calm him down.

"Actually, Edward and Alice have left us," Carlisle explained, "and while you are of course welcome in our home I'm afraid that I won't be able to give you any information on their whereabouts."

"Is that so?" Aro looked doubtful, "are you to have us believe that they've left without a forwarding address? And your sweet little psychic without her mate?" he indicated Jasper.

Carlisle stepped forward, holding his hand out, this was the bit that gave me the willies – Aro could see all your thoughts, _ever_, just by touching you. It was like Edward times a hundred and even creepier.

Aro met Carlisle half way, grasping his proferred hand between both of his own. They stood in silence, staring in to each others faces, Carlisle's the picture of serenity, Aro's a study in impassiveness.

I watched as the Volturi leader's expression faltered. Moments later he dropped Carlisle's hand and turned his back to him.

"Well my dears, it appears that our friend speaks the truth. These five can give us no information on the whereabouts of their lapsed member."

Suddenly the small boy spoke – or the hooded figure I'd taken to be a young boy – the voice was high and reedy and distinctly feminine.

"Perhaps I can be of assistance?"

Aro looked at her…or him? Whatever it was, "no, no dear one. I'm afraid there's no need for you to intervene just now."

The small person stamped a foot in frustration. Definitely a girl then, it was a move that I'd seen Rose and Alice pull a thousand times before.

"You see the problem I have I'm sure Carlisle?" Aro had turned back around to face us, "Edward has, as you're no doubt aware, broken our most important rule. And there is, I now realise, more danger than we first realised. Does your son have a problem with keeping secrets?"

"Of course he doesn't!" Esme suddenly spoke, angry at the suggestion.

Aro held both his hands up in surrender, "do accept my apologies Esme – as stunning as ever if I may say so – but you must be aware that we have more to worry about than just the gossip I originally desired to speak about."

"Shit," I muttered, we knew he'd find out but that didn't mean we hadn't hoped that it would pass him by.

"I see that your merry band of two has recruited a third member?"

"Quite true Aro," Carlisle confirmed, "but she is of no threat to any of us. She is as committed to keeping the secret as any of us."

"What's this?" Caius growled, his eyes narrowing.

"It would appear," Aro drawled, a smile playing at the corner of his lips – God, he was such a shit! "that the mindreader and the psychic have made a friend. A_ human_ friend."

"What?" Caius's bellow bounced off the trees, making Rose wince next to me.

"She is Edward's mate. It really appears to be quite a fascinating situation."

"As such," Carlisle noted, "it is perhaps forgivable? I am absolutely positive that Bella poses no threat to any of us Aro."

"Rules are rules," Marcus sighed.

"I quite understand. Perhaps we might discuss this back at the house?" Carlisle offered, beginning to turn back.

"I'm afraid, Carlisle, Esme, that while nothing would please me more than to – what is it that these American's say? - _shoot the breeze_ with you, it appears that we have rather more work to see to than first anticipated."

Aro's meaning was clear. I bristled at his words, moving slightly forward. The big Volturi vamp matched my movement. Dude was good.

"If you're sure?" Carlisle deflated a little bit but continued, "do let me assure you, my oldest friends, that I can vouch for both Bella and Edward. Neither have any intention of breaking any rules."

"I'm afraid the rules have already been broken Carlisle, the Swan child aside."

Esme whimpered, knowing that Aro intended to make Edward pay regardless of Carlisle's assurances.

"What if he agreed to change her?"

Jasper and I both gaped at Rose. What the hell was she on about?

"If Bella was one of us? Then no rules would be broken."

Aro considered for a moment, "no, I suppose that we could be satisfied that Miss Swan posed no threat. But I'm afraid that it would not resolve the original issue of the New York publicity."

"But…"

Aro held his hand up to silence Rose and she raised sarcastic eyebrows at him. I wanted to do her right there and then, my girl was so hot when she was feisty. I saved it for later though, thinking that a porno floor show probably wouldn't be all that popular just then.

"Please, Carlisle, should you hear from Edward please do contact us as soon as possible. Although regardless, I shall be on the lookout for him myself – Demetri I think?" he smiled around at his little group – whoever this Demetri dude was he didn't sound like good news for Edward. Jasper's slow head shake confirmed it.

"Of course," Carlisle maintained the friendly tone he had used throughout the exchange, somehow, "and of course if we can help in any other way please don't hesitate…"

"I'm sure we shall be together again very soon," Aro made his meaning pretty clear, "now if you'll excuse us we have some business to attend to in New York."

Esme turned her head away so the Volturi couldn't see her close her eyes in pain. We all knew that the girl from the paper, Edward's one-that-got-away was about to meet a sticky end.

Throwing out some fake farewells, Aro and his creepy coven melted back in to the forest, on their way to dish out some 'justice' Volturi-style.

Carlisle visibly sagged as they left, pulling Esme towards him. She buried her face in his chest, letting a sob leave her body as she did.

"You rocked it babe," I slapped Rose on the ass, totally proud of her.

"Whatever," she replied, "I just didn't want to look at their disgusting faces any more."

We started back towards the house, Jazz and I hanging back behind Esme and Carlisle and Rose who seemed eager to be out of the forest all of a sudden.

"What's Demetri dude?" I whispered, swinging myself over a fallen tree.

"He's the Volturi's best tracker," Jasper grimaced, he kicked a boulder, hard, and it split in two, right down the middle, "fucking Edward!"

"Woah!" I stopped, placing a palm on his chest to stop him from causing any more damage.

He sank to the floor, his hands covering his face, "how the hell is Alice going to get out of this one? I don't even know where she is."

* * *

**A/N: please please leave your reviews - I do read them all even though I don't have time to reply! I'd love to know what you think of Emmett, I really enjoyed writing him!**

I know a few of you had doubts about Alice and Edward doing a runner...hopefully you can see know that the Cullens are clutching at straws a bit, coming up with a plan isn't always that simple is it? EQ xxx  



	27. Chapter 24

**Edward**

The sunlight glanced off of her back, highlighting every pore, every freckle. I traced the outline of her spine tenderly, feeling the delicate, soft skin and fragile bone under my finger.

She groaned and shifted, murmuring my name again. It was a sound I would never tire of hearing. She turned her head without opening her eyes, allowing me to watch the small smile that drifted across her lips, the flicker of her almost translucent eyelids.

I laid my head on the pillow next to hers, feeling the heat of her breath on my face, our noses almost touching as my fingers continued their journey along the lines of her back.

"Edward…" I smiled inwardly again, revelling in the repetition of my name.

A breeze blew the voile curtains gently away from the open windows, and I watched as the tiny, almost invisible hairs on the arm which formed the only barrier between us stand on end in reaction to the slight change in temperature.

"Edward…" my hand reached her shoulder blade, tracing circles across the skin which stretched over the prominent bone.

"Edward…what are you doing?" she yawned, her eyes lazily opening, finding their focus in the brightness of the morning sunshine.

I snatched my hand back, sandwiching it self consciously between my knees.

"Oh…uh, sorry," I stuttered, suddenly realising that she hadn't been calling my name in her sleep after all.

"No, I don't mind," she closed her eyes again and delved her hand under the sheet, grasping my wrist and pulling my hand back up, reaching around to set it on her back again, "what time is it?"

"Just after five," I answered as she stifled a yawn.

"Haven't you been to sleep?" she murmured lazily.

"Uh…no, I don't…what do you…?"

"Oh yeah, vampire. Right," she was drifting off to sleep again, her words slurred and confused, "I love you."

I knew she hadn't intended to say it. And I doubted she meant it.

"I love you too Bella," I replied to her softly snoring form.

"You really don't have to Edward."

"I know. I want to."

Bella shrugged and went back to her glass of orange juice, watching me as I cracked eggs in to a bowl.

"That's probably enough," she chuckled as I reached for a fourth, "unless you've developed a taste for human food?"

I wrinkled my nose in distaste, "eurgh, no."

She reached up to touch the circles beneath my eyes, "you're not going to leave yourself much choice if you don't go out and hunt. Alice has been twice."

We'd been in Egypt for close to a week now, hiding out, discussing over and over again what our next move should be. I hadn't left Bella's side in the entire time. She slept in my arms every night - although we hadn't so much as kissed since the night Alice had walked in on us – and I even waited outside the bathroom when she needed to go.

Both Bella and Alice thought my behaviour was excessive but I knew that by now the Volturi would have at least one tracker out for us and, although I felt that I could trust them, it was clear that the Egyptian coven, with the exception of Benjamin who she had become strangely close to, made Bella uncomfortable.

"I'm fine," I smiled reassuringly, although I knew that I would have to hunt soon. Every night in Bella's bed my throat burned uncontrollably.

"Your eyes are black Edward," she sighed, "please go today. Alice can look after me."

I slipped the omlette – cooked on the ineffectual portable stove Kebi had laid hands on for Bella's convenience – out on to a plate.

"Fine, I'll go later. But I'm not going far."

"Good," she spoke through a mouthful of food, "it makes me nervous when you're so hungry."

"What?" I choked, my mouth hanging open.

"Kidding Edward…God," she rolled her eyes at my reaction.

"I wouldn't blame you," I muttered, turning my back on her to shove the omlette pan in to a bowl of water, "I deserve it…"

"I'm not scared of you. I never have been."

I heard the clatter of Bella's fork hitting her plate and her chair scraping across the floor.

"Edward," she was suddenly close behind me, her voice lower than before, "what happened…before…it was unforgivable, but I am trying to understand."

Her palms rested on me as she spoke and I felt the tension in my muscles dissipate at her touch.

"I think you're punishing yourself enough for all of us," she sighed, resting her cheek on the middle of my back, "and I don't have the energy to be angry any more. I'm not saying I can forgive and forget but…I don't know…I just want to move on from all of this. Please."

I turned to face her, unsure what exactly she was trying to say. I wondered how it could be that my intelligence entirely failed me when it came to Bella.

"But…" I started, about to ask her whether she thought she would be able to forgive me one day.

Before I could remind her of just what a shit I was – and, truly, I knew it and I knew that I didn't deserve to be given another chance – she pressed her lips against mine, stretching up to lace her arms around my neck, pulling me down to meet her.

She kissed me once, hard, before pulling back to stare at me, "I just don't want to talk about any of it any more Edward, not for now."

I nodded in agreement and she continued planting soft, barely there kisses on me, punctuating them with a whispered statement; "I'm…sick…of…talking."

I deepened the kiss, pressing my tongue against her mouth. She sighed and granted me access, letting her own tongue dart out to lick along my lower lip before slipping in to my mouth.

Snaking my hands down her sides to her softly curved hips I lifted Bella off of the floor easily, bringing her up to meet me. She reacted by pressing her chest in to mine, her hardened nipples scuffing against me through our clothing. I hardened instantly at the feel of her arousal, knowing that she wanted me as much as I wanted her, to be with her in the most intimate way possible.

I didn't know if I could of course, I was so damn scared of hurting her. Bella was so fragile, nothing but flesh and bones and blood, and I didn't know if I had the self-control to keep her safe.

I groaned, swinging her around and seating her on the slab of cold marble that passed for a kitchen counter. She shivered in reaction to her thighs – exposed in shorts – touching the stone but didn't break her stride, knotting her fingers into my hair and leaning back, pulling me in to her with force, still kissing me.

My lips moved from her mouth to her neck where the blood pulsed close to the surface. I knew it was safe to do so, despite my hunger, I had spent so much time so close to Bella I could almost ignore the flames which engulfed me knowing I was that close to something I wanted so much.

Her pelvis shifted in to me, her warm centre pressing against the erection which strained desperately against my thin linen trousers. She continued to move, whimpering as the friction increased, her fingers holding my hair more and more tightly, pulling my face in to her neck and chest as she did so.

I struggled to control my urge to rip her clothes from her and make love to her right then and there, knowing that when, or rather if, I was to do it that it would be somewhere comfortable, when we could take it slowly, when we were both prepared.

Bella rubbed against me more and more frantically, her heart racing and pounding, her scent becoming increasingly musky, more overwhelming as she became aroused. I gritted my teeth and tensed, determined not to hurt her, not to become carried away, but the tightening of my arms around her only seemed to spur her on.

"Edward," she gasped, her voice dry and throaty, "oh my God…" she trailed off in to a pained whimper, her body tensing at the same time that she almost stopped moving, half lifted off of the counter, every part of her shaking, her heartbeat loud, fast and erratic.

I pulled away, holding her wrists and looking at her. Panicked I searched her face, looking for some indication of what was wrong with her. Her expression was agonised, her mouth open in a silent gasp, her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"What is it Bella?" I bent my knees to get down to her level, "what's wrong?"

She opened one eye to look at me. Her breath was now slowing, which was a good sign, and her heart rate was definitely at a more acceptable level.

"Are you alright? Does anything hurt or…"

"What?" she whispered, both eyes now open and full of lazy confusion, "I'm fine Edward. I'm more than fine…" she smiled shyly, dipping her head low.

"But didn't I hurt you? Or was it a cramp?"

Bella blinked three times, slowly, looking as if she might be ready to have me committed.

"You didn't hurt me!" her face was burning a bright scarlet, "I…that was…a _good_ reaction Edward."

A good reaction? It certainly didn't look good. Then it hit me.

"Oh!" I gasped, failing to stop the shit-eating grin that immediately plastered itself on to my face, "Oh, I see."

She rolled her eyes asking huskily, "How old are you again Cullen?"

I let my fingertips wander across the red flush which covered the exposed top of her chest and towards her neck.

"Alright! Alright!" I muttered, "I've just never um, done that to somebody before."

"Strictly speaking I did most of the work," Bella replied, sliding off of the counter and disappearing towards the bathroom. I followed behind like a lost puppy, still grinning from ear to ear.

"So I didn't hurt you?"

She paused at the bathroom door, turning to look at me. Oddly she seemed a little annoyed, "I'm really not as breakable as you think I am."

"I know Bella, I just…" she slammed the door shut behind her.

**Alice**

"What we're hoping is that we can convince the Volturi that Bella poses no threat to us."

"And the girl in New York?"

"I'm afraid they've already taken care of that."

"Even so, do you expect us to do anything more for you Alice?"

"Not at all Amun, please know that we appreciate what you've done for us already."

"Carlisle is a great friend. However we do not wish to anger the Volturi."

"Neither do we. This situation has, I'm afraid been blown out of all proportion."

"I'm sure that your brother knew what he was doing. He is very lucky to have such an understanding coven."

"And such fantastic friends," I glanced at Kebi with a smile, hoping that we might have at least won her round if not Amun.

She smiled back but, as usual, said nothing.

"I've never seen two people so in love."

It surprised me to hear but I agreed. It gave me hope that Benjamin could see that we were fighting for something which mattered so much.

Where Amun cared only for the protection of himself and his coven Benjamin saw that what Edward and Bella had was worth fighting for.

They had blossomed. The more time I spent with them the more I could see a future for my brother and his…what was she? Girlfriend didn't seem enough. Destiny?

I hadn't told Bella about my visions, Edward hadn't wanted me to. But it didn't seem to matter, she was so in love with him, regardless of everything. And, even with a possible death sentence hanging over his head, Edward seemed…_happy_.

"You're a romantic Benjamin," I laughed.

"Who can argue with true love? It is not for anybody to interfere. And Bella, I like her, she is brave."

"Brave or possibly stupid," Amun scoffed, rather meanly, "Benjamin oversimplifies things I'm afraid."

"I can speak for myself Amun," Benjamin, for the first time since we had arrived, looked less than happy. In fact he looked positively angry.

"While these romantic notions are lovely in theory, the reality is that we cannot allow ourselves to become any more embroiled in this situation than we already are. We have done our duty to Carlisle by protecting his coven, we can do no more."

Amun declared his coven's position in an emotionless voice but stood as he delivered his speech, towering over Benjamin in a display of dominance.

"I think Amun that you forget that my position in your coven does not have to be permanent. You may have decided what I am but you will not decide how I spend my time."

As Benjamin spoke a glimpse of the future sparked in front of my eyes.

_Our home. The family together, faced with the Volturi. But not alone…there are others._

My eyes slid towards Benjamin and I smiled in silent thanks, knowing that he was pledging to support us, to stand with us before the Volturi.

And with that I knew what we had to do.

It would take some organisation and I couldn't be sure of the outcome until I had spoken to all those I thought might be willing to help us. But it seemed the best chance we had of protecting Edward and Bella.

It was too late for the girl in New York, I had seen that, she would have been better off had Edward finished what he had started. I would do my best to keep her ending from him, the guilt he felt was enough already.

I turned to Amun and Kebi, hoping that they'd understand what I thought we could achieve.

"I know that what I'm about to ask seems like a lot. But I really think we can make a difference if we all work together…"

"Alice!" Edward ranted, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, "how could you even think about this? It's insane!"

"Please, trust me," I soothed.

Edward was, as I could well have imagined, even without the gift of foresight, furious. He was pacing the room like a caged lion, unable to even put in to words how he felt. I knew though, I knew that my plan could work and that the only thing preventing Edward from agreeing was guilt.

It was understandable, he felt – rightly – that he had already dragged our family and Bella in to danger and that to ask others to incur the wrath of the Volturi was too dangerous, too much of a risk.

He stopped suddenly half way across the room that the Egyptians had only recently vacated, giving me space to put my idea to my brother.

Benjamin had embraced me before he left while Tia had pulled my hands in to hers, holding them tightly and smiling with a small, reassuring nod. And while Amun and Kebi were neither of them as enthusiastic in their support of my idea I could feel some kind of hope radiating from them as they followed behind, blank faced and stiff.

"Alice, please tell me you haven't…"

I cursed myself for letting my mind wander. Damn Edward! Damn his prying!

I chewed on my bottom lip in some approximation of regret, although I didn't really feel it.

"You called them?" his eyes were darker than ever, still red from the human blood he had taken but showing how desperately in need of some kind of nourishment he was.

I nodded, shrugging at the same time, "it's going to be fine, I know it. They're all with me too."

"Called who?" Bella had been silent up until now, standing just by the door as if she was expecting a full out vampire rumble to break out. I had to admit that I was half ready for Edward to take me down too. He was the only one who could.

"Alice called Carlisle," Edward whispered, his voice deadly.

"I thought we weren't supposed to contact your family?" Bella furrowed her eyebrows, twisting her hand in her – honestly? – really badly fitting t shirt.

"We weren't!" Edward roared. He raised his fist and punched it in to the already crumbling face of the nearest wall. The sound of bursting plaster reverberated around the room and cracks crazed outwards from the hole he had created as he pulled his hand back.

He didn't notice Bella cowering in to the door, her face paling in fear at his action. But I did and as soon as I looked towards her he followed my gaze, his face immediately crumpling in to sadness and regret.

Tears were welling in Bella's eyes though she fought them back as best she could.

Edward was by her side in an instant, pulling her in to his chest and stroking her hair, chanting softly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

She pulled back from him, fisting her tears away and clearing her throat.

"So what? Why is it such a big deal if Alice spoke to Carlisle?"

"It might not be at all," I shrugged, "they've already been visited you know."

"I know Alice, but even so…"

Bella's eyes nearly popped out of her head, "the Volturi? They've been to your house?"

I nodded, "yes, they've met with Carlisle, Jasper and the others. As we assumed, their tracker is out there, looking for us."

"Until just a moment ago the family had no idea where we were so weren't able to give Aro what he needed to find us so easily," Edward continued, glaring at me over Bella's head, "however should they return it will be a different matter."

"Regardless," I raised my voice, starting to lose my temper with him, "the Volturi are getting closer. Their tracker, Demetri, won't be far from finding us. He's what you might call the best in the business."

"Right…" Bella suppressed a shiver, but not all that well.

"And I'm afraid that means that we're probably only days away from meeting with the Volturi."

"We didn't have to be Al," Edward sighed, "we could have moved on, we knew that the tracker was coming."

"And what should we do Edward? Should we just keep running? Should we just keep one step ahead? How long for?"

"Please," Bella's voice was louder than I'd heard it before, "what has this got to do with the phone call?"

"I called Carlisle and the others to discuss an idea I've had. It's a good plan and it could work."

Edward scoffed, "or it could lead to God knows how many unnecessary deaths, all in my name."

**A/N: So I've started a whole new fic, it's called Being Good (or Bella Swan's Most Enlightening Lesson In Family Life). It's AU/AH, comedy (I hope!) and totally different from If. But please do give it a pop and let me know your thoughts.**

This doesn't mean that I'm abandoning If but it's been rumbling on for months now and I feel that B & E are ready for a little resolution. So while this winds up I'm giving them a little fun and a lot of lemonade back in Forks.

Thank you again for your reviews, and as always I'm sorry not to have time to respond to you all, even during two review months! I just figure you'd rather have story than rambling replies...

I really do hope that I'll see you guys over on Being Good before the next If installment! EQ x


	28. Chapter 25

**A/N: Apologies for the delay in publishing this chapter, as you know this tale is coming to an end and as it does so I find it increasingly difficult to write. That said I'm quite pleased with this chap and hope you enjoy it too.**

Elsewhere I am working on another fic, totally different to this one, Being Good, which you'll find if you visit my profile. If you have time please, do read it and review, I'm getting a few follows but not much in the way of words and I'd love to know whether I'm on the right track there!

Still, enjoy...I'll try to be quicker next time! EQ x

Bella

_I was unable to suppress the shiver that ran down my spine. I had spent the past week hiding out in the bedrooms and library, but now I was faced with them, a room full of vampires, and not all of them were politely suppressing the look of hunger in their eyes…_

After Alice had spoken to Carlisle on that blistering hot afternoon in Egypt she had insisted we take the first plane out of the country and travel back to Bethlehem. Edward was unsure, unconvinced even by the images she was showing him of the Volturi retreating, but he was unable to argue with the will of his family, the conviction of his sister that we could triumph over our enemy, my desire to go home, to have this nightmare over with.

I had kept from them all my fears and misgivings. I didn't believe that Alice was giving Edward all the information, all the possible outcomes of us standing before the Volturi. But I didn't want to keep running. I was tired, exhausted in fact. Something Alice had said in anger rang in my head constantly.

_"Should we just keep running? Should we just keep one step ahead? How long for?"_

I couldn't do it. I couldn't ask Edward to do it. I would rather face my fate and hope that I would walk away.

So we left. We left Egypt with Benjamin's reassurance that he wouldn't be far behind us. The other members of the coven made no such promises but Benjamin's smiling face as he wished us well on our journey and told us he couldn't wait to see America gave me just a spark of hope, a spark which ignited in to a small flame when less than a week later he arrived at the Cullen home, bringing with him not only Tia but the reassurance that Amun and Kebi, despite their deep misgivings, would join them soon.

The Cullens' house was full of energy and activity, the family taking it in turns to make phone calls, begging old friends to visit, to help them in their hour of need. Many shied away from committing themselves to a potential fight while others embraced the opportunity to honour their friendship, such was the depth of feeling towards Carlisle and his unusual family.

The next day after Benjamin and Tia's arrival I found myself face to face with some of the most beautiful women I had ever seen.

The Denali coven I had learned, much to my relief, were like the Cullens, in that they fed only on animals. But my relief at this news was soon replaced by misgivings of another sort.

Tanya – tall, blonde and with legs up to her neck – was the only being I had seen who could match Rosalie in beauty. I was used to feeling plain and scruffy, next to humans much less vampires, but Tanya made me feel uneasy in my skin like no other before.

She hovered around Edward like she was a moth and he was the brightest flame in the room. Only calling her a moth wasn't doing Tanya justice – she was the most beautiful, delicate butterfly washed in otherworldly colours and flitting around the man I had over the last weeks accepted that I was in love with. Forever.

"She only teases you know."

I was sat glumly at the Cullens breakfast bar, perched on a stool, my chin resting on crossed wrists, watching as Tanya threw her arms around Edward's waist from behind, laughing as he told her, not for the first time, that there was no way to sneak up on him.

"Maybe," I mumbled in to my sleeve, "but this is what it'll be like isn't it?"

Eleazar leaned against the bar and sighed deeply, "his love for you Bella, it's different. He seems always aware of where you are, he never takes his eyes away for a second when you're in the room. When you're away from him, even for a moment, he dulls visibly."

"But how can I compete with that?" I threw an arm out to indicate where Tanya was now giggling at something Edward said to her.

"He is talking to Tanya yes, but where is he looking Bella?"

As if Eleazar had given Edward a silent instruction his smile faltered and his eyes shifted from Tanya's face, scanning the room before coming to rest on my face. He broke in to a broad smile, his eyes softening as I raised a hand in greeting, feeling idiotic.

Eleazar rested a cold hand on my shoulder, the temperature searing through even the weighty sweater I wore, "when you are one of us you'll be just as beautiful as Tanya. Then perhaps you won't feel worried."

"Who said I would become one of you?"

He faltered, "I'm sorry. I had assumed…" his voice trailed off and he thought for a moment, "do you know what my life was before I found Tanya? And Kate and Irina?"

I shook my head, suddenly distracted from my miserable observation of the incredible blonde flirting with the man I loved.

"Carmen and I were part of the Volturi," he began, his eyes becoming – I thought – almost wistful, "it was there that we first met and fell in love.

"I have a gift Bella, one which was extremely useful to Aro. But my gift saw too many people changed, too many brought in to the Volturi against their will. I felt responsible, I _was _responsible, that was why I had to leave. The guilt was too much, leaving the Volturi was hard for us both but living under Aro's command, knowing that I had brought him so many innocents, decided their fate for them, was harder."

"What did you do?" I gasped, intrigued and appalled in equal measure.

"I have an ability unlike any other – I can guess," he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "no, perhaps _see_ is a better word, the gifts of others, even before they themselves have discovered them.

"As you can no doubt imagine this was very useful to Aro. He likes to surround himself with those who have themselves unusual power. It's not only that their abilities make his coven more powerful but it is as though Aro regards those members of the Volturi with special abilities as _collectables _if you will."

I shuddered, "why are you telling me this?"

"Aro employed me as a talent hunter, someone who could track down those humans who promised great things."

He smiled as my mouth dropped open in shock.

"Yes, it is possible for me to know that a human will display extraordinary powers as an immortal. And yes, I was responsible for finding those humans and assisting in leading them to the Volturi. Those humans who promised to be useful were made immortal, usually against their will.

"Although it should be added that those who are in the Volturi's coven are there willingly, most love the power and the recognition. Most wouldn't dream of leaving for an existence of relative normality and drudge."

I felt bile rising in my throat, it shocked me that the Volturi could be so ruthless. I knew they were vicious but even so I regarded them, knowing what little I had been told by Edward and his family, as law makers, protectors of the secrets of the immortal, not as the cold blooded villains Eleazar described. I was reminded of the tales I had read of cults, of people brainwashed in to believing only good of the evil surrounding them.

"The reason I tell you this is not only to make you aware of the power the Volturi holds but because I see something in you Bella," he continued, "you are stronger than you realise. I don't know how your strength might manifest itself but I can see that as an immortal you will have great abilities, abilities to match Edward's, perhaps even better them."

My mind reeled with this new, unexpected information, "you mean I'll be able to hear people's thoughts?"

"No, no that's unlikely, these abilities tend to be rather singular, no two the same. No, I see a strength in you that you'll take in to your next life. I can see your ability to love is immense."

"I don't know if I want to love him any more than I already do Eleazar," I moaned, "it hurts too much."

He chuckled, "you'll find that your relationship changes once you're like us, once you and Edward are equals. And besides I mean rather that your ability to love, your desire to protect those around you, your strength of mind…I think they will be the things which will solidify when you are immortal."

"You mean _if_," I corrected, unsure how it could be that so many people were so sure I would allow myself to be changed, that Edward would allow it. Eleazar certainly hadn't been the first to talk of my transformation as if it was a given.

"If," he repeated with a small smile, "of course."

With that he drifted away, joining Carmen and Kate where they sat in the sun, allowing the light to prism off of their skin in the privacy of the Cullens' gated garden.

Though with the Denalis, Benjamin and Tia in the house I felt safe, when others started to arrive I took to keeping my distance. Holed up in other rooms, guarded by one of the Cullens at all times, most usually Edward, I awaited reports of the new arrivals as one 'guard' took over from another.

The first to arrive were a group of Irish vampires who, I was reassured time and again, were civilized enough to respect the Cullens' desire to keep hunting grounds far away from Bethlehem and, in particular, from me.

Nonetheless I was alerted to their arrival with the sound of a woman's loud laugh followed by her smooth, strong accent declaring, "I could smell that gorgeous human miles away, I wonder how you manage it!"

Though Siobhan meant nothing by the statement it was enough to put Edward on edge and for me to agree to his over-protective suggestion that I stay away from the visitors from then on.

Of course it wasn't the last time that I heard myself mentioned but as more and more vampires arrived – friends of Jasper's from elsewhere in America, closely followed by another American who travelled alone, Amun and Kebi and, finally, a pair of terrifying vampires from Romania.

It was the arrival of the final two which solidified Edward's conviction that I be kept locked away. Rose had been with me when Alice saw them coming. She burst through the door, panicked.

"Rose the Romanians are coming and I can't see what they want!"

"So?" Rose had drawled, a disinterested expression on her face.

"So?" Alice scoffed her eyes wandering to where I sat curled on a sofa reading one of Carlisle's old volumes.

"Shit," I huffed, "somebody else who'll want to eat me is it?"

"It's not a joke Bella," Alice looked paler than ever, if that was even possible, "the Romanians are the only coven as old as, if not older, than the Volturi. They're the vampires all your human'fiction' is based on."

"Yup," Rose agreed, "they really don't like garlic breath."

"You guys can laugh about this all you want but when they get here you'll soon wise up."

Alice was right. I only had one brief glimpse of Vladimir and Stefan, a glimpse that earned Emmett – who had let me travel to the bathroom without his assistance just that once - a royal beating from Edward. But that one glimpse was enough to make me more than happy to stay locked away for as long as I had to.

The two vampires, lingering in the darkest corner of the hallway, speaking in whispers stiffened as I approached the bathroom, thankfully positioned closer to me than they were. I knew they smelled me and I knew how I smelled to vampires.

"That must be her," one said, as they both turned, so slowly that I felt as if the world was moving in slow motion.

Once they were facing me, serene smiles plastered across their faces, but their nostrils flared, I took only a second to observe them. My skin ran cold at the sight of their paper white skin and eyes the colour of dried blood. Alice was right. If Dracula had ever lived he was doubtless one of these two.

"Excuse me…I'm just…" I had darted in to the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind me before hurridley pulling out my cell.

But before I could so much as pull up Edward's number I heard an angry voice outside.

"What did you two _say _to her?"

"Why, nothing at all my dear," one of the Romanians drawled in his thick Eastern European accent, "I think simply our presence – how do you say? - _spooked _her."

I listened, my heart pounding in my chest, as Edward suggested they find Carlisle downstairs in the study. Barely a moment passed before he was rattling the door handle of the bathroom and shouting my name.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I soothed, unlocking the door and letting him join me inside, "I just didn't expect…that."

He had pulled me to him, tucking my head in to his chest where, if it had not been frozen by venom and time, I would have felt his heart beat.

"I know you said no more sorrys but truly Bella, I am," he whispered. I had nodded in response, silent tears soaking his shirt.

"The only positive thing I can give you is this," he began, lifting me on to the edge of the bath and kneeling in front of me, "Alice says the Volturi will be here in a matter of days – two, three at most – and then, one way or another, all this will be over."

"One way or another," I echoed, knowing exactly what he meant.

"I will do everything Bella, everything in my power to keep you safe from the Volturi. And if I survive this please know that I will never do anything this recklessly stupid or selfish again."

"Hey," I had chuckled, pushing tears away with angry hands, "I won't let you do anything this stupid or selfish again!"

He blinked disbelievingly at me, "you mean you'll stay with me? Even after everything?"

I shrugged, "there's a lot to think about. When I told you before that I wasn't the same girl you used to love I wasn't lying, I have my own life, other priorities."

"I understand, I'll do anything…I'll go anywhere…"

I put a finger to his lips to stop him babbling, "I love you Edward. I always have. And even if I can't forget what happened I can try to forgive you. It won't be easy but I want us to move on."

"I do too," he said pulling me down to him so we were kneeling knee to knee, "this might not be the perfect time or the perfect situation but I promise, Isabella Swan, to spend the rest of my existence proving to you how much I love you and how sorry I am."

I swatted him gently, blushing all over my face at his gushing words – sentiment never had been my thing – but he caught my hand in his, pulling it towards him and with it the rest of me, until I was straddling his lap and we were kissing passionately, our fingers tangling in each others hair, our hot breath on each other, whispering promises and love.

"I'm aware that most of you have met Bella now, at least in passing, but it seems only right that you are officially introduced," Carlisle announced as I lurked behind him, hanging on to Edward's arm, my fingernails digging hard in to his skin.

Benjamin was the first to move towards me, Tia trailing him as always, his constant shadow.

"Bella, I've missed you," he grinned, winking. Tia only nodded, Amun and Kebi following suit from their position across the room.

"Hi Bella," a large woman, her curves undulating in the most sensuous way floated across the room, her arms stretched out in front of her, "I'm so sorry, Edward told me that you heard me speaking about your scent. I meant no harm by it at all but still I cannot apologise enough."

I glared at Edward, not in the least pleased that he had apparently scolded this woman on my behalf.

"I'm Siobhan," she continued before indicating the two vampires at her side, "and this right here is Maggie and Liam."

The introductions continued, each in turn either coming towards me to shake my hand or waving from across the room, preferring not to touch the human or come too close. I couldn't be offended by their decision to stay away.

I wondered what they thought of me, these bizarre and exquisite creatures, these immortal beings with strength and power I could only dream of. I wondered if they thought me dull or stupid for getting caught up in this unlikely world, in this dangerous situation, or if those of them who had said as much really thought me brave.

"You're a hit, as always," Edward whispered, as if he had suddenly discovered he could read my thoughts after all.

I only had time to shake my head dismissively before Carlisle clapped his hands together, indicating that he wished for the room to be silent.

It was an illustration of the respect that Edward's father commanded that immediately the entire room was hushed, allowing him to address the not insubstantial crowd which was gathered.

"As you are no doubt aware, Alice calculates that we have mere hours before we are to be visited by our Italian cousins.

"Again I wish to thank you all for coming, you really do have no idea how much your presence means to myself and my family. I expect nothing of any of you and only ask that if you believe Edward to be trustworthy, to deserve a second chance, and if you wish to protect Bella – an innocent, an innocent _who has kept our secret_ _for years _– from the wrath of the Volturi, that you stand by us.

"I ask none of you to fight, I expect nobody to speak on our behalf. The reason we have asked you to be with us, as reasonable, fair thinking beings," his eyes were magnetically drawn to the Romanians, knowing that they were present, uninvited, only in hopes of a fight, "is to show the Volturi that there are others who disagree with their ways."

There was a smattering of applause, led by Garrett, the cheerful nomad who appeared to find the whole affair exciting, another page in a life of adventures.

Carlisle raised his hand, smiling wryly.

"I'd rather we kept the Volturi away from the local towns and so, as I have previously discussed with each of you, I suggest we leave now, towards the agreed place. Alice will lead us."

I glanced at Edward questioningly, I had no idea we were expected to be somewhere else. It was dark, early morning and I knew I had no hope of walking anywhere free of pavements without injury.

"You and I are taking the car as far as we can. Then I'll carry you."

We watched the assembled vampires disperse, led by Alice and Jasper, leaping lightly across the lawn and disappearing in to the surrounding trees soundlessly until the house was silent and it was as if the gathering of mythical creatures had been only a dream. A strange, colourful dream.


	29. Chapter 26

**Edward**

One minute she was wide awake, pale face and staring eyes. The next Bella was softly snoring in the seat next to me, her feet braced against the dashboard, her head lolling against her shoulder rhythmically.

The short drive out in to the countryside gave me the chance to think, the faces of the girls I had killed floating before my eyes as though on a carousel, each eventually replaced by the image of Bella, similar but so different in so many ways. I couldn't understand how I could have ever been so deluded. It wasn't her appearance that made Bella who she was, it was her personality, her spirit, her strength and her humour.

Everything I had done, she was willing to forgive. She loved me despite everything and she wanted us to be together. I had meant every word I had said to her, I knew I would spend the remainder of my existence making her happy. I just hoped that my existence lasted beyond today.

As we approached the point at which Jasper and I had calculated that we could go no further by car I parked, pulling the jeep in to a dark space partially hidden by a large boulder.

I leaned across the central console of the car, turning the key in the ignition to off as I kissed Bella gently on her forehead.

"We're here," I whispered and she groaned in response.

"Do we have to get up?" she muttered, screwing up her eyes against the light emitted from the overhead lamp.

"Bella, I can carry you the rest of the way but we need to get out of the car now."

"Shit!" her eyes flew open, "we're here already?"

We unloaded from the car and I scooped Bella up, choosing to hold her tiny figure in front of me instead of piggybacking her through the forest. I hoped she might be able to sleep cradled in to my chest and I wanted to take the opportunity to see and feel her for what I knew could be the last time.

I ran through the forest, in the direction of the clearing where we knew we would head off the Volturi on their journey towards Bethlehem.

Usually I would take the opportunity to breathe in the smells of the forest, the pine and wood scents, the moss and earth and damp and leaf mould, the smells that made me feel somehow alive. But instead I took deep inhalations of the aroma that kept me grounded, the scent which linked me to this earth, that reminded me of damp, dark forests, of noisy school corridors, of spinning bottle tops and muddy driveways, of teenage rooms tacked with band posters, of notes passed in class and surreptitious smiles, eyes peeking from under lashes, fingers touching under desks.

She buried her face in to my shirt, her eye screwed up against the sickness I knew she was feeling as I moved. In turn I let my nose touch her hair, hoping that I could somehow take that scent with me in to the next place, whatever that place might be.

Neither one of us spoke until we found the clearing. The sun was coming up, hazy over the tall trees, casting faint light on to the group of vampires who had gathered there.

I set Bella on her feet and Alice flitted over to us, hugging Bella before glancing at the pink Tiffany Atlas watch I'd bought her.

"Less than an hour, I'm sure," she grimaced, "the sun isn't fully up when they arrive here."

"And you're sure this is the place?"

"Yes, positive, I recognise it. Don't you?"

"I think so," I answered but nerves could play havoc with a vampire just as they could a human being.

"Alice, honestly, will it come to a fight?" Bella asked, chewing a thumbnail nervously. Alice and I exchanged glances.

"No," she replied. The answer was honest enough, only neither of us wanted to tell Bella the truth – that the Volturi didn't fight, they destroyed.

**Emmett**

"Vampires don't need to stretch out man," Jasper nudged me in the ribs while I was stretching my triceps over my head.

"They don't," Rose winked, "but it looks good."

Jazz rolled his eyes, "y'all aren't taking this a bit seriously are you?"

We totally were, only there's no point dwelling, you know? Rose and I had spent the night before well…in couple's privacy. It was our way of letting off steam. And of saying goodbye. We both knew it, there was a chance that we wouldn't see the day out.

While the others were pretty sure that we couldn't fight the Volt, Jazz and I were hoping that, if it came to it, we could go down fighting.

I was pumped. Alright so it wasn't the way I'd want to go given a choice but man, I'd had a fuckin' ball while it lasted. Most beautiful girl in the damn world saving me from a bear and taking me home for the longest lasting, most awesome sex any man's ever had because, you know what? Yep, the immortal _don't sleep_. Can't be complaining about that.

I'd driven the fastest cars, had insane fights, I'd lived through the 60s man. And if it was all gonna finish today I knew that there was nothing left unsaid between Rose and me, we'd said it all last night in between wrestling each other to the ground while we made angry, desperate passionate love.

Don't tell Jazz I called it 'making love' though.

**Rosalie**

"What's the point in taking any of it seriously Jasper?" I asked, stroking a long red fingernail along Emmett's bulging forearm, "we take everything too damn seriously."

"You two sound as if you've given up," Esme whispered sadly, joining us.

"Aw," Em tucked her under his arm and squeezed her, "we're not giving up, we're just looking on the bright side ma!"

"Top of the world," I deadpanned.

I snuck a peek at Edward and Bella, wrapped around each other so it was difficult to see where one finished and the other began. I felt a pang of sympathy, if it was Emmett I'd do anything. I'd die for him. She felt the same way about my damn dumbass brother.

"She has no idea does she?"

Esme shook her head sadly, caramel curls pulling free of her ponytail, "I don't think Edward and Alice want her to worry."

"That's bullshit," I announced, "she needs to know what she's getting herself in to."

"Rosie," Em soothed, grabbing my arm as I made to stomp over to Bella, he knew I hated being called Rosie, "what's the diff now? She knows or she doesn't know. There's not a damn thing she can do."

"It isn't fair!" I frowned, stamping a foot in anger.

"Since when were you so pro-Bella-rights?" Jasper asked, eyeing me suspiciously, "you hate the girl."

"I don't hate her, I _never _hated her. I just don't think she knows what she's doing. The choices she's making…they're wrong."

My mind flashed back to my life as it was before Carlisle changed me, the choices I had made, the plans and hopes I had.

"But how can she make the right choices when she doesn't have all the information?" I looked to Esme for support but she only shook her head.

"It's Edward's choice sweetheart."

**Carlisle**

"It is NOT!" Rosalie's voice sailed across the forest clearing where we stood, ready.

I excused myself from the conversation I had been having with Garrett before speeding over to find out what had Rose in one of her fits.

"What is it?" I looked from my daughter to my wife as they glared at one another, Jasper and Emmett standing at the sidelines, neither seeming to take sides.

Edward looked over questioningly but I raised a palm to him, indicating that all was in hand.

"Carlisle, I think Bella should know that there is a very strong possibility that she'll be killed today."

"Darling, she knows there's a risk," Esme glanced at me, searching for help.

"She knows nothing, we've protected her from the worst, all of us. She's been holed away in our house, protected from the vampires who want to _help _us, none of us have been telling her how dangerous the Volturi really are."

"Her knowing changes nothing, why encourage her to fear something that may not happen?"

I could see Rose's point, of course, she rarely spoke up unless she truly believed in something. For Rose to speak out on behalf of a woman she had shown such contempt for in the past showed that she felt strongly in what she was saying.

"I would want to know, if it was me. I would want the choice."

"She has no choice, either way the Volturi want her silenced," Jasper was blunt but honest.

Rose stared at me, her jaw set, her chin raised in defiance. There was fire in her eyes.

"She has choices, we just haven't given her the chance to make them."

**Jasper**

It was not always a pleasant experience, being able to experience the feelings of others around me. I had learnt that well enough during my time working with Maria.

The fear all around was doubtless palpable to those without such abilities as my own. But aside from the fear there was hope, there was love, there was pride and strength, there was…I frowned at Emmett…lust. Damn it my gift was a chore but I was glad I wasn't Edward, reading Em's dirty mind.

Rosalie, however, felt to me the strongest. Her determination hit me like a brick. Suddenly, I realised, she was right. There could be options, we just had to give Bella the opportunity to find them.

I moved away from the group and quickly found Alice. She was perched on a rock, some way from the rest of us. Her eyes were blank, as they always were when she was searching for something.

I watched her for just a moment, allowing myself to – maybe for the last time – experience fully the love that I felt for her, my pretty fairy, my sex kitten, my doll faced saviour. The woman who made my existence right.

Her eyes snapped to me and she smiled, hopping from the rock and throwing her arms around my neck.

She planted a chaste kiss on my lips, "what can I do for you soldier?"

"Sweetpea," I drawled, "I need you to tell me again. What are the possible outcomes? Has anything changed?"

She sighed, "nothing Jazz, and I still can't see what the Volturi are going to decide."

"Alright, well I guess at least we know they haven't gone jumped the damn gun on it."

"I suppose, unless I'm missing something."

"You never miss a damn thing sugar."

**Alice**

I had been searching for them when Jazz approached, looking for the Volturi, for any glimpse of my family and friends in the future. But nothing was clear, the haze made my head pound and my skin tighten.

We had run over and over the possibilities, all the things I'd seen, right from the outfits I'd be wearing to meet the Volturi – I'd gone dramatic, I had to admit, in a pure white Lanvin dress, if I was going to meet the angels I was going to darn well dress like one too – to the moments, far in the future which suggested that we all had time beyond today.

But nothing was certain, we were all sure of that.

Again I told Jazz all that I had seen, skipping over unnecessary details, running over the possibilities as he nodded silently, his eyes narrowed in thought.

"You haven't seen anything else? Perhaps something involving Rose?"

"What? No," I felt panic rise like bile, swirling from my stomach, contracting my throat and drying my mouth, "should I? Is she going to do something?"

"No sweetheart," he pulled me to him, stroking me, using his abilities to force a subtle wave of calm over me, "I think Rose has thought of something we haven't considered before. Something that could change things completely."

"Oh?" I held Jazz at arms length and let my eyes drift away from him in to middle distance, I forced myself to concentrate on Rosalie, searching, "Oh," I whispered, "I see."

**Esme**

"We can't be the ones to make this decision," I whispered, glancing at Edward, his copper head bowed over Bella's, whispering in to her hair, "it's just not our place to do so."

"Perhaps not," Carlisle conceded, "but should we not present the option to her?"

I felt Jasper and Alice approach, their scents mingled as always, the calm and peace surrounding my newest son floating to us as he no doubt intended it to.

"Jazz, did you tell her?" Emmett asked.

"He did," Alice smiled, "I saw it Rose, you may be right."

Rose, the most serious of all my children, excepting perhaps Edward, let her head fall gravely. I recognised that she was struggling internally. Rose, usually so sure of herself had been thrown in to turmoil, acting to protect her family, and to protect Bella she was contradicting her own beliefs. Rose, like no other, regretted much of her new life and, we all knew, deep down, blamed Carlisle for taking away her humanity.

Her bravery gave me strength.

"Are you really opposed darling?" Carlisle asked, his eyes softening as he searched my face.

I wasn't opposed to the idea in theory, I was opposed to forcing the responsibility of making this decision on to Edward and Bella now. Without time to consider the outcomes, without the chance to talk things through. Under duress.

I breathed in a deep, shuddering breath, "are you all for it?" I asked my husband. He was my rock, my guide. I trusted him implicitly. I knew that Carlisle would always make the right decision, even when I wavered.

"Yes," he nodded, "I think we need to consider that this could be our best chance. How long do we have Alice?"

"Not long," she replied, "minutes."

**Bella**

Edward's family approached us, en masse, faces sombre.

I knew that there was plenty I wasn't being told. I wasn't as weak and human as Edward thought I was, nor was I as stupid and unseeing as I might sometimes allow him to believe. I knew, although nobody dared to tell me, that there was a possibility that this day could well be my last.

But I couldn't bring myself to regret the decisions that had brought me here. Here, in this patch of wilderness, awaiting a potential death sentence I was surrounded with love. The love that had been missing for so much of my life.

I saw in the Cullens a closeness that I had only ever hoped for from my own distant family. I felt from Edward an adoration that had sent him in to madness. And for the first time I understood.

I knew how it felt, to be apart from the person who you felt was a part of you, the fear of imagining that they had never loved you, that they never would, that you might never feel the embrace of their arms or the touch of their lips again. It had sent me to this place, to face death with my head held high because if I didn't have _him_ anything I did have meant nothing.

I understood.

"Bella," Alice smiled sadly, "we need to ask you something."

I moved away from Edward, who had been holding me against him, his face in my hair, his arms enveloping me, although I continued to hold his hand, our finger tips humming with the electricity that signalled the intensity of our feelings, not wanting to break the connection, not for what could be our last moments together.

"NO!" Edward shouted, his voice echoing through the wooded space. He snarled, the alien sound ripping from his throat as he glared savagely at each of his family in turn, "all of you?" he asked.

Esme reached up to touch his cheek with her palm, "darling we only want what's best."

"And you think this is what's best? Rose!" he snapped, turning on his sister, "surely you don't agree with this."

Rose dead eyed him, her red lips were set in a hard line, "it was my idea."

Edward pulled me in to his side, hard, hissing "no."

"Edward," Jasper stepped in front of Alice, it wasn't a pointed move but I knew he was protecting her in the face of Edward's anger, "it isn't your choice to make."

"Nor is it yours," Edward snarled.

For the first time Carlisle spoke, he addressed not his family but me, "Bella, we think you should consider the possibility that the best course of action is to allow us to change you."

I reeled, white noise filling my ears and my vision narrowing until everything I saw was surrounded in black mist, tunnel vision.

"You want me to…you think I…I'm…" I stuttered uselessly.

"We want you in our gang dude," Emmett chuckled.  
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**A/N: I'm really not happy with this chapter, it just didn't flow as well as I hoped it would but I wanted to get it out there...you know how it is! Anyway, hope you didn't find it too hard a read and you know of course that our old chums Aro & co are just around the corner. Eek.**

Again my new story Being Good is linked in my profile, go and read...pretty please! EQ x 


	30. Chapter 27

Bella stared around her at the close-knit family, each member more breathtakingly beautiful than the next. They all of them stood motionless, surprisingly placid considering the situation, and all expectant, awaiting her reply.

"I…" she stammered, blushing furiously, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to do this Bella," the tall, lithe boy at her side spoke softly but firmly, gripping her hand tightly.

"Edward, please," she hissed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she so often did when faced with a dilemma, "I need to think."

She knew now, without doubt, that his reticence came from a good place. She knew he wanted her. She knew what he was without her. His animosity towards his family's suggestion was something else, something more complex.

As if he read her thoughts – if she was anybody else he could have – he ignored her plea and voiced his opinion, not wanting her to think before he had said his piece.

"Bella, sweetheart," he ignored the amused snort from Emmett, "I don't want you forced in to making this decision, I don't want anybody else to choose for you."

"But you need to know Bella," Carlisle added, "that this may be your only chance."

Her eyes widened in fear. She knew that the approach of the Volturi could mean her death, the destruction of the Cullen family, but hearing Carlisle – calm, reasonable, sensible Carlisle, the member of the family most convinced that he could negotiate with the enemy, indeed most convinced that they were not in fact the enemy at all – speak of only chances, Bella finally understood that she really was staring death in the eye. That she needed to make a decision.

Esme smiled at her, a smile which, on anybody else might be weak, watery, but which on her was beautiful, reassuring. A smile that convinced Bella that she was wanted, loved by more than just the messed up bronze haired boy who had killed to feel close to her.

Bella felt a sudden comfort, despite everything. She was loved. This family, these people who barely knew her, who she barely knew herself felt so strongly about her that they were prepared to risk their existence to keep her alive.

For years Bella had been the girl who never belonged. She drifted through life without real friends, without finding a slot that she could ease herself in to. She lived her childhood in her bedroom, inadequate in social situations, coming alive only between the pages of a book. Her adult life had been without friends, with only colleagues and acquaintances and a very unfriendly cat, her parents left behind long ago, now only vague voices on the end of a telephone line once or twice a month.

But here, surrounded by this other worldly family, she belonged.

She looked past the Cullens to the strange assortment of beings who variously chatted, raced and stood as still as the mountains around them. These people who rushed to the aide of the family, her family, as soon as they were needed.

Bella was, for the first time, a part of something that was bigger than herself.

"You want me?" she breathed.

"Of course!" Esme and Carlisle spoke together, laughing at the joining of their voices and linking little fingers – a strange ritual all of their own.

Alice clapped her hands, nodding furiously along with Emmett and Jasper who both took a more sedate approach.

Rosalie shrugged, an ironic half smile on her beautiful face, "if I really must have another sister…"

"Bella please, don't make this decision now, give yourself time…" Edward began but he was cut short.

A cold wind swirled through the clearing, seeming to curl upwards from the long grass beneath their feet, eventually whipping Bella's long wavy hair around her face.

Alice froze, her already large eyes widening to almost comic proportion.

"They're here," she whispered, her voice barely decipherable.

It was if the season had changed right there and then. It could not have been colder if snow had lain on the ground and the sun, so recently emerging from the horizon, causing the gathered vampires to softly glisten in its low light, was suddenly gone, replaced by clouds so heavy and black that it felt as though they had consumed all light, all hope.

Before Bella could think she found herself surrounded, the Cullens pressed closely around her in the very centre of the clearing, the remainder of the group more loosely gathered behind them. She thought Edward had carried her, but it was impossible to be sure.

"Let me speak," Carlisle, directly in front of Bella, heading the group, commanded.

As he did so something emerged from the trees. She assumed it was a group of individuals but from her position, perhaps a hundred metres away from them, it appeared that one of the ominous grey clouds had fallen from above and was rolling purposefully towards them.

"How many?" she heard Esme breathe from her spot beside Bella.

"Seven," Edward replied, his voice low.

Jasper inhaled loudly, "fuck, Alice was right. They're armed for a fight, there're even more of them than she expected."

"Not _too _many," Emmett grinned.

It seemed to take an age for the cloud – Bella could make out the seven cloaked and hooded individuals as they came closer – to reach them. However they seemed to float a foot above the ground, moving smoothly, as one, before stopping a few metres before the already assembled vampires.

They appeared to be in formation, one member heading a V, like a flock of deadly ravens.

The tip of the V broke away as they stopped, continuing until he could reach forward and touch Carlisle. As if he had issued a silent command the entire group removed their hoods as he did.

Bella stifled a gasp. He was as strange as the Romanian vampires who had scared her just a few days ago, who now stood behind her, whispering to one another, words she couldn't hear.

His eyes were a deep maroon, much darker than Edward's had been until recently, but somehow milky, the way an old man's might become as he was blinded by worsening cataracts. His skin looked dry, as if it could crack and flake at any moment, crumble like chalk. Yet his hair was luscious, a deep, jet black, long and thick.

And when he spoke his voice, though it send shivers through her body, was friendly, almost excitable.

"Carlisle!" he smiled, showing venomous teeth, "you look well, I trust you are so?"

He was holding Carlisle's hand still, one gripping him, the other covering the shake in what, in any other situation, would be a tender gesture.

"Very well indeed, thank you Aro. And yourselves?"

Aro nodded, releasing Carlisle to sweep his arms out, indicating the group behind him, "as you can see we are existing. Whether we are blooming - in the way that your still stunning wife is I see – I can't be so sure, but after so many years…"

He trailed off then, moving again closer. Edward pulled Bella into his side, almost crushing her with his desperation.

"Indeed Esme," Aro continued, shaking his head, his eyes creasing in to a genuine smile, "you truly are more beautiful than ever. May I?"

She nodded, allowing him to kiss her hand, he lingered there, his lips in contact with her skin, his hands, elaborately decorated with expensive, oversized rings, and Bella wondered how she didn't flinch from him. Instead she remained absolutely still, silent, smiling beatifically.

"And still as in love as ever!" he pronounced, throwing his arms in to the air in a celebration, "you are too lucky Carlisle, too, too lucky!"

"Aro…" one of the Volturi, a cruel faced man, his hair as snow white as his skin, moved forward, "we are here for a reason."

"Now now, Caius," Aro waved as if shooing him away, "there is always time to catch up with old friends."

"I believe that this is more than just a social call though Aro," Carlisle grimaced.

Aro's face dropped, as if he truly did regret his task, "sadly so."

"Yes, we hear that there have been laws broken Carlisle," Caius hissed, an almost gleeful grin spreading across his narrow features, "significant laws."

"I had always considered you rather intelligent Edward," Aro shook his head, mock sadly.

Edward didn't reply, only stared at Aro impassively, still squeezing Bella to him tightly.

"Of course those of us with such talents can become arrogant. And arrogance can lead to carelessness…"

"You are aware of the penalty," Caius sneered.

At the same time one of the vampires bringing up the rear of the Volturi's line stepped forward. If the situation wasn't so dangerous, so terrifying Bella might have laughed at the cliché. This vampire was clearly one of the Volturi's 'heavies', he was built like Emmett, oversized, musclebound, dangerous. And he was cracking his knuckles like a movie gangster.

"Please Caius," Aro shot at his companion, "Felix! Enough! Perhaps we should give young Edward a chance to explain."

The group peered at Edward expectantly but again he said nothing, only glared back at them, silent, unmoving.

"Nothing?" Aro asked, glancing behind him. As he did so the smallest of the coven allowed a grim smile to spread across her face.

She, it seemed to Bella, could be no older then perhaps thirteen or fourteen. She was tiny, as was her counterpart on the other branch of the V formation. She was stunning, the most breathtaking child that Bella had seen. But there was something about her…

A searing pain attacked Bella then, a burning, blinding fire. She felt her bones crunching and grinding under Edward's vicelike grip.

She looked down to where they were joined, his long fingers crushing her hand like it was nothing but raw clay, turning the delicate bones to powder. He released her then, dropping to the floor as if he'd been shot, writhing stiffly in the long grass at her feet, his eyes wide and staring.

"Edward!" she screamed, falling to her knees next to him, the pain in her hand all but forgotten. At a loss for what to do she looked wildly up at Carlisle – none of Edward's family had moved.

"Why isn't anybody doing anything?" her voice cracked with fear.

"He'll be fine, I promise" Alice hissed under her breath, "it looks worse than it is."

Bella caught Alice's glance towards Jane, her own gaze directed towards where Edward was crumpled on the floor, his mouth clamped shut but his eyes screaming. The same serene smile, almost triumphant, remained on her face.

"What are you doing to him?" Bella roared, making to push past Carlisle and Esme, "stop it! You're killing him!"

Emmett grabbed her around the waist, lifting her from the floor so her legs uselessly wheeled beneath her.

"Chill," he whispered, "it's okay Bells."

"It's not okay! Look at him!"

She was wild, her body thrashing, only Emmett's inhuman strength keeping her from reeling across the space separating her from Jane.

"Enough!" Aro's soft voice rang out over Bella's screaming. No sooner had he spoken than Edward finally stilled. Released by Emmett, Bella dropped to her knees next to him, her furious gaze still trained on Jane.

"So the stories are true," Aro clasped his hands before his chest, "you really have acquired a pet!"

A growl rumbled from Edward as he leapt back to his feet, his body showing no sign of the ordeal he'd been put through just seconds before.

"Don't speak about Bella like that," he hissed.

Aro nodded politely, "my apologies of course," he addressed Bella directly, holding out a hand to her, "may I?"

She looked to Edward who shrugged nonchalantly and nodded in an encouraging manner, though she could see his eyes were full of fear, not for himself but for her.

The Cullens parted to allow Bella to step forward. Her anxiety was replaced by fearlessness, as she boldly approached the ancient vampire. She maintained an unphased demeanour, 'I may be terrified half to death,' she thought to herself, 'but I'll be damned if I'm going to show this bastard that I am.'

As she came to a halt just inches from where Aro stood she held out a hand which he took eagerly. She glanced back towards where her family – they were, it dawned on her, her own family as much as they were Edward's, somehow – stood, watching with interest. A small smile spread over Edward's face and she saw him whisper to Carlisle.

Aro's eyes flickered up to meet Bella's, confusion quickly replaced by delight. He roared with laughter, causing her to flinch, and brought her hand up to kiss it with his cold, dry lips.

"Intriguing!" he cried, "are you…"

"Not at all, and not for want of trying," Edward replied, triumphant, "Bella, Aro has an ability very similar to my own," he began to explain.

"Only not nearly as powerful I'm afraid," Aro said.

"I don't know," Edward smiled stiffly, "although his power requires physical contact, Aro can experience every thought a person has ever had. I can hear only their thoughts at that moment."

The thought of Aro trawling her mind made Bella's blood run cold.

"I wonder…" Aro mused, "Jane?"

"NO!" Edward and Alice cried at once, causing Bella to once again glance over her shoulder. Emmett was struggling to hold on to Edward just as he had done with her.

Looking back she found Jane frowning at her, deep in concentration. She was trying to cause Bella the very same pain she had caused Edward. Bella could not begin to fathom how Jane's awful power worked, what exactly she did, but, she realised, it didn't appear to be working.

Aro clapped his hands together, laughing uproariously, "this is superb! Superb!" he chuckled, like one who had heard a particularly clever joke.

But rather than listen to Aro Bella instead watched Jane as she became more and more furious, eventually clenching her fists and stamping a foot like a petulant child. Which, Bella thought, was exactly what she was. Bella allowed her eyebrow to raise in amused challenge, to which Jane hissed lunging forward as if to attack.

"Jane!" Aro scolded, "you are not the only one, she has blocked me also. Her powers are clearly extraordinarily strong, stronger even than your own. And as a human too!"

Bella had never considered her closed mind to be a power, something positive, it had always appeared to her that it was just another deficiency to add to her long line of failings. Perhaps she was stronger than she thought after all.

"That is enough of these games," Caius snarled furiously, "let's do what we came here to do."

Aro ignored him, addressing Carlisle instead, "it is a dreadful shame that such potential hasn't been made use of old friend," he complained, "had you only thought to do so."

"It isn't ours to make use of," Carlisle replied, ushering Bella back in to the group she had been parted from, she huddled in to Edward's side, once again feeling the sharp pain in her fingers, forgotten as adrenaline pumped through her at Aro's proximity.

"Always so weak," Caius complained, "you learned nothing from us Carlisle."

"I learned enough," Carlisle replied, his voice flat.

"Sadly Caius is right," Aro continued, "as I'm sure you know we are indeed here for a reason. Edward, you are aware that there is only one rule which those of us blessed with immortality are expected to follow."

Edward nodded gravely, saying nothing.

"And as you are no doubt also aware we very quickly find out if that rule is being flouted."

"Please," Esme begged, her voice cracking as she spoke, "my son is back with us now, he has learned his lesson, he no longer intends to put us at risk."

Aro pressed his lips together in thought. Bella looked from him to the other two leaders of the Volturi – Caius fuming and tense, the other whose name she didn't yet know disinterested, almost bored.

"I have always had great affection for your family Esme, as you know," Aro continued, "both Edward and Alice in particular."

"We know why that is," Jasper snarled under his breath, a sudden and unexpected reaction.

"It has saddened me that neither see the potential in joining us, both could do great things by our side. The offer still stands of course."

Alice, smiling shook her head, "it's a very kind offer Aro but I'm afraid I couldn't leave my family."

Edward said nothing.

"Edward?" Aro asked, "it would of course change things if…"

"No," he ground out, "_thank you_."

"A great shame," Aro shrugged, "still, we have far more important things to consider at this time."

"The girl knows too much," Caius growled, as if he was completing Aro's sentence for him.

"I know that this is a very unusual situation," Carlisle soothed, "but as you have no doubt seen, Bella has been aware of our existence for several years and has never sought to expose us."

"We do not make exceptions."

"Caius is right, we have no guarantees here Carlisle," Aro nodded, pretending regret.

"The vampires who have joined us here today are with us not only to support Edward but Bella too Aro. They believe in Bella's commitment to Edward and in her ability to keep our existence absolutely silent."

"We trust her," Benjamin's heavily accented voice rang out through the space.

"I see," Aro, it was obvious, was struggling to contain his anger. Carlisle's gathering of what he considered an army of witnesses was a slight, it also made the situation rather difficult. He had hoped to turn this situation to his advantage.

"I think it best if I consult with Caius and Marcus," he said, turning his back on the Cullens and gathering Caius and the bored, sullen vampire Bella now knew to be Marcus to him.

The Cullen family turned as one to Edward, expectantly.

"They of course hope that Alice and I will join them," he explained.

"That is to our advantage," Jasper grimaced, "but try not to look as if the prospect is so abhorrent Edward."

Edward sighed and nodded, "what is more interesting is that they've seen Bella's potential," he whispered.

"What potential?" she asked, confused and worried at once.

But although each of the Cullens smiled at the news none had time to explain to Bella what Edward, the only one not appearing pleased, meant. Aro had split off again from his coven and had approached them.

Carlisle stepped forward to meet him, coming together on the neutral ground which split good from evil.

"It disappoints me that your son is so against joining us," Aro announced, "however if he is willing to reconsider perhaps we will be too."

Carlisle inclined his head slowly, "while it is not my position to make Edward's decisions for him – or indeed Alice's for her - perhaps you might leave the offer open to him?"

Bella watched Edward's jaw flex in response to Carlisle's words, felt him bite back the disgust he felt at the thought of becoming a member of the Volturi.

It seemed to Bella that Aro struggled with himself, with the need to destroy Edward, to make an example of him in front of the gathered vampires and with the desire to add him to his coven, to make use of him.

His greed won out, "as you know Carlisle, I am a reasonable man and I have a great respect and love for your family. It is rare for the Volturi to make an exception but let it not be said that we are not merciful."

Esme let out a long, sighing breath and reached behind her to squeeze her son's hand. Emmett clapped him on the back.

"However this intriguing creature is another matter entirely," he indicated Bella with a grand sweep of his arm, "we do not, we _can_ not allow a human to walk the earth aware of our existence."

"I absolutely guarantee her silence Aro," Carlisle begged.

Bella felt a silent tear slip down her cheek. She had been so determined not to cry but now she felt not the fear of death but the loss of Edward. She had only just found him again and now she would be taken from him forever.

"That's not good enough," Caius hissed.

"I'm afraid Caius is right," Aro pressed the tops of his fingers together, "Felix…"

"Wait!" Bella stepped forward at the same time that the oversized, leering Felix flitted towards her, his arms outstretched.

Aro raised a hand, too curious not to let her speak.

"What if I wasn't human any more?"

**A/N: This chapter has to be posted with love to Simaril, who spent hours of her life reading this and posting fabulous reviews, for which I am SOOO grateful! So thank you x**


	31. Chapter 28

**A/N: This is only a short chapter but I needed to get this out there, Bella's part has been sitting about waiting to be made public for yonks!...imagine it a continuation of chap 27 x**

Edward

_"However this intriguing creature is another matter entirely," he indicated Bella with a grand sweep of his arm, "we do not, we can not allow a human to walk the earth aware of our existence."_

__

"I absolutely guarantee her silence Aro," Carlisle begged.

"That's not good enough," Caius hissed.

"I'm afraid Caius is right," Aro pressed the tops of his fingers together, "Felix…"

"Wait!" Bella stepped forward at the same time that the oversized, leering Felix flitted towards her, his arms outstretched.

Aro raised a hand, too curious not to let her speak.

"What if I wasn't human any more?"

I stepped forward, "Bella," I began but was cut off by a hand on my arm, holding me back and a voice at my ear.

"It's the only way Edward," Alice whispered, "I've seen it."

At the same moment that Alice spoke to me I watched as Aro cocked his head, his interest piqued by Bella's suggestion.

"The Volturi don't usually encourage large covens…" he began but I could hear that he wasn't convinced by his own words.

"For good reason," Caius added, "remember why we are here Aro."

"But let us for a moment imagine what she could be," Aro stroked his chin thoughtfully.

I knew the moment that he realised that Bella was able to block him from her thoughts, just as she could me, that he had spotted her potential.

Though we had kept it from her it was no secret amongst our family that we suspected Bella to have a latent talent which, were she changed, would be brought out. Eleazar had immediately recognised something within her too, his thoughts had revealed as much to me.

"If she was changed she would no longer pose the risk of exposure," Esme clarified, "and she would stay with us, we would train her."

"The Volturi do not give second chances!" Caius roared, I could read his frustration, knew that he was becoming increasingly irritated with what he saw as Aro's indecision.

But Aro did not appear undecided. In his mind Bella was changed, a vampire, red eyed and all powerful. But she was not a Cullen. In Aro's mind Bella was within his guard, her powers protecting him and his coven. And beside her were Alice and I, the two he had for many years sought to acquire.

"He wants her," I breathed, now terrified.

"Do you really think Bella would choose Aro over you?" Rosalie snarled, her lip curling as she spoke out of the side of her mouth.

_"You need to let this happen son, it's the only way," _Carlisle directed his thought at me.

_"If we don't do this she _will _die Edward," _Alice thought.

I looked around at my family, Jasper nodded sagely, encouraging me to step forward.

I did so.

"Aro, Caius, Marcus," I tilted my head respectfully at each in turn, "I'm the reason that you have been brought here, please accept my apology and allow me to make this right."

Bella glanced at me and I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"If you spare Bella today I will ensure that she is changed in due course, myself and my family will take responsibility for her entirely."

A clamour rose from the vampires assembled behind us, murmurs of positivity and encouragement, urging the Volturi to agree to our plan, putting them in a position which made it very difficult to say no.

We all knew, as much as we didn't wish to believe it, that the Volturi were not a force for good, we knew that their agenda was about much more than maintaining secrecy. As we had hoped, the assembling of a large group to witness the day's events ensured that they were unable to act rashly.

"We also take responsibility, we are willing to stand by Carlisle and his family, to assist wherever we can," a voice rang loud and clear across the space to where we stood – Tanya.

Bella glanced at me, her eyes were wide and hopeful. I laced an arm around her waist in response.

"We're willing to stand by the Cullens too," this time it was the lilting accent of Siobhan that broke the silence, "we trust them to take good care of our little secret."

One by one, as we stood, facing the Volturi, facing death, our friends and acquaintances vouched for us, begged Aro to allow us to keep Bella, as one of our own. The only ones who said nothing were the Romanians, there only in the hopes of a fight. Indeed even Amun nodded in response to Benjamin's heartfelt insistence that Bella was worthy of our confidence.

"Well," Aro smiled reluctantly, "it seems we have been offered a viable solution brothers."

Caius growled, the rumble emerging from a twisted, thin lipped mouth, "rules are rules," he hissed, "Marcus?"

Marcus spoke for what I thought was probably the first time, "I find myself tiring of this charade rather quickly Aro."

"We cannot leave this girl alive," Caius snapped, his hope pricked by Marcus's support.

"No, you're right of course," Aro agreed, looking from myself to Bella sadly.

"So let us do what we have come to do and be on our way," Caius began to usher Felix forward again.

"We cannot leave her alive," Marcus drawled, pushing his stringy hair from his face lazily, "so should she not be changed as a matter of urgency? Then we can be on our way."

"Of course," Aro grinned, showing rows of ugly teeth, "Felix bring her to me."

"Stop!" I snapped, gripping Bella more tightly than ever, but Felix continued to advance.

"Aro please, give us some time to prepare her," Esme begged.

"It is only fair that this is done properly," Carlisle added, leading the family in surrounding Bella.

"It must be done immediately," Aro said, "there can be no more time wasting."

We closed in around Bella as Felix came closer, now flanked by Demetri.

I heard Emmett growl and in my peripheral vision I could see him adjust his position, moving in to a crouch, baring his teeth, ready for a fight. At the same time both the Denali Coven and Benjamin moved closer, ready to help us defend.

However, no sooner had they done so than the remainder of the Volturi advanced, close behind Felix and Demetri. I felt their presence as much as saw it, felt Bella flinch in to my side, shaking violently with fear.

Emmett dropped to the floor, his huge bulk felled by Jane's terrible talent. As he writhed and grunted Rose and Alice moved to take his place, Alice preparing to fight, already watching for the moves the Volturi intended to make.

_"You need to do it," _she thought over and over again, _"you need to do it now Edward."_

I looked down desperately at Bella, not needing my eyes to see the Volturi preparing to attack, to rip our family apart, take down those of our friends who were not at this moment fleeing and kill Bella, payment for our defensive reaction, our attempt to fight.

_"Now Edward," _Alice thought, her inner voice louder than ever, _"it has to be now!"_

For the final time I looked down in to Bella's deep brown eyes, begging me to save her, I allowed myself to feel her warmth and her softness and then I leaned towards her, baring my teeth.

She showed no fear as I brought myself closer, although she knew what I was doing, she only closed her eyes and sighed as I sank my teeth in to the malleable flesh at the side of her snow white neck._  
_

**Bella**

The last thing I felt was extreme pain, pain like nothing I'd ever felt before. Fire searing through my veins from the point at which his teeth met my skin, burning and destroying, charring my insides until I was nothing more than a shell, a burnt out old building, the outside in tact but nothing but charcoaled remains within.

I felt rather than heard the screams ripping from me as I burned, I knew myself to be thrashing wildly on the ground, my limbs convulsing my torso rising, jerking upwards as if pulled by invisible strings, a gory puppet oozing blood in front of hungry creatures who wished only to suck every last drop from my body.

White heat blazed behind my eyes, eyes which stared blankly, rolling uselessly in their sockets, turning over and over and over, seeing nothing but the repeated combustion of blinding light, popping and bursting in deadly sequence. My ears heard nothing but the roar of my life ebbing away, they were cauterized, cut off from my brain by the flames of death which so effectively licked at every inch of me, caressing me with their scorching pain, embracing my body as it smouldered and singed, reducing to ashes with every passing moment.

At first I thought of the people I loved – of Charlie and Renee but mostly of Edward. I thought of what they would do, of how they would cope. I wondered if there was a heaven, if I would be forgiven my sins. I wondered if Edward would ever be admitted, whether God, if he was there, would be merciful enough.

But soon my thoughts were of nothing more than colours, of blood reds and ignition blues, of glowing oranges and simmering yellows and of the sounds of crackling and hissing. But most of all I was sensation, I felt the burning. I felt the burning and I invited it in.

Eventually the burning subsided. The flames died, at first simply flickering, licking at my flesh and bones in a more leisurely manner, then they were sucked away from me as if somebody had turned off the source, flicked the switch on the gas. I cooled until I was frozen, almost missing the warmth of the flames.

With the flames gone the blackness took over. I saw nothing but never ending, fathomless black. Or perhaps it wasn't black, perhaps it was nothingness, a plunging abyss. No light, no colour. Nothing.

With the nothing came the pounding. The rhythmic noise of somebody beating a drum over and over again, loud and deadly, a funeral march all of my own. Like a heartbeat. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

On I went, falling slowly in to the depths of the nothingness, my body still as it fell. Not flailing or thrashing, just limply allowing itself to fall deeper in to the abyss, to be dragged down by the threatening drumming.

It was then that I heard them. The final voices.

Perhaps I reached the bottom, finally. Perhaps I was stopped by an angelic hand. But though I continued to see nothing, feel nothing I began to hear the voices of my past, drifting in and out, echoes of those that I had last loved.

Carlisle, Alice, Esme. But mostly Edward. His voice came to me time and again, calling my name, repeating it soothingly. His voice, smooth and deep slipped over my frozen body, filling in the gaps between the drum beats.

I strained to hear him, to embrace every word that fell from his lips, knowing each could be the very last I heard. Heaven or hell, or just a deep, dark hole, I wanted to take that voice with me, that luscious, sensuous sound, the voice I only wished that I had spent more time just listening to in life, appreciating and savouring, closing off my ears to everything else. Everything but the sound of _him_.

But his voice didn't last. It couldn't last. I strained and struggled, trying to grasp on to it with my mind's fingertips but it was dragged away from me, ripped from my grasp by the evil of death, replaced again by the drumming, faster and louder with every second that passed.

His voice faded, drowned out, until it was no longer there, until all I could hear was the drumming, so loud that I wanted to cover my ears and scream, scream until my lungs burst. But I knew my lungs weren't there, they were cinders, burned away by the venom that was slowly killing me.

When the drumming could get no louder, no faster, it stopped.

And then there was nothing.

No light, no sound, no sensation.

Nothing.


	32. Chapter 29

**A/N: You have no idea how tempted I was to leave it at Chapter 28 but I didn't want to risk anybody's wrath by not declaring her dead or vamp.**

Bella

Light, stronger, more powerful than any I'd seen before blazed before my eyes.

I guess this is it then, I thought, heaven. The whole light thing wasn't a cliche after all.

My eyes slowly focused, blinking rapidly, the flutter of my lashes echoing through my head. Then I noticed it. The slow, drifting descent of first one minute dust mote, soon followed by another, then another. Each one perfect in it's shimmering featheriness, dancing in the pure white light.

I watched the slow progress of the motes, allowing a smile to pull at the edges of my mouth. The action felt somehow alien, as though I'd never smiled before, as if I were a marble statue brought to life, the stone cracking and crumbling as my newfound muscles flexed.

In the distance I heard a roaring, like traffic on a far away road, tinny music playing, even conversations although I was unable to make out any words, specific voices, it was all but a distant hum.

I didn't know if I heard it or saw it but my awareness was all of a sudden focused on a movement close to me, a threat.

My body reacted automatically, a deep rumbling ripping from my chest as I was unwillingly launched bodily through the air, shafts of light glittering in slow motion, those dust motes scattering, blown off course by the movement. I saw everything but understood absolutely nothing.

Whistling through the air in the vast space of the room I even had time to think, to wonder how death could be quite so bizarre, how I could be somersaulting in slow motion as if on strings and then landing softly on bare feet, crouched like a snarling predator, why my body should be racing with adrenaline, my mouth flooding, in the place where nobody should be afraid.

Then I understood it all. This wasn't heaven. It was hell. But there were no fiery pits or creatures with pitchforks, I'd been misled by fiction once again.

"Bella," the voice, bell clear, incredulous murmured, "oh my god…"

My head whipped around to find the source of the voice, my lips curling back to reveal teeth in a furious snarl. But even as my nostrils flared, filling with the alien yet familiar scents that mingled in the air around us, as my eyes narrowed and my head dipped I knew there was no danger, not really. My reactions were pure instinct.

"It's ok," he held his arms out towards me, palms upward as if to prove he was unarmed, taking one step after another, slow but purposeful.

I lifted my chin to better observe him, allowed my newly opened eyes to roam over his face and body, re-familiarising myself with him, examining the risk he might pose to me.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice stronger than I expected, not a dry rasp but an unfamiliar intonation, smooth and low.

He nodded, still holding out his hands, pleading me to come to him. I heard movements somewhere above us, the slamming of a door, light footsteps and we both jerked our heads towards the source of the sound.

"Yes, it's true," he replied to an unvoiced question.

Almost immediately the footsteps approached and one after another a parade of faces, almost familiar but not quite, were before me. My eyes darted from one to another, taking in, by turn, concerned apprehension, excited smiles and hesitancy.

Finally my gaze alighted on the figure holding back, lingering in the shadows by the doorway through which they had entered. A gasp fell from my lips and a jolt of fear ran through me as if I could feel the threat he posed, as if the deep crescent shaped scars that covered him were proof enough of danger.

No sooner had I tensed, ready to strike, to defend, than a feeling of immense calm took over, slipping over my body like silk over skin, slowing my impulses.

I grinned stupidly, "it still works on me then Jasper?"

All at once the statues queued before me came to life, releasing long held breaths, allowing laughs to come and smiles to blossom. But still none of them approached me.

"May I?" Edward asked, unsure, nervous. I nodded slowly, my back still against the wall, my instincts still telling me to be prepared as he came ever closer.

I felt an unfamiliar warmth emanating from him, I saw more clearly than ever the shimmer of his marble-like skin, crystallized in death. His hand reached out to touch me, lightly, ever so lightly, on my own outstretched hand.

Once again the room whipped around me, my body moving of its own volition, muscles moving easily beneath skin.

The unexpected roar of laughter filled the room, "finally met your match eh?" Emmett howled.

I looked immediately to my feet where Edward lay in the most undignified manner, over a new crack in the floor. But he wasn't angry or upset, he was biting his lip to keep from laughing.

"Actually that hurt quite a bit Emmett, don't make me set her on you."

He stood and brushed himself off smartly, choosing to stand at a reasonable distance from me rather than risk another smackdown.

"I'm so…" I began, "I don't even know what…I didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry."

"Instincts," Carlisle spoke for the first time, "it takes some time to achieve control over them Bella."

"So I'm…I'm one of you now?" I asked, my voice still entirely unfamiliar as it left my mouth, looking first to Carlisle then to Edward for an answer.

"Yes," Edward cast his gaze down to the recently created crevasse at his feet, "I'm sorry, there was no other choice."

"There was," Alice corrected, "but this one was preferable. Once you get used to it you'll love it, trust me."

"But what happened? Why?" I felt as though tears should be welling in my eyes, as though my heart should be pounding with fear but instead I simply felt overwhelming grief entirely unable to manifest itself in any physical way.

"There's time for that later," Carlisle smiled kindly, "but for now how do you feel? Physically I mean."

I considered, pushing aside the many emotions, the mixing of fear and excitement, of joy and relief and anger, confusion…of the odd sense of belonging I was suddenly overwhelmed by, in order to answer his query.

"I feel…surprisingly well," I replied, "considering I thought I had died and all. But something isn't quite right."

I couldn't put it in to words, the burning sensation that lapped at my throat, the raw desire I felt, a physical pull towards something that I wanted…no, _needed_. My body felt empty, as arid as a desert, as though it desperately needed an oasis, as if something needed to be quenched.

"I think I'm thirsty?" I concluded, my voice producing a question mark, looking for confirmation.

"Let's hunt!" Emmett rumbled, clapping his large rough hand on Edward's shoulder in glee.

"I think I'd prefer to take Bella out alone for now," he replied, looking to me for confirmation that I accepted his decision.

"I don't think that's a good idea Edward," Carlisle mashed his mouth in to a hard, disapproving line, "you won't be able to control her alone."

"Control me?" I gasped, offended by the suggestion at the same time that I began to understand that indeed my self control was extremely limited.

"Would you keep a distance? I need to do this alone," Edward asked, looking to each of his family in turn.

"Is nobody going to explain to me what happened? Where's Aro? The Volturi? Who changed me? Why?" I realized I was shouting.

"Bella," Jasper sent another soothing wave over me and I immediately relaxed, "what, right now, do you need more than anything? We can sit down and talk through what happened if you prefer but…"

I understood what he meant straight away, the raw need in my throat was distracting me from my train of thought, I needed to quell the sensation, and I needed, almost as much, to use my body, to test my limits.

"Ok," I agreed, "but then you need to tell me everything."

It was only as I was ushered out of the makeshift hospital room with its surgical lights and lonely railed bed that I became aware of precisely where I was. I emerged from the concrete staircase to a room so utterly familiar it almost didn't surprise me.

"This is your house?" I asked, turning to Esme.

She nodded, "yes, we brought you here while it happened."

I realized then that I had lost hours, possibly days, even weeks of my life. I recalled being told that the transformation usually took around three days but also that it could be more, or less. I held my tongue, knowing that once the questions began I wouldn't be able to stop.

Instead I allowed Edward to lead me out of the Bethlehem house, through the garden and, suddenly at incredible speed, in to the forest.

My legs barely touched the ground as I sprinted. I realized that, not only was I not breathless but that I didn't even need to breathe. It felt more comfortable, more natural to do so, to take in the warm air through my nostrils and allow it to expand my chest before leaving again in a slow exhalation, but it didn't feel necessary, I didn't _require _oxygen.

At the speed we were moving the trees around us should have become a blur, should have merged in to a long backdrop of green and brown. But they could not have been clearer. It was as if I had spent my human life wearing the wrong spectacles, as though I had seen the world through misted glass. Now I could see, even as I ran, the outline of every leaf, the millions of greens that made up each patch of damp moss, the cracks and divots in the bark of the trees, I could see the tiny bugs that lived in the mouldered leaves underfoot.

The feeling that I was finally who I was supposed to be lingered on. I was still unsure of what had happened, how I had come to be changed, but I couldn't regret it. I knew, despite it all that none of the Cullens, Edward in particular, would have allowed it to happen without good reason. Indeed I assumed Edward had been the one to change me, although my memories were vague and I couldn't be sure.

It was strange, the idea that my human life was over, that I could never go back to who I had been but for so long I had lived only half a life. What I was now, who I was now, was my future.

I glanced at Edward, running just a step behind me, watching me intently. Catching my eye he smiled and, for what I thought might have been the first time since we'd met again the smile reached his eyes.

"You're thirsty," I stated, noticing the depthless black of his irises.

He nodded, "I've not been out to hunt for a while. I didn't want to leave you."

"How long?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Only three days," we leapt a fallen tree in tandem, "but with everything that happened before…"

Though his voice trailed off I knew what he meant. Through the vague fog that my former life had already become I recalled that he had been too busy protecting me from a house full of vampires to feed properly.

"At least you won't need to protect me from anything now," I grinned, proudly displaying my newfound speed and strength by grabbing hold of a low branch and catapulting myself through the air to land several feet ahead of him.

"I'll always want to protect you," he spoke seriously.

"Want and need are different things Edward," I replied as he reached where I stood waiting for him.

"Perhaps. You know there is something I want _and _need…"

He leaned to me, snaking arms around my waist, but before he could get any purchase on me I somersaulted out of his grasp. Already my instincts seemed to be adjusting to the knowledge that Edward posed no threat to me, but he didn't know that.

"Sorry, sorry. I need to give you time, I know."

I began running again, sensing the direction we needed to head in.

"Yes, I need to drink. And I want some answers," I smiled, "but then…I'll think about it."

His jaw dropped at the wink I threw him. But before he could find a comeback his entire body stiffened and he again stopped. I immediately followed his lead.

"Can you smell that?"

"What?" I could smell so much, from the earth to the overarching pine scent of the trees, to the small animals which I knew were somewhere below us, hidden away in burrows and dens, and of course I could smell him too.

"Deer," he nodded, "food."

I concentrated and realized that not only could I pinpoint a new aroma, warm and salty, deep and smooth, but the distant beating of hearts. These hearts didn't whirr and thrum like the small rodents that we had so far passed by but they thumped regularly, giving away the location of the herd to both of us.

We followed our noses and our ears, finding a small clearing where, in a flash of fear the deer began to scatter, sensing our presence before we even showed ourselves.

"Just follow your instincts," Edward muttered, checking I was fine before launching himself out of the cover of trees, immediately taking down a large animal in one swift move.

I copied him, moving low and fast, quickly finding myself wrestling a struggling doe to the ground. Just a few days ago nothing would have induced me to take a life, nothing would have made this seem normal to me.

Now everything was different, my instincts told me what I needed. I was myself an animal, a being reliant on senses, on my requirement for nourishment. I tore through the animals neck with razor teeth, drinking deeply of the warm, earthy blood gratefully before casting aside the drained carcass and moving on to the next eagerly, chasing, capturing, killing without employing an ounce of brain power.

Eventually, smeared in the blood of my victims, my body full – though my thirst seemed barely dimmed – I paused, searching for Edward.

There he stood, leaning against a large rockface, his arms crossed in satisfaction, watching me with a grin. Unlike me he had spilt not a drop, his clothes were in tact and immaculately clean.

"Done?" he asked, pushing off of the rock to approach me.

I nodded, "where are the others?"

"They followed for a while but they've left now, gone home. You're incredible you know?"

"What? Why do you say that?" it seemed an odd statement.

"I've seen a lot of newborns but none have been like you. I watched Carlisle's mind while you were hunting, he's never seen anything like you in all his years."

"Great, so I'm a freak as a vampire too?"

He laughed loudly, the sound echoing, bouncing off the trees, "not at all. You're just behaving as if you've been like us for years, not hours."

"How do you mean?"

"Your control is incredible. A newborn…well, normally, they can focus only on blood. Human blood. They find it difficult to deal with others, to form a cohesive decision, to behave in a civilized manner."

"I wouldn't call that civilized," I nodded towards the dead bodies of deer strewn just feet from us.

"Ha! Maybe not," he grinned, "but believe me, it's as if you were – I don't know – as if you were born for this."

"It does feel somehow _right_," I conceded.

"It does, doesn't it?" Edward pulled me close and this time I didn't fight him.

He lowered his lips to mine, kissing me hard. I felt as he held me to him, ran his hands along my back and in to my hair, as his lips pressed and moved against mine, that for the first time he wasn't holding something back, as if I wasn't being treated like a china doll. I wrapped myself around him, stretching my arms around him, pulling him closer.

"Ow! Bella, careful!" he yelled, leaping backwards.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, partly with remorse but partly with a sense of misplaced pride. I had never foreseen a day when I would be able to cause damage to a Cullen.

"_Yes_ you hurt me! You might need to get a little more control over that strength of yours."

"Am I stronger than you?"

He considered, "you're a newborn vampire, the strongest of our kind. The human blood that your system has retained makes you incredibly able."

I couldn't stop the huge smile that took over my face, "awesome. So I could make you do whatever I want you to do?"

He raised a suggestive eyebrow, "I suppose you could. But you'll have to catch me first…"

Edward took off at a sprint, racing in to the trees. It took but a split second for me to realize and I immediately followed, chasing him down, using my newly attuned senses to follow him through the dense foliage without tripping or hitting a thing.

"You know, you're not like anybody I know," Edward rested his cheek on his knees and looked at me thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

He smiled vaguely, "I mean you're a natural Bella. You're hardly different to what you were before."

"Huh," I grouched, "I'm not even a normal vampire."

We were sat in the sunlight of the Cullen's garden, fresh from our first hunting trip. I had stretched out on the cool grass, holding my hand above my face, watching it shimmer in pure fascination. Edward meanwhile had pulled his knees up to his chest and watched me, equally in awe of my newly granite skin, occasionally reaching out to lightly stroke some part of me as the light bounced off of my hard skin, splitting in to a million prismed shards.

"Don't be ridiculous," he laughed, "it's a _good_ thing! Perhaps you've developed your own talent…"

"Super self control?" I snorted, "fantastic. Invisibility or x-ray vision might have been more useful. What super hero boasts of super self control?"

"Let Alice sew a 'p' on to your shirt why don't you, Pessimism Girl?"

"Ha. Ha. Now are you going to tell me exactly how it is I've ended up like this?"

I knew Edward was avoiding this discussion and now that he knew that he had to tell me it was as if his eyes lost their colour, turning dead and black again despite his recent feed.

"Ooh, is it story time?" Alice was standing in the door space as if she'd been there all along.

She leapt elegantly down the three steps to the lawn, closely followed by the rest of the family, Rosalie lagging behind as usual.

"I don't really know where to begin…" Edward trailed off, glancing at his family for help.

Alice sat next to me, taking my hand eagerly as I pulled myself in to a sitting position and resting her head on my shoulder.

"It's nice to be able to be close to you without holding my breath," she grinned. Neither of us missed the look of annoyance that passed over Edward's face.

"Let me just say now Bella," Emmett crossed his bulky arms over his chest, "that I was totally just about to take them down."

It was then that I recalled, as though I was watching an old black and white movie, Emmett falling to the floor, convulsing in pain before Jane.

"Oh god Emmett," I whispered, "Jane got to you too…I forgot."

"Yeah but it didn't, like, hurt or anything," he shrugged.

Rose rolled her eyes, "we didn't have a great deal of choice Bella," she confirmed, "we couldn't fight them off."

"I had seen it," Alice continued, "as soon as Rose thought of it I saw Edward changing you."

"If there was any other way…" Edward said sadly, refusing to look at me.

"It was your idea Rosalie?" I asked, looking at the one woman who had thrown so many obstacles in front of me and Edward, who had always resented me so much.

"Sure," she shrugged, "whatever. I wasn't going to let the Volturi kill you was I?"

"Thanks Rosalie," I whispered, "you saved me. Thank you."

"Rose suggested it before the Volturi arrived, do you not remember?" Carlisle asked.

I dug around in my mind, my memories of days only just past lost in the haze.

"Vaguely," I confirmed, "everything's very fuzzy."

"Anyway!" Alice clapped her hands and returned to her story, "Aro had tried to find a way to negotiate to bring Edward and I over to his side."

"Which obviously wasn't going to happen," Edward added.

"He didn't have another choice, Caius was pressuring him, if word spread that they'd allowed you to be left alive the Volturi would lose face. So they set Felix on you."

"Jazz and I were gonna stop him. If it hadn't been for that bitch Jane…" Emmett's ego had clearly been bruised by the small but powerful girl even if his body hadn't.

"Ssh Emmett," Esme soothed him.

"So the Volturi were coming Bella, they were ready for bloodshed…"

"Alice," Edward groaned but she was on her feet, immersed in her tale, relishing the limelight.

"We had to act fast, really fast. I was talking to Edward, through my thoughts. I was telling him '_we have to do it now, we have to do it now'_, if he hadn't moved when he did I was going to bite you myself.

"But just as Felix reached us Edward did it! He bent over and he bit you. You fell to the floor, in pain straight away but while the rest of us negotiated with the Volturi Edward and Carlisle acted fast."

Carlisle spoke then, his voice calm and low, "I instructed Edward to administer the venom to both sides of your neck, your wrists, ankles, the backs of your knees and insides of your elbows. The pulse points, places where the blood flows closest to the surface. I had hoped that this would speed up the process…"

"It was so difficult Bella, I couldn't stop…"

I glanced at Edward, his head in his hands, and reached out to stroke the mass of auburn hair that had first made me notice him all those years ago, "but you did Edward. Thank you. I know how hard it must have been."

He only nodded.

"Carlisle and Edward were still on the ground, tending to you when Aro called for silence.

"Oh Bella, I wish you'd have seen Caius's face, if I didn't know better I'd have thought he was chewing on a lemon!"

"Problem was Swan, your blood has a bit of an effect on the ol' vamps," Emmett chortled, winking at Jasper.

"What do you mean?" I asked, wide eyed.

"He means that you're damn lucky that you had a team of vegetarians defending you Bella," Rosalie sniffed.

**A/N: though this was intended to be the final chapter, and the description of what happened with the Volturi appear *here* I'm just to tempted to write that story fully. So looks like there'll be one more chapter, hopefully soon. Please review, let me know what you think of the transformation and Vampire Bella, EQ style! Thanks again to those who've stuck with me thus far, appreciate doesn't begin to cover it EQ x**


	33. Chapter 30

**A/N: to avoid any confusion the start of this chapter is a flashback, Bella's section below brings us back to the present...**

He bent down, his mouth firmly on her neck, the blood he'd so long desired pulsing in to him, he had finally tasted her.

"Edward you need to stop, you need to stop now," Carlisle had crouched on his haunches next to his son, the son who he knew shouldn't be strong enough for this task, the son who still had human blood in his system, who so strongly desired the woman whose life was rapidly draining away beneath him.

"_You can stop Edward, I know you can_" Alice spoke to him with her mind, knowing he was attuned to her, even now when his attention couldn't be more focused elsewhere.

With a grunt he pulled back, reluctantly allowed his teeth to rip from her skin. As soon as he did so Carlisle applied pressure to the wound although now it barely bled, sealed as it was by the venom.

"It may speed the process if we insert venom elsewhere, pulse points, the places where it will be easily distributed around her body."

Edward nodded, his eyes wide, already turning scarlet with Bella's blood. He was unable to hide the fear behind them.

"I'll do it Edward, I can stop," Carlisle reassured him.

"No," he snapped, his eyes refocusing, his jaw set, "it needs to be me. I have to…"

"I don't know son, you want her too much."

"He can do it Carlisle, I've_ seen_ him do it," Alice spoke over her shoulder, her concentration though lay elsewhere. She, with the rest of the family, were facing down encroaching vampires, not only the Volturi but friends, those who would stand by them, who would protect Bella. Until the scent of her freshly spilt blood filled their senses.

As soon as Edward had bitten in to her flesh the bloodthirsty throngs around her had snapped to attention. And while the Volturi guard hadn't hesitated in moving forward, eager to taste the blood that had caused this very confrontation the Cullen's friends had hesitated, tried to resist, tried to stay faithful to Carlisle, to their vow to keep Bella Swan safe.

But a vampire's self control was limited. Even the Cullens themselves struggled, even after so much exposure to Bella's scent. But self preservation ensured their control.

Emmett recovered quickly, released from Jane's attentions as soon as they were alerted to the flow of fresh human blood. He was on his feet and shoulder to shoulder with Jasper, Rosalie pushed behind his large frame, as though in protection.

"Move it giant ass," she complained, shoving him aside and forcing her tall willowy figure in to the united front that stood before the danger, defending the new member of their family, their brother's destiny.

Encircling Edward and Carlisle as they tended to Bella, Edward now efficiently biting in to the thin, pale flesh at her ankles and wrists under his father's instruction, the family faced off first the Volturi guard, Alice knocking back Felix easily, her abilities allowing her to foresee his every move, to ably defend herself from him, to make space for Jasper to hold him back, the Cullens each using their own self control, trying not to kill, despite knowing that they easily could, despite wanting to.

While Alice and Jasper dealt with Felix, Emmett faced Demetri, wrestling him to the ground and holding him there, screeching and struggling but unable to match Emmett's sheer strength. He watched, almost amused as his wife darted from side to side, keeping Jane and Alec at bay, their abilities forgotten in their frenzy, all smug control long lost as they frantically attempted to get around Rosalie's graceful dancing steps.

Behind them, her back to the threat of the Volturi, Esme stood, her hands raised in supplication.

"Please," she begged their friends, "please remember your promises, please remember that we are here to stop the bloodshed, please leave her be."

At her words several of their guests fled, forcing themselves to leave at speed, dashing away from the scent of Bella's blood, sensitive to keeping Carlisle and his family on side. The Egyptians, Amun and Kebi were the first to leave, Siobhan leading her Irish brothers and sisters away soon after. Benjamin remained, at first watching before following the lead of the three beautiful Denali sisters, joining the circle that surrounded Bella.

"Stop," a voice boomed, a surprise – it was a voice more usually heard soothing, negotiating, keeping the peace, speaking in low tones. Carlisle stood, reassured that Bella was now in safe hands with his son, though in excruciating pain, her veins burning beneath her skin as she writhed soundlessly under Edward who used his entire body to cover her, to hold her still and protect her from harm.

"We came here to show you that Isabella Swan is no threat to our secret," he addressed Aro directly, "you cannot now claim that she poses any whatsoever."

"Dear ones," Aro's voice was quiet yet effective, calling his coven to an immediate halt, despite the protestations of Caius, who complained loudly about the waste of blood.

"Carlisle is, of course, right," Aro announced, although he was very obviously reluctant to agree, "our work here is done. Unless…"

He looked again towards Edward, still lying across Bella in the trampled grass and then Alice, thoughtfully, "with the change in circumstances I wonder if Alice and Edward wish to reconsider my offer."

"No," Edward growled, his face betraying his desire to rip Aro in to a million tiny pieces.

"I would of course be willing to invite Isabella in to our coven too, I believe in the right environment she may blossom in to something quite stunning," Aro negotiated, ignoring the throaty growls ripping from Edward.

"I think that is probably Bella's decision to make," Alice replied softly, "I'll be sure that your offer reaches her when she's, uh, less indisposed."

"Ensure that you do," Aro warned, looking from Alice to Carlisle and to the members of the Cullen family holding his coven hostage, "I'm very glad of course that we've been able to solve this problem amicably."

Edward snorted, "you call this amicable? You think taking away a young woman's life something to be glad of?"

"Isn't this just what most human beings dream of Edward? I feel quite sure that the prospect of eternal life will far outweigh the prospect of a dismal last few years in your young lady's eyes."

"Eternal damnation," Edward scoffed, "all so you could prove a point."

"Carlisle," Aro reached out a hand to stop Caius who was striding towards the assembled vampires, his teeth bared, "I suggest you remind your _son _that it's important to respect one's elders."

"Emotion Aro, I'm sure Edward will regret his words as soon as Bella is back with us."

"Not likely," Edward muttered, stopping short under Esme's warning glare.

"If there's nothing else I really would like to take Bella back home, where we can make her a little more comfortable," Carlisle was all business, ignoring the fact that behind him, away from his conversation with the Volturi's leader, other vampires - the Romanians and a handful of nomads – still waited, crouching, bloodthirsty and eager.

"We will be keeping a very close eye on you," Caius warned, ignoring the desire to save face that kept Aro from showing his own anger, "you're aware that we frown upon large covens."

"We are aware of that, yes," Carlisle sighed, "painfully so. It was wonderful to see you all again, but now I must…" he indicated to the spot where Bella lay, now almost entirely still, only her head moving from side to side.

And then, with no further comment the Volturi were gone, gathered up from their various keepers and swept back in to the forest, becoming one with the shadows as they disappeared in that same V formation that they had arrived in.

Edward stood, his body still forming a barrier between Bella and the rest of the world.

"Please Carlisle," he whispered, "we need to move her, she shouldn't be here."

Carlisle nodded, "take her. Now."

Without hesitation Edward lifted Bella from the ground, her limp form as light as a feather to him, easily cradled in his arms. Vladimir darted for him, seeing an opportunity to grab Bella away from the Cullens, vultures preying on the lion's leftovers.

But no sooner did Vladimir move, his long legs stretching towards Edward effortlessly, as if he could cover the distance in one step, than an almighty roar sounded, followed by a ripping and cracking. The earth opened up before him, his feet slipping against the now dusty ground which surrounded the cavern.

"Ce-i asta?" he screamed angrily, desperately trying to find purchase as his feet lost grip on the parted land, "ceea ce ai făcut?"

Edward was now gone, flitting through the forest with his precious cargo, far away from the spot where now only the vegetarian vampires and Benjamin remained with Vladimir and Stefan.

"Hold on brother," Stefan shouted, running to assist Vladimir, his speed belying his ancient appearance. He threw himself on the ground and reached out a hand grasping on to Vladimir who had almost disappeared in to the bottomless cavern, holding on only with the very tips of his fingers.

"Won't you help him?" Stefan screamed, even his vampiric strength not enough to fight gravity.

Carlisle stepped forward, easily leaping the cavern, a cavern they all knew had been created by Benjamin and his awesome power.

He crouched alongside Stefan and extended his own hands to Vladimir, grasping the brittle, bony wrist of the Romanian. Together they heaved Vladimir back to the surface.

He quickly righted himself, dusting off the expensive suit that he wore, now covered in wet mud and dusty earth. Both he and Stefan simply offered Carlisle and Esme curt nods before turning on their heels and leaving, seeing no further reason to stay. There had been neither a fight against the Volturi nor blood to be taken.

With that last departure the assembled vampires finally breathed, their bodies once again relaxed, their expressions less tense.

"We did it," Esme breathed. Emmett answered her with a whoop and an air punch.

"It might be a tad soon to be celebrating bro," Jasper pointed out, "what about Bella?"

"She'll be fine. I know she will," Alice reassured, nodding eagerly.

"If short stuff here says it's gonna be fine, I'll buy it," Emmett grinned, leaning down to ruffle his sister's short black hair.

************************************************************************  
**Bella**

"The Denalis and Benjamin left soon afterwards, Benjamin was concerned about Tia, she'd left with Amun. We came home and, well here we are," Alice finished her story with an anticlimactic shrug.

"God," I sighed, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It isn't you who should be sorry," Edward sighed, "this was all down to me, I was so stupid."

"Nobody's arguing with you there dude," Emmett chuckled, as usual completely breaking any semblance of seriousness.

"I'm not going to listen to you blame yourself again," I scolded, "once more and I'll take you down, old school."

Edward held his hands up in mock surrender, "ok, ok! I'll quit it!"

"Good," I leant against him, pulling his arm around me, "and I'm happy this happened. You're stuck with me now you know?"

"Do you see me arguing?" he smiled, "I don't like how we got here, but I'm glad we made it."

"Oh gross guys," Rosalie mimed sticking her fingers down her throat, "I really hope you get over this phase pretty damn quick."

"Oh leave them alone, it's lovely," Esme was beaming, wrapped in Carlisle's arms.

I looked around me at the Cullen family – _my _family and knew that I could never regret the choices that had brought me here. I knew it would take a long time for me to have control over my desire for blood, although Carlisle was shocked at how 'civilized', his choice of word, I already appeared. I knew it would take even longer for Edward to forgive himself for everything that had passed but I vowed that one day he would be able to look at me without feeling guilt or remorse.

"Can we go run again?" I asked, throwing him a grin, desperate to be alone with him, desperate to feel the wind in my hair, my limbs moving.

"Sure," he shrugged, leaping up beside me.

"Want some company?" Emmett asked, beginning to rise from his spot between his sisters.

"I don't think they do actually Em," Alice rolled her eyes and pulled him back down to the grass, "enjoy yourselves," she shot at us with the most unsubtle of winks.

"What?" Emmett asked moodily, glaring at Alice who returned a pointed look, "oh…oh. Have fun guys!"

His voice was already a distant sound as Edward and I once again tore through the forest, me testing out the new limitations – or lack thereof – of my body while he followed a well trodden route, one he clearly knew by heart.

He slowed suddenly, grabbing my wrist as I tripped my way across a gurgling stream, "this way, there's something I want to show you."

At a more leisurely pace we threaded our bodies through the trees, our fingers laced together, until eventually Edward stopped.

Before us, laid out like a beautiful carpet, like something straight from a fairytale was the most perfect clearing. Surrounded by dense trees the space was entirely clear, only lush green grass dotted with pretty wild flowers.

I gasped, "it's so beautiful, how did you find it?"

"I've had a lot of time on my hands."

He led me forward until we reached the centre of the clearing, "I just wanted you to see it, I don't know why."

"I'm glad you did," I stood on my tiptoes and leaned up to kiss him, "I'm glad I'm here with you."

"I love you Bella Swan," he murmured, returning my kisses, "I'm glad too, I'm glad I get to keep you."

I smirked in to his mouth, pulling back to say "no escape sweetheart."

With that he lifted me off of my feet, pulling me up to his height, his arms encircling me with a strength I knew he'd been unable to show me before.

We kissed then, really kissed. Our tongues found each other, our teeth clashed and lips ground in to lips. I plunged my hands in to that mass of hair, pulling and grabbing at it, yanking Edward's head backwards to give me better access to his mouth, wrapping my legs against his waist.

He groaned loudly, reacting to the new friction I was creating between us, my centre rubbing against him eagerly. With that sound I couldn't take it any longer, after so many years of waiting, of wanting him and only him, I needed to feel him inside me, I needed us to love each other in the most primal, instinctive way.

I pushed him away and he arched one perfect eyebrow, challenging me.

"Like this? Here?"

"There's plenty of time for perfection Edward," I grumbled knowing that this time, now, it was need, pure and simple.

He rolled his eyes at me, "always so impatient Bella."

"Oh. Well, if you'd rather not," I made as if to walk away.

"Don't even think about it," he growled, snatching me back towards him, pulling me down in to the grass.

He covered his body with mine, raised on all fours, not touching. My breath came quickly, the mere proximity of him sending me in to raptures, just as it had in my human life. I was grateful nothing had changed there.

He reached up to push a strand of hair out of my face, leaning down to kiss me at the same time.

And as soon as our lips touched tenderness was forgotten. I pushed down on his backside, forcing his hardness right in to me, shamelessly writhing against him as I whimpered, begging him with my body.

He palmed at a breast, feeling my nipples harden beneath the flimsy material of my top before pushing it up, over my head and casting it aside, his own shirt not far behind it.

We traced the contours of each others chests with exploratory fingers, flicking fingertips over nipples, adding tongues and lips, each gasping and sighing in response to the sensations we created in each other.

I reached down, fumbling with the fly of his jeans, eventually pushing them down, along with his underwear. He followed my lead, lifting my hips beneath him to remove my remaining clothes until we were completely naked, outside in a beautiful woodland clearing, knowing that, just for now, we were the only two people in the world.

Without ceremony I pulled Edward down on to me, letting him push inside with a moan.

"Oh god," he muttered, looking up at me questioningly. I knew he was concerned, worried about hurting me.

I smiled and nudged at his buttocks with my heels, spurring him on.

With that he began moving inside me, his hard length fitting me perfectly, smoothly moving against my wetness, sending confused, lust filled messages to my brain, to every nerve ending.

I moved with him, slowly, letting myself feel every stroke, every inch, hear every gasp.

Eventually we both sped up, bucking frantically against each other. He reached down to find the sensitive bundle of nerves that he knew would tip me over the edge, pressing and stroking until I came completely undone there in his arms, calling his name over and over again, throwing my head back and arching in to him.

As I did so he followed me over the precipice, repeating my own name like a mantra, worshipping me with his body, holding me to him, his flesh, once so cold, now warm against mine, soft at the same time as being granite hard. He shuddered a last time, before collapsing in to the grass, pulling me on to him.

I don't know how long we lay there, tangled in one another, feeling no cold on our impervious bodies, unashamed by our complete nakedness, knowing that nobody could see us, that we were alone. We talked about our future, the places we would see, the things we would do. We wondered where our new life would take us, who we might meet and what we might learn.

For the first time the past couldn't touch us, the past didn't matter. We knew that there were things to do, that I couldn't just disappear from my old life without explanation but all that was for another day.

Now we lay in the grass of a perfect forest clearing, watching as the sun dropped slowly behind the trees, waiting for our future to find us.

**A/N: So there you have it. I'd love to hear what you think, whether this ending was a satisfactory one for you or whether you wanted more from it! Either way it's been so lovely reading all of your reviews. I started this story way back in February I think and it's been with me through some pretty mad months.**

Please have a look at my other story, Being Good. It's totally different to this, an AH/AU number with swears and limone.

Thank you so much for sticking with me, EQ x


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